Description: Pinkie Pie is overjoyed when she meets a Pegasus who seems almost exactly like her. I mean, what could possibly go wrong?
Jelfes didn't get here first
when i read the title before i saw the pic, i knew the pic would contain that pony.
I'm sorry, what? a story! With suprise?!maybe beink readink?
GOD DANG IT.>=| missed first.
"What could possibly go wrong?" Oh boy.
Before I looked at the tags, I guessed jealousy from Pinkie Pie*looks at tags*Nailed it
@wackyteen For shame, man, for shame..."what could possibly go wrong?" Well, for one, there will probably be twice as much fourth wall obliteration.
WERE ALL BUCKED
The Fourth Wall is just a story we tell the fillies and colts. It makes them feel a little bit safer from all you fillyfoolers and coltcuddlers.
Interesting, but I wanted more randomness and maybe an obliteration of any logical connotations.However it was a nice surprise.
It was shorter than I expected.
Oh drat, I've already read this.Its pretty good, Characterisations are pretty spot on, Surprise is interetsing and her interactons with the cast are great, I think they'd certainly get along. The ending is really heartwarming and it is fairly episode like. I can see why Pinkie would act like she did, im glad it ended happily.All in all its pretty good, fairly funny and I liked it.(im a little tired, its why my comments a bit jumbled up.)
@Pinkie PiePerhaps part of your special talent is disregarding it? it would certainly explain alot.
Oh, so that's her name. I should have guessed.
A story featuring Pinkie Pie -and- Surprise? Insta-read!
Rather good. it feels like it might be missing something, but since I don't know what, I can't really complain.
I'm feeling this is almost like the Dewdrop and Twilight. Things can only go downhill from chapter one.
I love this, so much. Very much like an episode, in all the best ways.PLEASE FOLLOW UP ON THE IMPLICATION AT THE VERY END. I don't know how that would work, but imagine the triple-threat of THREE Party-Ponies!
'What could possibly go wrong?'I somehow thought that Suprise's name was Posy. Oh well.
@P. Pony Ponyson no, posy is the one that looks like fluttershy without wings.
@P. Pony PonysonSurprise was Pinky Pie's alphaPoesy was Fluttershy's alphaThey just switched which one was a pegasus.
I enjoyed this! Once I realized where this was headed I pretty much knew what was going to happen, but the execution was good and was a decent attention-holder. Nice work.
Saddlesoap should turn this into a series, and make one about Rainbow Dash meeting Firefly....oh wait, am I the only one who knows the OTHER G1 ponies?And WAIT BACK UP>Saddlesoap>Comedypick one.
@David Reinold I know them. I know them aaall. :DI am waiting for people to learn about the really freaky ponies like Munchy, the pony covered with symbols of hot dogs and hamburgers. Or to use the horrific Beddy-Bye Eye ponies as zombies in a story.
Yes, I indeed watched this story as much as I read it. Very nice.
Next Time on the Chronicles of Pinkie: Do you see what I SEA?
Maybe Saddlesoap just wants to branch out in his fanfiction writing skills? Just because he started out with a drama story/series doesn't mean he wants to do it for the rest of his life. :D
Cute story; like the series, the plot was predictable, but kept enjoyable by the characters and the gags based on their personalities. And the ending was priceless!
<3 Heartwarming!I think it's neat how you actually implemented Surprise in an episode-like scenario. This could actually work as an episode. Like, totally 100%. And if they ACTUALLY included the sea-pony thing, it would make the community trip over itself in pure joy. XD
Thanks for the comments, everypony!"Episode-Like" was precisely the feel I was going for with this one. Yay!As suggested above, I was indeed trying to flex my writing muscles a bit with a little light comedy after so much dark drama.I still have plenty of dark ideas, but also more heartwarming ones; so I am curious to find out:Does everypony want more of this foal-friendly stuff, more darkness, or both?
....This should be animated.
I started and, for some reason, I didn't want to keep reading, it seemed too obvious from the start but there was something else... -_-
@SaddlesoapDark/psychological/Action themes please, specifically the kind of darkness that you applied to PP/FS/AJ/RD on Pony Psychology, or maybe the kind of action packed story from the Derpy chapter(I'm aware is hard to duplicate the results shown in these stories, but I do believe that characters like Octavia, DJ-PON3, Lyra, Discord and many more might have a certain potential for these kind of themes, potential that can be exploited with your writing skills).
o thank god a fic that ISN'T GRIMDARK OR SAD.I might actually read this one.seriously this fandom has become swamped by Grimdark it's a fucking show about Cartoon ponies.
@Saddlesoapanything that isn't goddamn Grimdark or sad, im so tired of sad and dark fics after the recent influx of them (seriously go through the fics off the last few weeks like 70% of them are tagged as Grimdark, Sad or both)
really enjoyed this, you could totally do more chapters but like you said you were just flexing your writing muscles. i'd love to see what other themes you might experiment with.
I like how people in these comments seem to hold this as lower then Saddlesoaps other stuff based on not being a drama.seriously sometimes I get the feeling that a good portion of the Fandom is just around for the fics and doesn't actually like the show.
Okay, what does "saddle soap" mean?Also, they need to throw G3 Razzaroo in for good measure.
@Ion StormMy name is a portmanteau of the horse-riding gear care product "Saddle Soap" ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saddle_soap ) and "Soap Opera" - a nod to my start in the fandom being with a fairly dramatic series of stories.
Normal and Episodic is a winning combo. There needs to be more fics like this one.
I definitely would like to see more like this... Do a follow up! Shoo Bee Doo!
@SaddlesoapPersonally, I love fanfics that are episode-like, or that are along those lines but sillier or more action-packed (e.g., Moonspire Run for the latter). Sad, serious, or somewhat-dark fics, if done really well, can get my interest sometimes (recent example, The Pie not Squared). Shipping and grimdark, I skip.Granted, my tastes seem to be quite a bit different from the majority of the fandom...
So much D'awwww! I will admit, Surprise does have a bit of a soft spot with me. Glad to see her make it into a fic finally!
How has no one done this waaaaay sooner? Pinkie meeting Surprise just seems like such a winning combo. I'll say again, that this premise hasn't been sooner is a bit of a... ...surprise*struck in head by tossed boot*
@SaddlesoapCan we maybe get... Post-Grimdark foal-friendly stories?I mean I read your story of Bright Eyes in Pony Psychology, and her declaration to Big Mac when she wanted horseshoes had a 'Big Mac courts a pegasus that can kill him ten times over' story gestate in my head within minutes.
@SaddlesoapI tend to prefer non-dark stuff when it comes to ponies. I'lll read most anything as long as it's good, though.
Awesome read :D
"Friendily" is not a word. It... it just bothered me.Really like this otherwise though.
From the looks of public opinion, the audience would prefer to see a couple more "episodic" tales from me. I will gladly oblige.Don't take that to mean I am swearing off drama, though - I ain't. Not by a darn sight.I simply agree there has been a wash of dark fic lately, I don't want to get too heavily pigeonholed, and perhaps most importantly...I need to see more of Season Two before I can surmise what dark secrets lurk behind its scenes. *Muahahahaaaa* :P----------------------------------------------Also, @SummerGlad you liked it, but...umm....http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/friendlilyhttp://www.thefreedictionary.com/FriendlilyAre you sure about that? It's obscure, I'll grant you, but I'm pretty sure it's an accepted adverb.
A nice and charming little story. Not much else to add.
@Saddlesoapi'll you your answer.NONE, they only exist in the minds of an over-analyzing fanbase that feels the need to make the show dark and deep in their minds, in order to feel better about liking the show.me im different I like the show for what it is, a funny, cute show about Cartoon ponies and that's what I want it to be.
A very nice read, I like how the whole thing was actually pretty well thought-out!And yes, Saddlesoap, I'd enjoy as well some more episodic, lighthearted stuff like this. You seem good at them ^^
This is a fairly well-done slice of life story; not only does it read like a televised episode, it also has a mythology gag sequel hook at the end.
"Friendlily" bugged me too. Even if it's a "real" word, it's awkward to say. "Waved a friendly hoof" would be a better way to express it.Absolutely loving the story so far, though!
Surprise is awesome, she's one of my favorite non-canon ponies. Her portrayal here was nicely done, I like the idea of her being Cloudsdale's Pinkie.The whole story felt like a slice of life episode. Even the length seemed the same, with the chapter break being the commercial break.Good story, would like to see similar ones from Saddlesoap.
I enjoyed this story and am looking forward to reading more from you Saddlesoap. As you said, it's a good idea to write other stories so you don't get pigeon-holed. After all, you're capable of writing more than one genre. :)The Pony Psychology series was my first ever fanfic so I'll always remember it. :D
Part 1 :Meh, I don't know... I think I hoped from a 'Pinky Pie and Surprise' story to be much more 'happy-fun' between those 2... not some mild-jalousy thingy.(Also, 'raging-angry Pinky Pie' is never a good Pinky Pie).Part 2 :A ''Oh, it was all just a big misunderstanding.'', right after a ''*Angry* You're stealing my friends ! Get out '' ?...Well, it's... fine, but not really that original....especially since we are talking of the 'Quantum Party Pony Pinky Pie' and 'Super Saiyan Surprise'.(Also, I didn't see much 'Comedy' in there...)...still, I guess it was a simple, relatively 'ok' story.
Short 'n' sweet. This should be an actual episode.
Part of me feels like Surpise was sorta Mary Sue-ish... What with seemingly able to be everything Pinkie is yet also better at it then Pinkie, other then Fourth Wall braking, truely sad that nothing of that sort popped up here, also with the whole Surpise got her cutie mark cause of Pinkie's part seemed to just add to the Sue-ness feel of the character. Yet still this was an enjoyable fic.
@Pinkie PiePinkie Pie! How could you think that we would... do...Ok, so maybe we would... but that's no reason to make up something as silly as a 'Fourth Wall'!
@RiskyWell, it kinda has... but in that story Surprise was a raving maniac and nearly beat Mr. and Mrs. Cake to death with a baseball bat... and framed Pinky... "Alternate Harmony". :3
@Xel UnknownHrm. I certainly didn't set out to make her seem perfect. Honestly, I'm not sure she ever actually *does* do anything Pinkie does - better or otherwise.She never throws a party, the quality of her cooking is never addressed, and she only surpasses Pinkie at...being a Pegasus. And a great deal of the others' interest in her is later revealed to be due to her being eager to be liked and pumping them for information about Pinkie.I was going for a feel something more like Scootaloo's desperate-to-please fangirldom over Rainbow Dash...
Wait, I thought Surprise was Pinkie's grandma? Meh, whatever. *Reads it*...Wow. That was kind of awesome. It reminds me of "Owl's Well That Ends Well", given the you-have-been-replaced plotline... but this is even better. That episode played its plot mostly for laughs; in fact, I don't remember ANY canon episode that has yet demonstrated the more serious consequences of jealousy. This, however, did -- serious heart-tugging was felt at the end of Part 1.Excellent work, Saddlesoap. Definite episode-worthy material. 4/5 stars, at least.
@Xel UnknownYep... A perfect exemple of people seeing ''mary-whatever-ish'' absolutely EVERYWHERE, more than often for weird reasons.
I am now inspired to write my own story. Not like this one, but yeah. Should be interesting.
@kriss1989I love hearing things like that. :D
Finally got a chance to read this, and I have to say I enjoyed it. Well... in as far as "enjoyed" can cover being brought to tears by the end of the first half.Not quite "Sad" tag worthy (I am overly emotional after all), but I'm not quite sure if the "Comedy" tag is entirely fitting - though I don't know what the criteria for tags really are.I can definitely see your point in Surprise being a Scootaloo-type fangirl, it makes enough sense and gives her something to be other than just "Pinkie with wings".In all, it was a good story, definitely had the feeling of an episode, and a decent mixture of emotion.
Many thanks to Ask Surprise for an adorable and flattering reference to this fic! :D
Awww... What a great story Saddlesoap! Thanks for sharing this with us! I really loved it. :)
As I told a friend, this story is a bit like first being bucked in the gut with steel-shod hooves, then receiving a huge and awesome group hug. When you're being hugged, it still hurts, but you don't think about that, because everything's gonna be okay.Thank you for writing this. This was a lovely read.
@Cloudy SkiesWow! That is an almost perfect analogy for the feel I tend to go for most often. Put the characters (and the more empathetic readers) through Pony Hell, and then lead them triumphantly back up into the light.Glad you liked it!
Aww, poor Surprise! Well, at least things worked out in the end.Also, the seapony reference at the end was hilariously unexpected. Awesome.