• Story: Silver Wonder (Update Part 2!)


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    Author: Saintspirit
    Description: The earth pony named Silver Wonder was born blind, but yet she did against all odds discover that she had talents, believed by many to be impossible for a pony with her handicap.

    Silver Wonder: Prologue
    Silver Wonder: Chapter 1

    Silver Wonder: Chapter 2 (New!)

    Additional Tags: Music, overcoming handicaps, finding talents

    29 comments:

    1. Sounds like another blind pianist...

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    2. @Jelfes

      I am honest to god lost for words at how badly you missed.

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    3. @Jelfes

      Name is Silver Wonder. I'm thinking Stevie Wonder.

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    4. I'll give this story a look, but I sure hope it's better written than the description...

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    5. Finally something happy after all that sad and dark storm.

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    6. I really want to like this story, but every scene seems to be a cliche personified :S

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    7. Stevie was born blind, Ray wasn't.

      Damn, now I have to rock out to some Music of My Mind.

      And when the day is through,
      Nothin' to do, sit around groovin' with you,
      And I say it 'cause I love...havin' you arooooound,
      And I say it 'cause I love...havin' you arooooooound


      Yes.

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    8. Christ almightly, english as a tenth language.

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    9. So let me get this straight...

      I stay up all night last night working on a fanfic about a blind musician, and then this comes out today?

      Well fuck me then.

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    10. Meh, same difference. No, not really, just the first that came to mind, and my favourite of the two.

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    11. The idea behind this fic is solid: a blind pony overcoming her disability a la Stevie Wonder. Plenty of potential there. The writing really holds it back, however.

      I'm guessing that English is not your first language, as many of the mistakes I noticed were consistent with those I often see from ESOL students (putting in articles where they aren't needed, failing to utilize conjunctions in dialogue, etc.). If this is the case, I would suggest that you find a native English speaker to help you proof future chapters--these sorts of mistakes are much easier for someone who's grown up speaking the language to catch.

      There's also a huge number of simple errors (i.e. the kind of mistakes that any author should be able to catch, regardless of linguistic aptitude): tense slippage, commas where they don't belong, no commas where one is needed, awkward exposition...look, I'm trying to like this story, I really am. And I think that it could become a nice story. The bit at the end of chapter 1 with the CMC was adorable, if barely readable at present. But that's just it: what you've got right now is just a mess. Please do some serious cleaning up on this and subsequent chapters before submitting, as I would hate for your story to be overlooked solely on the grounds that it lacked editing.

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    12. I can't wait to read the next chapter.

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    13. @Cortland Eeyup. To be honest, though, Ray Charles is way cooler, in my opinion that is.

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    14. Ray was way cooler. Heroin makes all musicians cooler. Not an insult it's a statistical fact.

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    15. I wanted to hate this, on principal. But you know, this is so adorable and well written that it makes me just melt.

      I need to see a new chapter soon, this is wonderful

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    16. Feels like it really has a good premises that if you do not mess this up could get better.

      Although I have two suggestions for you: double spacing and spelling errors. Do these and your story will feel more polished.

      Am enjoying this so far and will await more from you

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    17. Nice sitting posture that pony has.

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    18. @baschotaria

      Well written?

      Sorry but this is so badly written it's borderline gibberish. The author has crapped all over the english language.

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    19. @Chris

      I agree with this person, the concept is sound and ca be built upon. but there is a lack of proper grammar that we need to understand things. Not saying I couldn't but its not easy trying to understand something that is worded funny.

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    20. Okay - two things.
      1 - It is indeed true english is not my first language. I hear your critic, and I have tried to fix what flaws I could see (commas and the like), but it is still hard for me to understand what is not proper grammar... I mean, of course the text is understandable to me who wrote it, but just saying that it is gibberish won't make it better - particularly as I personally can't see any bigger faults. Also, others who have read it before I put it here didn't mention anything about weird grammar.

      2 - Some aspects of the main characters are indeed based on Stevie Wonder. That she is blind, and (later) becomes good at music. That's it, really.

      And another thing, not really a response but just something I wanted to tell you, is that it was by writing this that I managed to get away from the wave of anguish I got after I had read a particular, very sad, fan fiction. I don't feel the need to point out which one it was, though, but in any case - writing this made me happy again.

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    21. I know it doesn't have that much to do with the story, but how does Braille work with hooves?

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    22. Read second chapter...
      So far i still see some grammatical errors plus some paragraphs are not properly spaced correctly...

      On the other hand, I'm getting to like your character more and more...

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    23. Has this story come to an end? I feel like there is something more planned for this character to be fleshed out more

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