[Normal] [Sad]
Author: ROBCakeran53
Description: When your life is as dull a gray as the world that surrounds you, the mundanities can make it all seem meaningless. Sometimes all we need is a little color -- or six -- to reintroduce us to what truly makes life worth living.
My Little Dashie
Additional Tags: Filly Dash, Love and loss
Fan Music:
My Little Dashie Piano
677 comments:
I don't know how, but I didn't cry-my eyes didn't even tear up. What's wrong with me!!
ReplyDeleteDidn't cry, but still enjoyed the story.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete*sniff* That's... so.... touching.....
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteEvery time someone said "manly tears were shed", I declared it to be overexaggeration or just being overemotional. But my god, at the part where he was at the tree, my eyes weren't watery or anything. But I felt tears swelling up, and I think if I didn't stop reading to post this and broke my concentration, I don't doubt for a second that I would shed tears.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful, beautiful story. Shame the end is so sad. I wonder what happens if the roles would be reversed? What would happen if the guy was -so- desperate when he was say, 70, to see his Dashie one more time, and did something insane, and somehow ended up in Equestria as either a kid or as he is. Probably a kid. Would be very interesting.
@Zamoonda
ReplyDeleteIt's nice to think about it.
But we'll never write that.
You're free to do so, though.
Make us proud.
As I've said before, and I'll say it again; if I could cry, I would have.
ReplyDeleteThis is a really bittersweet story. You've really captured the feelings of the community brilliantly. I'm sure every one of us can relate with the main character, if only for the feeling of experiencing such a beautiful world. In all, a great piece that pulls at your heart strings in so many ways.
An absolutely incredible story, as you undoubtedly know already due to hundreds of comments. Definitely the best fanfic I've ever read, and easily one of the best stories overall that I've read. Many man tears were shed.
ReplyDeleteVery rarely does a story, even a bittersweet or sad one, bring me anywhere close to tears. And I have always avoided the stupid concept of "manly tears" people throw around, both because it sounds dumb and, well, I don't consider myself very "macho" or "manly". (I hate gender stereotypes)
ReplyDeleteBut THIS... just... wow. It's beautiful, and if I were to ever use that phrase this is where I'd use it. It's even more impressive considering I don't intend to ever be a parent myself, and usually avoid stories like this one. And yet it still plays with my heartstrings powerfully. Seldom has a 5-star rating ever been more deserved.
At of all the fan fiction I have ever read, none has made me shed tears like this one. I have not cried this hard in a long while and I still am crying.
ReplyDeleteI've got to start paying more attention to the tags while I read this at my library job. I had to excuse my self from my duties.
Well written good sir this will be one of those stories that will last long after the show. Good work.
@SirPeppermintJam
ReplyDeleteI get the sense that this is the sort of fic that's going to spawn a lot of "unauthorized" sequels or alternate endings.
Think of it as the anti-Cupcakes in that regard. Instead of being such a force of overwhelming cruelty, despair, and evil that people are driven to make things right, it's a force of overwhelming love, happiness, and hope (that people are also driven to "set right", in a manner of speaking...analogy isn't perfect but you get my meaning).
@TheBlackBaron
ReplyDeleteI would actually like that. It'd be nice to read what you all have thought up.
Heh, this story being the antithesis to Cupcakes. It feels nice, ya know?
Oh... Oh god... I just realized that Dash really only has two months-ish when it'd even be possible to visit again. After that... He'd be dead.
ReplyDeleteEven if she were to visit him EVERY DAY, he would still only get to see her once a year.
...So much sad...
@private-enemy
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way, and I'm glad I helped in that feeling some. Thanks
FUCK ME SIDEWAYS AND CALL ME STACY!!!! this story is Going to depress me for weeks....shit uhg....great story +murmurs angrily+
ReplyDelete@TheBlackBaron
ReplyDeleteI agree with Pepperming, though none of them would be canon I'm interested in seeing what people can cook up. What ways people picture events happening. I'm gonna read them, no matter how they go.
@Gypsy
ReplyDeleteYou sir win for the "Shoot 'em Up" reference. But I'm sorry I've driven you into a depression...
...adding to my last post, ED needs a "Hall of Fame" for the fandom's top ten or so fanfics, and this needs to up there at the top immediately.
ReplyDelete@Llox
ReplyDeleteSO MUCH THIS. This story, A Dangerous Business, Silent Ponyville, Fallout: Equestria, etc., should stand out as THE fics to read, and a system like that would be very beneficial.
This made me Cry manly tears. I still am tbh
ReplyDeleteWell, it was incredibly hard, but I managed to not cry at this. Incredibly hard as in, trying to nail a fart onto cardboard.
ReplyDeleteThe worst thing about it was that it ended. :(
Holy cow.
ReplyDeleteI came into this story having read none of the comments or any such - just the brief description here on EQD. With the myriad ways a story like this could 'go wrong', I wasn't really expecting more than a 3-4 star read.
What I got instead was a carefully crafted work that explores the relationship between father and foster / adopted child in a very meaningful way. The story built at a wonderful pace, making it all the more heart-wrenching (and, in ways, heart-warming) when the inevitable finally occurred.
Really, there's not much more I can say that hasn't been said, so I'll finish with this: This is one of the best stories ever posted onto this site. To Rob and your editors, I say: BRAVO!
I must join the choir in singing your praises: this is a beautiful story. I put it in the same barn (but not stable) as "Somewhere Only We Know" for its power, feeling, and for holding that same cruel damn mirror in front of our eyes. But this one, at least, gave back a glow of warmth and happiness at the end.
ReplyDeleteI do truly love this fandom. Out of a cartoon TV show - made for 6-12 year-old girls no less - that has existed for barely over a year, this group of disparate people have wrought such incredible tales and images of beauty, happiness, love, grief, tragedy, despair, and insanity that have wrung tears and laughs from so many, and show no signs of even slowing - let alone stopping.
The grey world in this story is the one we made when we made it taboo to have feelings; a place where people would actually mock a statement like "... when I realized that you all are my friends." These beautiful ponies have given us our hearts back, and made us proud to embrace and admit so. We may never get to raise our own Dashie for fifteen years (and I'm tearing up at writing that), but we can stave off the grey as long as we don't spurn the gift these ponies gave us.
Again, beautiful work Brony, this story alone has put you in the top echelon of fanfic authors! Let us all hope that you had the gift of prophecy in saying eight seasons of MLP:FiM!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete@Scorched Wing
ReplyDeleteThank you, and I really hope so too...
This deserves nothing but... I dont even know. I can't get over myself right now.
ReplyDeleteYou've opened an entirely different world of emotion in my head. 15 out of 5 stars.
@DongleKumquat
ReplyDeleteWhoa, 15?! I mean, I know we did a good job, but wow. Seven would have been good enough.
Oh yeah: and forget the manly tears, this had me weeping like a lost little foal. Just beautiful.
ReplyDeleteAnd you are very welcome!
I really, really want to see a happy end to this... fifteem years devoted to a daughter, always being there fore her as she has no one else, having to keep people at arms length for fear of someone harming her. Then, she's gone. Worst all the momentos of those 15 years are gone too bar a few pictures to keep the memory alive. Wishing her the best in her new old life and wondering if she remembers. Or if Celestia has taken that away as a 'kindness' so that her life may go on unimpeded.
ReplyDeleteThe hole that Dash going will leave in his life...
Without magic he can never visit her and the tragedy gets worse if Dash somehow visits all she'll find is a dusty grave.
I hope that Dash has the missing things, but with Celestia's fear about contamination I think she'll have take the easy and thorugh route and made them all forget.
If she did I think I would truely hate her...
Great story I was actually expecting him to commit suicide. No tears were shed.
ReplyDeleteThat was amazing. I cried hard at the end when she leaves and all her possessions just disappear. So incredibly heartbreaking.
ReplyDeleteI'll admit that I had very similar thoughts when I first saw the pic that inspired this story. I even sketched out a few drawings:
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/18463366/dashie1.png
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/18463366/dashie2.png
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/18463366/dashie3.png
@Dash547
ReplyDeleteWow...just wow. I...I rally like your pictures, bro. They're cute. Really, they are.
Congrats man. You have now drawn the first official fan-art of the story.
I actually just created a blogger account for the sole purpose of commenting on this. All I can say is thank you, thank you for reminding me that something can still move me to tears. Moments like this, reading this story and finding tears coming up from a place within me that I had forgotten long ago, these are the moments that make life meaningful amidst all the senselessness. Thank you for reminding me of this truth.
ReplyDeleteAww, those pictures are so adorable.
ReplyDeleteROBCakeran53 I have one thing to say...
ReplyDeleteThank you.
I shed a painful tear at the end... and even had a crying session after it was over. No fanfic or comic has made me do that until today. Bravo, author, bravo. This is a beautiful piece of work.
ReplyDelete@dublio
^THIS
It's exactly what I did right after the story ended, imagining his final moments, and being allowed by Princess Celestia to meet one last time.
@Infusions
/agree. I don't care what anyone else thinks, Kiss the Rain is THE most fitting one of all.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wrl8weYTmGU
Someone absolutely needs to make a PMV of this story with this song in the background. TT__TT
I guarantee it will instantly garner thousands of views and even more teary-eyed bronies.
But honestly, this story touched my heart so much that I had to look away from the comments for a few minutes and listen to Equestria Girls a couple times, then I was 'k.
@Dash547
ReplyDeleteThose... are amazing. Esepcially that third one, just... my god, thank you. Just, thank you so very much for these. I... I can't fully express myself how I feel without crying like a little girl. These mean so much...
@ROBCakeran53
ReplyDeleteI think we'd just all love a filly Dash of our own. :)
In a reverse twist of fate, Dash547 has now did to the Author what RobCakeran just did to everyone else.
ReplyDelete@Duke Salt
ReplyDeleteI couldn't have said it better myself. I needed this. This was quite simply the most beautiful thing I've ever read. This hit my heart in a way I didn't think something could. I cried tears of joy. Thank you so much for giving this to the world.
NOOOOOOO!! oh please.....
ReplyDeletenot like this...
i dont think i can go back to the way i was..
ReplyDeleteNow, since this was written in a first person format, imagine if you had a dream and your mind inserted you into the story, and in that dream you lived it all out. If that happened to me, I would wake up in tears... Luckily I don't dream. Or would that be unfortunately...
ReplyDeleteOkay... that end? No. Overall I loved the fic but that end has actually got me white-hot with anger. To remove almost ALL traces of Dash from his life and then say he couldn't go with who for all intents and purposes is his daughter back to her home?
ReplyDeleteNo.
He wouldn't fit in? What, love and tolerate but only if they're a pony? Humans can't go? Heck no! I saw no reason why he couldn't go if he wanted to. And did Celestia erase Dash's memories? God, I hope I was reading it wrong.
Yes, the fic is incredibly touching and I loved it but the ending I hated it. I'm sorry, but I can't hold it in. That was depressing in a bad way.
If Dash DOES keep her memories, I wonder how she'll deal with having TWO sets of filly memories.
ReplyDeleteOne with a parent who raised her,
and one without.
One might take precedence.
"Hey, Twilight?"
"Yeah?"
"Send me back."
Curse these man-tears!
ReplyDelete@RK_Striker_JK_5
ReplyDeleteThe ending is a touchy subject, it seems. I'd go back and give it an ending where everyone wins, but...we've spent so much time on this as it is. I'm just the editor. ROB has the final say.
That being said, I'm actually looking forward to reading any alternate ending that might pop up. While we wont accept it as canon to the story, that doesn't mean we don't wanna read it. Already, we've had two people send us something. They were both pretty good, and gave us some insight as to how you as the readers truly felt the story should have ended.
I'm glad you enjoyed the story though. Sorry you didn't like the ending, but keep in mind that happy endings typically don't happen in reality. All we can do is cherish the memories.
Diabetes
ReplyDeleteDIABETES
I approached this as if it was going to be some personal reality story where the main character was 'coo coo' and it wasn't real to anyone else. *like the Warner Brothers frog* "Hello my baby Hello my honey Hello my life time gal"
ReplyDeleteThankfully I was wrong.
This was a damn good tear jerker.
v- Took a different approach than I expected.-v
"Celestia closed her eyes, and then leaned her horn towards me. I didn't move; I wasn't sure what was going on as she touched her horn to my head. I felt a sudden warmth rush through my body. She drew her horn away, still smiling as she stepped back."
4 Pages from the bottom
It was at this moment, I paused reading more and thought I knew how the gap was closing. Assumed, she was going to revert time back at the moment they met and reverse their lives from happening; erasing all the joy.
Holding on to that idea, my heart throbbed and water flooded the bottom of my eye.
I fought to hold back the water in my eyes... ~LIKE A Baaaaw... NO YOU DON'T!... NO YOU DON'T... Like..A..*Vaccum tear ducts* BAWS !!
My manly face dry, I kept reading. Thankfully, I assumed wrong didn't. The story continued to jerk at my heart. His memories and her personal treasures remained. He now lives with those memories knowing she is now free in her rightful place, with the treasures to reassure his sanity she undoubtedly shared that father daughter bond. Unknown if she remembers...
*pressure building in face*
No... No... *breath* NOOOO O_¶
*face explodes*
¶x¶ BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWW!!!!!!
IT HURTS EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!
Yep, this made me cry.
ReplyDelete@ROBCakeran53
ReplyDelete"yea, you are correct. It's just the sad truth of it is I doubt I will ever be able to achieve this quality of story again, and knowing that everyone is calling me an "amazing writer" just feels wrong, cause though this one story is great the rest of my work most likely won't be as emotional."
Will you be able to write something with this much emotional potency again? Maybe, maybe not, inspiration is a fickle thing.
However having said that you are a good writer. Don't sell your self short. You are a very descriptive writer with a wonderfully unique style. I for one eagerly await your next story be it happy or sad.
@SirPeppermintJam
ReplyDeleteOh, overall the fic was incredibly well-written and touching. But... I KNOW happy endings don't always happen in real life. I've experienced quite a number of sad ends with stuff already.
Wow. I absolutely hate crying, but I still finished reading the story with tears in my eyes.
ReplyDeleteI know of no words to describe how I felt after reading.
I'm conflicted over this one. On one hand it did affect me emotionally due to the concept and storyline. On the other, I don't really consider the writing to be much to my taste.
ReplyDelete1: Not enough little details. All the big events in Dash's life on Earth are shown, and I wouldn't expect the author to go extremely in depth in day to day nitty-gritty, but more of the mundane bonding moments, the man learning to care for a foal, some of their outings, their adventures, and their near scares would have been nice. This would have created more emotional attachment to the characters themselves. Instead I came away with empathy for the situation in general, but kind of detached from the actual characters.
2: The lack of any real humor. I find this unacceptable for any Friendship is Magic fanfiction. I get the story is meant to be heartwarming and sad, but those things and humor are not in any way mutually exclusive. Some moments seem pretty lighthearted, but maybe it's the narrative style's fault that they kind of fall flat. And meme references don't cut it. There was especially much lost potential in the Rainboom scene. And well, Dash... is nuts. When she crashes head first through your window and generates a localized hurricane in your livingroom, that's one of her GOOD landings.
3: The last 3rd or so has a TON of spelling, grammatical and formatting errors. Considering that's the ramp up to the climax, it's kind of immersion destroying.
TL;DR
It pulled at my heartsrings but had it's share of issues. Beautiful story but average execution.
4 stars.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2aM5btBLVU&feature=related
ReplyDeleteRead with this song playing. It brought so many tears to my eyes. This fanfic is the best one I ever read. 5/5
Seth, y u no make this star six yet?
ReplyDeleteMoved me to tears, Eveybrony needs to read this and some point in there lifes. And haters of Ponyes will turn.
ReplyDelete@DPV111
ReplyDeleteAlright, lets see what we got here.
1) This is a huge thing I had problems with, the "small details". I had, and still have, plenty of ideas I wanted to share with the readers. Giving her a bath, her first experience with the television, and a big one was her first words. My problem with that, was this story for being a one shot was already over 12,000 words. That, in my opinion, is a long one shot. I didn't want to drown people with so many different tid bits of their lives together, but I really, REALLY wanted to. And about the characters, I was hoping I made the man understandable from the beginning tid bit, and Dashie later on with the scene where she leaves.
2) Humor? Uh... I know it's MLP... and I mean if I had been able to get the small tid bits of small events in like I had wished, then I'm sure I could have had some humor... but the point of this is it's sad. The meme joke was really just the man's character, using the meme.
3) This I don't understand. Me and my editor went over it several times, plus Seth's pre-readers AND over fifteen thousand other readers. None of them have since brought up anything about "a TON of spelling, grammatical, and formatting errors.", let alone any minor ones (I know there are some, but we aren't perfect).
Thanks for bringing the first topic up. It's one I would have really loved to have worked on more, but again I didn't want to drown or bore people with so much reading material to stuff that wasn't important or a large focal point.
First thing I have ever read which made me shed some tears. FERTRO CRIED. Goddamnit.
ReplyDeleteI read this last night before I gone to bed. Towards the end of the story, I started crying, then at the end I was nearly bawling. It's the sadest story i've ever read.
ReplyDeleteEven now in the morning, i'ce still tearing up. It makes you think. It's a powerful story. Love is everlasting. Hold onto it and never let go. Never forget the memories with others.
I started to sleep with my stuffed bunny i've had since I was a baby after this now.
Absolutely brilliant story. I'm gonna re-read it tonight and bawl like a baby and do my heart and this story justice. Because I read it at work and it was so incredibly painful to hold the tears back and blink them away.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely bookmarking it for a read later. You know, when I want to break my eyes and my heart again. At least it's not depression-inducing sad, it's feel-good sad.
Thank you so much for writing and sharing.
Powerful story that is let down a little by an ending that gives off some really unfortunate implications. Still, 5/5.
ReplyDelete@ROBCakeran53 are you maybe thinking of making a sequal to this? please! i need somthing to stop the sadness and crying!! i loved this fanfic and its special to me because its my first. thank you!
ReplyDeleteAlso:
ReplyDelete@DrahcirAloer
Damn you for posting that music video. I blinked the flood of tears away when reading but then you had to post this and now my eyes broke.
Note to any future readers:
ReplyDeleteDo not try and read this during calculus class. Things can get really awkward while you're trying to hold back tears in the middle of class.
This is not just an incredible story, it is the absolute justification for the idea of bronyism itself. That we take something odd or unusual, that really shouldn't exist, and we use it to make our lives a little better. Changing the world doesn't have to be a massive upheaval of society, it often just takes a few people doing something a little bit nicer in the world.
ReplyDeleteIt truly is amazing what has come out of this community. All of these good things didn't come from out of the blue, they were already there, they just needed a little nudge to come out.
Cute Dash sitting in a Box?
ReplyDeleteInsta Read and 5*
Beautiful story. I really love the ones that make me tear up and cry. I know I'm not in a minority when I say I wish this story would happen to me. Though in my case I'd hope it was Twilight or Applejack. Or even Pinkie.
ReplyDeleteWORLD used HORRIFIC STORIES OF HUMAN SUFFERING
ReplyDeleteIt's not very effective!
ROBCakeran53 used MY LITTLE DASHIE!
It's super effective!
BRONY is CRYING
This is pure awesomenes. The kind of writing that all shall read, and shall forever stay in our memories.
ReplyDeleteYou were right in your pre-story note. This story will never end. And so does our gratitude.
I don't remember the last time I cried so much at the written word, movies and games do that to me, but not on the same level.
ReplyDeleteAnd this one...I just couldn't stop feeling for the human and Dashie at all times, from start to finish.
All the emotions, feelings and ideas conveyed in this story were done perfectly. This will have you laughing, feeling and crying....but mostly crying...
It's those amazing connections and special someones we meet in life that could bring our hearts to such movements, and this story showed it in the perfect light of greyness, and color.
Bravo.
6 stars.
Must... resist... sobbing.
ReplyDeleteThis really did make me cry. No manly tears. It was so well written that I'm still welling up half an hour after I've read it.
ReplyDeleteThe whole idea of this story is just so... So horrible. I wouldn't even have been able to imagine how this could ever make for a good story.
ReplyDeleteBut then I actually read it and wow. I'm blown away. This fanfic is truly amazing. The premise might be utterly ridiculous, but I can do nothing but love how it has turned out!
It held a very strict focus on their relationship, which was probably a benefit to this story. Still, I feel that it is a shame we never really got to know the "dad". We don't even get to know his name after all. I can't say I could relate to his personality either, probably because he was so entirely different from anything I would ever be. (For one thing, I don't have a "woe is me, life sucks, my town sucks, everything is a chore" mentality. It did work great in the story though.)
It really does make for a wholly compelling story, and rounding up my score it's definitively a 5 out of 5 stars story. I wouldn't personally give it six stars, but I sure as heck would recommend people to read it! The oddity of the concept is alone enough to justify reading this story both once and twice.
There is one thing I'm missing in the story though, and that is a final short scene in the head of Dash after she's been returned to Equestria. It would have been an entirely different perspective, but it would have given a nicer ending in my opinion. But can't get everything :). I now hope you'll be writing plenty more stories in the future!
Oh and for Rob: It might have been a one off, but if you Really have ideas for other such short scenes. Then by all means write them up and post them! I'd love to read more. I really don't think it could have become "too long" either. It was all incredibly touching, even if it wasn't bawl my eyes out material :).
ReplyDeleteMight be a little cliche at this point, but I started listening to this on repeat when I was reading the story. Give it a shot, it might help you move even more
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6h3abQlN94
@TrickDash
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, but I am not personally going to continue it. There are several people who have asked if they may, and as I've previously stated I don't mind. Though there is no official canon ending, I left it open for you to visualize and imagine what happens next.
This has got to be The best story I have read, and for good reason, never before have I been so attached to a nameless (or named) character and been so genuinely sorry for them when something bad happens. I don't know how many tissues I burned through at the end but it was freaking worth it!.
ReplyDelete@doomboy536
ReplyDelete>Itens
>Pokeball x3
ABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABAB!
SUCCESS!!!!!!
@ROBCakeran53
ReplyDeletePersonally, I think you're making the right choice by leaving the end where it is.
It really makes you think and appreciate what you just read.
@Zanzibar
ReplyDeleteYEEEEEEEEEEES! THANK YOU! I thought the very same thing when I first started writing this. But that's what I love, a challenge, and apparently I've done good. About my other ideas, I'm not sure how I would even tackle it. Do I just simply add to the story? Or have another separate story? Right now, I think I'm just gonna let this story simmer down, then depending on what the fans come up with, I may or may not do a little something.
*opens umbrella*
But now, my job here is done. I have done something magical, and I am so grateful you all have enjoyed this. Thank you!
*gust of wind carries me away*
I have just read the whole story ..
ReplyDeletei HONESTLY cried .. 5 times now
this story is just wonderful ..
So .. wonderful and awesome
Ugh, *monster saves on pony folder*
ReplyDeleteDaaaw. Sounds like that feel when you love someone so bad you feel it be injuring to hug her with the force your heart dictates... FaVed BTW
Oh man, let say that one day in Equestria equal 1 year in human world, what will happen when he getting old and dying? can he see Rainbow Dash for the last time? please make a little continuity about this!
ReplyDeleteI wonder if it's possible to download his consciousness into a pony's body-then he could go live in equestria. Mind you the pony's body would have to be just an empty shell, otherwise there are nasty ethical ramifications.
ReplyDelete*gets out star stickers and counts out 6 of them* you sir have ernd *snifle* ....just take the take um all *runs up to room to cry*
ReplyDeleteI burst into tears instantly near the end.
ReplyDeleteSuch an emotional, sad, yet eerily happy piece...
I have to say I was confused at the beginning. Expecting another short story about ponies, only to find a first person narrative about a person. I skipped ahead a bit to skim a few lines before reaching for the X in the corner of the browser. Wasn't long before I was immersed into the story, reading line after line. No checking for spelling, no saying, well that is not possible, that doesn't make sense ect. You achieved in suspending disbelief of a pony existing in the real world and achieved full immersion to where the world stops for the reader until the story does. I found myself filled with emotions, tearing up at some parts and finally when the gang showed up at the end, that nagging memory of your warning about an open ending stimulating another emotion... anger ^^ knowing there would not be a resolution. The "ending" works as it does tie up most of the loose ends, but leaving enough to speculate about. We all think about movies, stories ect and re-write little parts for how we think it should have gone, or where it will go next in our heads. Sometimes penning some to further the experience, but I dont think I could ever write something to match the quality and level that you have here to be worthy of a follow-up. So I pose to you a question. Do you have any plans to write another chapter, or is this story officially complete? Sometimes, another chapter that we are all longing for, can be the one thing that ruins everything. Ahh... the double edged sword of finality :D
ReplyDeleteBravo good sir. Would say I look forward to your next story. But in your case, I will have to say I look forward to your next reading experience.
It was three days after her sonic rainboom. I had kept her inside during those days, I wanted to be extra safe no one noticed her, even if it was unlikely someone would ever wander anywhere near this block. But I wasn't taking any chances for Dashie. Plus, we entertained ourselves with the celebrations, and the explanations.
ReplyDeleteNow here we were, at the usual park, on a cloudy day, with Dashie flying softly by my side, sporting her brand-new cloud-and-rainbow-thunder cutie mark. I was so proud.
She spoke first when we arrived there, "Hey! I noticed something when I went so high in the sky last time, can I go up there again? Please?"
I gave her a questioning look. What could she possibly have to do up there? She seemed resolute enough in her desire though.
"Well, okay, but please let's not make a habit out of..."
"Okay." And she was off, leaving just a rainbow blur behind.
I followed her contrail with my gaze. She was going straight up, higher and higher... until she disappeared inside a cloud.
Now, I didn't really know what to think. I was concerned mainly, but I knew Dashie was skilled enough to manage herself. So I waited. For minutes. My neck was getting strained by that point.
And then, I noticed something moving in the sky, descending. It had to be her, but she was still out of sight.
She was... she was... bringing....
"Hey Daddy, look at what I brought down!"
ReplyDeleteIt was... a piece of the cloud she went in. She was holding it proudly on its side, inbetween her hooves.
I stared for a while before I could actually manage coherent thought. I mean, it was vapor! Just... water! And yet here she was, holding it in her hooves, like it was a solid whole. She was toying still with my world's physics like it was nothing!
I ran one hand through the thick haze in front of me, only to find no resistance. It passed through like it wasn't there. And I wet my sleeve in the process.
Our gazes met, and she looked more surprised than I was.
"How come your hand gets through? Can't you just touch it?"
I felt embarrassed at that point, for some reason, like I couldn't manage to keep with my daughter's standards. But I shook that feeling off quickly. How could I put this to her...
"Well, Dashie, it's just... those who can fly, yeah. It's only those who can fly who can touch clouds. You have wings, I don't, so you can move and control the clouds. I can't."
Her eyes widened in surprise. "Control? What do you mean control? Can I make them rain? Or go BOOM like those thunders? Can.. can I really make thunders??"
She was staring at me, filled with expectation.
My mouth hang open for a while, unable to formulate appropriate words. How could I ever let her? But could I really limit so severely what she could and couldn't do in her element? Would it be dangerous without proper training? Did it...
Like most kids, he didn't wait for me to finish, and focused elsewhere.
"Look, they're so plush!" She was jabbing it tentatively on the side, until she dropped outright on top of it. It comfortably held her weight, to my relief.
She was drowning in pure bliss, if the look on her face was of any indication.
"Mmmmm... Hey! I could bring one of those in my room! Or maybe two! Can I sleep on those? Can... Can I make a fort out of clouds in my room, Daddy?"
I didn't know what to answer. Honestly, I couldn't think very straight at that point. But fortunately, the situation resolved itself without my intervention.
I managed to notice the cloud was getting smaller, dissipating.... Dashie slipped through a hole that formed in the middle of what little remained of it, before it disappeared completely in a light fog.
She caught herself in midair and returned upright, a look of surprise and disappointment in her face.
"Hey! What happened?"
I felt oddly relieved, and couldn't hold a little chuckle. Pegasus magic could only do so much in here, it seemed. "Well, the clouds are not really made to last at this altitu... at this height. Clouds are up in the sky because that's the real place for them to be."
"Awwwwww. But I wanted one in my room! They were so comfortable!"
"I'm sorry Dashie, I'm afraid I can't do anything about that." Still, I really couldn't stand seeing her so glum.
"Hey, you wanna know what else's comfortable? Come here." I gestured with one hand towards myself.
She floated near my chest, and we joined in a tight hug.
------------------------------------------------------------------
I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock. It was so early, why would I ever...
ReplyDeleteI opened my eyes, and recognized a little cardboard box on my bedside table.
...Oh!
I left the little box just next to Dashie, on her bed. With a little note on it, reading:
"Happy birthday, Rainbow Dash."
She was still sleeping.
It was her eleventh birthday, she was all grown up now, looking very much like the weather mare from Ponyville I first learned about.
To think back of that... it still seemed all so unreal at times, to tell the truth. But I stopped thinking about the cartoon a long time ago, I had more important things on my hands now. Since that great day.
I kissed softly Dashie's cheek, that should wake her up.
Indeed, she was already groaning when I closed the door behind me, and went downstairs to make breakfast for both.
Shortly after, I could make out some muffled sound coming from upstairs. I did recognize the excitement in her squeals, though-
I barely heard the door of her room opening, then a rainbow blur across the house, and she was instantly on me.
Ooof!
She had glomped the hay out of me! I reeled on one side, absorbing the blow, having difficulty keeping my balance, with her pressing so hard against my side, wings flapping.
"Hey, watch it! You're going to make me spill the milk!" She didn't care one bit. She just hugged me harder, in fact.
I noticed she had her new goggles on her eyes already.
When I finally knew what to give her for her birthday, I've had to travel a dozen of shops to realize I would never find some goggles for her improbable eye size, so I had to search in do-it-yourself marts instead, It took four or five of them just to find someone who would consider crafting such an unusual artifact for me. And it didn't come that cheap even then. But really, seeing her beaming happiness and excitement, it had been all worth it.
"Dad, these are the best things ever! I always wanted a pair for my flights! Thanks so much!"
I couldn't help but smile wildly as I returned the embrace.
Seconds of beautiful silence passed, only the soft beat of her wings marking the passing of time.
"I love you, pops."
"Love you too, Dashie. Now let me finish your salad."
She released me from the tight grip, and fluttered up to the sofa, where she kept trying her new goggles on and off. Apparently I had done I nice work with the measurements.
"Hey Dashie, wanna play a game of horseshoes after breakfast?"
She shot up from her seating. "Are you kidding? Of course I do! I'll have you beat by the very first throw this time!" Her wide smile had become a huge, smug, happy grin by the end of that phrase.
----------------------------------------------------------------
You know I was almost done with this story, I hadn't gotten teary eyed at all. Then I got to that letter, that damn letter...And I'm stilling crying. God damn it, this makes my heart ache so bad.
ReplyDeleteAuthor, no words can express how wonderfully written this was. I've read a lot of fanfics from this fandom, some sad, some happy, a lot of shipping (damn it all....) But this one, this one is my favorite, it is the best by far, and I will ALWAYS remember the day a story about a little cyan colored pony made me cry my heart out.
...Damn it I'm starting to cry again...
(Mind this, this isn't an original scene, just a modified portion of the last part.)
ReplyDeleteCelestia then returned to looking at me, still smiling, "I cannot speak for you, but from what I see in front of me, the amount of love you both share and have shared together, tells me that you raised her as if she was your own. Even with the obvious differences, you still raised her un-biased as to her species, her origins. You raised her as your daughter... which only makes this entire ordeal so much worse."
I absorbed her words, as well as the other ponies in the room.
"So, I must say to you, dear sir, please do not hold my student accountable for this. It was never her intention to cause this much hurt to either of you. If you must blame somepony, I would ask you to blame me. I am the one that helped bring them here, to take Rainbow Dash back to her home... away from here."
I just couldn't look at any of them. My heavy breathing breaking down with sobs. My mind was just going on her own, thinking back at all the things Dashie and I did together.
"...Just how could I blame somepony? For sending Rainbow Dash here? *sniff*"
"These have been the best 15 years of my life. So, if anything, I want to thank you, Twilight. Thank you, for what you did. *sniff* For all that came out of this. For all my years... with Dashie." I tried to smile at Twilight between the sobs, but she looked on the edge of tears herself, and could only look away, before she cried herself.
Celestia then stood from the rug she laid on, and walked over to me as I stood.
"No need for thanks, good sir. Instead, I wish to thank you, for taking care of one of my little subjects. She would have never made it without someone much like yourself."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
So... yeah.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed this story, but not as much as I wanted myself to. So I thought I'd write up some passages that I thought were missing from my vision of it.
Yeah, ROB, I know you told me in the chat you wanted this story to be short-ish not to scare too many readers away, and I felt you did a very good job with that. While I wasn't deeply touched by this story, I see many people have been, and I want to thank you on their behalf, cause if anything, it was so worth it to read it among so many positive reactions ^^
What I felt was lacking in general from the story was some more description to Rainbow Dash's Real Life appearance. I know we all know her already, but it would have been nice to provide a nice description of how she really looked up close, and not on the other side of the screen. For the rest, well, there were some scenes lacking here and there, and I kinda wrote these passages to make up for it. It's a bit of a personal thing, and I have no claim whatsoever on the actual fic, I just thought I'd share my 2 cents. That, and that maybe someone would enjoy reading those.
This is popular?
ReplyDeleteI tried to read it. Someone pointed me to it and said there, that is what bronys are.
Trite, emo and dull?
Hoo boy.
well, I just cried everywhere. A very touching story. Not overly complex in syntax or ideas, but written well. The simplicity of it makes it all the more touching.
ReplyDeleteThis is just amazing,fucking perfect.
ReplyDeleteNow,listen,I'm a very emotional guy and I tend to cry quite a lot easily,but this...this just affected me like NOTHING else could.I cried more than I ever cried in my entire life,sincerest tears I ever shed.This was just PERFECT.I don't even have words to thank you for this MASTERPIECE,I can just say...
Thank you,ROBCakeran53,I love you,that was the best thing I ever read in my entire life.
I don't think I ever cried so much,even when I finishe BioShock 2,this was so perfectly well-written that I'm even considering re-reading it,you're awesome...Thanks again.
This was the best thing I've ever read,and I cried SO MUCH.
Your work will be remembered forever by the fandom,this was the best contribution ever,thanks ROBCakeran53,really thanks.This was just plain AMAZING
Not gonna read it.
ReplyDelete@Tosxychor
ReplyDeleteYou are one magnificent bastard. I love you. Those two parts, were amazing. I had wanted to do one with her playing with clouds, but that one with the goggles? Oh man... it brings a tear to my eye. I really hope you chose to post these somewhere, whether it be DA or just ANYWHERE!
You know... I have an idea. So many of you have written up some real nice pieces... I think what I shall do is set up a folder on DA to house all of these. If you post them, let me know about it, I will put it in that folder in a link on the story. That way others can see what possible outcomes, or alternate scenes could transpire.
I do have one question though. That small bit you did, with the man thanking the ponies and thanking them... I would love to actually add that. It's nothing major, only a few lines, but it would actually help that scene just feel... more complete. I know it's my story, but how my mind works you came up with that bit and I'd love to incorporate it.
@ROBCakeran53
ReplyDeleteThanks man, I'd feel honored about such a thing! Please go ahead :D um, if that's ok with you.
And about posting those pieces on DA... my DA was pretty empty, so I thought why not, and I posted them there :p
Here's a link to the first 2 stories. Use it as you prefer ^^
@Tosxychor
ReplyDeleteI loved reading those parts as well. Although most people won't read this far in the comments and thus will never see what you wrote, I thank you for writing it anyway. You'd get more exposure if you posted it somewhere, like Robcakeran says.
@Robcakeran
Having a seperate folder for all of the various stories/endings for this one is an awesome idea. I'll be looking forward to reading more from other people, just to get a glipse of what could be.
If you find it necessary, just think of it as alternate universes, where the same main event happens, yet so many different outcomes happen as a result of that. Just like Cupcakes. One main story, lots of spin-offs. May not be canon, but still interesting to read about.
I wept the first time I read this. Six stars, easy.
ReplyDeleteAnd am I the only one who wonders if, not only will Dashie forget her human father, but as time goes by and more evidence of hr existence in our world fades, he'll eventually forget her as well?
I usually consider myself a very openminded person, and proudly state so often. One has to be to give a thing like My Little Pony an honest chance in the jungle of cartoons that have half as much potential, but are thrice as much commercially accepted.
ReplyDeleteI never really can get my mind to open for fanfiction though. I really wish I had opened my mind more when reading this fantastic piece of writing, because I am quite dissapointed with myself to have only seen it as a simple fanfic, rather than a story giving you true feelings of love, care, sorrow and in some ways, hope. I didn't cry while reading this, simply because I knew it was a MLP fanfic. But I had this constant pain in my stomach to just tell me to cry, let all the feelings out. Few things I've ever experienced have brought me to that point. If it was an actual book, I would probably be downright soaked with tears. But now, I only have this horrible feeling of sadness, which is also good. But I didn't cry. I wasn't openminded enough.
I'm also just gonna say that this fic is going places. At least it has found a special place in my, and probably many more, hearts.
After so much time on the internet, and just growing up in general, I have become... not a hard-skinned sort of person, actually, but more of a person who is cautious and prepares himself for the worst. I'm pretty sensitive offline, but online I metaphorically dig my feet into the ground and brace for any impacts from anything that could ever wish to hurt me.
ReplyDeleteThere is no way I could've, let alone would've, prepared myself for this story. Brilliant stories deserve to be given full access to my emotions, and I'm quite sure that when I read this again - without assuming a battle-stance this time around - I WILL cry. I am very glassy-eyed right now, there's not enough moisture to make tears, but there is enough to blur my peripherals.
This really hurts, you know, to imagine the story. To imagine putting 15 years into giving someone else a good life, and then have everything except for memories and a single photo-album taken away in a split-second, is something that really hits hard. I'm not even half way through my nineteenth year of existence, and to imagine almost 75% of my life becoming void to the rest of the world around me, as I was forgotten, is something that is truly awful to imagine.
Then there is the emotional element of letting what is essentially your only child leave home, multiplied by the fact that she cannot come home whether both of you want to see each other again or not. As I've already said, I'm not even old enough to have a child of my own, yet I find myself feeling this pain very well... To be able to make me able to get into the shoes of someone who I am almost nothing like takes a huge amount of skill and great writing, so kudos to you for that.
Dash is my favourite character, which probably amplifies the overall emotion I experience when reading this, but even without my personal favourites coming into play, this is an extremely potent story that will have a hard finding someone who doesn't at least feel sadness weighing down their hearts.
@Mattatatta
ReplyDeleteFurthermore, the way the story ends is just the best way it can end while leaving as best an impact as possible. While others will probably write and publish their own endings (I guarantee one will go down the "return home to find he's since passed" route, but that's not relevent right now), I feel that the canon ending is the only ending that everyone can enjoy the most. Some will pick the alternatives based on personal opinions, but this ending is the only ending that everyone will be able to agree on - even as a 'meet me halfway' comprimise. It leaves you feeling exactly what the speaker is feeling; sadness, nostalgia, happiness, and hope. It does not restrict your imagination as to what happens next, or what happens to Dash, which is a very good thing.
Leaving Dash's side unexplained is a good thing, even though people shall probably write a follow-up through her perspective. While ignoring the fact that it would clash with the first-person perspective, telling what happened to Dash would greatly lower the effectiveness of the ending. With what we're left with as a reader, we're given the opportunity to really experience hope, hope that Dash really is happy. I'll spare this comment of my personal opinion on what Dash could be experiencing to maintain the ending of the story. The bottom line is, because we are allowed to hope, we are given a layer of immersion that makes us sit and think, which in turn keeps the story in our minds for longer, ensuring it affects us to its fullest potential.
Thank you.
ReplyDelete@Chainlinc3
ReplyDeleteThat is very saddening thing to imagine...
@Jordan he should write that as a sequel!
ReplyDelete@Mattatatta
ReplyDeleteThis was very good to read, thank you very much Mattatatta.
What are the odds that a screwed up spell not only turned Dash into a small filly but also sent her to another world? Luckily there’s such a thing as willing suspension of disbelief. ;
ReplyDeleteMy first thoughts were that this would be a very, very weird Fic. After all this is a story about a brony guy who finds a lil’ Rainbow Dash and raises her as his daughter. Such a story couldn’t be good, right? Oh boy, I was wrong! Yes, I still think that the story is a bit weird, but it’s also a very well-written, hearting melting Masterpiece that deserves 5 stars.
The first scene with filly Dash and the human guy is incredible cute with a big “Awwwwww” factor. Who wouldn’t hug that little helpless rainbow pony? Then we see how their relation develops over the years as she grows. And then, one day, she has to go back in her own world…
Under the assumption that Twi didn’t erase anything, she now has memories of two lives in her head. She was raised in two worlds, has two different fathers and even two different origins of her cutie mark. Poor Dashie will have a hard time until she finds a way to deal with all this stuff.
You also did a great job with the nameless human main character. Sadly quite a few human characters in such stories are either bland character with now personality besides “Brony” or over –the-top emos with lives that are soooooooooo miserable and dull until they are saved by the ponies. This character, however, has a back story. We learn something about his parents, about his feelings of the slowly dying town and how he spent his days. . He’s a believable character.
If there’s one thing that I didn’t like, then it would be the general behavior of Dash. Rainbow Dash wants to show that she’s the best and fastest. Rainbow Dash sometimes acts like a jerk or do stupid things. In this story, however, she is very tame even as a grown-up. Sure there was this argument with her father after she watched the show for the first time. But it feels more like a puberty thing in general. But that’s only a small compliant.
@Mattatatta
ReplyDeleteI don't entirely agree. While I agree that ending the story the way he did was probably the best way he could have. I do not agree that continuing on from Dash's prospective would take away form the story. There is simply to much potential from Dash now having two histories, two sets of memories and two sets of learned behaviors competing for attention to simply leave alone. I mean there are learned behaviors like saying everyone instead of everypony or having cravings for preprocessed foods (the narrator is a self-admitted bad cook so they probably ate a lot of bachelor foods like ramen noodle soup or craft mac and cheese). The really interesting part however would be the conflicting histories, one where her parents were mostly absent or non-existent but she had some of the best friends one could ever ask for versus one where her father doted on her for her entire life but ahe had no friends.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CzTxR9YoIQ8
ReplyDeleteNo idea why, but the fic combined with this song made me cry for the first time in a few years.
Thanks bro :)
Re-read the story again at home.
ReplyDeleteI'm still prone to crying at the drop of a hat, 30 mins after the fact.
You owe me a new heart, this one's broken.
@Aeolus
ReplyDeleteReminds me of a line from a song:
"Reality is a lovely place, but I wouldn't want to live there."
@metapsionic
ReplyDeleteAs stated before, please forward all bills to my editor Peppermint Jam.
On another note, thank you for re-reading once again! I'm glad it's that good to you.
@Demose
ReplyDeleteI hardly meant that fans continuing from Dash's perspective would detract from this, the original story. I was referring to how the original story would have suffered if Dash's perspective after returning to Equestria was a part of it. That is a different story in itself, and so has little reason to be in the original story.
Whether the author of this story decides to write his own story from Dash's perspective or not is up to him. If he does, then it'll still be it's own story, and if people don't like it, then they don't have to be disappointed that the idea was even hinted at in the original story - that's pretty much what I was trying to convey in my other comment.
That said, I did not consider Dash learning to live with two sets of memories as a premise for a follow up. A follow up such as that would be it's own story, and could even stretch into a few chapters in the right hands. I'd read it.
What I was imagining at when I wrote my other comment were the 'epilogue' style follow-ups that would be pretty much super short one-shots, focused solely on returning, or the internal conflict over the thought of returning, to her Earth-father. Or even a short glimpse into the life of a Dash with no recollection of the original story, but the rest of the mane 6 having the memories of their appearance in the story (numerous possibilities with that concept).
Much longer tales, of length similar to this story - and beyond, is a whole different ballpark, and honestly, I'd probably find them very interesting compared to short 'epilogues'.
My point really is that the way the original story ends is perfect for itself. It gives the full emotional impact, and allows everyone who reads it to imagine their own extended endings - or not, if that's how they feel.
Also, capping of the reading of this fic by listening to this just seemed to fit incredibly well: PiercingSight - Magic (Harmony)
ReplyDelete@Dash547
ReplyDeleteHey Dash547, just curious, do you have a Deviant Art account? I'd love to add those three magnificent drawings to a specific favorites gallery I made. If not, I understand, but again I'm curious. Thanks!
Too good for tears.
ReplyDeleteI actually had a friend (non-brony) say that the times he shared with friends weren't worth the pain of losing them. I begged to differ, and tried to convince him.
That was last night, and today I think I will try to have him read this.
The story was beautiful. And I believe friendship, family, and the times we cherish to be beautiful as well.
My next song shall be inspired by this and the experience with my friend.
I have to say that I want you to keep writing stories like this. I came damn near to crying, this was just so beautifuly done. Thank you.
ReplyDelete@Mattatatta
ReplyDeleteOh, Yea. I totally see how that would feel like a slap in the face.
Never before has something so wonderful and said has earn manly tears.
ReplyDeleteMANLY TEARS MY FRIEND, MANLY FUCKING TEARS!!!
ReplyDeleteFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU THAT WAS TOO SAD BUT SO GOOD AT THE SAME TIME!!
ReplyDeleteThat's it,I'm printing this and carrying it around with me. This needs to be in textbooks.
ReplyDelete@dublio
ReplyDeleteImagine if someone did an animated version of this, with the most important, poignant, and emotionally potent scenes, set to "When she loved me".
I can't get past the first mental image of the narrator looking at Dashie in the box before the tears start. It'd be the most beautiful and heartbreaking little film ever made.
@ROBCakeran53
ReplyDeleteI thought of it in this light: in this world we must all be allowed to make our choices and bear the consequences, for that is The Test. Perhaps, because little Dashie was not from our world, intervention was allowed. A little nudge in her accidental magical journey put her in a place where a lonely man was walking on a bleak evening at just the right time to find her.
Third time reading it and it still brings tears to my eyes. Once again, thank you for posting this wonderful story.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely deserving of a star-6 rating, this is a great story. Just...wow.
ReplyDeleteMan...
ReplyDeleteI lost track of how many times i manly and actually teared to this fic ;/ it was so much undescribeable love in this fic was filled in.
ReplyDeleteI...Implore you Mr.Cakeran to make another one with another pony ;_;
Read the beginning again on a whim. Still getting choked up when he finds her in the box.
ReplyDeleteConfound these ponies, they drive me to feel emotions.
I'd read the rest of it, but that's just going to lead down a road I'd rather not walk right now. Dormmates are out, so I'd probably start bawling at some point. :S
>I set her into my jacket, wrap her up so that her head is sticking out, and hold her in my arm. She continues to squirm, but then my body heat begins to finally seep through the thin jacket and she settles down.
ReplyDelete-It's like getting a lost kitten.
>She squirms a little, trying to get into a more comfortable position.
>Then, to top it off, she rests her chin onto my arm and lets out a deep sigh, closing her eyes to drift off to sleep.
-It's really like adopting a cute ''kitten-filly hybrid'' RD. :)
>There was a trick to fixing it, but that died along with my father.
-When in doubt... kick it, as they say.
>I myself have come to enjoying them.
-Shouldn't it be : ''to enjoy them'' ?
>September the seventeenth...oddly enough, that's the very same date that the second season of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic aired last year.
-I blame 'Discord' ...and/or a trans-dimensional anomaly combined with Quantum Physics.
>I don't have much time to myself anymore.
-It's barely 25min per week(or several weeks sometimes) ?
>but she has come to enjoy Spongebob and Nascar too much for me to take that away from her.
-I can see Nascar/RD, but... Spongebob/RD ? Hidden seapony reference ?
>She broke the sound barrier, and created a sonic rainboom overhead.
-2hours later satellite-photos were transmitted to the FBI HQ ? (I mean, considering the one in the show, surely something somewhere picked on this ?)
>I haven't been on the internet in, what, three years now?
-It's... possible ?
>I consider her my daughter. Even though we are of a totally different species
-Bah. One once said :
« The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life.
- Richard Bach »
>I still can't believe I've had her for ten years now. My god, time goes so fast...
-Indeed... and the story is barely at the half-way point.
...wait a minute ? Only half-way... let me guess, the story ends with him dying (happily) of old age (and then RD finally returning home), isn't it ?
>She knows what she is, a made up cartoon character from a kids television show.
-I would have A LOT of things on that subject...
Parallel realities, dimensions, the Noosphere, 'she thinks then she Is' ; to name a few of the involved stuff. Fascinating things, really.
Technically and theoretically speaking... Her and her species/reality 'can' exist, somewhere. It's the transfer between both 'realities' that is more problematic (technologic/magic limitations).
>It had stopped at eight seasons, but still it was repeated.
-I'm sure quite a few people wish it last that long (while aging well, that is) ;).
>I've always loved you. I Still love you
-The <> thing is broken there. (small error)
>Most of the time it was simply "dad" or "pops".
-Pops ? ...wait, huh ? This originate from where ?
-----
@Nova25
ReplyDelete-----
>He cannot join you in our world much like how you cannot stay in his. This was all never meant to be
-Huhhh... Oh, I know : Objection !!
Really, the only reason RD has to go is because of her important role in their reality, the Elements of Harmony, her friends and family and etc... This guy, here, basicly has no important ties or responsibility to his world, no family left, and (as far as we know) no big friends.
Which mostly means that he can't go, because the Princess doesn't want a human to wander around in Equestria... which, when thinking about it, is definitely not a good enough reason.
But then again... story, etc, blablabla...
>"When I realized where you ended up, I expected the worst. I figured you to be ruined, tainted and tarnished from this world's cruelty.
-Well, thaaaaaank youuuu ? And a *Boot to the Head* to you too Princess Bighead.
>You raised her as your daughter, which only makes this entire ordeal so much worse."
-Ponification, then ? I see no magical laws that could prevent this ?
(yeah, yeah... story... *grumble*)
-----
>Pictures that once held images of me and Dashie
>Many of the random personal items of hers
>To make sure nothing happened between worlds, Celestia must have removed any existence of Dashie ever being here.
-Sorry, but... that reason is a bit stupid (politely said) ?
By the universe !... How can ANYTHING could happen because of a few photos with pony(ies) in them ? I can photoshop one in less than 10min, if I want to ? And, the Nascar poster and random objects ? I mean, seriously ?
It's not just stupid; It's cruel and completely unnecessary, from her to do this.
>I recognized it; it was my photo album.
-She left the photo album... but removed EVERY single OTHER things even vaguely remotely related to RD (like a car poster, a bed, *insert random human toy #42*, etc...)?
...yep. It's dumb-Celestia's day.
-----
Well... it's the end now ? Enough have already been said, so... It was a great (meta)story (I think it's the term), the idea was there and original, it was good and well done, and things kept you wondering until the end... but, the 'weird unnecessary and stupid/cruel' action of Celestia at the end, kinda hit (a bit) the 'good feelings' for the story, that had been built up until that point.
@ROBCakeran53
ReplyDeleteYour modesty is appreciated, but don't sell yourself short over what you've created here. Many stories can pack in emotion, but without a connection to the audience it falls flat. What you've done here is tapped into something probably everyone here can relate to or imagine themselves in the shoes of the man in the story, and that's where our hearts connect with his joy and sadness.
Furthermore, you did it all in such a way that the characters and events themselves were entirely believable. I can't tell you how many stories I've read on this site where the character acted or behaved in a way that didn't feel in tune with their true character or the situation, and it disappointed me. Here though, I feel that you perfectly captured their essence, and satisfactorily answered the question of "What would happen if I had my own Rainbow Dash".
When I first saw the comic I knew someone would make a story about it. What I never imagined was that it would be probably the saddest/happiest works of literature I've read, hands down. The lack of in depth details over the years lets us fill in the gaps with our own imagination of their time together, and I believe making it a short story vs a series maximized it's potential.
Thank you again for such a beautiful story, and kudos =)
Suppose this black pit of a kingdom of yours is the only world. Well, it strikes me as a pretty poor one. And that's a funny thing, when you come to think of it. We're just babies making up a game, if you're right. But Bronies playing a game can make a play-world which licks your real world hollow. That's why I'm going to stand by the play world. I'm on Celestia's side even if there isn't any Celestia to lead it. I'm going to live as like a Equestrian as I can even if there isn't any Equestria.
ReplyDeleteA Brony version of a quote from C. S. Lewis
I am never leaving this fandom. Even when i'm old and near death. I will remember times like these and feel the happiness and sadness all over again. But I will never, not once forget these beautiful pastel ponies I've let into my heart for eternity. An excellent read my brony. Thank you. (Thank Celestia these ponies won't be going anywhere anytime soon.)
@ROBCakeran53
ReplyDeleteI don't have a Deviant Art account, but feel free to upload them on yours if you want.
On another note, I think i'll just leave this here. Made me tear up all over again.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJVn0hpBVuE&feature=related
I must say, this was wonderful to read, and difficult. It takes a lot to get me to show any emotion whatsoever-I'm usually the stoic rock at funerals, providing support for others, but otherwise not showing any outward emotion, no matter what's going on inside of me-and this...this had me curled up on my bed for a solid 10 minutes, sobbing. I tip my hat to you.
ReplyDelete_sudo
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteI understand where you are coming from with the Celestia bit... though I could have done it better, the point was to almost "restore" the world back before RD was there. Granted, she did absolutely nothing, but how does Celestia know that? She doesn't, and doesn't want anything to happen to the man after their departure. So the best, and safest, thing to do is remove any trace she had existed.
But... she let him keep her memories, AND Dashie arranges him to keep the photo album, which he will most likely never allow into other hands. You see, the man is now going to live his life, he may find a woman, fall in love, and have kids of his own. Having all those things that hinted to Dashie would be hard to hid, granted a photo album itself may be a task, but it's better than a shit ton of random stuff and pictures of a blue pony.
You bring up some good points, and what I have stated above are my own. You, and anyone else, can view it however you want. That's just my two cents.
@flyingdash2
ReplyDeleteThank you, all that means so much to me. Sorry I'm so modest, I just hate it when stuff like this gets to peoples' (myself included) heads.
@Fire Flash
ReplyDeleteVery touching, thank you so very much for sharing. I feel very strongly how you do.
@Dash547
ReplyDeleteI'd hate to upload them, cause people will then go "OMG YOU Made this?" cause, hell, most people don't read descriptions below the deviation. I will figure out a way to simply link the urls... though I have to say, I STILL CANNOT look at that bath scene and my eyes not water.
Beautiful story. I really don't remember the feeling of tears streaming down my face, but...damn. *brohoof*
ReplyDelete*Sniff* Such a beautiful work. So connected to our daily lives, and so powerful. How precious love and family is, and how it can extend beyond our lives. Dash truly had a great father, and hopefully, she'll remember him for the rest of her life. Maybe just before they die, they'll meet again... *Sniff* This had me in tears at the ending - especially the letter from Dash. The only thing in recent date that caused me to cry the same amount and give the same moral insight was this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7MFHZDlXW4).
ReplyDeleteGoing by that, this is one of the best MLP fan-fictions I read - nay, one of the best fan-fictions regardless of fandom I ever read! Your (and your proofreaders') hard work paid off, and now we'll all be hopefully better in our daily lives. More appreciative of what goes on and be a better human. And maybe even take steps to improve the world. That's the beauty of being human and worth living for - the ability to feel compassion, empathy, and growth. What will happen next will truly be in our hearts and minds to decide.
*sniff* As always, live long and stay strong! May we all stop and think for a moment to show appreciation for life. I can't thank you enough for showing that to me once more. You gave me more moral insight into the world, and I heavily applaud you for that. Be well ROBCakeran53.
Sincerely,
Delvarian
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteThe other important reason she has to go is that this is a world that isn't safe for her. In that at least Celestia is right. Dashie lucked out on finding a carer that would go not just that extra mile for her but devote his whole life to it. At best in many cases she'd be dead at the age she was or locked up in a zoo and that's the better results. We know how cruel this world and the people in it can be. Dash one the lottery in this tale.
At first I was like :
ReplyDelete/)^3^(\
Moar stories!
But then I was like :
T.T
(no comment)
my heart
ReplyDeleteit hurts
I regret reading this, yet, at the same time, I don't regret reading this.
ReplyDeleteI can't actually see my laptop screen too good right now. Too many damn tears in the way.
Now I want my own little pony...
Glad to see this got 6 stars. It definitely deserves it.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ioa9VaC8b_M
ReplyDeleteI just came accross this song. When I heard it all I could see was dash sitting on a cloud stairing at the sky lost in memory.
Lyrics:
The winter's gone
The spring's here
We chose to...fight...
Although the darkness drowned the light,
Love wouldn't die
Raise up your eyes and see,
The future
The suffering, eventually
Will cease to be
Lift up your hands and receive
The sky...
Blue Skies will shield our eyes
Blue Skies will never die
First fic that made me cry (exept for cupcakes..)
ReplyDelete@ROBCakeran53 Heh, and now I have this idea of the narrator getting married and having children, like you said, and then one day the new family gets a knock on the door. One of the kids answers, and there's Dashie. "Who are you?!?"
ReplyDelete"This is gonna be REALLLLY hard to explain, but... I'm kind of your older sister."
I don't think this deserves six stars. Not at all. It deserves even more. I cannot thank you enough for reading this, and feel useless because i cannot do more than just give it a "5-star" rating. Over time, i've been taught that no matter how perfect it is, it can't be ideal. It will always have one little flaw that if solved will create another two. But for me, you have created the ideal fanfic. I died slowly while reading this. Each word i've read made me die a little. But surprisingly in a good way. If i cried? Yes. I think that any story that pull my emotional strings so far to making me cry deserves instantly five stars. The weight that fell over my chest when i read the last line was painful enough to leave a crater on it's wake. Not because it was sad, but because i realized i had finished it. Because i realized it had ended. Because again i was back to the real, cruel world. The same world i pictured in my mind at the first part of the story, without any Dashie. Just the dying society we all live in.
ReplyDelete@ROBCakeran53
ReplyDeleteOkay, that suits me. Reading your story has actually given me ideas for a few more scenes I'd like to try illustrating.
I am STRONGLY considering having my own stories deleted out of pure shame.
ReplyDeleteFirst time ive cried this much in years. also, a quote this story really reminded me of:
ReplyDelete"Don't cry because its over, smile because it happened"
-Dr.Seuss
Manly tears, hell, I cried like a little girl!!
ReplyDeleteSo many have said the ending was sad, (ok, it was sad!) but what I felt was
Hope.
Thank you for a wonderful story!!
@artrcland
ReplyDelete"MANLY tears, cried like a GIRL"
BITCH BE TROLLIN
@Dash547
ReplyDeleteI absolutely LOVE that idea; you should make a DA account so that you can post them.
@SuperGiantRobot
Now now... don't go doing that cause then I'll feel bad. I don't want people feeling like their stories are crap compared to mine. That almost makes me regret writing this.
@Favo
Thanks for those words, that means so much to hear!
@Everypony else
And I've been trying to see all the songs that people link to about this fic, and last night before work I was listening to some of my LP's when I got to my "Jim Croce" album... then this song came on. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fyTfbtZeGeU enjoy!
@Ardashir
ReplyDeleteWrite it. It seems to me like that would be the comedy/sad story where they get to see each other again for a short amount of time. They laugh, they cry, they remember. And Dashie gets to meet her extended family.
This is why I love this community and the show.
ReplyDeleteI have seen so many sad animes and tv shows but none of them were able to produce the manly tears that have been shed by both the show and fics like this.
Bravo brony, bravo!
@DrahcirAloer It sure would. "I bet you never knew you had a totally awesome pegasus sister, huh?"
ReplyDelete"I admit, it seemed unlikely!"
I'm just going to leave this here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wuvtoyVi7vY
ReplyDeleteI didn't cry but the end reminded me of that song.
Then the dam broke.
@Ardashir
ReplyDeleteI could see his family finding the photo album and all his pictures of Dashie and asking for an explanation, and then all of a sudden Dashie shows up to explain it herself.
It...it has been a while since I have read anything that legitimately made me cry you author are an amazing writer you have made this cold person shed a tear
ReplyDeleteThis story makes me cry... for the fine art of writing. The pictures that inspired it are some of the most adorable ever, but should never have been turned into the premise of a story. As a baseline it's so far outside canon it might as well not even be Rainbow Dash. It could be Nermal from Garfield and it would change almost nothing. And how horribly executed! It hops between past and present tense enough to give you a seizure. The fact that the protagonist was set up as wanting a Rainbow Dash just makes it all the worse. Wish granted! Barf. Horrible pretense. I don't much like commenting on something I haven't finished, but I can't! Four pages in, twenty-five to go? I can't. It's just too painful.
ReplyDelete@Unknown
ReplyDeleteObvious troll is obvious.
@Unknown
ReplyDeleteWell, for the record the reason of being outside canon (though I do try to have some parts) is cause simply she is re-growing up. The tensing switching is due to how the guy is talking, at first explaining what happened then leading up to current time, and about him wanting RD and it being a "horrible pretense" is your opinion, so I can't say anything on the matter.
However, if you find it that painful then, as you said, don't read it. Sorry I have scarred you for life, but what part of the internet hasn't to any of us? Thanks for your honesty.
@dublio
ReplyDeleteWow, I'm about to write that EXACT THING.
Oh, and here's my personal pick for music to listen to during the ending: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AM4swR2NT1g
@Jordan
ReplyDeletelol, everyone is having the same ideas as me. Except I was thinking a son.
I want nothing more in my life than to share an emotional experience like this with someone.
ReplyDeleteUntil then, i'll just keep on fighting.
I don't know who
I don't know what
I don't know WHY
all i know is that, if we don't fight, this world we live in will destroy us.
All i know is, I'm Fighting for myself.
I want nothing more in my life than someone else to fight for.
Someone needs to write a happy, or at least slightly less sad, continuation. I would, but I am not a writer. I have ideas, but the words to describe them elude me. Nevertheless, I want to see a continuation. Please?
ReplyDelete@SirPeppermintJam Thank you so much for the editing on this awesome story.
ReplyDeleteIf I was able to draw and do animation I would be busting my ass atm to animate this story, as sad the ending was this would make a good animated show
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading this I have counted a jolly good 7 tears.(I haven't a clue to how tears are jolly good)
ReplyDeleteGetting to the point, I now feel that I am emotionally satisfied for the night, and also want to ask god to give reality a lunch break for a change, so we could say hi to somepony or other in some physical, mental, extraterrestrial or mystical sense (I'm going for physical). As for the writing, I can confidently say this story would cater very well for you bronies and pegasisters that fancy a good tear-jerker. Though i'm more of a person who like stories that challenges one's morals, revolves around many characters, and include a good dose of grimdark, adventure and mystery and maybe also some odd logic in one's mind. This story however has further made my preference more complex, which is rather unfortunate if you ask me.
The thought of young Dashie disguised as a dog amuses me greatly.
ReplyDeletehttp://dl.dropbox.com/u/18463366/dashie4.png
@Dash547 For some reason that bit of linked art reminds me of an old Wizard of Id comic in which the Spook (the crazy hairy guy who's been in the dungeon so long no one remembers who he is) escapes and hides by pretending be a dog.
ReplyDeletePoor Dashie! Can you imagine what sort of conversations her "dad" would have to engage in to cover things up? "Her breed? Oh, yes, her breed! She's, ahhh, a rare Miniature Blue Tibetan Mastiff! Very rare!" Seriously, it'd be like something out of "Mister Ed".
I read this story during a class (programming, and my favorite moment for pony fanfics).
ReplyDelete300+ people in the room, and the emotions were too much. A few tears and a max rating later I know that I won't forget this story for a long time (maybe ever).
Thank you for writing this.
And another wip.
ReplyDeletehttp://dl.dropbox.com/u/18463366/dashie5.png
@DrahcirAloer
ReplyDeleteIt wouldn't work. Having a continuation written would make it set in stone and your mind would be set on it, whether or not it's considered "fictional" to this already fictional story.
What he's done here is sorta leave it hanging kinda, so it leaves a bigger impact on you.
Could you imagine what the story would be like if Celestia said "well I have a Portal gun, I'll just shoot a blue in your wall and an orange on Dashie's so you two can still live together"? Everything would be fine and dandy, you'd stop worrying about it and you'd go off to get a Pepsi and forget about the story.
Having it so openly resolved here leaves so much room for you to believe what you want to believe, come up with all sorts of possibilities of what happened after, but there can only be one possibility that your heart would truly believe in, and I'd assume it's unique for everyone.
So my opinion, if you think whatever happened differently, you could write it yourself. At the end of the day your mind's made up the rest of the universe, you automatically fill in the blanks just because your gut instinct either wishes to believe something happened or you believe what you think realistically happened.
Take it for what it is and enjoy it :)
at the end of this my face was covered in tears, but i had a slight smile on my face. If someone saw me it would have been a sight to see
ReplyDelete@Dash547
ReplyDeleteDash, what you are doing to my heart is not good for me, bro. Like, seriously... You really need to get a DA account, even if it's just to post those, because others need to see these.
Congratulations, you are the first person to bring me to tears for fan work... again...
@Emil Jehan Shamsuddin
Thanks for explaining that again, so I wouldn't have to lol.
@Inivicient and rockerman100
Thank you guys, means so much.
@Ardashir
ReplyDeleteLOOOOOOOOOOL!
I remember that show... ah, the lulz that were had.
@Dash547
ReplyDeleteMy God, you're not making this story any easier to digest are you
This was so sad It hurt my soul. This touched me so deeply I don't think I will ever be the same.
ReplyDeleteHey guys, has anyone noticed that this bears an uncanny resemblance to Monsters, Inc.? Except that isn't nearly as heart-wrenching as this considering Boo was only with Sulley and Mike for a couple days(?) and the ending wrapped things up nice and neatly
ReplyDeleteThat was the most touching piece of writing I have ever read.
ReplyDelete@Emil Jehan Shamsuddin
ReplyDeleteLike I said in an earlier post I don't agree. While going back to see the man would be a slap in the face for all emotional investment we put in the story, there is simply too much story potential in Rainbow Dash's internal conflict over conflicting memories and life lessons. A good example of this would be on the subject of food or more specifically meat as food.
Before I go any further I need to ask you to bare with me. I am not suggesting cannibalism or any such grimdark subject. What I am saying is that Equestrain ponies are omnivores at least as far as they could digest animal proteins. This has been demonstrated in the show through their consumption of eggs and dairy products. Their vegetarianism is there for probably sociological stemming from living in world teeming with other sentient/ semi-sentient species, the consumption of whose flesh would be cannibalism.
(continued...)
(continued)
ReplyDeleteMy point being that Rainbow would have conflicting thoughts on the subject. On one hoof her Equestrain memories telling her that the consumption of meat is a terrible thing, on the other hoof her earth memories that it is normal, even something she might have done.
I want to head something off, I am not saying that the man was thoughtless or heartless or anything he probably tried to change his diet after Dashie arrived but at least in the U.S. it is really hard to live a purely vegetarian diet when your poor and can't cook. That isn't even mentioning old habits being hard to break or Dashie being exposed to cooking shows and advertising for foodstuffs on TV.
That is only one of many possible mental disparities I could think of, and those kinds conflicts are much too interesting to pass up. I just wish I had the time and talent to write something.
@Demose
ReplyDeleteThat is a very interesting view point; one I hadn't even thought much into besides she being a vegetarian. I would love to see how someone tackles this, but I guess we'll have to wait.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete@ROBCakeran53
ReplyDeleteYea, I probably put to much thought in to that. That being said it is still a fascinating concept. As for someone tackling the concept, I'd like to see it too.
@ROBCakeran53 Now I'm imagining Dashie and her dad seeing a few episodes of the old show and Dashie complaining, "Hey, dad, you said there were no other talking horses on Earth. What about him?"
ReplyDelete"Dear, that's a TV show. It's not real!"
"Like how I'm not real?"
"..."
@Ardashir
ReplyDeleteOh god... I could see that scene playing out either funny or horribly tragic/sad...
I'll just say..........
ReplyDeleteBeautiful, wonderful, I loved it, Thanks for sharing and thanks to the writer. I need a little color sometimes... And this was wonderful.
This story put a severe dent in my iron heart that hate relationship-based stories and never cries for tragedies.
ReplyDeleteI didn't cry, but I came close. DAMN close.
Great fic, man. Just... awesome.
Although, if I had been in his position, I would have slammed the door in the others' face and bolted with Dash before I let them take her away from me like that.
Feels like i fisihed Max Payne 2 again.
ReplyDelete