[Normal] [Shipping]
Author: N.K.
Description: After the Grand Galloping Gala, Soarin' finds a crying mare while on cleanup duty after her performance was ruined by an estranged sister. What's a gentlecolt to do but try and cheer her up?
Loosening Up
Additional Tags: After-Gala, Soarin', Octavia, Inky Pie, Comfort
40 comments:
Wow, never seen this shipping pair before. 0:
*goes to read*
What an odd pairing, but now i'm curious...
@supervanman64
They were in the same episode: I'm fairly certain there have been pairings based on far less.
OMG an unheard of ship between 2 named and fandom major characters?
*Reading*
Oh cool, an Octavia/Soarin fic!
Tags: Inky Pie
What the applebucking hay is this?
@CoffeeGrunt
Some people theorize that Octavia is one of Pinkie Pie's sisters. Hence tag. Also, reading this 'cos the premise sounds interesting.
Author here. If Google docs isn't working, the DA is here: http://stinger-vxr42.deviantart.com/#/d47wcm6
Also a link to the artist who did the title artwork for me, give her love: http://enigmaticfrustration.deviantart.com/#/d489t8y
And yes, this story is based on the idea that Octavia is Pinkie's sister. Sorry if that irritates anyone. ^^;
@Nyoko
But why Inky Pie?
I'll have to give this a look, just to be sure. I love Octy's fansona.
@ToonNinja Never said anything about that. Only that I've never seen it before.
Anywho, that ending makes me think sequel. Especially since AJ seems kinda jealous. >.>
It was very cute! Never would have thought of that as a pairing, but I certainly don't mind it!
Nicely done, Author O:
ok I agree it's Pinkie Pie's sister....we'll find out soon in season2 if that's true, and I would love to see Octavia atleast once in any one of episodes with classy voice!
@CoffeeGrunt
Inky, Blinky, and Clyde were the names that the animators or someone gave Pinkie Pie's family in CMC, after the Pac-Man ghosts (Pinky being the last of the four ghosts, of course).
Inky fit the darker colored one.
@CoffeeGrunt
Because of the Pac-man ghosts, Inky, Blinky, Pinky and Clyde. For some reason, they seem to call Pinky's mother Sue too, not sure where that one is from.
As for the story... reference ALL the fan theories!
It's pretty good, and I like the end.
I hope the creators got the hint about Octavia, that would be awesome.
Roll call!
Who else read it, because of awesome image?
The story seemed a little rushed. Pinkie and Octavia seemed to reunite without too much of a hitch. Speaking as someone who's dealt with estranged family before, it's hardly realistic. That, and the shipping didn't come off as a natural relationship.
Unlikely pair, then again, this coming from the guy who shipped Gummy and Gilda.
I'll read this when I have a chance, Currently finishing a fic of mine.
I really liked this; it was funny and rather charming, in a slightly manic way. And the last line just made me giggle. Good job!
I loved the ending line, but mostly because I'm a sucker for cute quotes like that. However, with that being said, I have to agree with a lot of the folks here. The relationship seemed a bit rushed and unnatural. Not only that, but the family reunion was far too mellow and went far too smoothly, especially given the build up.
It could use some work, but the premise is positively darling. I give you a 7/10 for your efforts.
Have we ever had an Octavia shipping? I think not. And it was on time.
I enjoyed that. Short and simple, and met the premise well. Pinkie wasn't so much 'estranged' from the family, she just honestly didn't recognize her sister all dolled up for the performance, so the 'rush' of them meeting didn't seem off to me.
The mild shipping was cute, though perhaps Octavia was a little quick, but then we don't know anything canon about her.
And it sounds like Applejack's jealous. =D
Author here again. Many thanks to all of you who are commenting and reviewing - It's always good to get such good feedback.
Looking back over it, I think you're probably right about the rushed family meet-up. I guess I could argue a variation of reasons but it mostly bubbles down to me not wanting to write too much anguish and sorrow for Octavia when this was meant to be a short story with a happy ending after so many Octavia stories on the site seem to be depressing ones.
However, your comments are taken to heart, and for my next project (which will be a sort of sequel - a re-boot of my first story on this site, an AJ/Soarin' ship) I'll make sure to take my time with the relations a little more.
That said, I'm pleased to see it getting mostly positive feedback. As before though, any credit and love you can give the artist is much appreciated - as it was the sketch of that picture that made me want to start writing the story in the first place. She finished it when I showed her the story. :)
This sounds cute. Might read.
Oof, nice idea, but awful execution. Did you read it over and run it through an edit/rewrite phrase?
For instance, look at the very first sentence:
"There was a warm smile on the Princess’ face that seemed to calm even the most hysterical of the partygoers as they tried to calm their nerves."
It may not seem that way, but it comes across (to me, at least) that you're saying the same thing twice. Now compare it to:
"The warm smile on the Princess' face helped soothe the frazzled nerves of even the most hysterical partygoers."
@Thraxen, Sue is from Ms. Pac-Man, where she replaced Clyde.
@Thraxen
Sue actually comes from Ms. PacMan
This actually could be pretty nice shipp, lets see.
I liked this one a lot :D
It made me smile rather than the usual being reduced to tears, props!
Cute story and brilliant premise, just needs a bit of revision for some of the weaker sentence.
I could've sworn that Blinky was the one with the same coloration as Octavia. Nice twist, though. It was a good story, with a different pair, which EQD needs more of.
Not your usual ship, and very well done.
Suave Soarin' is best pony
I found Octavia's rapid trust of Soarin' a bit tough to swallow.
On the matter of RD's rebuttal to Caramel--while the rebuttal itself seemed to be true to her character, I don't get how Soarin' would connect her defense of him as serious devotion or dedication to joining the Wonderbolts.
I think I'll give it a 3/5
Also, I felt like doing a bit of editing:
"Princess'" should be "Princess's."
If it was both Princesses smiling, then it would be "Princess.'"
"with hope of getting a slice"
Should be "with the hope of getting a slice." In the first quotation "hope" is an adjective, describing the way in which Soarin' flung himself forward, but I believe you meant to use it as a noun.
"The pink terror that had ruined the orchestra though had sent it flying."
This sounds like Pinkie Pie threw the orchestra, change "it" to "the cake" and you'll be fine.
"she gave him a cuff round the head with her hoof"
"Cuff" can be used to indicate hitting, but it has to be a verb, here it's become a noun. Something like "She cuffed him round the head" would solve the issue.
Ellipses are three SPACED periods.
"The blue Pegasus stallion grinned broadly at her, simply sitting before him with a look of confidence on his face." I believe you mean "before her" here.
"new-found"
Common usage is "newfound."
"given her almost five years extra"
"Five extra years" makes more sense.
"now she was beginning to sigh and concede defeat, she looked a lot younger"
Is the comma mean to be an em-dash?
Or is the sentence meant to be, "Now that she was beginning to sigh and concede defeat she looked a lot younger"?
"I bet you there I can get you there before your sister and her friends get there tonight"
Try for only one "there" in the sentence.
"they performed, there was too much"
You can drop the comma.
"and that made his plunges all the more spectacular for the speeds he could attain." This part doesn't match up with the part before the parentheses. You should drop "and that" and make "plunges" and "speeds" singular. Otherwise remove "and carrying Octavia" as well as the following words in parentheses.
"wind whipping past her more and more and beginning to dig into her collar."
I think you mean that the collar was digging into her throat.
"Wingmare."
Spitfire said "wingmate," so why the switch to sex as a suffix? Or is it a typo?
"eagerly trotting after her purple tail and mane"
This part of the sentence make it sound like they're chasing after Rainbow Dash's "purple tail and mane." Change "her" to "Rarity" and it'll be fine.
"the other ponies there and it was all Soarin’, Octavia and the others could do"
So who are the "other ponies" and who are the "others"?
"seeing her sister again for so long"
Do you mean "seeing her sister again after so long"? Otherwise it means PP and Inky are going to be staying together for a long time.
That punchline
Love it! Left me wanting more~
That was pretty cute; nicely done!
I enjoyed this (been a good while since I've seen an "Octavia is Pinkie's sister" story), but it seemed a little rushed in places and in all honestly it didn't even seem like what was happening was shipping.
Very well done! You kept all the ponies in character and still kept the shipping light and enjoyable. Five stars from me!
Whathafuq? No part 2? COMPLETE? C'mon, man, we need more! :(
Bahaha! That very last line finally got me. I find I rather like this one!
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