Author: Mrakoplaz
Our First Steps: Part 1
Description: In a secluded desert on the frontiers of Equestria, an eccentric genius works to bring the stars within reach of everypony; But can smiths and metalworkers who never made anything more difficult than ploughs or golden trinkets really make the dream a reality? Or has inspiration arrived a hundred years too early?
Our First Steps: Part 2
Our First Steps: Part 3
Our First Steps: Part 4
Our First Steps: Part 5
Our First Steps: Part 6
Our First Steps: Part 7
Our First Steps: Part 8
Our First Steps: Part 9
Our First Steps: Part 10
Our First Steps: Part 11
Our First Steps: Part 12
Our First Steps: Part 13
Our First Steps: Part 14
Our First Steps: Epilogue (New!)
Additional Tags: Rockets, Explosions, The Right Stuff
Yay (6 Star) Sci Fi! That's a first!
310 comments:
@Mrakoplaz
ReplyDeleteNo worries, your in-story explanation makes sense, especially if you look how the team was coming up with new ideas even during pre-flight meeting.
I pointed it out not because there's something wrong with the story, but as a tribute to the extreme level of detail you put into your work. We all learn something new everyday. :)
@Shantara: Thanks! Like I said, I certainly appreciate the feedback :)
ReplyDeleteAlso glad some of the symbolism I'm messing about with is visible. The trouble with those kind of things is, there's always such a thin line between being invisible, and being utterly ham-handed.
Heh, back when writing chapter 1, it was hard enough for me to just have the scenes make sense, and 'symbolism' was just something completely off the table. But now, adding these subtexts is actually kinda fun!
Proof enough this isn't a COMPLETE waste of time ^_^
@Mrakoplaz Twilight is planning 'inflatable technology'? *gasp!* Twilight is the Equestriaverse version of Dr. Schlock from "Sluggy Freelance"!
ReplyDelete*Note: if you don't know what "Sluggy" is, do not begin reading until you have a week with nothing to do. It will take you the entire time to get through the archive, and once you get hooked you won't be able to stop. I know.... I know all too well...
@Mrakoplaz "While Twilight still stared at them wordlessly, Wilhelmina just sighed. „Great. Just great. What else could possibly go wrong today?“"
ReplyDeleteNOOOOO!!! DON'T SAY TH- *KA-BOOM!!! Rocket spontaneously asplodes from the power of one of the Rhetorical Questions of Doom* YOU FOOLS!! YOU BLEW IT UP!!
@Mrakoplaz *is in awe* This gets infinite stars after this chapter. The space fireflies and giant space dragon were awesome touches, reminders of the strange universe the ponies live in, where so many impossible things can exist.
ReplyDeleteAnd as to the end of the chapter: Here am I floating in my tincan, far above the world. Equestria is blue and there's nothing I can do.
"Ground control to Cherry Skies, your circuit's bad, there's something wrong. Can you hear me Cherry Skies? Can you hear me Cherry Skies?"
Ah damn, it made me teary-eyed.
This story... deserves publication, and a friggin' movie. It creates the pictures of this technomagical society perfectly. It has the feel of reality to it, that it could and should exist somewhere, the sense one gets from only the greatest of the fictional masterpieces, such as Lord of the Rings, where not only do the characters feel alive, but also the world they live in and interact with.
If the old fantasy is true that our fictional worlds gain existence when given careful consideration and detail, then certainly if this story has not brought Equestria to life, nothing will!
I am so glad I waited until this update to post my praise.
ReplyDeleteAs you are no doubt aware, you are one of the best people ever.
So on to this:
I almost wept tears of awesome twice during this. Once at "Today, Cherry, you are the princess of the night!" and once at the anticipation of reading what Cherry sees as she first looks out the window.
Also, someone should really tell Twilight that inflatable EVA platforms are really not a good idea. She could get somepony stuck out there when the pressures equalize. My mind at that point was "NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE"
And when I was reading the description of the reflective light specks out of the window, I was immediately reminded of Glenn's fireflies... and then Cherry calls them fireflies. So much gratification right there.
Eeyup, astro engineering major here. Your story is exactly the reason I am here doing this. Getting this was such a treat. I only wish I had been able to experience a Saturn launching. Agh, the awesome.
and Alondro is right up there. This definitely deserves publication.
I love this. That's all.
ReplyDeleteBeen so long it feels like...
ReplyDeleteI'm about to jump into the latest chapter!
Aw yeah!
Sorry for not replying earlier, but I literally didn't know what to say. Your feedback here just leaves me wordless, and is a major reason for me actually extending the story for so long, and putting so much effort into it.
ReplyDeleteBasically, THANKS! ^_^
Anyway, the ending is progressing, but slowly. Real life is REALLY kicking up now (drawing closer and closer to end of school year), and I've had to take a short break after writing so much for the last chapter. So yeah, it's still going to take a couple of weeks. Hopefully, it will all be worth it in the end!
...
(unlike Mass Effect 3's ending. seriously. WHAT THE BUCK WAS THAT. needless to say, having experienced such a disappointment, I'm now going to try twice as hard for this chapter, just so you guys don't end up feeling the same way I did when I watched THAT thing. I mean, wow.)
Well, I look forward to it. I'm gonna finish up the chapter tonight probably. I can't wait to read the grand finale! I trust that if your story has been amazing as it has been so far, that you will have the skills to give us a wonderful ending.
ReplyDeleteI've never played Mass Effect. I'm more of a Fallout, Skyrim, Chrono Trigger, Skies of Arcadia, Zelda player. I imagine I could like it, but I have too much on my plate to start something new.
Instead, I will patiently wait for new chapter.
In Soviet Equestria, author bring end of story only when the soviet ponies say it come! LOL!
I love the touch of different cultures mixed together in this story. I know it's been said before, but it truly feels like the Russian Cosmonauts and the American Astronauts came together in this story... but PONIES!!! I have to admit, I love the name Zvezda. I happen to have a few Russian items among my collection of possessions. Outside of my small collection of Russian made calculators from the 1970s and 80s, I also have a model set of miniature plastic persian warriors made by a toy company called Zvezda. I just found that to be interesting. :)
@richfiles I think I just nerdgasmed from that monologue, I personally love old computers and am working on getting the components to create my own 1 MB magnetic core memory board.
ReplyDelete@Mrakoplaz Just read chapter 13 (missed the update, derp) and I must say that as is par for your course, it is extremely well written. I see you have a great understanding of electrical physics (I'm going to say the induced charge was pointing towards the rocket) and I'm actually reading it in between study sessions for my own Physics final. Thank you once again for writing this. Happy flights.
@richfiles: Yeah, I didn't want just another re-hash of the American Moonshot. Still, I'm pretty happy I actually managed to succeed at that ^_^
ReplyDeleteAnd Mass Effect is the perfect example of a 100 hours of perfection ruined by the last five minutes of a horrible ending (it's actually so bad, even saying "It was all a dream LOL" would be better). So, unless they patch in a better conclusion, I'd steer far away from it.
@Bpendragon: Homemade computers are the best. I've designed my own 8-bit one too, out of basic CMOS logic plus some flash memory chips, but it's taking a long while to actually make. I'm pretty bad at soldering...
@Mrakoplaz
ReplyDeleteSo I've heard people complain about ME3! I work at a GameStop as my side job! LOL!!! I still haven't had the time to read the latest chapter, but I may do that today yet. I am getting antsy to read it!!! I only have to get "Near Death Experience" out of the way (it's a short chapter), and then OFS is my next in line! yay!
@Bpendragon
I built a functioning accumulator and a 256 bit (32x8 bits) ROM in Little Big Planet 2. I also have a small collection of robots that use simple "nerve" like pattern generators to create walking gaits (all are legged robots... wheel's don't catch my interest as much a legs). Your core memory project sounds awesome! I have plans, after I move and get resettled, to built a tube based calculator out of rotary phone dials and neon lamps. I actually acquired 6 Nixie/Decade Ring Counter boards from an old ANITA MK-8. I've been studying their circuitry, and actually managed to track down a schematic from another collector online. I also found a book from the late 50s or early 60s that has a project that uses neon lamps and a single telephone to build a similar project. I've adapted it to use multiple mini rotary dials from a set of 6 trim-line phones to trigger the counting pulses of the ANITA boards. I'll basically be building a simple adding machine out of the vintage parts. I hope to build the enclosure to look like something that might have been a piece of military equipment back in the 50s. Olive drab green. I have a whole box of "military" connectors, as my old employer always called them. I would LOVE to use a pair of those just for the aesthetic. I might go ahead and make the dial pad separate from the display and "brains" unit, just as an excuse to use one of those! LOL!
I also want to build a Thyratron clock (using Neon lamps, since they are relatively cheap, and can still be purchased in bulk). You basically build ring counters that divide the 60 Hz AC put out by the wall into lower and lower cycles, and then you use appropriate ring counters stepped by the appropriate divided cycles to represent your time. If you cheat and use transistors, or if you buy REAL thyratrons for your end stage, you can also use the circuit to drive Nixie tubes. Then you REALLY end up with a masterpiece of a clock! I've seen one on youtube built behind Plexiglass. Now THAT is a work of art! Every neon lamp acts as both logic and indicator, so the clock is in a constant dance of light, faster the closer you get to the power source.
There is a part of me that would love to build the coffee can computer. I'd go ahead and use transistors, and make it functionally similar to Iowa's 1939 ABC, but the coffee can computer was actually a project put together as a project book. There were no valves or transistors. It was a proof of concept that let you build a binary computer out of screws and paperclips and a coffee can. Lights would indicate which switches (if you could afford them LOL) or paperclips you would toggle. You actually BECAME the switching portion of the computer's logic. It was ridiculously simple, but it really did instruct you on how to build an accumulator, and a variety of other computer components out of JUNK!!! The book was intended that a KID could do it in the 50s or 60s.
I think I got both books as PDF files.
I love vintage tech! It's just so open in how it works. You can actually figure it out!
Now if only I could find an HP 9100, a Wang LOCI II, a Wang 700, and an ANITA MK-8 that's INTACT to add to my collection! Then I'D have a nerdgasm! LOL!
I've been away for some time, huh? I was thinking it had been a long time since the last update, so I check back and saw that I missed one! I hope you're ready for an epic comment, because this one is my longest yet. HA!
ReplyDeleteAs I was settling in to read this second-to-last (I assume?) chapter, and saw your comment. As to how I thought it might end, I really didn't know. I couldn't see any quick resolution from where the story was at that point. It seemed like new subplots were still being opened faster than old ones were being resolved. So I didn't know how it might end, so I thought the end had to still be pretty far away. I didn't have any specific ideas of what it might entail.
You're doing it right, though, if your sights are set on "novel". The length, the exposition, the characters, the plot.... This is the stuff good novels are made out off. Keep it up. I know you can see this one through spectacularly!
Now, about this chapter....
It's good to see that Rainbow Dash got some excellent flying in, even if she did make a fool of herself in front of the Wonderbolts! It was kind of inevitable, really. I should have expected she would do something goofy like that. But having her outpace the dragon really was pretty sweet, even if it only lasted for a few seconds.
Rarity is stunning, as always. I very much like seeing her in this light. There is no one who I would rather have design the suit that would save my life, and indeed it might! She really did go for perfection there. And it's good to see Redstone in stunned silence once in awhile. I had to laugh when he asked if she made rocket engines, though. Cherry is so much safer up there than I ever thought she would be!
The inter-goddess interplay was fun. I'm glad that you like that part of the story as much as I do. It definitely gives this story a feel that no non-pony story could ever have. And nerd Luna is best Luna. Just saying.
When I heard that Cherry was bolted in the capsule at T-5 hours my first thought was, That diaper's gunna need a changin' before they even get off the ground! It was funny "listening" to her internal monologue as she waited. That's one of those things that a "good" author might have skipped over. But once again, you've proven to us that you aren't good, you're great. You handled it spectacularly.
Ray and Z's dialogue was cute, and I loved seeing Dinky and Derpy in the crowd! I guess we'll never know for sure how that side story ends, but I can already imagine it as a happily ever after. You nearly had me in tears, though, when she realized she had forgotten to say goodbye! I noticed that when she was bolting Cherry in, but figured it was just something you had overlooked yourself. I should have known that you had a reason for writing the scene that way. I have too little faith in you. ;)
Wilhelmina has been soooo snappy this chapter! At Cherry, at Celestia, even... You can tell that the launch is really getting to her! The joke about the budget was cute, though. I like how you wrote Celestia in there as being able to cut through the tension. Did you mean for Celestia to be doing that purposefully or accidentally? Or do you even know yourself? Perhaps, that's part of what makes Celestia such a great character. Lauren Faust once said that even she tries not to think too hard about why Celestia does things, because she likes to preserve the mystery that surrounds her.
As Cherry said, Life can be pretty weird! But it can bring us some great surprises, can't it? I'm so glad Cherry and her dad were reunited. I see that 'Vez's extra O2 was noticed, too! Glad it didn't cause any problems, though. If anything, that was what allowed them to go up to eight orbits instead of just sticking with 2!
Oh my sweet Celestia, that final poll was exciting! I love the way you worked it up, too. There were a lot of words in that launch for an "action sequence", but you handled it very well. (I'm sure you're used to hearing that from me by now, though, aren't you? Well, to balance it out, I'm going to point out a typo. You said "he gritted through her teeth". Kind of funny trying to imagine how HE would grit through HER teeth, isn't it? Is this some sort of kinky makeout session?) As for the launch sequence, I enjoyed the idea of unity and cooperation, or, dare I say, harmony, that I sensed when stations around the world were checking it. Definitely an epic moment.
ReplyDeleteAs for the space flight itself, I understand why Cherry couldn't get enough of it. I couldn't either. I liked your description of the ascent. You mixed in just the right amounts of hope and desperation. You definitely sent home the point of Cherry's relative helplessness, both by emphasizing her smallness versus the incessant and untiring first stage and her inability to comprehend the computer's "insectoid" speech.
Of course, understanding a computer by listening to the pumps and pistons it is operating is silly, but even I agreed with Wilhelmina about her inability to decipher the meaning behind Luna's direction to the mainframe technicians. Sure, I can do some pretty amazing stuff on the surface of a computer. But when it comes to electrical engineering, I only just barely understand how the low battery light works on a 1970s GMC. That computer bank is no "high level" stuff. That's electrical engineering, right there.
I appreciate Cherry's sense of wonder at the planet (not all that far) below her. I had to laugh, though, when she asked mission control if the second stage burned like it was supposed to. Time flies when you're having fun! I felt, really felt in my heart, not just understood in my brainspace, Cherry's awe at the audacity of a moon mission, though. What is the distance to our moon? Like, 16 round trips from San Francisco to Sydney? By comparison, low Earth orbit is closer than the distance between San Francisco and Sacramento. I realize you need most of your rocket power in that first tiny little stretch, but the difference in the distances is still astounding. I get that Equestrian planets and moons may be some different than our own in scale and still have all the necessities for life as we know it, but the difference couldn't be so large as to make the distance from planet to moon any less than staggering. Channeling Steven Magnet here, "It's SO TRUE!"
I'm glad Cherry brought lots of film, but isn't she going to run out pretty quick this way? She won't even get a sunset shot! Well, at least she got plenty of her space friends. I at first thought that the sparklies might have to be some sort of electrical phenomenon you knew about that I didn't (since you are obviously much better versed in this kind of thing than I am!) but after seeing the dragon, maybe they're biological, too? Or perhaps Cherry's just losing it! Ha! (Also, how do you change film in a camera with no magic and no fingers? I have fingers, and I remember that I could barely do it. Thank goodness for digital cameras! Aren't they great?)
Finally, I wanted to commend you on the scene between Luna and Will. Several of the lines there really got my attention. "It wasn't magic, it wasn't divine intervention. It was us. One day, we decided we were going to the stars. / And then, we simply went ahead and did it." And also... "I suppose that, in my arrogance, I claimed the skies as my own. When, in reality, they belonged to you ponies all along." Your lines are good and you should feel good. Be proud, brony. You've written some amazing stuff.
ReplyDeleteI can't wait to see how/what happens next! A loss of power... Oh Noes! Well, that's what they get for not leaving well enough alone. I eagerly await the final chapter. Take your time. I think that everyone understands that top quality material like this is worth waiting for. :)
@richfiles So, I just went back and read all of the new comments on this story. richfiles, I am humbled by your computer knowledge! I read ever word, but I would be lying if I said I understood even half of it. I do agree, though, that there isn't much better to do out here in the vastness of the open plains! Ha!
ReplyDeleteAnd it never ends! You has even more to say than I do! I didn't know that was possible... lol. The idea of a continuous loop memory, though, it's so foreign! I guess that's why we call what we have today RAM, huh? It just never occured to me that memory used to be continuously looping.
Some of the other stuff you mentioned was pretty intersting, too. I may have been being a tiny bit modest in my previous statements about computer engineering. I have dabbled in basic binary logic and computer circuitry just a little. I'm going to have to check out these Thyratron clocks and coffee can computers you mentioned.
@Macon Mixx: Heh, you were right, that IS an epic comment. I've spent quite a bit of time working on the chapter, and it's really cool to see people like it enough to go over the wordlimit, thrice. So, seriously, THANKS! ^_^
ReplyDeleteBut looking at my WIP ending now, I feel a bit bad, because it can't possibly live up to the expectations here. I mean, it's not Mass Effect 3 (hopefully), but I might have gone a teensy bit overboard with the launch, when the finale is going to be 'quieter' and more subdued.
I anticipated that might happen when I published the chapter, but didn't want to rob you of all the cool scenes, so I left it like this. Maybe it was a bad decision, maybe not; we'll see. Just be prepared that the finale might be far less bombastic (and far more late) than the launch!
Anyway, some of those side-stories might still get wrapped up, even the ones you might not suspect. That is, of course, unless I've forgotten one somewhere; in that case, it's probably not getting wrapped up (except by accident).
Also, thanks for pointing out the typo! Especially this kind of typo, which doesn't even show up on the spellcheck... I'll try to fix it ASAP, but whenever I open the document, there seem to be people reading it, so I'll have to possibly wait a while (not that I'm complaining, though). And coincidentally, that launch poll you mention is actually my favourite part of the chapter. Not sure why, I just like it more than the rest (possibly because I have no memories of screaming at the screen helplessly, as I do for many other scenes ^_^).
PS: About Cherry, and figuring out how she swaps out the rolls of film, I opt to leave that as an exercise for the reader. Special 'cartridges' containing the film? Small hooks on the suit gloves? Pegasus magic? LOTS OF SPECULATION FROM EVERYONE
Right, keeping with my once-per-big-bang posting schedule, I'm now currently in the latter stages of writing the finale (it's only a fairly mundane 25000 words, though). Bear in mind, I still have to edit the whole thing after it's done, and one or two scenes still require a complete rewrite (namely, those with Celestia. I can never write Celestia on the first, second, or even the third go. AAARGGH. WHY DID I PUT HER IN THE STORY?).
ReplyDeleteNevertheless, it's approaching completion. Should be released sometime next week, but I am unsure whether it is going to be after the 21st, or before. The reason this is taking so long? Good, honest laziness.
And now, a heinous spoiler for the ending:
The CAPSULE goes in an ELLIPSE around the PLANET!
(whether this ellipse intersects the atmosphere or not, you'll just have to wait ^_^)
PS: On a more serious note, in case anypony reads this before the release (which I doubt), do you think I should change the EqD description? The story's evolved a bit since the early chapters, and I'm not so sure it still fits.
Even though the scope of the story has expanded vastly (mostly into the domain of additional political problems), I think the current description looks good. All it really needs to be is a little sign that lures us in to go check out the story.
ReplyDeleteThis is the single best Story on EQD. Past Sins and Windfall may fit better into the canon, and there are plenty that are funnier, but your story, is the best. Its an epic, glorious work of art.
ReplyDeleteThis is the kind of writing, the length of writing, that deserves to be published. I feel like I should pay you money for getting to read this.
You have an unmatched way with words, and this story is terrific. Please, please please keep writing. I want to hear everything, and more!
@MasterVertex: Oki, thanks for the feedback! Just one of my random thoughts...
ReplyDelete@Fitzy: Your comment managed to make me feel warm and fuzzy today, even though I had to wake up at five in the morning and then spend twelve hours in a car. Thanks so much! (even though I think you exaggerate ^_^)
And yeah, my policy tends to be "Canon? Too mainstream!" With the Equestria in the show, a space program was a little TOO far fetched, so I had to make it a bit more victorian/industrialized. The Assembly then came as a natural outgrowth of that, not quite a modern parliament, but something like the House of Lords in Britain.
On a completely different note, I wonder when I'll actually finish the story. I dread it might be Saturday, which would be bad, since the season finale would just overshadow everything then. Or am I just being paranoid?
Playing Kerbal Space Program has made me realize how difficult space travel is, even whith all the fun simplification I get.
ReplyDeleteWedding...
ReplyDeleteSpace...
Ponies...
Wedding...
Space...
Ponies...
Wedding...
Space...
Ponies...
Imma go and asplode twice in the corner from so much anticipation.
>>BOOM<<
>>BOOM<<
Man... Now that that's out of my system... Today sucked. My car's ignition pretty much tried to imitate the capsule and just died. Oddly enough, the problem appears to be related to my Windshield wipers, which now turn on when the switch is off. I suspect wiring damage in the steering column is creating an alternate route where the path of least resistance is though the relay driving the wiper motors. I also suspect that repair will not be cheap. I hate electrical faults, especially when they make me drive the Chevrolegs.
Okay, everypony, listen up. Here's the deal:
ReplyDeleteI've fallen ill over these last three days, and hence work has come to a standstill, meaning even MORE lengthy delays.
But the thing is, I already GOT the last chapter written up - it's just not quite perfectly edited, and it's missing the epilogue that I originally wanted to publish alongside it.
So, here's what I'll do - I'll put up the final 'real' chapter of the story right now. There's probably a thousand things wrong with it, but eh, I've already driven myself mad from editing. The epilogue will be coming in about a week, along with the corrections to the final chapter ^_^
Anyway, please keep in mind this is the final 'real' chapter; what's coming next is just the short epilogue, about 10 pages, and separate from the main narrative. What you've got here is the main story, over and done.
While I work on the epilogue, please point out all the millions of mistakes present in here, such that I can correct them in time for the 'complete' version of the story.
...
I'm really, really hoping this little gamble will pay off. If not, well then, blah. I'm ill, I should not be trusted to make sound decisions.
Mrakoplaz, let me be the first to say how excellent this story climax was. You didn't disappoint me one single bit. You are a steely-eyed rocketwriter. :)
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to the epilogue. Thank you for aiming so high.
Excellent, most excellent! I was worried we'd be left with a cliffhanger.
ReplyDeleteI was kind of surprised to see Rainbow come to the rescue at the end, but it's nice to see that she played her own role in the whole program. She's more suited to rescues than being rescued anyway.
With the suit's helmet taken off up in the air I hope those precious notes don't get lost to the wind.
And man, Wilhemina was cold in that scene. Good thing Zvezda was there to save the day.
Get better soon!
@suburbanbanshee I'm shocked they couldn't do anything with magic! Clearly they're not nearly as powerful as I thought. A mere hundred miles when the capsule is directly overhead! Obviously they didn't have Tesla's knowledge of atmopsheric capacitance, or they'd have been able to calculate a magical beam capable of easily reaching the capsule. Or, they could simply have taken advantage of Discord's ability to become a magical superconductor (he can affect things instantly as vast distances with absolutely no loss of power) to save the day. I'm sure even as a statue, they could funnel some energy through him, using him as something like a transistor or whatnot. In any case, it's obvious that I shall easily be able to seize control of this Equestrian universe! My plans can now move forward! >:D
ReplyDelete@Luminous I should also note that I've already written two homage songs for this story:
ReplyDelete"Rocket Mare" and "Ground Control to Cherry Skies".
The second one is going to make bronies weep, especially in tandem with this chapter. I wrote it because I predicted this intensely emotional climactic ending. ;3
After finishing the story with Rainbow Dash carrying Cherry back to the ground I just had to put on this song:
ReplyDelete"Apollo 13 - end credits"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJRotVl2IJ8
@Alondro
ReplyDeleteI'm trying to write a story implying this very thing. Don't worry, in this multiverse, they all exist in this beautiful quest.
Unfortunately, my story is not as beautiful.
Hmm, I wasn't quite sure what to expect, especially with the wedding dwarfing everything else, and my sickness possibly making me leave glaring errors - but for some peculiar reason, nopony seems to be complaining ^_^
ReplyDeleteThanks for the feedback, and see you at the epilogue!
(in the mean time, what's the typo/grammatical situation like? i'm guessing it's not horrible, but is it okay or merely tolerable? should i re-edit that chapter again?)
@Luminous: Well, notes can be replaced. Other things, not so much.
@Alondro: Yeah, perhaps the 'big reveal' proved a bit too limiting; I'm not quite sure. Thing is, with Equestria's best magicians there, there was no way it couldn't be, and I've already talked about this 'law' before in this context, so it fit in a narrative and thematic way. And most of the magics on the show are big and flashy, but semi-localized, so it seemed (kind of) OK.
...
Also, you have writen some musicks? o_O
[clicks "Would you like to know more?" button]
@MasterVertex: Dammit, I completely forgot about that entire soundtrack when writing this! This would have been perfect! FUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
@Mrakoplaz
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad to see Cherry home again. I rather enjoyed the entire story so far. All good things, and such... Part of me is thrilled to see the final conclusion to a wonderful story, and part of me is sad to see the end. The one thing i can walk away from this knowing, is that it was worth my time.
I must also say, I'm glad to see you using some of the knowledge I shared with you! :)
Seeing you use things like thyratrons in the computer made sense. They are shockingly simple devices, in terms of manufacturing. They were also many times more reliable than thermionic valves. It really brought some intense realism into the technical aspects of the capsule. Hay, you even used them in a fitting application! :)
I truly do look forward to the epilogue, and I'll be sad to see no more of this story.
Please... Don't stop writing.
I for one would love to see a sequel even.
Hint, hint... ;)
YES
ReplyDeleteYou shouldn't worry about anything, this chapter was absolutely fantastic! It was awesome, insane and heartwarming at the same time. It's sad to see this epic tale is coming to an end, but I'm still looking forward to reading the epilogue.
ReplyDeleteRegarding magic being useless. We've seen Twilight performing long-range teleport in Dragon Quest for a distance of tens or hundreds kilometers. Couldn't they just put her in airtight container and make her teleport closer to a capsule? Possibly with other spellcasters as teleport spell was shown to be quite draining. Of course, it could be explained that capsule's orbital parameters would not bring her close enough to Cape, but I think this possibility should have been mentioned.
Re; thyratrons. This world needs decent computers even more than our own at the start of space era.
Excuse me while I put on my best "excited Rainbow Dash voice."
ReplyDeleteThat. Was. So. AWESOME!
Thanks for the feedback, everypony! Great to see I didn't disappoint ^_^
ReplyDelete@richfiles: Well, you DID provide all that information already, so using it wasn't exactly a big leap of research or anything ;)
Also, I was a bit worried I had used the thyratrons in the wrong way - everything looked correct, but I wasn't quite sure of the feasibility. Nice to know it's actually practical!
@Shantara: First off, thanks for your kind feedback. However, if you'll allow me, I would like to argue that magic is still useless even with that example of teleportation:
Firstly, the workings of unicorn pony teleportation are unknown to us, but we can assume a few things. The T/P'd object obviously isn't moved across the entire distance physically, as that would be incredibly energetically demanding; Twilight can teleport hundreds of km's, but doesn't collapse from exhaustion, as she surely would from the equivalent of galloping that long, in a near-instantaneous timeframe. Instead, we can posit some sort of portal, possibly a super-dimensional construct, that warps space and connect the two points together.
Obviously, the precise workings of those are beyond our own science (btw, from the equations seen in the time travel episode, we know ponies are familiar with relativity and space-time distortion), but we can still consider their energetics. Even if the act of warping space-time itself did not require any energy, the presence of a massive planet nearby still changes the paradigm, as objects in a gravitational field have their associated potential energy.
Moving laterally in the field may still be 'free', but it stands to reason that if you're moving up or down (and hence gaining/losing potential), you have to supply any travelling objects with that necessary change in energy; as energy cannot be created or destroyed. Hence, it might be possible to travel vast distances horizontally, all across the planet, yet still be significantly limited vertically. If I remember properly, the equation to use here would be:
dE = (-GMm/r2) - (-GMm/r1)
= GMm(1/r1 - 1/r2)
Taking the distance in height, a broad guess at Twilight's weight (which I hope isn't too insulting to her), and assuming Equestria's surface gravity is identical to ours, we get:
E= (6.67e-11)*(5.97e24)*(200) * (1/6.38e6 - 1/6.48e6)
=> E= 1.92e8 Joules
That is about 46000 calories, for the gravitational potential alone. Not even Pinkie Pie eats THAT much.
Of course, this doesn't include orbital velocity energy, space-time bending requirements, any inefficiencies, etc.
As a fun corollary, if your destination was lower than the start, the spell might even be exothermic!
This even explains why they can't just teleport Cherry down instead - they'd get a big boom, as all that spare energy suddenly deposited itself into the surrounding air, equivalent to roughly 50kg of TNT (probably unhealthy for all involved). And that's just potential, never mind the eight kilometres per second of kinetic energy!
There we go. The physics of candy-coloured teleporting ponies.
@Mrakoplaz Yes, i haz writted da musacks. :B But they're on paper and I need to type them into a computer now! I'd also like to sing them and post to Youtube, but I have allergic rhinitis now and it has limited my normal vocal range by several key notes.
ReplyDelete@Mrakoplaz Of course, that's assuming that magic interacts with gravity at all... if it does... ooooo... *sinister evil smile* Just imagine what I could do with a singularity and a TARDIS combined with a magic scaffold to siphon off energy into my own physio-magical aura... I SHALL BECOME A GOD!!! >:D
ReplyDelete*LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE NOW!!!*
@Alondro: Well, I certainly hope you get better soon, then! That sounds quite, quite awesome ^_^
ReplyDeleteI couldn't find any pony-related Alondros on Youtube, though; mind linking your channel?
And you could say the entire story's pretty completely based on the fact magic is just another natural force (like, say, radioactivity), and acts within the limitations of certain physical laws. After all, if it didn't, going to space would suddenly become a lot easier! ;)
@Mrakoplaz I'll link it once I get the songs sung. No point in doing that until there's something to show! I'm working a bit more on the lyrics for one of the two: "Ground Control to Cherry Skies" (you should know what that's based on!) to make them more heart-wrenching so everypony will bawl their eyes out and be quivering heaps of emotion. I'm evil. >:3
ReplyDeleteMagical physics, eh? Well, they just need to discover the magical equivalent of warp speed! ;D
Quiet and subdued, eh? I think this might be the first promise you've made us that you failed to deliver on. That ending was anything but modest. I'd say it was spectacular. ;)
ReplyDeleteHooks on her boots to hold stuff. Film problem solved.
Despite what others have said about your level of canon-compatibility, it's good to see that Rainbow Dash's morals come straight from the show. Saving ponies and petty theft. Eeyup! That's our Dashie. XD
Good realism with the CO2 as the limiting factor on orbit time, rather than O2. It's one of those things that should be obvious to anyone who knows a little about biochemistry (or just remembers Apollo 13), but it's easy to let it slip your mind! I know that I did.
This may be my last chance to say this, so I'll squeeze it in one more time. Brilliant theodicy. :)
As for the side stories that you "didn't finish", that's 100% okay. It's the journey, not the destination. And really, no story is over till you're dead, and even then the rolls just get shifted around a little bit. Life doesn't have chapter breaks. You don't have to tie together every loose end in a good story. In fact, that really can detract from the beauty of the thing.
Once again, it's a good thing they had Miss Rarity Over-Engineering Unicorn design the suit to be vacuum-proof... and the hose to support a pony spinning in space! This mare may deserve a bonus.
And of course, speaking of capable mares, Z was amazing in there. Utterly crazy and absolutely amazing. And I was glad she forgave Will.
Finally, the rescue scene itself, especially the parts cutting back and forth to Rainbow trying to get where she needed to be, were beautifully written. The story has, several times, included healthy doses of high-quality "scenery porn", and I've enjoyed every bit of it, but this one in particular was nice. The barrenness of the terrain really did match the desperate feeling of the situation. And, of course, the mid-air rescue was amazing, as was the "gotcha!". :D
A few bits of odd grammar here and there, but I didn't stop to make note of them. I was enjoying the climax to the story all too much for anything like that. The humble, "only" 25,000 word climax. You dun good. This is some great writing.
Once again, thank you for this fantastic story. I've loved every second of it! What a fantastic ride, and how happy I am to see Cherry (apparently) is going to be making it through after all. I can't wait to read the Epilogue. Really, the end felt too abrupt to not have one. But for the story in and of itself, this was stupendous. Thanks.
@Mrakoplaz
ReplyDeleteIf pony magic worked that way, Twilight would never have been able to levitate that Ursa Minor back to its mother a few miles out into the Everfree forest.
@Macon Mixx:
ReplyDelete>"Quiet and subdued"
Yeah, errr, about that. The original plan _did_ actually call for something like it - I wasn't lying, at least not at the time. Only problem was, it came out as rubbish, so I cut all the unnecessary parts and replaced it with this not-so-quiet version. You guys really have no idea just how loose I'm running this story. I mean, I try to have some plans, but they always turn out rubbish, so I'm forced to improvise. By pure luck, it usually ends up better, though :)
BTW, though I'm obviously familiar with the problem of evil, I've never heard it called "theodicy" before. Thanks for teaching me a new word! ^_^
@nick012000: Maybe it's just late and I'm misunderstanding you, but surely, this 'theory' actually SUPPORTS the ursa scene, while also allowing for the story to make sense?
I mean, I don't have the episode with me right now, but from what I remember the ursa's mostly displaced horizontally; which does not effect potential, so very little energy should be required (for the few metres of vertical movement). Of course, I might be missing something utterly obvious - and if I am, please point it out! - but from what I see, it's actually a relatively 'elegant' 'explanation'.
Energy equals force times distance. She was exerting a force on the bear all the way back home, to counteract wind resistance if nothing else. Cars need to burn fuel while you drive them for a reason.
ReplyDeleteWell, since she can warp space-time easily enough to make temporary wormholes and teleport without much apparent effort at all (from most the instances we see Twi teleport, she's not even winded), I think we can assume she can also bend space-time in other ways.
ReplyDeleteWith that, couldn't she then simply set up a 'warp-field' of sorts along the transfer corridor, to decrease the required distance, and hence dropping the energy requirement proportionally? Cars don't have pony-powered warp drives, after all ^_^
Also, I don't remember exactly, but I think this spell was at the limit of Twi's abilities already. I guess that's where the air resistance - plus whatever energy we can't handwave away - comes in.
PS: All this space-time bending comes fairly naturally to the unicorn ponies, like an innate ability, and that's why they don't ever mention it aloud. Kind of like earth ponies not talking about myosin motility in their muscles ^_^
PPS: A warp field is completely useless for getting you into orbit. Travelling between worlds, sure; but not orbit. That's why they don't use it in the story ^_^
PPPS: I am having way too much fun with all this.
@Mrakoplaz
ReplyDeleteI would think that there's a significant difference between teleportation and levitation. The levitation we see in the show might well have a many different properties to simply carrying an object, and Twi might be able to modify it too. Maybe levitation involves some sort of subtle dimensional phasing that, uh, works?
Anyways, it's been two weeks. Does this mean that the epilogue's gotten a bit longer than ten pages?
@Derpmind: Yeah, that's basically what I was getting at. It's definitely not just a straightforward "apply force to lift thing", that's for sure.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, about epilogue progress...
[runs away]
...
Bah. It IS going to be longer, maybe even twice as much, but the real reason it's taking so long is because I've already written it, and it was crap. I'm writing a new one now, though, which is MUCH better (if I used the old one, I'd have to re-write it completely anyway, and it would probably take even longer, so yeah).
Also, final preparation for the Baccalaureate exams, which will decide whether I go to Cambridge or 'merely' Bristol. But I may just be making up excuses for my laziness now...
People are writing many words, but I can't much any, except this four:
ReplyDeletethis is SO AWESOME!
@Mrakoplaz Your first epilogue: It was a butifull spring day, when Twillight cast a spell to make the rockets big and eight. So she casted the spell Then she felt funny and realised she was a spider...
ReplyDelete*trolololo*
Uhm, yeah.. those songs I wrote... gotta do them sometime...
I'm confused... Is it or is it not complete?
ReplyDelete@Bpendragon: Well, it WOULD already be complete, if it weren't for the approximately ten thousand metric tonnes of school work I'm currently finding myself under ^_^
ReplyDeleteBut seriously now: The main 'story' IS complete, but there's still an epilogue to go, just wrapping up some loose ends and seeing what happens of the characters. Just a last few thousand words to finish things off. I'm not going to make the mistake of trying to announce a deadline (this time!), because it never works. But yeah, when you see it bumped to the front page of EqD again, you'll see that it's done!
@Mrakoplaz Here are the lyrics to the songs at last!
ReplyDeleteRocket Mare: http://charlesdeleroy.deviantart.com/#/d4zmrzw
Space Pony: http://charlesdeleroy.deviantart.com/#/d4zmqx0
I have a vocal recording of Rocket Mare... but I dunno if I want to post it. I mean, it's not bad but I think I can do better. Meh, I suppose I could post it privately and have a few people view it to see if it's worth posting publicly.
@Alondro: Heck, even if you don't release anything else, it's still pretty cool stuff! Seriously, THANKS! ^_^
ReplyDelete(though, I do like 'rocket mare' more - never been one for depressing stuffs)
(that's why I love 50s sci-fi so much, after all)
(i also love writing brackets)
I do wish I could just get the damn epilogue out already, so you don't have to wait, but there's just so much work left to do... I'll try my best, though.
@Mrakoplaz
ReplyDeleteKewl.
Though TBH I've actually missed the last couple of updates, being on here 24/7 kills my productivity.
I so cant wait to see the epilogue to this. :)
ReplyDeleteI've been so busy lately, but this was worth that extra time spent...
I just wanted to say I "accidentally" read the last chapter... again...
It's that good! :)
You know, I'm still kinda surprised even one person actually bothered to read all the 180 thousand words (or whatever the number is). Nevermind so many of you! I mean, it's LOOOOONG.
ReplyDeleteAnd the fact that people are still checking for updates is an honour, too ^_^
Rest assured, the epilogue is coming along, slowly but surely! It's going to be slightly less than ten thousand words, I think. Also, workload is finally getting lighter, so hopefully you'll see it Soon (tm)!
Mrakoplaz, you know, i could translate this awesome thing into russian(or to try, at least)
ReplyDelete@Mrakoplaz
ReplyDeleteDon't worry, story length have never been a problem for me. I actually prefer longer novels, because whenever I finish a good story, book withdrawal syndrome hits me hard and doesn't leave me alone for next several days. I walk around remembering or rereading scenes I liked, grin like an idiot and want to share my emotions with everyone. I cannot even start a new book before the afterglow goes away...
You can go ahead and start planning a million word sequel to Our First Steps. I Pinkie-promise to finish it and ask for more. :)
I just want to say that this ranks up there with the very best fanfics I've ever read. Honestly the quality of writing, depth of characters, attention to scientific detail (even with regards to magic) and incredibly compelling plot are better than that produced by many professional authors.
ReplyDeleteThis 'final' chapter in particular was fantastic. It's rare for a fic to make me particularly emotional, let alone take me through the full range of emotions in the space of a single chapter. Oh, and you managed to do that while still including enough hard science to make my inner physicist squeal with glee.
I tip my hat to you, and ask that you never, ever stop writing.
Oh, I've been looking forward to getting back into this one. Every time it's updated, I've gotten more and more excited. It's been a while since chapter 1, so I'll be starting over.
ReplyDeleteI think this fic demonstrates what you have to do to craft a good story: take your time. What's this about? Ponies going into space. What's it cover? The early planning, implementing and testing stages of space flight vehicles. It's taking its time, letting us get the full implications of everything being attempted, and that is quite the narrative strength. Cherry and Zvezda are both great characters, too.
Finally getting into territory I haven't seen before! Man, will ponies eating bouquets of flowers ever not be funny?
"Bed, floor, lava pit". What the hell? XD
All these tests they're skipping... This sounds like a Bad Idea in progress. D:
Ballad of the whatnow?
I like Geist's candy dream. :3
"Equestria's most flippant salute": this is a very clever way of working around just what that would be.
I love "Pad Fuehrer". XD Launch with the face!
The results of this first test give me chills. You've done such a wonderful job conveying just how important this is, and how amazing it's been that they've succeeded as much as they have.
Oh yay, I wondered when Celestia would show up. :D
...Small orchestra? That's amazing.
Oh wow, you're actually bringing in the mane cast! I never expected that!
Rarity being an expert at foreign royal conditions is a fantastic idea.
What is this, intellectual Marxism? I am not certain what just happened.
Your characterization of Rainbow Dash is... I almost want to say 'edgy', but whatever it is, above all it feels natural. I can believe it, in other words.
Oh dear, poor Cherry. D: Well, I'm going to stop there and post these comments, as this has gotten somewhat long. I'll pick back up with part 5 next time.
Damn, sorry for the lack of replies. Too much work and no sleep make Mrakoplaz something something...
ReplyDelete@chakeololo: Well, it's a bloody great amount of work (TOO MANY WORDS), but, if you really want to try, you obviously can! ^_^
(seriously though, I'm honoured enough for anyone liking this story enough to actually make such an offer in the first place, so THANKS in any case!)
@Shantara: To be honest, I don't really think I could pull off a sequel; either creativity-wise or just plain endurance-wise. I mean, this took up the better part of a year, not a small amount of hair-pulling, and I've basically did everything I wanted to on the topic of space ponies and the space race in general (especially with the STILL-coming epilogue). I do have some other stuff planned, though, which may or may not happen in the end. We'll see :)
@ubernube: I've always wanted to write a space race story, so am I glad I could, and that people like it! And don't worry, I don't intend to stop writing anytime soon (real life can slow me down, but it will never stop me!).
@Present Perfect: Whoa, the early chapters. I don't even remember most of those by now, and I wrote those things! A sincere thanks for both that wave of nostalgia, and for giving this story a chance :)
And yes, I am certainly taking my time. ESPECIALLY with this epilogue XD
This ranks up there with Fallout: Equestria for me of the best OC-centric fics out there. In the top two that I can name off-hoof.
ReplyDeleteI was a bit confused about exactly what the fate of the space shuttle itself was. It's clear that Cherry was safe, and she has those photos, but did they lose everything else?
I liked how you deviated from true space tech. It gave the sense of being bootleg and sub-optimal, but you still pulled it together with real science (err... for the most part).
The whole 'you don't hear of the Cape anymore' bit was fabulously done. How does the commissar know about all of that, though? Are there other secret-y things he's involved? Has he changed over the whole story, or is it just that the ponies whose point-of-view are told from are just less afraid of him? It seems like there might be something there.
Oh gosh, I hope this is an epic-length epilogue that's split-up well. I didn't even know that it was at it's end. I'll miss your writing.
Well, the SpaceX mission control is reporting the Dragon has landed, a perfect splashdown for the earth's first private space mission!
ReplyDeleteMeanwhile, down here, the epilogue is written. I still need to proof-read it (at least once), but yeah, it is now definitely a thing that exists. It's not epic length (due to all the factors I've mentioned before), but it's 12000-ish words, which I think is enough. Well, sort of.
@axlemn: People keep bringing that fic up. I am not quite sure how to respond to that ^_^
Anyway, it's great you've enjoyed it, and I hope the epilogue is up to your expectations!
About the Commissar: Now, now. Where would life be without a little speculation? :)
And yeah, the space capsule itself didn't end too well. It's just a hunk of metal, though!
Eeep.
ReplyDeleteWell, hopefully I didn't screw it up too much.
Thanks again to everypony who ever bothered with this fic! You're all amazing ^_^
I just have one question left with this story... Will we see a sequel?
ReplyDeleteI mean this was an AMAZING ride. It's easily my second favorite Fanfic ever. If not the first. Currently competing with Fallout: Equestria.
@Mrakoplaz A glowing tetrahedron powering a huge city which can move through the sky and travel around the world, eh?
ReplyDeleteThat tetrahedron wouldn't happen to be composed of pure etherium crystal, would it? ;3
@Mrakoplaz Aww, poor Celestia, thinking the ponies will leave her all alone when they begin to explore interstellar space. I should show her the end of Season 4 of Babylon 5. Even a million years hence and when the human race had evolved into practically energy-based life forms, when the sun in that show was going nova (artificially, a result of a Drakh attack, according to the show's creator), they still remembered all that had come before and saved every trace of information about their past.
ReplyDeleteCelestia and Luna need not worry. As the ponies grow, their minds will expand, and then they will truly comprehend all that the Sisters did for them for so long. They will never forget, and will likely return to the frigid sphere of Equestria to pay homage long after the Sun goes dark and the moon crumbles. Perhaps they will create a small artificial sun to warm a single area upon the planet, the cities of Canterlot and Ponyville kept alive as a monument to the Royal Alicorns and the Bearers who guarded the way to the future.
This story looks seriously awesome.
ReplyDeleteI'm probably going to read it. :)
first reaction: best fanfic ever is updated, omigoshomigoshomigosh!...
ReplyDeletesecond reaction: "Epilogue"?! FFFFFFUUUUUU-
Excellent epilogue, I am always a sucker for a good 20-years-later ending.
ReplyDeleteAnd a floating city in the sky sculpted of concrete and clouds, a home for all three races of ponies? The imagery of that is just fantastic.
I was faced with a decision this evening, either:
ReplyDeleteA. Make a PowerPoint for my presentation on Lagrange Points coming up this Tuesday.
or,
B. Read the Epilogue
I chose B, I chose well. You truly showed your work and had your characters age believably. The last scene with Luna and Celestia was especially touching and well written. Ending a good story on a mildly melancholy note, but with a promise of hope for the future. What more could be asked?
If you ever write anything else you can be sure that I'll be right there at the front of the line.
Teh yays, people like it ^_^
ReplyDeleteJust remember, without all of you and your wonderful support, I probably would have lost interest way back in the fourth volume! So, thanks to you all (again!), for making this happen!
Also, you might be interested to know that this is the FIRST Celestia scene that didn't require a complete rewrite, even once. I wasn't quite sure whether I was overdoing the motherhood/growing up angle at first, but it seems like it worked, so eh ^_^
As for those talking about a sequel... to be honest, there probably won't be one. Especially now, with the epilogue (and all the imagery there), I think I've written everything about space ponies that I wanted.
Of course, that's not to say I'll be leaving the pony scene for good. I just might have something else planned out, and, if it works out, I think it could be pretty cool. We'll see how that goes, though, before I start making any promises.
(all assuming I don't fail these stupid finals)
(GRRR, finals)
And Bpendragon, I hope you don't fail your presentation because of this story! :)
PS: Dammit, Alondro, I watched all of Babylon 5, but for the life of me I can't remember that scene! It's time for another five-season marathon, I guess..
Aww... Poor Tia! I wanna give her all the hugs! ALL of them!!! Err... Half of them. Luna has to get half the hugs! Poor Luna, her stars washed out by light pollution, and Poor Celestia, afraid her ponies have outgrown her... That really was kinda sad... But Luna will get Celestia through it, and Celestia will get Luna through it. They are the only ponies they can truly rely on from one generation to the next. Even as each generation passes, they will always remember, and they will watch ponies grow.
ReplyDeleteIt was all very nicely wrapped up, but I kinda have questions about poor Dashie... Her injuries, it seems it is simply because they are so fresh that she feels them, and is weak from being up there without gravity to fight against. Some of her conditions though, I'm assuming it's temporary, but, her leg... Were you implying it happened during the rescue? That's the impression I got. I have to say... I really felt for Dashie... Poor mare has sacrificed much.
OK, Tia, Luna... you can share a few of those hugs with Dashie, right! :D
I just felt so many FEELS for those three in particular!
Misty eyes and all that jazz!
The only thing I feel sad at (closure wise) is the fact that that the moment of lunar touchdown is skipped... I really was hoping to read of Luna's thoughts on that. No pony will ever touch Celestia's sun... Save for if a few maybe send their remains to it after they pass... or and accident, which would simply be tragic... But ponies already have touched Luna's moon. What... Is that like... for her. What does she feel? I know she reflects on it in the final scene... But that singular moment is missed. I kinda wonder about it. It was hinted at when cherry made orbit... When you command the sky, it's a powerful thing... But her cutiemark is of the moon as well, something very great upon her mind... OK, more hugs for Luna!
One more thing... Do the Princesses pick up radio waves, did Luna have a receiver on, or could she hear the lunar equinauts because they were on her moon? That was a rather cute scene in a sea of Royal sad. Hmm... I think Tia needs moar hugs!!! All teh hugz! :D
Also... I... I should really watch Babylon 5. I liked the handful of episodes I ever saw, but It was at a time in my life that I never let myself sit down and watch it. My mother is a hardcore fan. To this day, if you mention it... LOL!!! :)
Oh, and equinaut is totally in my spellcheck dictionary...
How buckin' cool is that? My computer... PONIFY ALL THE WORDS!!!
Oh! Ponies in Space AND a 6-star? I might have to heck this out immedietly.
ReplyDeleteAlso why is Twitter and Facebook no longer an option to post comments as? oh well.
@richfiles: Yeah, a moon landing would have been nice scene. In fact, that was one of the earliest drafts of the epilogue: Instead of a 20 years later thing, it was 10 years, and just a couple of pages detailing the landing/first step/Luna watching, etc. It's a pretty natural evolution of the story narrative AND symbolism-wise, plus also just makes plain sense, so having such an epilogue was in the Great Plan.
ReplyDeleteThe thing is, by the time I actually got to writing it, I also got a lot of other ideas that didn't really mesh with this original plan, in terms of the characters and stuff. And what few scenes I actually sketched out, drifted a little too much into that forsaken 'sad emo Luna' territory, so I basically bailed out and went with this version instead (I think I made an earlier comment about completely rewriting the epilogue).
I COULD have still made it work, I suppose, but fatigue was starting to set in, and in the end I simply went with this much-easier option; so instead of a cool moon landing, you get Rainbow Dash eating cake ^_^
TL;DR - I've literally got no clue what I'm doing, and planned the thing wrong. I hope that's just the pitfall of a first novel, but either way, I screwed it up a bit :)
PS: I think Dashie went fairly well with the entire rest of the epilogue (at least, I hope so!). Not a 100% super-perfect-flawless saccharine outcome, but she's had fun, and is happy anyway. Why wouldn't she be, if she just got promoted to moonbase commander?
Kind of like the sisters, too. Growing up has its good parts, and its painful parts - both for the kids, and the parents. But, in the end, it's the good parts that prevail ^_^
PPS: Yeah, the royal sisters can see across the entire EM spectrum now. Because, hay, why not? ;)
ReplyDeleteA Fitting end to an AWESOME Story! although if you REALLY wanted to, you could probably turn that First Draft Epilogue into its own story! because the Real Life Moon Landings had their own trials and tribulations! (I wish NASA still had that optimistic spark they had 40 years ago, but thanks to a Certain Blowhard in our Government, its probably not gonna happen in our lifetime, what with the Privatization of Space Travel nowadays...)
ReplyDelete@Mrakoplaz It's the last episode of Season 4. It was kind of a far future overview of the B5 world, to show where the events in the show would lead.
ReplyDeleteIt was made when they weren't sure they'd get to make Season 5, just to make sure the fans had something for closure just in case, without revealing too much of what becomes of the main characters so the stories would still be fresh if they did get to do Season 5.
Season 5's final episode was wonderful, touching, and a perfect close to the series.
I..Its over...
ReplyDeleteMrakoplaz that was so glorious. I loved every chapter, every line. It was so deep, so amazing, so powerful.
Its among the fanfiction that transcends the medium and movies into the genre known as "literature".
You are an amazing author, and this is an amazing work.
You should be proud.
Thank You, for writing this.
It's always a bit sad to turn the last page of a great book. There's not much left to say, just thank you for proving that there's still science fiction, for which _science_ is not an empty word in the genre name. This was an awesome adventure and I'm looking forward to reading anything you might write in the future.
ReplyDeletePS: magic sure allows ponies to cheat quite a bit with nuclear rocket engines.
PPS: Now that the story is over, could you please upload it to Fimfiction for archiving purposes?
@Mrakoplaz
ReplyDeleteThat's not going to happen easily. Lagrange points are quite easy to talk about if you know your stuff. Which I believe I do. Just need to make a powerpoint and I'm set.
Well, that's it, then.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure what to say here, at the end of my absolute favorite MLP fanfic. I'll settle for this:
Thank you, Mrakoplaz. Thank you.
Eeep, I have no idea how to keep responding to your comments! I mean, I expected something after publishing the epilogue, but you ponies are just too nice ^_^
ReplyDelete@Alondro: Right, I am starting to remember that episode now.
Still have to rewatch the entire series, though. I have very fond memories of it.
@Bpendragon: Yays! Glad to hear that :)
@Shantara: Alright, I pressed some buttons and the computer did a thing. Converting to fit FimFiction's formatting is a bit annoying, so it's only the first part for now, but I'll upload the rest later (it's probably awaiting approval for the time being, though).
@Mrakoplaz
ReplyDeleteThank you! Let me be the first one to like and favorite it there. :)
Mrakoplaz, you made me sad today. I'm sad because one of the most amazing fanfics in existence is finished. Shame on you.
ReplyDeleteThis story rekindled my interest in science, astronomy, and space exploration. Thank you for writing it!
I see someone's played Race Into Space :) Really like the story so far.
ReplyDeleteI did a year at NASA and... well it's not as glamorous as it ought to be, dammit :(
This is simply the greatest story ever written, and I'm most serious and sincere right now. I just love the way you think, your style, your ideals, your conception of our, and of course the pony world.
ReplyDeleteI love reading, and I have many novels and series I'm fond of; but if you'd continue writing and I had to choose between your works and all other literature, I'd choose you without a second thought. I just deeply fell in love with your fanfic universe, and felt something I only felt when I started watching My Little Pony.
It changed me as a person. I always wanted to be a good person and I always loved math, science and engineering (for my part, more like electronics than actual machine dynamics), but these two works of art gave me an opportunity to look upon the world as never had the chance before. MLP described a society I always wanted to live in, even though I hadn't realized that before.
And you, you just depicted the perfect civilization. Not one without flaw, not one consisting only perfect beings, but one with just unlimited potentials, and by this you reassured my faith in our very own human civilization.
Although I'm sad that this series ended, but this was a perfect a perfect ending for this story.
But please don't stop here. Please, please, please: write. I want to read your more of your stories, and though I'd be glad to read in any genre from you, because I think you're wonderfully talented; I'm secretly hoping that I'll be able to read other stories from this wonderful magitek universe.
Also, cudos to your sister. Judging from the outcome she did a wonderful job.
: )
Hey @Mrakoplaz ! For once, I won't comment on every little detail I loved, but just say that you painted the characters' thoughts beautifully once more. I'm glad that, as you mentioned, you didn't lose interest 9 or 10 chapters ago. We really would have been missing out if you had. I'll be sad not to have this story to search for updates on any longer, but I look forward to reading whatever you write next, whenever that happens to come my way. :)
ReplyDelete@Poulsen: Thank YOU for reading it! ^_^
ReplyDelete(seriously, it's way too long. I'm a crazy person)
@spiritplumber: Race to Space is the best. I'm not sure if I did any references to it in the story, but Celestia knows I've spent so much time on that game it's not even funny!
And yeah, I guess there aren't that many 'glamorous' projects going on nowadays at NASA. Out of interest, what were you doing?
@Niffy Hooves: Though I'm sure you're exaggerating just a wee bit there, I do thank you for that comment regardless.
As in, really. After coming home from a horrible exam, your comment really made my day awesome again!
You can certainly bet that I'll continue writing, although I am not quite sure how much of it will be ponies. Still, I'll try my best ^_^
And yeah, my sister's awesome. More praise should be going to her!
@Macon Mixx: Don't forget, YOU (and all those lengthy comments you've written) are part of the reason this didn't die. So go congratulate yourself, too!
This is a pretty natural comparison FO:E because it's a long character-driven story. The OC's that are crafted really well. Canon is referenced and interacted with about equal skill. Both are compelling and have interesting settings, premises, and tag-lines. Both say interesting things on the natures of ponies (or people, take your pick), with just the right amount of philosophizing, give or take. Both are about the right length for the stories they tell, but I still wish both were longer.
ReplyDeleteIn other words, totally go read it!
(Horizons is more grimdark, and has a noticeably higher standard deviation in quality, in case you're curious, though it's usually as good as the original.)
Update complete? What do you mean update complete? It can't be over..... NOOOOOOOO!
ReplyDeleteOh well... it was Amazing while it lasted... I should probably actually read the final chapter now...
I have yet to read the epilogue.
ReplyDeleteHonestly I started reading this story because I was awaiting some kind of update for Composure... And I honestly wasn't expecting much. I have not read the comments before hand as I tend to ignore them till I finish or start a story.
To say I was completely enthralled in this story after the first chapter was an understatement. I first started reading and thought to myself. 'Oh jeez equestrian space program... lame.' Then I just kept reading, Svez an Cherry kinda kept me interested. During the second half of the second chapter I started to get drawn in more an more. I actually ignored the other three stories I was reading to finish this. I could have sworn I found a sequel or side story to this some time ago, but I cannot find it. BUT EPILOGUE! *goes to reading*
I have yet to read the epilogue.
ReplyDeleteHonestly I started reading this story because I was awaiting some kind of update for Composure... And I honestly wasn't expecting much. I have not read the comments before hand as I tend to ignore them till I finish or start a story.
To say I was completely enthralled in this story after the first chapter was an understatement. I first started reading and thought to myself. 'Oh jeez equestrian space program... lame.' Then I just kept reading, Svez an Cherry kinda kept me interested. During the second half of the second chapter I started to get drawn in more an more. I actually ignored the other three stories I was reading to finish this. I could have sworn I found a sequel or side story to this some time ago, but I cannot find it. BUT EPILOGUE! *goes to reading*
@Mrakoplaz:
ReplyDeleteMy pleasure. Of course, I'm also the one who approved it for the blog. ;)
Continuing on from where I left off last time!
Haha, Lyuka's jumping to conclusions scene is amazing!
Whoo-hoo, go Zvez!
"ad equem" Very good.
While I'm normally not opposed to things like "ponies are speciesist, sexist matriarchs", I find it rather off-putting in this story. The sudden politicization of the narrative isn't really what I'm looking for.
So, Zvezda thinks there's something else going on? How intriguing.
Ahh, insecure Dash is best Dash. :D
It's interesting how many of these characters knew each other beforehand. How this whole thing got started by a bunch of friends. That's so very pony. :)
I really like Luna's introduction.
I'm surprised they got all these ponies here so long before the actual launch.
The scene with Cherry's dad was really surprising.
Lyuka x rocket OTP XD
Man, countdowns are exciting, even when you read them!
Shit, I just knew it was going to go wrong. D: What happened though? Dammit, next chapter!
I really like this part from Rainbow's POV.
Go Rarity! :D
Oh man, Pinkie is so Pinkie.
Are you shippin' OCs with the mane cast, bro? :V
"But then Pinkie happened". This is the best wording ever.
Man, is this crisis ever going to end? D: I'm actually beginning to tire of it. I'm still not entirely sure of what happened. I mean, the rocket launched, and it's still going, and it just seems like there was some kind of backdraft effect, or they had set up the observation stands too close, not knowing how big the blast would be, and that's why stuff is bad right now. But then this 'second explosion' has really got me stumped. :/
Did Pinkie actually say 'grimdark'? Noooooo. D: Argh and now Lyuka's doing it too! No fandom commentary!
Dammit, stop being meta! I demand my money back!
Well, she's not shutting the program down, that's a relief! But I'm now halfway through and things are entirely back to square one, it seems. Man, I just don't know what to think of this anymore.
@Present Perfect: Whoa, you did? Well, in that case, I tip my hat to you! Looking back at the early chapters, I can't help but flinch... seriously, THANKS for giving it a chance here. You are certainly a far kinder person than me ^_^
ReplyDeleteAnd yeah, that "Accident" chapter is the first time I've ever written anything so big (with so much stuff going on at once), so it's a little chaotic and long and confused as a result. But, eh. Hopefully you can soldier on to the finish line, somehow ;)
@Mrakoplaz:
ReplyDeleteThis story holds a special place for me, because after I approved it, literally every single sci-fi story I had the privilege to pre-read was amazing. I may have sent a couple back for edits, but I don't think I ever got one that wasn't worth posting.
Back to the story! Part 9!
I haven't been pointing out errors, but since I see you're still receptive to proofreading, I'll not pass this one over. You can pass time or pass time away, but you can't "pass away time". I thought she'd died for a second there. D: You use that phrasing a couple of times.
Aww. :D Zvez really cares!
Oh man, Cherry's story. XD
"Like a boss"? Really? Pfft. XP
Wait, did you just pull a "they're not actually pornos" joke? @_@ What just happened?
This is making me wish I knew more about trains.
That whole scene in the frontier town was really interesting. I wonder what to make of it.
So now we finally get an answer. Premature rocket firing, geez.
Man, where the heck is this going? Part 10.
This prayer is ridiculous.
Wait, this is Appleloosa? Why didn't you say so last chapter?
Ooh, I like that little bit with the figure of Star Swirl.
Love this scene with Will crying. They ARE good friends, and you just proved it.
I like Cawthorne. :D This conversation, and the look into dragon psychology, is great.
Good lampshading on the lunch length there. I was actually beginning to wonder how they could fit all this running about into one.
Man, you know way too much about politics and industry. This is looking to get dry, and has already been so, now and then, but I'll give you major credit for crafting a story that I nevertheless want to see the end of. I've just got to know how it turns out!
There's an "axes" in here that I think is supposed to be "axles".
Hah, romance! I didn't see that coming until last chapter. :3
Oh, you skipped the whole fillybustering thing? THANK CELESTIA
I am now excited. :D Told you there was a good story in here!
@Present Perfect: So, I just CTRL+F'd the whole story, and guess what? I never use any variation of the phrase "pass the time away", ever, in the entire 200000 stupid words (at least, as far as I could see), but then I do it twice in the two first pages of Chapter 11. And it's wrong on both accounts.
ReplyDeleteGENIUS!
I agree the story's pretty up-and-down at points. All the hallmarks of a first work, methinks - there's a good thing in there SOMEWHERE, but it's buried under a lot of meaningless dry exposition on the specific heat capacities of various halogen hydrides and serial manufacturing processes (to be fair, I myself wondered how the hell you would build a rocket with hooves, so I tried to be detailed on that - obviously too much ^_^).
But it's really the ending I'm especially interested in your comments on, though, because I think something happened in the last 3 or so chapters. If you check the post dates, you'll see I've suddenly started taking much more time on the things, working harder, rewriting more often, stuff like that. It's those parts that I am most interested in the criticism of, and that I might actually defend a little (the rest is pretty mediocre, I concede that straight away).
@Mrakoplaz:
ReplyDeleteWait, this is your first? D: Stop worrying dude, it's fucking amazing. My big complaint so far, aside from how drawn-out the emergency response scene feels (it was what, three, four chapters?), is the continued detailed philosophizing about politics and economy. I actually don't mind the details about rocket engineering; that fits. The rampant communism doesn't, at least in my opinion. I've got a ways left to go, still, though, starting with part 11.
"Even Terra and Blues have stopped": had
Five operations per second! XD Well, it's a step forward from nothing.
Point of contention: Luna's crown is not gold, it's black.
I can't help but wonder if there was any bitterness in Skies' voice when he said that.
Well, despite what's happened to them, this is all very optimistic and hopeful, and I mean that for myself. :)
And Cherry's dad has turned out to be a very exciting and surprising character. I'm especially glad that we mostly get to see him through her eyes. Oh, and I do hope this is going to end romantically for Will. :V If nothing else, it's nice seeing him break down her long-held beliefs.
You know, despite all my grousing about the politics, it's coming to a head here. Her belief in Trottsky (who I think you spelled "Trottski" with an i in this chapter) does inform her character, ends up being the defining moment of her character, and it all climaxes here, in her tiff with Skies. And yet I'm still not sure where it's going, and I still thought it was boring as hell to read through; I'm not sure how much of it was honestly necessary to strike the balance between "too much information" and "fleshed-out character".
"the thing that's been balancing": that'd
Here's to tape! XD That and the potassium salad, good lord.
"What particles in a chlorine atom?": missing "are".
"hundred percent edible this time" XD My word, the dialogue in this scene.
Oh, Ray's with them now? :O I feel like I almost missed something between last chapter and this one, though you're filling in the blanks quite well. And she's got a boyfriend now! :V And here I thought nerdy girls never got the guy. It seems like everything set up in Appleloosa came to fruition.
So what's going on here now is that you're challenging the very foundation of Equestian society, all those questions being asked like, "Why do we need rockets when pegasi have wings?", "Why use science when we have magic?" as well as the Princess's role. I actually have to imagine that, despite her inability to stop the Assembly from cutting off funding for the project, there's nothing she would like to see more than her little ponies finally breaking free of needing her to watch over them.
@Present Perfect:
ReplyDeleteMeep, I do need an editor. Thanks for all the corrections, I'll put them in ASAP!
The communism thing, it really ties in with the rest of the technological progress, as well as the "earth pony" thing, and Wilhelmina's entire character: I mean, if (for example) Twilight was in charge of the Space Programme, she'd just skip all this binary propellant computeronic titanium machinistic stuffs, and use magic instead. And it'd be a very different story.
However, Wilhelmina doesn't just want to merely reach the stars, she wants to do in it a way that breaks down the unicorn monopoly on intellectual progress; reorienting society as she goes, not with crude revolutions/uprisings, but with cool flashy rockets and equenauts the public/tabloids fall in love with.
It's been quite a while since I wrote the story, but that's what I was going for (I think). Some of this started being charted out since the royal visit, but I wasn't that good at writing back then. I'm also probably misremembering something by now, so eh, just take this as you please.
Either way, the story's not just about the rocket building, it also tries to be about social stuffs. Hence the lengthy boring philosophy passages!
Oh, and I can tell you that's definitely not Wilhelmina's last big scene ;)
PS: I thought 'Trottsky' was TOO close, so I used 'Trottski' instead. No less cringeworthy, but I just needed something that quickly got the point across ^_^
PPS: I know I have problem with 'overwriting' (spelling everything out, treating the reader like idiot, etc.), so I was trying to correct myself in that while writing this. Hence not explicitly naming Appleloosa in the very start (after all, Zvezda herself wouldn't care about the name too much anyway), and so on. I'm not sure if I went too far back the other way and been too vague at times, though. Any thoughts on that?
if you make another story put it somewhere from fifty to two hundred years in the future from this story and the story be planning/setting up a colony on =Mars
ReplyDeleteJust finished reading. You are absolutely great at tension. Excellent read.
ReplyDelete@Mrakoplaz:
ReplyDeleteMentioning that it's Appleloosa is anything but overwriting. @_@ It was a minor thing, all considered, though, don't worry about it.
So it's been over a month since I had time to read this. @_@ Getting back into it with part 12! Not much more before I finish!
Yeah, Rainbow Dash isn't lazy at all! XD
Oh dear, Rainbow, what are you doing. c.c
"At it was magnificent": you meant "And!" :B
Oh man, I've never seen her humbler, and it's really effective!
"and its accelerated": it's. I like her explanation here, and Redstone's advice is VERY good, very pedagogically sound.
A thin white line? They're finally back far enough from the launch site then!
Ah, the classic "It looks like I walked in on them having sex" gag. :D
Round two with the council, eh? Oh boy!
Yay, Cherry made it in! It wasn't until the scene with Rainbow, the journalist and the rocket that I realized it would HAVE to be Cherry, and not just because she's a main character.
"Uttering something in foreign": either needs to be "in a foreign language", or drop the 'in'.
Watching him smash the phones is great. XD Wet fish! "I'm not fat!" This is amazing.
Oh god, it gets better. Pie Industries, "Crunchalicious"?
Okay, Rainbow dash NOT dressing in style is almost as bad a reference as her actually doing it. Feel bad!
Rarity is industry! Interesting seeing what she's had to do, and also how this fits with several interpretations of her doing similar things, from other artists.
Oh my god, Rarity, what have you done.
Rarity would never say "gonna".
Ho-ho! I wondered just what "range safety" entailed!
Oh god, Derpy and Dinky. MY FAVORITE THINGS :D
You know, I had just found myself wondering about the whole Cape thing too...
"she hasn't had a single": hadn't
"she was quite happy to never": would be
I like that, "disgusting eggs with a severe lack of sleep". :D
Friendship is science? I'm not buying it. >.>
Aw, c'mon, Cherry, it won't be that bad. :/
And today, somewhat ironically, is the day after Neil Armstrong died. D: Ah, what a legacy, though. It's even tangled up in this story, somehow.
@Present Perfect
ReplyDeleteAye, Neil Armstrong was a great man. A hero in every sense, really - saving Gemini 8, realizing the Eagle's landing computer was going to crash their module and landing manually - and, what more, never using his fame to further his own ends once back on Earth, in politics or otherwise. I mean, to WALK (first!) on the MOTHERBUCKING MOON and yet remain humble... now that is truly a character.
And I'm glad (if a little surprised) that you're still reading this story! We'll see if you trudge on to the end ^_^
@Mrakoplaz:
ReplyDeleteWhy wouldn't I still be reading it, silly? :P This is a great story!
On to chapter 13. My god, I'm almost done! That whole thing from last chapter, about "Why do they call it a cape?" is still burbling in the back of my mind. I sense something awful about to happen.
"I am hearing insubordination": should be "Am I"
Rainbow Dash, what in the hell are you doing. XD
I'm amazed at how much I can hear Rarity using all this technical jargon, how it all sounds perfectly in character, save that she would never say "All that jazz". <.< It's always the little things.
ohmygoshshe'sinaspacesuitthisisactuallyhappeningyeeeesssss
Luna's reaction is wonderful.
Huzzah! The program efficiency has been doubled! So very glad this came out prior to Luna Eclipsed.
"Words pretty much failed her. Well, expletives aside, of course." This is the best line.
Man, they are awfully pessimistic about this launch.
And Twilight would never say 'I also got".
With a five-hour countdown, I was wondering if Cherry wouldn't get bored.
Aww, Redstone's a big softie. :D
"Space food", really? XD
"'Director' of yours' got": extra apostrophe on 'yours'
"If you're really have to stay": 'you're' should be 'you'
Yay, I thought that was Dinky and Derpy.
Ray and Vez are so cute together. :3
Man, Will is awfully jealous of the Princess. I mean, it's understandable, but geeeez.
Haha, Cherry correcting her dad on the proper callsign! Hahaha, and then she takes it up anyway! XD
Oh my god this is so exciting. The mark of a well-crafted story! You've built everything up so well and now comes the final moment!
"of the blackly fumes": think you just meant 'black' here
"as a the pages": oops
Whoo, aliens!
Given how much detail she can see up there, it makes me wonder if their planet isn't smaller than earth. Or is this just such a low orbit? ...Oh, pegasus eyesight, nevermind.
I love Twilight's celebrant calculations, that's so very her. I also love Zvezda's little internal monologue there at the end. That is powerful and touching.
I see you use 'asides from' a couple of times. Should just be 'aside'.
Whoo, space-dragon!
"She run out of film": ran
Uh-oh indeed...
All right, it's time to finish this!
ReplyDelete"just how long that going to take": missing was
Their banter has been wonderful.
Way to go, Rainbow Dash! :D
Ah-hah!
"There wasn't chance to think about that": 'a chance'
There's another "blackly void" in here that should just be "black".
I very much like the theme of hope you've been kindling in this chapter. It's all well played.
Ah! And it finally all comes together, all the little pieces you've been laying out.
"Her only stimulus were": 'stimuli' or 'was'
I also like that you're taking your good time with this final chapter. It's paced slowly, but we're getting all this wonderful description. And really, the pacing just emphasizes how dire the situation is, how much time there is left, and how little there is to be done about anything.
"blueprints that lied scattered": lay
"Even your throat's coming back": what does this mean? O.o
"circuitry than run through": ran
Hah, and in the end it's her frustration at Redstone that saves the day! XD Amazing. That whole scene was really theatrical, too, very tense!
"thick blackly clouds": I hope I've pointed this out enough that you'll not do it again in your future endeavors :)
Daaaaamn, that impact!
Oh Cherry, you little turd! XD On to the epilogue!
Wow, from equenaut to floating, moving city architect? Wow!
"The behind her opened": whoops!
Seriously, her dad is amazing.
What a cool idea for commerce.
What's great about this story is that a fair percentage of it is about Cherry's relationship with her father. And that feels like it's come to an admirable close.
Oh geez, that picture is the best running gag, and it's only been running for two scenes!
I don't think "munch down" works; you probably mean "chow down". There are two instances of this.
Ooh, that little ritual with the hole is fantastic. So is the scene with the mirrors.
Celestium!
"my agenda free": missing 'is'
"the stairs of brickwork flat": think you're missing 'the'
"lowering her to back to the ground": that first 'to' is extra!
"eccentric millionaires' recluse": I think you mean 'refuge' or 'retreat'
Hah, I love that their husbands get on.
Yay Dinky! :D I really appreciate that tiniest of plot lines.
Oh god, her kid is adorable.
Whew, and a chillingly morose ending. But fittingly bittersweet.
This was an excellent, excellent tale. I'm so glad I can say I helped it get onto the blog. :) You made a cast of wonderful characters, a long plot that was never bogged down by itself or the technobabble, and a highly realistic scenario about phenomenal exploits. Thanks so much for crafting such a great story (and your first fanfic too, am I right?)
Whoop whoop whoop! That's about my reaction to your comment :D
ReplyDeleteMy first fanfic, yeah. Some people say I kind of dropped the ball on the whole commissar/history/cape thing, but I suppose that depends on whether you are happy with vague answers or not. It sort of gets answered, but not really. Shows how much planning I did (zero). Still, my tactic of blinding the audience with special effects so they don't notice the loose threads appears to have mostly worked!
And I'm definitely going to have to get on fixing all those mistakes - thanks a great deal for pointing them all out! I mean, really, you're awesome for actually writing all this down. I'm feeling a little lazy now (too much mathematics prep), but I'll get on it, honest.
Overall, I'm just happy how much my writing improved, from the start to the end. Some time ago, I tried looking at the first chapter, and just couldn't stop cringing.
So, yeah. Thanks a great deal for giving me this chance to improve myself, no matter how bad the beginning was. I truly appreciate it ^_^
@Mrakoplaz
ReplyDeleteYou're quite welcome. :D Hopefully you can keep learning and improving as you write more, because you will write more, won't you? :3
@Present Perfect
ReplyDeleteWell, to be honest, probably not pony stuff. But yeah, I'll keep working ^_^
Had a friend convince me to read this. I'm sure it would have appealed more to me if I were an engineer, and it was entirely too long and dragged out at times, but there are epic parts in there that make it all worth it!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing!