[Normal][Random] Marvelous, Magnificent Mastery Makes Me a Mendicant for More M-words. Metroids? (No, there are no metroids).
Author: Quell
Description: Mentar the Griffin loves nothing more than money, except his dearest friend, Twitter. How far will Mentar go to turn a profit when a new and bizarre market opens up?
Mentar the Magnificent Merchent of Magical Mixtures: A Flight of Fortune
Mentar the Magnificent Merchent of Magical Mixtures: A Glimmering Gambit
Mentar the Magnificent Merchant of Magical Mixtures: Irksome Interrupters of Immortality
Mentar the Magnificent Merchant of Magical Mixtures: An Avian Apprehended
Mentar the Magnificent Merchant of Magical Mixtures: The Dreaming Dark (New!)
Additional Tags: Economics, fraud, OC, griffin, money
54 comments:
Squid
The idea is good, but I'm only on the 4th paragraph and your tense changes every other sentence are throwing me off. I suggest having your editor help square you away.
@NB
What Mentar is doing is past tense. However, things like the reasoning behind pegasi getting annoyed are written in present because at the point of the story they are still happening. I think it works fine.
@NB
It confused me too, but I think the author is using present tense on things that are inherent to the whole set up (the concocting IS) and past for things in the plot (Mentar was packing). The present tense isn't there when it's only the story happening, not the background info on some things. Yah it's weird.
Nice story though. Concept reminds me of Spice and Wolf, which I love.
@NB
LOL you just got shut down.
mendicant means beggar.
didn't even need a dictionary :)
@Hio590 Yes. The author used it correctly.
You're underestimating yourself. This is the best economic fraud fanfic I've ever read for ANY fandom. And yes, I've read others.
Meanwhile, the tense change is a little jarring, even though I understood it. A bit more backstory with the fairy race would be nice, though not best for this story. I absolutely love the entire coctionology concept here.
Looking forward to future updates!
My bad. CONcoctionology.
@Party Favors
Ohhhhhhh my!
That griffon is a pimp
A griffon OC, and a really interesting one at that? Joy!!
He's a bit too Marty Stu-ish. The stories are very engaging so far, but if he doesn't start failing soon, it will get boring fast.
Is that a flawless-grade white feather in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
I am actually HIGHLY interested in this work.
May the author continue to thrive! Also, hoping for some future ingredient expedition stories.
I think this is basically the intro so far -- he had a profitable business but he decided to do something he knew was stupid, and now he's DOOMED.
Hello all, author here :)
Thanks for the positive reviews! This is my first submitted fanfic, and actually the first non-school related story I believed I've ever finished...
RE: terrycloth
For some clarification, these are very loosely related. EqD has them listed as "Part 1, Part 2" but "Episode 1, Episode 2" would be more accurate. This is a collection of short stories, designed for quicker digestion than long, drawn out plots, eg. Past Sins. Also because I can't be bothered with writing such a story (but I could if I wanted to!).
However, implications from one episode will play into others; Lord Goldenhorn will recur in the story.
RE: Ekevoo
Thanks for the advice! I hadn't really thought that would be a problem... but I've already planned a few low points for Mentar.
Hang tight for next episode: Shenanigans at the Gala (title to be determined).
Anon@ 1:18
Oh, let me grab a napkin, because I just got served! :P
Look, it's Quell's first fanfic and good on him/her, and I'm pointing out something that would have gotten my own beta-readers up in arms if I'd started switching tenses in the same paragraph. But if two other people think it doesn't hurt the flow ... eh.
I read the whole thing and that's the only con-crit I have.
@George Takei
What's your comment referring to?
@Sethisto Seth: we rfeally need another Ponies on Mars post, we have reached maximum comment capacity on the old one.
The tense-swapping is incredibly jarring. You will never see a professional novel do this (barring the occasional really screwed up post-modern piece). You always write in the past tense; the only exception is within dialogue.
Ack! I was editing the last scene based on some feedback when you posted this!
Bad timing!
And I'm sorry, but this episode isn't as economics-heavy :(
Have to point out: if pegasus feathers were so useful in potions, At least SOME pegasi would be hoarding and selling them--- not destroying them.
>RealityCheck
"Now, some pegasi are more than eager to sell their useless molted feathers ... "
Alright, finished editing Episode three. Mentar has a voice in his head, yes. It will be used for comedic value and great justice!
Time for bed.
>Lack of Metroid
>Not Worth Reading
>Look at tags
>Normal
>Random
>My kind of story
Very good, that lady griffin had me giggling far, Far too much and the voice in his head is rather well aligned with Twitter's own goals.
The fic is quite unique not only in that it is economic fraud but that it seems to have a reasonable amount of progression. And on that, it'd be interesting to see what he does with his fortunes - political intrigue perhaps?
Just how platonic is his relationship with Twitter, hehehehe...
Loving this story, the internal monologue was the best addition.
I love the shouts from his internal monologue! When the first "PAWN TO D4!" line hit it was just perfect.
This is surprisingly likable! I kind of find to whole new griffon romance thingy weird, but how you explained it away with the quip about Griffon romance being different made sense. Little fast paced on progression but...
... eh, I really like this all around. Would love some ingredient gathering quests though!
What a fantastic fabrication of formal and feathered fiction! Definitely keeping tabs on this story, it's not often we get original gryphons, much less profound economical and tactical geniuses.
Also, as plenty of people have stated before, the internal monologues really add a nice touch.
Mentar's internal conversations with his own mind are hilarious.
Love it.
What's this music video thing here? How unexpected! I'm honored, I suppose.
...and with that big green FRAUD in there I'll have to make another "fraud" episode; I wonder just how much people enjoy that aspect. Maybe something with smuggling. Yah let's do that, even though I'm about four pages into episode four. Dicking around with (some of) the mane six, ingredient expedition (dragon's blood), and introducing another feature of concoctionology: artifacts.
...and with that big green FRAUD in there I'll have to make another "fraud" episode; I wonder just how much people enjoy that aspect. Maybe something with smuggling. Yah let's do that, even though I'm about four pages into episode four. Dicking around with (some of) the mane six, ingredient expedition (dragon's blood), and introducing another feature of concoctionology: artifacts.
what alliteration title go with "fraud"?
I'm pretty sure it was Scotch
Scotch is too obvious. A still-angry Spike? An accident by Twilight, who uses it to try and replicate some plane-walking spell or Pinkie Pie power? His secretly VERY irked girlfriend? So many possibilities...
The butler did it. No really, I'm cereal.
I was wondering,in this story, how many years have passed since Luna's return?
The voice in his head confirms it: Mentar is the ponified (griffin-ified?) Deadpool.
@Anonymous
"Item: #112 (Sparkling Sun Sphere): Transactions: November 23rd, year 5 of the sisters."
Five it seems.
Last episode... thanks for reading.
Last episode? I hope you decide you want to write more.
@Quell
awww... I'm sorry to hear that. We didn't even get an ingredient gathering episode. However, this last chapter, (again, awwww last one) was still pretty funny, if not woefully short. And you really left no loose ends, it just wasn't that climactic and ending. Good job, overall, and I still laughed at the voice in his head talking in the thought diary. Hope you right more.
(and good luck senior year. I know I'm near shiting myself over it)
Thank you for writing something that was brilliant and different. I do hope we'll be graced by more of your work.
Dammit Seth, I had to create a google account for this. I hope you're happy.
@Quell
Sloppy or no, my good sir, this is one of the more eagerly anticipated fics on EQd by myself for not only its relatively higher quality but its great potential. It is something different, which in this fandom means quite a bit, and something quite interesting. It could go so much farther than so many other fics with a bit of effort, as such I implore you; keep an open mind toward it, toward the characters and the universe.
...Dammit.
I'll try to write more, but it definitely won't get updated as much :/
I wrote that wrong. No, it's not like I don't want to write it, it's just that there's a bunch of stuff going on.
I'll *try* to write more :)
Last chapter? Aw... All things have to end, I suppose, but I'm still hoping we may see more of Mentar in the future! I kind of agree with Risky, though, the ending wasn't exactly climactic, but it did make me d'aww pretty hard.
@Quell
Huzzah.
Yah yah, rushed and anti-climatic. I don't like it either but I just wanted to finish it...
Thanks! Whatever comes next will definitely be better.
eh, even if it ended quickly is was still a great story. Also i'm glad you'll keep writing. keep it up and all that.
Am I the only one who read that title and thought it was a Harvey Birdman crossover? ;)
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