Author: RedSavant
Description: When Gilda returns to Ponyville looking to patch things up with Rainbow Dash, things don't exactly go as planned. Grounded and humiliated, Gilda begins the long process of learning that sometimes, friendship means being willing to admit you were wrong.Gryphon A Second Chance (All Links)(New Part 4!)
Additional Tags: Injury, Anger, Forgiveness, Taken Down A Peg
47 comments:
There seems to be a spike in Gilda fics recently
HAWHAWHAW. Spike. Gilda.
HAWHAWHAW.
Good start; looking forward to more. Will rate after another chapter or so.
Normally I love shipping stories... even the joke ones like Tho Thuper... why am I hesitant with this one?
It's not too bad, actually, I read it when it was on FF.net. It's the other sort of shipping. Friendship, not relationship.
I'm wondering why there is no 'incomplete' tag on this; it's a nice stepping off point, but the story we have to go on doesn't present any major conflict resolution or compelling narrative to provoke interest.
That said, it was well written at the very least, and Gilda's dialogue was refreshingly accurate - the portrayal of her as a completely irreverent jerk regardless of her actions fits very well with her established chracter from the show, though I imagine it makes her hard to write; portraying someone completely unsympathetic seems difficult.
Can't really pass much more judgement one till something happens, but for now, it's a cute starting point.
So this isn't shipping shipping, it is friendship (which imo, that is not shipping)? I'll read it then. I can't stand shipping in a serious story. But that's just me.
I keep challenging the fandom to make me like Gilda. Will this be the fic that does it? (Admittedly, I've yet to read any others that try to make it happen.)
Loving Rainbow Dash's characterization at the start. I approve of all the Gildabuse and I'm more willing to accept her eventual redemption for having it. Also, I would flip if this is going to end up shipping Gilda with Fluttershy. Looking forward to more!
*Grin*
"There will be more. Sometime." Da heck is that? :P Well then, see you... sometime I guess? :p
I approve of this story. Everypony (and -griffon) is very in-character, and the story is setting itself up nicely.
Hi, folks! Thanks for all your comments so far. Chapter two will be ironed out sometime today, I imagine, and posted.
@Showme: It'll become much clearer what the tag means in chapter 2. And I do mean LIGHT shipping, by the way - this isn't going to go quite that smoothly for Gilda.
@showmetheblueprints
Well yea, but when the term shipping is used, people almost always assume it's a relationship story instead of just making a friend.
Heck, you thought the same way.
Going to have to go with the consensus here. It's a nice introduction, and all of the characters are nicely in character, but it's not enough to really make a judgement on the story quality yet. Still, some very hopeful signs here, and looking forward to the second chapter.
I'm holding onto my Stars for now, but so far so good. Also, it is nice to see someone OTHER than Rainbow Dash suffering from Glass Wing Sindrome. The fact that it is GILDA is just icing on the cake.
Loving the style of this so far. Not much to go by, though. I demand more.
It's good, needs more of it though.
Chapter 2's up now, folks. It's a bit more dialogue-focused than chapter 1.
Awful lot o' Gilda stories of late. First chapter looked pretty good even though there wasn't much to ho on, so I'll keep my eye on this one.
Second chapter was really good, love the descriptions. Shouldn't you like, send them to Equestria Daily though? Instead of letting us know in the comments that there's an update?
I should do that, yes. Is there a page somewhere that explains the proper form for notifying of an update?
@RedSavant
Not sure. I would just use the same format and then write "chapter 2" in front of it. If it's wrong then you'll be notified anyways.
This damn story keeps popping up in front of me. I didn't want to read it cuz I disliked Gilda so much, but...*sigh* Fine. I'll give a review comment after I've read it.
Ok, so first chapter wasn't bad. Personally I'm sick and tired of everyone in MLP being portrayed by fanfic writers as being in a lesbian relationship, so I really hope this doesn't turn out that way. All the characters did and said exactly what I would expect from them per their charaterization on the show, and the dialogue was rather good. On to Chapter 2!
More lesbian shipping. Son of a BITCH. WHY does everyone in Ponyville get portrayed as being a lesbian?
On to the writing critique. First of all, you're making Gilda too nice, too fast. She should be struggling against her inner bitchiness a lot more. One night should not have profound an effect. Honestly, after the first chapter portrayed the characters so faithfully, Chapter 2 was a huge disappointment. And the ending paragraph was SO cheesy and forced. The idea was good, but the execution was not. Probably won't even bother to read the next update when it comes.
Sorry, made a typo and couldn't let my last comment stand. Any ways, I was saying that if Gilda were struck by lightning and lost several primaries due to burns,it may only take a couple of weeks for her to be up and about, but it may be well over a year before the feathers grow back well enough to allow proper flight, if they ever do.
Gilda, there is hope for you yet!!!
RedSavant, I hope to see more chapters real soon. This story has me hungry for more!
@RainbowDat: All fair and valid critiques, except perhaps the (what strikes me as) strange surprise that it's turned out to be lesbian shipping. In the absence of any male characters to ship Gilda with and the presence of a Shipping tag, I'm honestly wondering what else you were expecting.
Everything else is fair, though. I did in fact intend Gilda to have recovered from her subduing in chapter 3; that was an effect of the nightmare, not a permanent character shift, but given that I haven't written chapter 3 yet, I can see how you'd think that.
Like I said in my comments for chapter 1, I know nothing about wings. It's good to know how primaries actually function, but I doubt I can stretch this out to well over a year. We'll say gryphons are magic and leave it at that.
@RainbowDat
Everypony's a lesbian because there are too few males. In terms of shippable males, there's Big Macintosh, Soarin', Doctor Whooves, Caramel, and Braeburn. Not that many stallions means there's not going to be that much shipping involving them.
Regardless, I did see this little twist coming, mostly because it was going to be either Fluttershy or Dash, and I think we all know how well that first one would go in both the story and the fandom. Looking forward to more.
"Nightmares and Alfalfa"? Sounds more like a Luna fic!
Isn't Moondancer a unicorn? Since she was holding a party at the School for Gifted Unicorns and all? Regardless, I love that opening dream sequence; my heart is beginning to open.
I'm still enjoying the interplay between Gilda and Fluttershy. I don't think Gilda's being too nice too quickly, though I can see where that idea might come from. Keeping a more sedentary pace would most likely bog this story down with length. You're giving us the good parts and selling them well.
That said, I'd recommend leaving the self-deprecation out of the author's notes. It leaves a bad taste.
@Present Perfect: Roger that; it's a habit I'll have to break myself of. Thanks for the feedback.
Moondancer is a unicorn, yes, but the name stuck with me when I was writing the scene and refused to let me think of another, so that's how that turned out.
I wonder if RainbowDat will be back...
@Present Perfect:
For all we know, Twilight may have learned her Cloud Walking spell from Moondancer. I see no conflict here.
@RainbowDat:
There just isn't many cannon males from the show to choose from. And since shipping ANYONE with an OC Pony is Parasprite Bate waiting to happen, most authors avoid the issue by pairing up the existing female cast. Trust me, unless you REALLY want to see a Gilda/Big Macintosh fic, it's better this way.
I'm back.
And yes, I caught that little detail of Moondancer being a pegasus in this story, but I don't think it's a big deal because we never actually SAW her in the show, it was just a name that got thrown out there. It would be a bit unrealistic to say that every school-age pony in Canterlot must be a unicorn enrolled in Celestia's little university, so really there's no solid contradiction.
As for my issues with lesbian shipping, yeah, I gotta admit there's an extreme shortage of stallions to go around. Doesn't mean I have to like it, but that's just how it is. :(
For chapter 3: nice save. You had me worried there, but it turned out okay. I'd prefer the friendship over relationship, but whatever. This might be a decent fic after all. Keep improving!
Hm. Nice little bit of introspection from Gilda, there.
Thanks for giving me a second chance, as it were, RainbowDat. =) I wish I could give you some assurances about the future of the fic, but I really don't want to spoil anyone who reads the comments, so I'll have to ask you to take my word for it that you probably won't find the outcome too objectionable.
@red-savant
This is your story after all, not mine. If you feel that the flow of the story is leading you to establish a romantic relationship instead of a friendly one, go with it. Whether or not I think it's worth reading is my problem. Don't worry about it, just do what you think is best for the story as a writer. It's not like we write these fics for a living, it's for the love of the art.
@RainbowDat: Well, as I've said, it's not heading toward GildaShy. That IS going to end up being a friendship and nothing more; I've never intended to ship them. As for Dash,
*spoilers!*
To be honest, this is marked light shipping for a reason. I'm actually thinking that Gilda won't even tell Dash.
*/spoilers!*
So, make of that what you will. If you've got an easier way to contact you - or a TVTropes account, that'd be the best - I'd be grateful if you'd let me run ideas by you. You're the best critic I have, after all, and while praise is nice, it doesn't help much in terms of improvement.
/)^3^(\
I would love to help you out! My access to the Web is a bit limited at the moment since I'm in between laptops and having to rely on a public library, but I'll do what I can, when I can. I've set up an email just for this purpose, which is RainbowDat@hotmail.com.
PS. I don't have a clue what TVTropes is, but after I Google it we'll see if I can set something up.
This TVTropes thing is interesting, but it seems like the kind of thing you can get really wrapped up in. I dedicate at least an hour of my daily life to ponies already, so I'm a little hesitant to go that deep... Still, I'm aspiring to write my own stories as well as critiquing others, so this may help.
Thanks for the 3 chapter, it was a pleasure to read it (even if you didn't end it before s2 – but that's no problem at all) :-).
When is this going to update? Too good a story to let die!
Whoa whoa whoa, this story totally came out of no where for me. I haven't read it yet but I love Gilda fan fictions. I'm actually working on one right now and already have a few chapters up. I'll give it a read.
Very nice to see an update. And that had to be about the most adorable FlutterMac I ave seen yet. But man.... Nasty ending, didn't see that coming. Came out of nowhere in another way as well, did I miss an explanation of is that coming in the next chapter?
I had never been particularly sure where this was going (in the sense that I figured what the end result was, but had no idea how it would get there).
However, now this is turning into To Be a Better Stallion: Gilda Edition, and I simply love that.
Hey, folks! Thanks as always for your kind words. I'm glad to see so many people have been waiting for updates, and I'm sorry it's been taking so long. I'm on break now, so hopefully I'll have more time to write soon.
Of course, I do have another fic posted on my LiveJournal... it's not what I'd call SFW, at all, but if you're interested in humanized JackTwiRare, you should check it out: http://red-savant.livejournal.com/20608.html (NSFW).
(Not sure what the rules are for linking to NSFW content. My apologies if it's not allowed.)
Some time is done since Decembre, is there a chance f an update?
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