[Adventure]
Author: Heitomos
Description: When Apple Bloom falls ill with a mysterious disease, it's up to Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash to try and find her a cure! Can they find it in time, or will this be it for the little filly?White Demure (All Links) (New Chapter 12!)
White Demure (All Links Alternate)
Additional Tags: Possibly Long, Disease, Adventure, Quest, Cure
41 comments:
First?
JUST SO YOU KNOW
This totally isn't Dangerous Business.
Twilight Sparkly?
Yeah, that was my first thought too. Also, "Twilight Sparkly?" *snerk*
Twilight Sparkly? Sounds like an upgrade to me.
Twilight Sparkly is my favorite pony.
hehehe i leik Twilight Sparkly.
hm, kinda sounds like the same premise of Its Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door
BUT
that does not mean it can't be good. Plenty of shows and stuff have the same premise and still are good shows sperate from eachother (all those crime dramas out there come to mind) So I'll give this a shot. ;)
I'll give it a shot, Dangerous Business similarities notwithstanding. Sir Leadhead hit it right on the money.
Sparkly
Well, Twilight's disease wasn't mysterious in Dangerous Business.
I like your idea of splitting them off into groups that wouldn't normally work together.
Looking forward to reading more!
Sparkly? Was that an accident...or is it Ms. Sparkle"s evil twin?!?!
XD
@Anonymous
Well, I'd think Sparkly is sparklier thank Sparkle. :)
Twilight Sparkly sounds epic.
LOL Sparkly!
So basically... this is "It's Dangerous Business GOing out your Door..." Only Applebloom is sick rather than Twilight.
in4fter Twilight Sparkly
Twilight Sparkly
Appleyjackles
Rariteeny
Pinkie Dinkie Pie
Fluttershiny
Rainbow Dashie-Washy-Pa-Ping-Pong
@Anonymous
We all know Twilight's evil twin is Rapidash! =D
@Anonymous
you may want to look at my previous comment before you make a judgement based on that statement. i think i make a good point.
Okay, I was at work all day and only now arrived to see all this.
Well, I should say this first:
I have not read "It's Dangerous Business, Going Outside Your Door" yet. I wanted too, I just never got around to it yet. In light of being told it has similarities, I will not read that fic until I have finished this one, so that, if I keep this up, you all know it's by happen stance and not plagiarising.
Secondly, I have just noticed the Twilight Sparkly typo, and I'm glad you lot like it. :P It might get fixed soon, however.
As many people have said, it's not Dangerous Business, but but it has the same basic plot. That's not a bad thing but it's what it will be compared to to begin with.
Because of this it's got some big boots to fill. Still a solid opening. It'll be a couple more chapters till I make a proper verdict though.
One problem. Infections just don't pop up out of nowhere. Whatever Apple Bloom was exposed to could well still be out there for anypony to stumble over and spread across half of Equestria. Given that the White Demure has epidemic potential not informing Celestia of the potential threat immediately is criminally irresponsible.
While I'm sure the Author is worried about Celestia just solving everything. The shear scale of the threat can work as an explanation why she can't. To cover all of Equestria to find the White Demure's source is a huge undertaking that will probably involve her full attention the organization of hundreds of ponies and weeks of planning. Weeks Apple Bloom doesn't have.
"It's Dangerous Business, Going Outside Your Door" isn't the only one with that premiss there's also the incomplete "Ten Very Venturous Ponies".
Why is there a picture of Spike when he's not in the story!?
I'm intrigued. Gonna follow this one simply because it's early enough in the story it's not so daunting to go through 10 parts or whatever.
Please continue!
Heh, I've actually talked to the writer on EPR many times...dude this is one hell of a fanfic! Keep it up man! :D
Thanks you very much for the kind words! They bring me hope and motivation to keep on writing!
Dat face of Spike in the pic...
Everypony knows that Twilight Sparkly is the rare bling bag pony! In all seriousness though, thanks for updating! This story had fallen so far back in the chronological listing of my bookmarks. I was wondering when an update would finally be released.
Thanks!
This is a fun adventure piece. The relationships/reactions/etc. going on among the pairs is really good, and the premise is simple enough to dive into. I'm eagerly awaiting more editions.
My only gripe is the increasing number of typos and spelling mistakes that are occurring with each passing chapter. If you would like an editor or someone to help I'd be glad to! If not, give your works an extra going over (and use spell check!) before posting. It's getting to the point of drawing me out of the story.
Sorry for the long rant, but this is a really good story and I want to see it shine! Keep it up.
Thats funny. Chapter 7 was my favourite one yet.
Hmm, didn't really buy the whole "wouldn't spend some bits to save a life" attitude of Aunt Orange. With that aside, great chapter as always!
Aunt Orange was quite the old nag.
Good chapter, looking forward to the next!
Thanks!
Good to hear from you guys! Yeah, I made her rather evil to suit the purposes of the story, but we don't know much about her, so I figured I had a little wiggle room. As a note, the first two chapters are being re-written entirely, not sure when though... But soon, at least, as the story is wrapping up in two more chapters.
Thanks for the support,
Heitomos
i'm surprised that no one has made a supernatural reference yet.
fluttershy-Oh no, what are we going to do?!
dean-kill it with fire. *Shoot with flare*
An engaging story from beginning to end. Well done!
Its really superb addition from your side. I was quite unaware of this story but enjoyed a lot while reading it here. Keep sharing more in the future for all of us atlanta craigslist reviews classified
Well, I'm starting chapter 12 now. I'd write this after I complete the story, but I'm gonna read in bed on my 3DS cuz I'm freakin' tired. LOL! So far, I've loved this story. I'm both happy to see the final resolution to this one, but also sad to have one of my regular favorites come to an end.
Well... Imma dive under the covers with my 3DS now. Good night!
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