Description: Lyra's having a tough time and is comforted by her wife, Bon-Bon. Just so you know, they kiss.
And for those who want the FULL version (it has them having sex, but it also has a lot more "character moments" and it's not just for the clopping) and don't want to DA:https://docs.google.com/document/d/1CchZCMg0Wwm0Y1ZeWKtkBZD5Ydbj7GV2TZEiJw7jq1Q/edit?hl=en_US
...see y'all on his DA page....don't judge!
MLP Fanfic Cliche #20 take to background characters who happened to be together a lot, make them married, cause honestly why else would they be together, and give them personalities.
lol the clean version is only three pages long
For once, I have to agree with Dave Mustange here. I can appreciate a fan in-joke but this takes it a wee bit too far.but hey, that's just my opinion, bro
What can I say, I wanted to write a happily married couple.I can dig that isn't everyone's scene.
YES, Lyra and Bonbon!
Yeah. Orchestral auditions DO suck. 150-200 people auditioning for 1 spot. I can't wait.
@Stephen CawkingHow many pages of them fucking are there in the dirty version?
@Dave Mustang, the cynical BronyThe full version is twice as with about a page and a half to two pages of them actually doing stuff to each other.There is an interlude from them going from the couch to the bedroom and being playful with one another and a flashback.
The button for "No Fanfiction Mode" is right there at the top of the page, Dave.
@Dave Mustang, the cynical BronySeriously, you got to release this list you got there at some point :)
@AcriaosOkay, but the numbers might be fucked up a bit cause I make them up off the top of my head.
@Dave Mustang, the cynical BronyYou're right, we shouldn't have fun.The ponies must remain bland and boring
Guys, guys, I really don't mind that some folks don't dig on what I'm doing here.End of the day, I write for myself most of the time and share it because I think other might enjoy it and/or offering critique to help me improve.
Also, I'm glad that a lot of people are giving the full version a look.The "clean" one does stand up on its own, but it is poorer for the removal of the middle.
@AnonymousBackground Ponies should remain in the background.
@Dave Mustang, the cynical BronyHey, I don't care if you have number 20 12 times on your list. I think we're all eager to see it.
@Dave Mustang, the cynical BronyI disagree, obviously.The shows creators made a very rich world and just sticking with the same 6 characters for every story and every author kinda defeats the purpose of fanfiction, which is tell stories that DON'T happen in the show.
@Hio590The list exists already.It's called TVtropes.All things contain cliches, because nothing is new, everything is made up of tiny pieces of everything else.
@PacceJesus man you had to go into detail in the comments section? keep it clean dude
@AnonymousI just said they have sex in the full version, because they do.If someone wants to see the full version, awesome.If someone is just a compulsive link goer, I don't them to come back crying that they didn't know there'd be sex there.
@AnonymousWhat details did you see?
Good story, I read both, longer version was much better. I wish I had seen the GD link first though, I hate dealing with dA.
@Arcane ScrollI'm glad you enjoyed it and thanks for giving the full version a shot.Also congrats! 24 comments in and you're the first person to actually talk about the story.
I, for one, prefer the 'unshorn fetlocks' version! Of course, I'm a bit biased! ;)
@Anonymousum... hasn't it been fanon with these two even before that was the cliche, though?
@PacceYeah dude you mentioned Cartoon Ponies having sex. line crossed. Oblivious much?
@AnonymousI... think you're missing the point.That was a content warning.As in, "if you don't want this, do not go here".
@Roy G. BivUnshorn Fetlocks version?I like that.
@PacceAre you planning a sequel? Also, how do these ponies stay so thin, they seem to mainly just eat junk food all day?*goes off to bake a batch of cookies*
@PacceI'm new around here. Thought this fandom was about people who love the show but it seems like its filled with crazy people sexualizing a kids show. getting a little freaked out here. This isn't the wholesome community I originally thought it was. So are you most of u guys into this stuff or are you just all completely ok with this? Not trying to be mean here, I just wanna know now so I don't get my soul crushed later.
@AnonymousBronies make up for thousands of individuals with all kinds of differing opinions and tastes.I myself write stories on varying subjects and themes, some are about big adventure and lots of fun.Some are sad stories about characters with troubled lives.Some are about ponies being in wuv.Some are about all of the above.I'm afraid that there are things in this and all fandoms that individuals will find objectionable, the trick is to ignore those things that you don't wish to share in.That's WHY I very clearly marked that link as "Here be sex" so that those who don't wish to see that can safely avoid it.If you object to such things existing, I am afraid there's nothing I can do about that.
I don't really see the point of uploading this to EqD actually. It's kind of like watching a porn that has every scene where they don't have any clothes on cut off, just because you like the plot. Especially with the first link in the comments and the mention of the NSFW version on DA in the description above, you might as well have saved yourself the trouble to make two versions.All that said, I don't think the story itself is bad, it has some funny moments and lovable characters. However, I don't think I approve of uploading clopfiction through the backdoor to this page.
@AnonymousIt's a mixed fanbase. For the most part we just accept each-others differences and ignore what we don't care for. I'm not a fan of grimdark stories, except in a couple cases, so I don't read those. I'm not going to tell other people they can't read them or the site mods that they shouldn't post them. This site does have restrictions on what they will and won't post and I respect those restrictions. As long as postings are flagged appropriately then I see no cause for concern. I do think the link directly to the mature version shouldn't have been posted, but that was in the comments and not by a mod. It's all about treating each other with mutual respect. Tag what should be tagged, don't look at stuff you're not comfortable with and just try to maintain a friendly environment as much as possible.BTW, mods, maybe you could put a No-Mature Content button up there to? Might help people be more comfortable on the site.
@AcriannaSeth and I talked about this and this was his decision.It's there's no sneaking involved for my part.I say both here and on my DA exactly what you will find so that those who don't want sex in their shipping can avoid it.I'm glad you enjoyed the story, it was a nice change to write an established couple and not two characters who were only just falling in love.
@Arcane ScrollI may do more with Lyra and Bon-Bon down the line.But I don't have anything planned.
@Arcane ScrollYeah but having a No-Mature button is basically accepting that there is mature content on this site. Would hard to have hasbro back up a site that admits that it has Mature content of one of its kids shows on site. Very tricky situation.
I for one enjoyed it well enough, thank you Pacce
@AnonymousThis website is not a Hasbro affiliate.Also, the most popular stories on here are Fallout: Equestria and the ever odious Cupcakes.Those stories have pony rape and murder.Just to put things in perspective.
@AnonymousThanks for reading!Glad you liked it.
Seth, you need to put the tag that says whether it's incomplete or complete.Sounds like a good story though - looking forward to reading through, pacce :)
@AnonymousThat is true. I still think the site is within accepted grounds. It has had fanfiction that has dealt with mature subject mater for a long time now. The biggest fanfic on the site deals with some serious subject mater.Maybe there should be a place to post stories without having to worry about being connected to EQD, but for now this is the biggest presence for MLP:FiM on the internet and I don't see that changing any time soon. This is similar to the situation PPG World had back in the days, major hub for all things PPG but with some mature content.
@PaccePacce, if you could delete the direct link and put it on your dA page instead, it might clear up some of the concerns. There's already a link to your page and mention of a full version. Not a slam, just trying to calm the waters a bit.
@TamarI look forward to hearing you opinion of it.
@AnonymousJust for your information, there are plenty of incredibly well-written stories here with much friendlier content. I would recommend "Luna vs. the Microwave" and "Twilight Sky over Canterlot," or any other story marked as 6-stars. The fan-base is incredibly mixed. What you see here (including comments and links) make up a very small segment of the community that not many people participate in.
@PacceYou know, you don't have to respond to every comment here, you got more defensive than would have been necessary ^^ My criticism was more directed at Sethisto anyway, the description basically said "here's the story, but go check out the other one over at DA" complete with a link to the page. I wouldn't have said anything if it weren't for this DA-link or the description. I don't mind the link in the comments, but Equestria Daily shouldn't so openly advertise clopfiction itself in my opinion.
@Arcane ScrollSome people don't like dealing with DA and the link is clearly labeled.And I don't mind if people disapprove of that version, they're free to not read it or to talk with me about what they don't like.But I'm not going to punish the people who do want to read it, but prefer to use Googledocs.
@AcriannaAh, I see. I thought you were saying that I was trying to sneak things in.Also, I like talking to people in the comments section for a story that I take a small amount of pride in. Discussion is magic.
@AcriannaVery well put! I agree, wholeheartedly.
@PacceI never said it was an affiliate dude. Hasbro does interact with the site with emails though. And Equestria daily was in that ipone MLP commercial. If people find out that hasbro has interacted with a website that openly accepts Sexual content of one of its childrens shows it'll put Hasbro in trouble. We shouldnt do that to them. Also Fallout Equestria has pony rape in it? jesus christ thats just terrible. guess i won't be reading it.
@AcriannaAlso, the reason I made the edited version was because I was still happy with the character interaction and I KNOW there are people who would prefer to read the story without the sex.It's not incomplete without it, there's just less of it. If I felt that the story didn't hold up without the sex then I WOULD NOT have submitted it in much the same way that I HAVE NOT submitted certain other things I have done.
I quickly read the cleaner version. It's kinda cute. It's more my kind of Lyra and Bon Bon story than the other one I've read, How Lyra Met Bon Bon. Which wasn't that bad but didn't fit my idea of the characters I'd built up from the fanart and their scant appearances in the show.I hadn't imagined them having a daughter but I guess I could imagine this as a later point in their relationship. As for Dave Mustang's whiny whining. I'd rather not read much fanfiction about the mane cast. Unless it's really funny like the D&D saga I'd personally prefer the show itself to be the place I see them.Superfluous but cool/cute background characters are what fanfiction (and Hasbro's Star Wars action figure toy line) are made of!
@AnonymousYou're not gonna read it just because of that? That's a shame. It's really a good story.And on topic, I liked your story Pacce.
@AnonymousIt's talked about, but (to the point where I read) it was never shown in progress. Just threats, at least one attempt, and the victims afterward.It is not a happy story.Also there's lots of murder in it too and even several cases of implied consensual sex that was enjoyed by all parties involved.
If you like reading Ponies fucking, I think 4/9 times there's something wrong with you.
@AnonymousI'm glad you enjoyed it. They're a fun pair of characters to write.Maybe some time I could write them all interacting as a family.There's nothing BIG in here, it's just a kind of depiction I don't see very often in stories. I'd like to see more "Happy Established" couples. Admittedly, that can be hard to write and keep interesting.But my god if I had a nickel for every story where some pony broke down crying and confessed their love or for every tsundere relationship, I'd have a shit load of nickels.
@Dave Mustang, the cynical Bronyeverybody has something wrong with them. you haven't noticed that yet? if not then welcome to earth, that green stuff you see on the ground is called grass.
@Dave Mustang, the cynical BronyIt's funny, but I can't think of them as just ponies. They talk, they sing, they fly, they do magic, they build cities.To me, they're more like pony shaped aliens.
@Pacceyeah I get tired of that structure a bit as well. the one major shipping fic I did have them both fully aware of the situation and their feelings for each other... really it was more about them formally becoming romantic than an admission of love.
@AnonymousFallout Equestria is, if nothing else, a very AMBITIOUS story. It has so much going on it and it's already novel length. I disagree with some of the author's choices, but it is not my story. The characters are mostly wonderful though.Also, thanks for reading. Glad you enjoyed it.
also, you already know my opinion of this fic from DA... I'm Exiana if you haven't noticed.
@PacceDon't forget that they're CARTOON pony shaped aliens. never ever forget. for the day you forget the show that all this gloriousness is based off of, is the day you have doomed your soul. Praise be the ponies.
@Adrian BronyOh yeaaaaaaaaaaaah.
@AnonymousOkey Dokey Lokey.
@Dave Mustang, the cynical Brony4/9 times?Question 1. Which orifice did you pull those numbers out of? Whichever it was I hope you cleaned them afterward.Question 2. Are you part of the 5 out of 9? And if so, does that make it okay for you to fap to candy-colored cartoon horses?
@AnonymousYour right it should be 9/9 times. theres no way one can be attracted to innocent Cartoon ponies without having something off with them. Whether it be extreme sexual frustration, an attraction to the destruction of innocence, or just not getting any. If these people we're getting laid mroe often I doubt they would be taking the time to make all this sick stuff.
@AnonymousI'm not attracted to Ponies, I don't even read these things.
@AnonymousYour actually wrong, there are people who say they like Clopfics because they're "Romantic."
@Dave Mustang, the cynical Bronyso... are those the 5/9? or was that a typo?
@AnonymousBut... what if they read it... for the plot?
@AnonymousI'm the anon you're responding to btw.Actually that wasn't what I was trying to communicate. If people like that sort of thing I don't think either you or me are in any position to judge them like that as long as they post their stories in the appropriate places, like Pacce here has.Getting squicked out about something that isn't really hurting anybody and calling it out as a isn't constructive or fair.I for example, like playing Gears of War. I would be fairly insulted if someone came in saying I shouldn't be carving up virtual monster men with a chainsaw bayonet because it's "sick and wrong".I think you should rethink the way you approach things you find disgusting on the internet. Being a Mary Whitehouse is not the answer.
Great story Pacce. I maned up and read the "advanced" version, and was glad for it. It added a bit more to the story. Also, I don't know why, but I'm just now realizing I've read most of your stories posted on EQD. Keep up the good work man!
@Dave Mustang, the cynical BronyI'd say at least 13 out of 17 bronies read clopfics for the romance. I find it hard to believe that anyone actually "clops" to this sort of thing.Let's list some facts, shall we?1: most of are adults2: some of us like romantic stories3: for adults, romance involves sexual relationsThat said, I recommend the dirty version of this fic. The clean version is all skin and bones, and nothing really 'hardcore' happens in the full version anyways.
@Stephen Cawkingoops#1 should be 'most of us bronies are adults
@VolkThank you for giving the full version a try. I liked putting all the little moments between them while they were, well, making love. I feel that in this story, more than any other, I showed an actual couple.I'm glad you enjoy the stuff I do. I'll try to work harder and a bit faster in the future.
Celestia dammit, is this kind of lily-livered whining going to happen every time someone writes a shipfic where it's not explicitly said that ponies reproduce asexually without a single naughty thought going through their pastel-colored heads?If you don't like fics with mature elements, or even just implication of such things going on, leave them well enough alone and focus on the stuff you like. Complaining and telling that people are "broken" because they don't share your brand of puritan angst about sex is not going to do any good to anyone.Unless, of course, you enjoy the feeling of righteous indignation, and/or want to get a rise out of other people...
@AnonymousSince Stephen Cawking is correcting his post, I'll do the same for mine. (It's kind of like coughing in a movie theater. Seems a lot more polite to do it right after someone else)"Getting squicked out about something that isn't really hurting anybody and calling it out like that isn't constructive or fair."
@Stephen CawkingWhen it comes to whether folks "clop" or just read, that's their personal business. But I do know that some folks are attracted by the personalities of the characters despite or sometimes even because that they are, ya know, cartoon marshmallow ponies.Is it odd, yeah, a bit. Is it a danger to anyone, nope. And we ALL have our little quirks.Also thanks for reading and even recommending.
@AnonymousI don't really mind the discussion, even if it has been done. And done. And done.Although I do prefer comments that are actually ABOUT the story.
Dave Mustang posts......comments section becomes 20% more derailed in 10 seconds flat
@PacceYou're welcome. It's nice to see an author on one of these pages creating a dialogue. Also, "cartoon marshmallow ponies" is now my favorite way to refer to ponies now.
@PacceRarity is the Marshmallowiest of all Ponies.Yeah, I'd like to see more everyday stories about Lyra and Bon Bon. But if you want to cover othher characters that's cool too.Just make sure there's a version us types who aren't so much into clop material can dig too! :)
@AnonymousI want to try to do more fun/adventure stories in the coming weeks.Romance is great, but I like me some variety.
@PacceI always found Lyra/Bon Bon stories to be quite entertaining. I'll check both versions out, and give some feedback.
I just don't understand what everyone of these half-trolls who go around posting "YOU LIKE WHAT I HATE?!? le GASP!!" mean to accomplish. The futility of trying to convince anyone to your views on a messageboard is like praising Bill Gates in front of Communists. It gets nothing done, and only starts arguing.Maybe that's why half of the informal 'Brony Creed' is "Love and TOLERATION". As in, "I don't agree with your views, but I tolerate you having them and do not try to 'convince' you to join the 'true path of righteousness'" and all that.
@AnonymousCool story, Brony.
@Dave MustangIt was kinda half-directed at you (among others), but thanks for the complement. I just am a bit fed up with all the flame wars that start in these comments sections instead of relevant comments about the original post.
@Anonymousis it really that surprising that people are complaining why there are clopfics posted on a site that has no-clopfics policy?nobody is asking you to stop liking what you might like but you can't justify everything with "ignore the shit you don't like"-argument. It might work in the perfect world but not in real life. Every site has rules and you are expected to follow them.on a personal note, if Seth thinks this is ok, so be it. Nothing against mature content stories, even though I don't read them.
@Stephen CawkingWait are you saying people read cartoon ponies having sex for the "romance"? LOL. wow thats the funniest thing I've heard in a while. How the hell can that be romantic?. IF you want romance read a love story without the sex. These people have really lost perspective. wow. just wow
@AnonymousPeople like justifying things that are weird so they wont feel as bad.
And really the whole "we're adults we need to sexualize things argument" is retarded. Since when does being an adult mean we need to sexualize animals in a cartoon show. Although you know the other anon has a point. this isnt the place to argue whether or not its ok to sexualze the show. the argument should be whether or not we should be allowing stuff like this on this site. I say take that kind of shit and keep it on 4chan and cesspools like that. we bronies arent about this shit. we're better then that. or at least we should be.
@AnonymousNot to be insulting, but sex IS romantic. Or at least it can be. You see sometimes, when two fictitious characters love each other very much... Seriously though, I know its not really considered as such these days, but sex can be the ULTIMATE expression of love.That's why they call it "making love".
@AnonymousActually the remaining Bronies of /b/ don't do that stuff anymore. They pretty much act like 8 year old girls.
@AnonymousAaaactually you "should" be talking about the story.Hah.
@3:28 AnonI agree with you about the Seth thing, but you're wrong about the "Ignore the stuff you don't like" thing. This is the internet, not real life. On the internet you CAN avoid what you don't want to see, you just don't type in "Clopfic" into the google search bar and you don't type in "Rule 34 Fluttershy" into it either. IT'S THAT EASY! :D I've never seen either of these things because I've never gone looking for them. Now, I know they EXIST and that they're there if I ever WANT to look at them, but currently I don't and I don't see myself searcing for either in the future. >_>Now, on to the actual story. The comments kinda distracted me for a bit there...@Dave I just need to ask, are you a troll? It kinda seems that way since every post you post in tends to turn into a bloodbath... I mean, I know you're not THAT bad, you're idea for making that live action stage show bareable (Listening to The Doors, which worked BTW) was brilliant, you just kinda seem bitter...
@AsgardI'm a realist. I'm here to expose the Brony logic and ideas as bull.
I find clopfics awkward. Mostly because the anatomy is all wrong. I love the emotions the writing conveyed though, and am not unhappy I read the full version.
@HavokponyI guess because people want to make it seem less like it's horses screwing.
@Dave Mustang, the cynical Bronybut I already realize I'm a terrible person.that and I'm gay, why would I read it for clopping purposes?
@AnonymousYeah I'm a funny guy
@Adrian BronyMaybe you like female Ponies?
@HavokponyYeah, in fanart and fics, they definitely have a tendency towards more human parts back there.Although the dudes are usually given more horse accurate parts, funny that.I'm glad you liked the FEELINGS as that's where I put the focus when writing.
@PacceI wasnt saying sex cant be romantic. It can be. But when you forcibly project it onto kids characters it loses that romance. I mean think about, If i wrote a care bears clopfic could you with a straight face say that Care bears having sex is romantic? Also people shouldnt be surprised about all this arguing. I mean as the show spreads out and more "normal" non-chan people join they're going to see this stuff and freak out. If they don't leave they're going to rage against it. People talk about how they want the show to spread but are you prepared for the shitstorm that will come with it?
@AnonymousThe Bronies here on EdQ have the thinking of "Don't agree with everything we think, your not a Brony then."
@Dave Mustang, the cynical Bronynah, it's more about making a fuss of the differing opinions. and at worst you're only considered annoying but still a brony
@AnonymousCare Bears wouldn't get clop fics, they don't have hooves.As for forcibly projecting, that's what fan art and fan fics do. We take fictional characters and make them do stuff that we want to see them do for one reason or another. They're not real, they have no opinions. But if you draw a smile on Luna's face in a picture of her dancing, hey look at that, she likes dancing!As for the sex, ponies do it. They reproduce by giving birth according to the show's creator. So offscreen is where the ponies do it and offscreen is where fanfics thrive. And in the version posted, offscreen is where the sex happens.
@Adrian BronyTheres a difference between getting mad as someone for liking something and trying to keep certain content where it belongs
@PacceBut I'm at a loss as why you would use writing talent to describe girl on girl horse action.
@AnonymousI was responding to a generalization, that's all.
@Adrian Bronyhaha.It's so true. It's nice though, to see all the mushy, romancy parts of a relationship. Maybe it's the sappy part of me too, but I like stories where ponies are mushy because people are mushy when they're alone together.I also feel like, there are all these bronies out there who need to say that they're straight because, well, it is a little girls show, at the heart of things, but the Brony community is a wonderful place to be gay because with at least half the shipping being lesbian people just stop caring. What I'm trying to say is:I love you guys. I loved this story. It made me sniffle in a good way and want to cuddle someone of my own. I love ponies and bronies and brown paper packages tied up with string.Happy Brony Day, everyone. It's been a happy day for me.
@PacceYour ignoring the point i was making. I was talking about how cartoon pony sex isn't romantic. but you can talk about how you justify the content you make all you want. My stance isn't to stop people from making sexual content. I just think stuff like should be relegated to apropriate places. The fact its getting mentioned here and the fact that all those working on this blog are biased towards that type of content isnt helping
@Dave Mustang, the cynical BronyGlad you asked!Because all the shipping stories I've seen were about new relationships and/or anguished declarations of love. I wanted to write a story about a couple that had been together for years, more than a decade even. They weren't just dating, they were married, they weren't just married, they had a child. Then I wanted to show that that this couple, despite having been together for so long, that they can still have PASSION for each other. They're not just still together because of inertia, they LOVE each other.Also because almost every shipping story I've seen with sex in it tended to bungle it. It was mechanical, it was "insert pony part A in to pony slot B". And on top of that I often found how writers handled lesbians to be distasteful to the point of being insulting.So instead of complaining about these things, I decided to make the kind of story I would want to read. And I have. Everyone who's actually read it has said it was sweet and that I actually captured the spirit of a truly loving and established relationship.Next question.
@PacceCool story, Brony.
@Dave Mustang (AKA the clophater)Thanks for reading, glad you liked it!
@AnonymousOkay, the sexual version of the story wasn't posted on Equestria Daily.I linked it in the comics and Seth linked my DA where it also was.In other words, it wasn't posted on the blog at all.
@Paccehe wasn't complementing your fic, he was referring to your post. and it was a sarcastic insult. basically a more patronizing form of TL;DR
@PacceI lol at this comment.
But don't take it the wrong way, I never read Fanfiction, ever.
@PacceEr comments, not comics.
@Pacceits comments, not comics.see its not nice correcting people now is it? anywayHe still said that there was a clopfic version. But thats not too bad. Theres much worse stuff that they do.
@Dave Mustang, the cynical Bronyokay now it makes sense. you're a realist in the sense that you need something nice to refer to yourself as. don't worry, I already know I'm being presumptuous jerk who is probably wrong. no need to tell me twice.
@AnonymousActually, it is far kinder, in my opinion, to correct someone than to let them go being a fool.
@Adrian BronyDave is a very bored and lonely person.This is his fun. Don't take it personal.Also I know he was referring to my comment, but I felt like making my own joke as well.
@PacceOh well in that cae I'd need to send you a 10 page dissertation on why your being a fool and how you could correct yourself.
@Paccewell, I never claimed to be competent or aware, lol
@AnonymousI would FAR prefer it if you read the story and then discussed ways I could improve my writing.I mean, all the praise is nice, but I know I have room to improve.
@Adrian BronyDon't be so hard on yourself dude. we all make mistakes
@PacceI would but I don't read shipping. And I guess that means I have no place in this post. I just couldn't let all the debate rage on without putting in my 2 cents. But It seems thats all done now. I really do hope that the future is brighter for bronies though. A time when all this fighting will be unnecessary. A man can dream. A man can dream
@AnonymousSo wait... you just saw that this had a lot of comments and hopped in to see if there was an argument to take part it?Okey dokey.
@Adrian BronySo wait, my opinion is wrong.And Pacce, sorry if I offended you in any way.
@Dave Mustang, the cynical BronyYou didn't even read the story, so you haven't said anything that I attach any value to.But you DID give me an excuse to talk about why I wrote the story, so thanks for that.
@Anon 5:02Oh, that's easy! All that needs to happen is one of two things. Either A. The show ends and the brony sub-culture fades away. Or B. When people ignore things they don't agree with and makes the decision to click on the "No Fanfiction" button on the top of the page, or they stop insulting people who they don't agree with.Now on to the actual story, it was sweet. Really sweet. The grammar was great, nothing really leapt out at me as a mistake, and it was a really good one shot story. :D
@Dave Mustang, the cynical Bronyand I'll apologize for acting like a jerk to you.
@PacceI read your explanation and you explained it well, however, everybody thinks I'm a troll, so I decided to see what would happen if I acted like the bad troll everybody thinks I am.
@AsgardThank you, I'm very glad you enjoyed it.
@Adrian Bronyseriously though... my little outburst attacking you was uncalled for.
Oh my. So much banter over a simple story? Honestly bronies, I expected better of you! Dave I can understand, (he labels himself as cynical right away, that's our fair warning) but sheesh. It's just a story y'all. I've got nothing against clopfiction myself, and I don't see why you can't just say "this isn't for me, skipping it". Hasn't there been hippy artist fights over people censoring each other's art? Meh. Y'all do me a favor and still be here when I finish reading both versions. Ta-ta!
@PacceHeh, as a furry I know that full well (though in that context I prefer everything to be more or less human in that area). Ponies, as quadrupeds, are something that's just innately, well, uncloppable. Also, ponies make everything adorable, so its not so much stimulating as 'well, that was mindboggling and somehow cute'.When the emotion is portrayed well though, as clunky as ponysex is, it just adds to the effect, and makes for a much more effective story. It helps portray everything you set out to do.
That was sweet. I spotted a few (insignifigant) grammatical errors, but other than that I think you did this splendidly. I love how "cleaning it up" was as simple as cutting out a single, albeit lengthy, chunk of the middle rather than changing the whole tone of the story. When its that easy to clean up, then it wasn't written to be a clopfic, it was written to be the sweet story that it is. Cute :3
So much craziness, so much hate....Look people, ok so it's a cartoon. So what? So is South Park, so is Heavy Metal, and so is Legend of the Overfiend.I once again find it really bizzare that people can get into such a heated argument about this story where the hundreds of grimdark stories are passed over without a care. Why is pony love so bad but pony death just fine? That seems so totally backwards it I'd have to say anyone who disagrees with me are "9/9".And hell, I usually hate the whole "Lyra and Bon-Bon are married" factor. But man this fic is convincing. Granted there's very little that'd need to be changed and it could be any two characters, but still this was a very sweet story as many said.
@TastYeah, I've spotted a new little error every time I look at it that I then scramble to fix.Yeah, the sexy bit is roughly half the full version, but there's a lot of stuff in there between the two of them.Still, the story does stand up on its own and you still get a sense of the characters without it.Thanks for reading and I'm happy that you thought it was sweet.
@MelodiaHuh, I never really thought about, but it could easily have been let's say:Rainbow Dash frustrated at again being passed over for the Wonderbolts and comforted by well... anypony. Though I do find it hard to imagine Fluttershy being as teasing as Bon-Bon was.This would also work with a depressed Rarity and, again, just about anypony.But I guess I just wanted to go with a pair that I wouldn't have to justify. They're just together and have been for some time.Also, I'm glad you took a chance to read a ship you didn't particularly care for AND that you ended up enjoying it.
the story was ok. i want to see you write more gilda pacce.
@Dave Mustang, the cynical BronyMLP Fanfic Cliche #4*japanese symbol* : Have someone hired to apparently ONLY say that cliche are everywhere... which is cliche...Error 404-Shutdown imminent.-----Now, for the actual STORY :>and then make love in TWO different positions.-*GASP !* ...TWO positions !... *monocle falls* ;)>Bon-Bon giggled, "The Ponyville library has some very interesting books."-So... Twilight has books like that in her library, huh ? ;) Makes you wonder why... For ''studying'' of course ! ;)... Also : Medico-magical doctor, with Expertise in genetic... They solve all your silly ''love-related'' problems ! ...(considering that almost every single inch of their world is infused with various levels of magical energies... There's no reason why it shouldn't be possible, really. Just need the right spell, some energy, and some medical knowledge.)It was an interesting silly-funny-cute story, I would say. :)
Interesting. Very interesting.I like the solid, wholesome relationship aspect of it - obviously I read the graphic version since the one here is just too short. It's very good to read something other than a giggly love's-first-kiss type of ship - naturally that's the most common and easiest to write, and that's as it should be. But I really liked this different angle. I thought the graphic bits, while well written, got in the way a little ... ? Only a little. Still 5 * from me.
YOU SICK BASTARDS..........*clopclopclop...*
@TamarI'm glad to hear that you took a chance on the long version and that you were able to like it.It was SO nice to not be writing about awkward first kisses for a change.
@MelodiaIt's likely an aftereffect of how death and sex are portrayed in the US society.In US movies and society in general, it is more taboo to talk about sex than it is to talk about death or murder. Hence why a movie with one sex scene gets rated R, yet it can take multiple scenes of people being gunned down before a movie gets the R rating.As for the story, I enjoyed it. I lost it at Lyra's name for their sensitive parts, one of the best word combos I've ever seen.
Very cute <3
I laughed for real when they started talking about "delicious pies." I read the long version (because why not?) and I enjoyed it well enough. Its no Buttersc0tch story, I don't think, but it generally managed to keep a similar tone to the stuff she tends to write and I'm glad I read it all the same.
Master:Pretty much. I think it's SO WRONG that violence is considered more okay than sex.Llox:Thanks!TenchiFreak5:Thanks for taking a look and I'm glad you enjoyed it.I try to do my best to make my stories have their own style, but I am OBVIOUSLY influenced by ButterSc0tch.
Hey, you finally finished the FOE story! Just wanted to say I'm looking forward to reading that. If it's half as good as this story, it'll be worth the read.
*reads above comments*Dammit, why cant some ponies just stay away from things they don't like?Now, for the story...I read the full version, and I must say, it was very well written. I look forward to seeing more from you!
@Pacce"She offers to take him flying and then once they're alone she gets a bit makey outy... then she stuffs his tail up her hoo hah. "Jesus Pacce you wrote a clop fic with Gilda and Spike? what the fuck is wrong with you? Seriously go die in a fucking fire you pedophile fuck head. I'll be surprised if you don't kill yourself soon, because nobody should be able to live with themselves after writing something like that
@AnonymousActually I haven't written that one yet.It's not sexy either. It's about sexual dysfunction.Basically, Gilda is drunk as fuck and recounts her troubled sexual awakening to Spike and yadda yadda she does stuff that would get her arrested and Spike is pissed to be used in such a way, but relates to her problems enough that he's willing to forgive her.It's actually inspired by some stuff.
@PacceIf you haven't written it yet, how does Anon know about it?
@Hio590Actually, the story was born out of an idea from a picture based on another story that I didn't like.So I'm pretty sure I said what he's quoting in the comments.
@PacceSo...are you gonna write it?