Author: MadDogAcey
Description: After being denied a meeting with Celestia, Trixie decides to take matters into her own hooves and use a spell to send the next person to meet Celestia home. When it turns out to be Twilight, all the better for Trixie...Giggle at the Ghostly Part 1
Giggle at the Ghostly Part 2
Giggle at the Ghostly Part 3
Giggle at the Ghostly Part 4
Giggle at the Ghostly Part 5 (New!)
Giggle at the Ghostly Part 6 (New!)
Giggle at the Ghostly Part 7 (New!)
Additional Tags: Long, Spell-Mishap, Death, Ghost, Insanity.
76 comments:
Congrats Acey!
Good story, love the title you picked!
-Figment
MAH SHINY TEETH AND ME!
Death and comedy? Oh my. I don't think I can bring myself to read this one.
It's not that bad, I promise.
shiny teeth, shiny teeth
Additional Tags: Long, Spell-Mishap, Death, Ghost, Insanity.
IT'S A COMEDY! :D
Seriously, it's not a bad start, but the whole thing feels a bit hollow, like there could have been more details that weren't provided. It's not bad by any means, but there could be some improvement.
Also, I hope the hilarity starts up soon, because I didn't find much for the [Comedy] tag to apply to, though I admit the idea of Twilight trying to communicate as a ghost could make for an interesting story.
That wasn't a teleportation spell failure? Figures! :)
It's a fun story, I like it, but wouldn't go so far as to call it a comedy, at least for the first chapter.
And... poor Spike. This is gonna be tough for the lil' guy. =[
@Kyle
Yeah, I know, it's dry at the moment. I should have the second chapter done by the end of the weekend hopefully. Thanks for the comments :D
Chip Skylark must be ponyfied!
I'm on it!
Here's thinking Trixie got some backlash from that spell.
That'll make this real fun >:)
+reads labels+
+reads tags+
!?(･_･;?
This... could be better written to be honest. Still, the premise is interesting.
@Grif
Whilst I do honestly agree with you, I would appreciate a little more information.
Perhaps a pointer or 2 could assist in making sure the next chapter is significantly better writing :P
that image will definately spawn a video with Trixie and the shiny teeth song, can't wait for it ;) Just a matter of time, my dear bronie
Trixie doesn't have the magic to do that. But still seems like an interesting read.
@Unknown
I'm not really one to do reviews here but what the heck. The whole story could use an editor.
Punctuation is kinda iffy at some places. Missing lots of periods and commas at the end of dialogue.
Run-on sentences are rampant, which this being the most egregious example:
>Twilight was in Canterlot for a meeting with Princess Celestia, it was unusual for the Princess to summon her to the palace, especially at such a late hour, but Twilight had decided to make the most of it and spend the day studying in the library.
A couple of tense errors here and there. And the whole piece could do with more descriptive narrative.
I suppose this is the kind you're looking for?
(And isn't Trixie considered to have a silver mane, rather than a white one. Just a nitpick really.)
*Sees tags*
*Shudders and thinks of Cupcakes*
I like where the story's going, though I think, Trixie isn't capable of pulling off such a spell.
@Dima
Well, her talent is magic, just like Twilight, so she could be capable of magic like this. I can easily see Twilight doing it, so Trixie could probably do it with a bit more effort.
LOL Trixie is Chip Skylark! If it was Twilight singing tho, that would be awsum be cuz she would be Twilight Skylarkle LOL!
Interesting story. My only complaint is the somewhat sloppy grammar. The dialogue should have some commas or periods separating it from the rest of the paragraph.
@Grif
*sniffle* That cut deep :(
No seriously, perfect. Thank you.
Yes I do need someone to have a look over it and tell me what I've done wrong. I do thank you for your critisism and honesty in the matter. Yes. I guess Trixie is silver maned...GAH! ;)
@Anonymous
I think that her talent is the lame kind of magic, stuff you would see at a circus.
WAIT WHO'S GOING TO BE VICKY WHEN SHE SINGS ICKY VICKY?
@Anonymous
As much as it pains me to say it... Gilda would seem the obvious choice there.
... But I like Gilda.
Wat.
I'm thinking that ST:TNG episode where Geordi and Ro were phased and cloaked, and tossed that Romulan out into space. Or that Stargate episode where approximately the same thing happened.
Why do the good ones the ones you have to wait for.
I am liking the concept of this.
Its new
Its Different
Its a completely new kind of tasty
Its Trixie-os
(I dunno either...)
@Anonymous
Gah! I was just about to post that!
Damn trekkie bronies preemptin' me.
This time it's Trixie's spell that goes bad :P
Very looking forward to more of this, especially with the comedy tag.
Well, good news and bad news. The good news is I actually managed to tear through Chapter 2 and it is almost ready to go. The bad news is. It's not funny yet :( This still has intention of being a comedy, but for some reason I'm having a really hard time getting the funny started. Oh well, Chapter 3 holds promise for that. ;)
Interesting.. ^^
I feel like this story is a rip off of that one episode of "Star Trek: The Next Generation" where Geordi LaForge and Ro Laren are out of phase with the rest of the universe do to a mishap with a Romulan device of some sort.
You know... when you put 'tags' like : Death, Ghost, Insanity
...it doesn't help at making people ''desire'' to know the content. Just saying.
...''might'' read it later... Maybe.
@Nova25
It definitely DID help for me. :3
I actually jumped to this story because of the tags. Ponies turned into Ghosts are a must-read for me.
This story just keeps getting interesting.
Nice work! Interested to see how it goes. I jumped when I read Pinkie, but to be fair what was I expecting? ^^
Shoulda seen that comin' a mile away. Pinkie can see us, why wouldn't she be able to see phase-shifted ponies?
I had a feeling Pinkie would somehow either hear or see her... becuase Pinkie breaks reality XD
Oh so gooooooood looking forward to the next chapter.
Good ol' Pinkie Pie.
Ha, I thought so. I was all, "Go to Zecora, go to Pinkie Pie. At least one of them will be able to perceive you."
The best part is, neither of them has to give any kind of explanation as to why.
Well, it looks like it's going somewhere now... I like the story, and it's not executed POORLY, though a bit more description and atmosphere might be nice...
Also, Twilight is taking being dead unusaully well...
But other than that, fun story. Interested to see where it goes
Let the story progress a bit. We're only 2 Chapters in.
And yeah, the first Chapter was....Well...Yeah.
But I'm finding my groove here.
Now if you'll excuse me, I've got Apples to Buck.
I love it! Pinkie Pie at the end made my day.
I think we all saw that one coming, didn't we? :D
@Anonymous 6:46
This plot device shows up in sci-fi shows occasionally. Star Trek seemed to be fond of it, but they don't have an exclusive claim to it.
Lol, Pinkie Pie!
Can't wait for more!
Ok, I think we all knew that Pinkie would be immune to the ghost effect.
And if not her, then definitely Zecora.
Spoilers
Ok, this is getting really weird now. Pinkie makes sense, but why does Trixie suffer the same effect and why can Rarity see her? I thought Twilight already spoke to Rarity in chapter two, but I guess not so assumably she can also see her. I'm curious as to the explanation you will give in coming chapters ^^
I think all the Elements of Harmony can see them.
@Anonymous 7:13
Well, if RARITY can see them... yeah, most likely.
what happened to twilights face in the picture lol
I'm going to level with you. It's a fun story but it feels very rushed at points, skipping through at a pace that causes details to be missed and makes the reader a bit confused. Slow down. There's no harm in stopping to smell the roses in your story at points.
A few things got a bit confusing, especially in chapter 3, but overall it's pretty good.
My MAIN complaint is that while I enjoy it, the chapters are obscenely short. Too short for the long waits between them. I understand that life may get in the way but I'd rather wait an extra long time for something deep than a moderately long time for something I can zip through in less than 10 minutes.
@Anonymous
Actually, I submitted these 6 days ago. They got lost. Yes, they're short, but the updates were going to be frequent. I didn't say anything because I figured it might have been a busy week.
However, you are right. They are short. I will take more care to not jump too far ahead. (And I do see exactly what you mean)
Hmmmmmmmm. Pinkie and Rarity are yes, both princesses are no. My first thought was that Rarity's unicornity was relevant, but the princesses are considerably more magical. The Elements don't seem like a likely answer either, on the grounds that Celestia has wielded them before.
I give up.
Okay, stupid question: Why didn't Twilight tell Pinkie to tell Rarity AND THE FREAKING PRINCESSES that she could see her???
@ The J.A.M.
They probably won't believe her. They'll think she's mentally insane. You saw how the guards didn't believe in Rarity's story and how Spike reacted to Pinkie Pie saying she can see Twilight.
The "Will I Read This?" Criteria:
The Great and Powerful Trixie? Check.
Twilight Sparkle? Check.
Good reviews/rating? Check.
Well, that's all I need to know.
@shadow0knight
Maybe, but I wonder if they'll think differently if it turns out that the Elements of Harmony are the only ones who can see Twilight.
"She saw her hat and tried to pick it up, but her hand passed right through it."
"but her hand passed right through it."
"but her hand"
"hand"
ಠ_ರೃ
Gah, I'm trying to catch those. Thank you Bronode
Try using Ctrl+F, It might help find any accidental Hoof/Hand Mixups
"Death, Ghost, Insanity."
This is labeled Comedy.
I kinda wish the chapters were a bit longer, and that there was more content in each chapter. The story, though very entertaining and well-written, seems to move at a very slow pace in terms of events occurring.
I really don't think "comedy" is an appropriate tag for this story. Or maybe at the minimal, it's really not descriptive enough. "Sad" or "drama" would do some more justice, or something along those lines.
Hm...[Drama] would be a good tag, no?
In my defense. This WAS supposed to be comedy. I got a bit too involved in it. I'll have the tags changed next update.
Hmm. Honestly, I think Twilight's holding a bit of the idiot ball here. The princesses are demonstrably the most magical ponies in Equestria, and also the most long-lived. Getting their help would be... helpful. And Luna, as far as we're aware, has never sent anypony anywhere. Indeed, Celestia's lunar delivery was likely a one-time thing.
That said, it's not out of character for Twilight to be acting the way she is. She's just lucky Pinkie doesn't mind looking crazy.
why do I smell and inadvertent possession joke somewhere down the line?
Do want in any case.
What?I like stories with possession and bodyswaps.
Ah. I needed to catch up with this story! It's very entertaining and I like the light comedy :) it helped me get into a 'pony mindset' again too!
Now I can return to my own writing!
Thanks!
Been ages since I started reading this, back then there were only 2 chapters and each was verry short! Needless to say I finally got around to it on my to read list!
I have to say that part near the end before she left the room to bump into Luna... I have to say I was moved by how pinkie (I guess the tone I used and the image I had of the scene had a big impact too) was very sad yet uplifting in a way. Pinkie said some sweet words to Twilight was just so heart warming there.
Good job and sorry trying to avoid spoilers as much as possible :P
This is a fun little story. Very SciFi-esque. Although certain parts do feel like they lack a bit of detail, the true concept a nd feel shine through. I'll definately be waiting for more.
So, can Twilight and Trixie see each other?
PLEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAASE CONTINUE!
another fic that seems to be at a dead end...
why are they not updating...?
Post a Comment