[5 p.m. CST, 4 p.m. Equestrian] An enormous banner featuring Rainbow Dash in a patriotic pose has been illegally draped on the front of the White House during the night, sources in the capitol say.
Press releases and independent reporting from multiple sources has confirmed the vandalism, which has since been removed by White House staff. As was previously suspected by capitol officials, the radical group Equestrian Evangelists did indeed claim responsibility for the act early this morning.
"The American government has forced our hoof," the press release read in part. "This is but one small step in the direction of the spreading of the gospel of the one and true best pony."
"We will not stop until this country is 20% cooler than it is right now," the release says.
This is not the first time the group has committed acts of vandalism and defacement to government property in pursuit of spreading word of Rainbow Dash, the group's de facto mascot. In 2009, the group performed a similar act on the Treasury building, claiming that it needed to produce United States currency featuring ponies instead of previous presidents.
President Obama issued a response to the vandalism earlier this afternoon, stating in no uncertain terms that the group, which is based in Canada, will feel the full might of the United States military for their latest transgression in what the President called 'pony patriotism'.
"The United States is, and has always been, loyal to Twilight Sparkle, and we, as a country, will not stand for this deliberate act of sabotage on our soil," the President said in his address to the American people.
"We have begun operations in Canada to root out and bring the ringleaders of this organization to justice," Obama said.
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| Obama in his speech early this afternoon. Photo courtesy of AP. |
Hours after his address to the nation, reports were received of armored tank columns rolling past the border checkpoints between Canada and the United States. Other armored vehicles and personnel carriers followed soon afterward.
"We are very serious about protecting the sanctity of the real best pony," Obama said.
The United Nations has condemned this action by the United States, claiming that the military action was not approved before it began.
"President Obama did not confer with the United Nations before launching this attack," a spokesperson for the UN said in a press release soon after the campaign began. "We did not authorize this invasion, and probably would not have, given the time, on the grounds that Fluttershy is the best pony anyway."
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| United States tank entering Canada. Photo courtesy of AP. |
Other countries around the world have weighed in on the situation, but it's hard to keep the rhetoric away from pony-litical ideologies as the tension mounts between the nations of the world.
"I don't really understand what the big deal is," a spokesperson from the United Kingdom said to our reporter. "Rarity is clearly, objectively really, the best pony. I think all this fighting is just silly."
After the above quote was given, a colleague across the room to the spokesperson shouted, quite loudly, that Pinkie Pie was much better than Rarity. What followed was a stream of cursing and insults that forced our reporter to leave the building.
Stay tuned for continuing coverage of the situation as it unfolds.


























476 comments:
Dearest Princess Celestia.
ReplyDeleteWhat is Rainbow Dash is thinking? First she helped us exploit the terrorist plan and ruined it. Now she vandalized the White House. I don't think that thing are going to end well.
Your valiant sniper, Silent Hunter
this is article is Onion material i laughed
ReplyDeleteAnd then all the farms had a giant Applejack sticker on the front of their farm.
ReplyDeleteThe real crime is that Rainbow Dash was falsely represented to salute the flag of the most disliked country in the world, silly yanks thinking she would ever do that, sigh.
ReplyDeletewell looks like i knew who i'm voting for 2012.
ReplyDelete*huge twilight fan since the first episode*
With all that's going on with the major nations of the world, it's easy to overlook developments in smaller areas. Here are just a few updates;
ReplyDeleteThe Sovereign Nation of Native Amareican Peoples (or SNNAP for short) claim Little Strongheart as tribal leader, and reports coming out of some vaguely Teutonic nation have Photo Finish overthrowing the current dictatorship.
Meanwhile, unexplained shifts in lunar position have triggered massive earthquakes, causing most of Caliponia to break off into the ocean. Miraculously, and to the shock of many geologists, not only has the land mass not sank, but it has floated to a position somewhere between the newly formed Marizona May and the state of Haywaii. More to follow.
Update on the Caliponia situation:
ReplyDeleteObservers have reported the now island state of Caliponia is being held afloat by a particularly stylish and flamboyant sea serpent named Steven Magnets. How this is possible is currently unknown, as it would seem to defy the laws of physics.
We will shortly be interviewing a panel of experts for more insight on this unfolding story, including noted Ponytube physics guru beatledude64, and award winning rap/rock musical group Insane Clown Pony.
Stay tuned.
@Deviouspie
ReplyDeleteyes it is but im with the U.N.
for fluttershy
are That photos real? OO
ReplyDeleteThis is awesome shitz and giggles! Though for one moment I really did thought some guy did drape a Rainbow Dash banner outside the White House. :p
ReplyDelete~onery
I'm on Australia's side.
ReplyDeleteWe just fucking love Mr. Cake.
I actually believed this, and freaked the fuck out... then i realized... WAIT. Security is really high there... LOL im wayy to gullible. D:
ReplyDeletePure flipping Genious! Oh - it's fake...
ReplyDeletePure flippin' Genious!
I agree with Narwhal... Defect to Luna!
ReplyDeleteEven though it rides high on the flank...
ReplyDeleteI would of thought this was real if I hadn't read the comments.
ReplyDeleteevery one knows that Derpy is the best.
ReplyDeleteI'm from USA and i say Rainbow dash is one of the best ponies of all time
ReplyDeleteSilly America, that's not how you spell Princess Luna!
ReplyDeleteThe UN would like Fluttershy.
ReplyDeleteI must belong in Canada. They obviously know true coolness when they see it.
ReplyDeleteThe Lunar Republic has the full support of the New Zealand government.
ReplyDeleteWheres the dark magician girl?
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteAt first I was like "wtf is this really"
And then "Of course there's Twilight's cutie mark on this tank"
:3
I lol'd so hard...
ReplyDeleteBrony's at their finest.
ReplyDeleteI want this to be real so badly...
ReplyDeleteOh my god. This must be real. It's plain obvious that Fluttershy is the best.
ReplyDeleteWHERE DO I SIGN UP! I'LL FIGHT FOR MY PONY-DOM!!
ReplyDeleteI was kinda convinced this happened.... then I saw the tank and figured out the obama was photoshopped.... BUT HE'S HOLDING THE PONY FOR REAL!
ReplyDeletethey just fixed his lazy eye
I'm debating on supporting Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, or Luna.
ReplyDeleteRainbow Dash is 20% cooler than all ponies.
Fluttershy is far too adorable to not want to side with her.
Luna... she's the ruler of the freaking MOON!
@Keyblade474
ReplyDeleteOf course, I could also support Doctor Whooves. Because Time Lords are cool.
I was feeling depressed when I found this post.
ReplyDeleteAnd then I burst into a fit of laughter. Laughter so hard, it sent me into a fit of coughing. Which led to more laughing.
Pardon me while I try to contain the chortling. This post is epic.
Please, someone. Anyone. Put Rainbow Dash on the White House.
Every last one of you is wrong, our one-city island nation of Ponytropolis knows there is but one true best pony.
ReplyDeleteNyx.
I actually realized this was a hoax when the year 2009 came into question.
ReplyDeleteBut until then I was totally like: "Is this for real O.o?!
@ SparksEmberhoof
ReplyDeleteAustralia stands by our ANZAC companions, for the Lunar Republic!
Silly fillies, everypony knows that Applejack is the best!
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI think you're right. I should have said "...I don't condone Obama's extreme actions..."
Anways, Americans for Rainbow Dash! Join now!
Trollestia set this up for teh lulz... I mean to teach us about friendship
ReplyDeleteRarity is 20% more fabulous than she's given credit for.
ReplyDeleteHoly moly, this happened? Twilight Sparkle loyalty speech and all?
ReplyDelete@Learned Hoof
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure China is in league with Applejack. She represents their attitude toward work.
THIS. IS. AMAZING.
ReplyDeleteit would be more so if it was real.
this invasion was not justified
ReplyDeleteEveryone knows that Kazakhstan is the ancestral homeland of the Apple family.
ReplyDeleteFreaking Fake. There isnt anywhere that a Tank could enter Canada and snow is around unless they air-drop it to Yukon or it comes from Alaska. And I would of seen this on the news.
ReplyDeleteEPIC... WIN! xD
ReplyDeletebullshit
ReplyDeleteI want to join up with this group they seem like a cool group.
ReplyDeleteI LOL'D!
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteWhy is Applejack not mentioned?
I WILL FIGHT WITH CANADA TO MAKE RAINBOW DASH EVERYONES FAVORITE BE IT MY OWN DEATH!!!!
ReplyDeletethis is like 20% cooler as the news i read normally.
ReplyDeleteWow, I thought that this was real until I read the comment section. :)
ReplyDelete~AwesomeGirl86
This may not be real but this should be the long term goal for the bronies. And then world domination through love and tolerance. We will end all wars.
ReplyDeleteSo I Just Started A War?
ReplyDelete@MarkAnime
ReplyDeleteSadly, it would probably be associated with "Anonymous" more so than it would the Bronies...
I really thought this was serious when i started reading it. But I must say canada and america are both wrong on their choice in ponies. Fluttershy and Pinkie pie are all the rage now. Everyone knows that!
ReplyDeleteDAMMIT I WANT PONIES TO BE IN THE WHITE HOUSE
ReplyDeleteIt would be so awesome if this were real.
ReplyDeleteBesides, we all know Pinkie Pie is the best pony.
I need to move to Canada. Who the hell thinks Twilight is the pest pony? Barack has done us wrong for the last time!
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteAll Hail Applejack!!!!!
I can't decide if this is real or not, is Obama actually holding a Twilight or is just a very very very good Photoshop. I so hope it's real.
ReplyDeleteBest thing about this is that this turned into a war about what pony is better, Fluttershy r Twighlight sparkle
ReplyDeleteIf only it were true... and to all you haters, Rainbow Dash clearly is the best pony.
ReplyDeleteTo all the countries involved:
ReplyDeleteLove and tolerate. You're doing it wrong.
Nevertheless, Pinkie Pie is still best pony.
Ah, yes... us Canadians take pride in out Rainbow Dash. She is best pony after all.
ReplyDeleteWhat why wasnt applejack refrenced she is one of my favorite pony's and Canada is right Rainbowdash is way better than twilight sparkle.
ReplyDeleteIf this Is real im laughing my ass off right now.
Funny as hell but it saddens me that no one mentioned applejack in this fake News article She is one of my favorites next to Luna and Rainbowdash
ReplyDeleteCan SOMEONE PLEASE tell us wheather this is real or not!?!?
ReplyDeletedon't you dare call rainbow dash a marshmallow pony
ReplyDeleteDid this happen or not cos im confused (if it hasnt it needs to)
ReplyDeleteDid this happen or not cos im confused (if it hasnt it needs to)
ReplyDeleteIs this real?
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