Thursday, June 2, 2011

Story: Unashamed

[Sad] Sad Derpy time!

Author: AdmiralCubie
Description: Bright Eyes, the mailmare of Ponyville was just an ordinary mare- well, other than her eyes of course, and her language.
Unashamed


Additional Tags: Derpy

27 comments:

Oleetar said...

If previous fanfic is anything to go by, sad Derpy is a winner. Must read.

Kyradren said...

At first, I was revving up some tears, but then I read it and was all like "Mate. Hell. Yes."

shmoogy said...

will there be muffins?

Baree said...

Eh. It written well enough, but its rather short and the general premise is overdone.

Scribbles said...

Very nice man. Very nice.

RedCore said...

Short, sad and good.

Doombah said...

I dug it. It pulled at some heart strings.

Anonymous said...

awesome. it almost makes me wanna stop calling her derpy.

not quite as awesome as the other sad derpy fics, but thats an impossible standard anyway

Anonymous said...

I read like Bubbles for the most part, but it's still pretty good.

Anonymous said...

Uh, was the dig at religion really necessary?...

Kujiiro said...

Eh, it started off good, but then all the parts just kinda clashed. Moving too quickly, summarizing too much. The entire story seemed well off topic from how it began.

Nova25 said...

@Anonymous
Are people still afraid from the last 20th May ? Really ?

RedCore said...

@Nova25
Didn't you hear?
He had calculated wrong with 5 months. So if we start joking with religion now, we will never enter paradise!!!!

Anonymous said...

Seemed like nothing more than a way for the author to project their own hangups. Garbage.

Drew said...

Very much enjoyed.

I think the point of the religious content was not a dig, it was a comment on how one learns to stand on their own, as Bright Eyes ends up doing. Not a revelation for everyone, granted, but I enjoyed it.

TenchiFreak5 said...

Didn't really feel much for this one. There's certainly the potential for a really good story here, but none of the content was really fleshed out enough.

McBehrer said...

Just to clarify, the douchebag who predicted the Rapture is NOT a Christian, nor does he represent us in any capacity. Just because one person makes an ass out of himself doesn't mean we're all psychotic nutballs.

Anonymous said...

Just one quick thing that most will probably overlook, but it bugs me since I have lazy eye. It's not that you only can see from one eye at a time, it's that only one eye has any focus, the other eye is treated strictly as peripheral vision.

Barring that detail, it was an enjoyable quick story, but then I've got a real soft spot for our lazy-eyed mare.

mbulsht said...

I wouldn't say the author was digging at religion. Her throwing her religion away was a tool to allow us to understand more about how she thinks. I'm sure the author meant no offense.

In this story, Bright is not a stupid pony, she is a simple pony. She does the things that seem logical to her and has developed her own system of beliefs, and her own system of communication.

The author has a pretty good one-shot here. Thought I would have liked a little more detail, and in some places I felt the author was just spouting exposition so he could get to some later bits. Not that I want this to be a multi-chapter work, I would just like to see a little more time put into some of the scenes, like her hospital scene.

Overall very good. MOAR PLEEZ?

Anonymous said...

The story has been done before, which isn't an issue since everyone is entitled to their versions, but for that reason and others, I simply didn't like it.

AdmiralCubie said...

I feel kinda guilty posting on my own fanfic but I felt that I had to reply to what mbulsht said.

He has it completely correct in the first paragraph- the religious dig was just to give a bit more insight into Bright and how she thinks. I'm sorry if I offended anypony- I try to keep anything religious out of my fanfics.
Also, I understand where those of you who wanted more detail are coming from- I am aware of this problem in many of my fanfics. I need to not rush certain parts.
As far as more goes I entered in a short about Fluttershy called, "Dear Diary," but I think they thought it was to short and rejected it- at least, that's what I caught from pre-reader response. But yeah...
Kthnxbai.

-AdmiralCubie

Shadow Phoenix said...

All I could think of at the ending was "Break My Stride" playing in the background.

Anonymous said...

All I have to say is,
awwwwwww.

Anonymous said...

@McBehrer

ah, the "No true Scotsman" logical fallacy

bubsAKAvermin said...

Good story, but I'm not liking how a lot of people are seeing Derpy as being an idiot. I prefer to just have Derpy as an excellent mailmare with a minor lazy eye, nothing more, nothing less.

blitzthedragon said...

I like this concept a lot. It could have been longer and more detailed, and the past-present tense was inconsistent. I really, REALLY wished this story had brought the "God has betrayed me" undertone full circle with an eventual resolution, because that would have to come naturally with self-acceptance.

Anonymous said...

Very touching story. It was so nice to see her overcome her hardships!

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