Author: SyrinKitty
Description: Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie convince all of their friends to come to DJ PON-3's first ever party in Ponyville! But even after all of the anticipation, the pair of them end up realizing that they've gotten more than they've bargained forGoogle Documents
Lost In The Crowd Part 1
Lost In The Crowd Part 2
Lost In The Crowd Part 3 (New!)
Deviant Art
Lost in the Crowd Prologue
Lost in the Crowd Part 1
Lost in the Crowd Part 2
Lost In the Crowd Part 3 (New!)
Additional Tags: Everypony Rave DJPON-3 Party Awesomeness
61 comments:
That drawing of Vinyl Scratch looks odd
Hey, nice dress~!
She has no snout/nose anon
That makes her an alien then.
Right?
Oh SNAP, getting close to 15 million! Oh, and Bravo for enabling the mobile layout feature too! MOAR PONI on my IPHONE!
CONTINUITY WOOHOO.
*Ahem* Sorry, carry on.
Oo. This is kinda nifty...
Which continuity is this? Twi has a girlfriend?
@Anonymous: Read the author note at the very, very beginning. :P
Decent story so far. Hehe, it seems like "Pinkamena" is going to show up given the negative thoughts that Pinkie is starting to have.
@SyrinKitty
Oops. My bad, I usually skip right over those.
This is really entertaining and well written. Bonus points for luna and twilight being together. yay lunlight
Holy crap, what is going on? Did they get drugged? The suspense is killing me!
(5/5)
@Anonymous: Nope! No drugs! I thought drugs like alcohol or ecstacy would take away from the characters and story - and be way out of place in the MLP universe - so I opted not to do any of that. You'll see!
To answer Rainbow's question...
Rainbow, you are like candy to fillyfoolers and bi-curious mares. Embrace it.
Alcohol is already canon in the MLP universe and it only makes sense that other mind altering substances would be available as well.
That being said, you could also have skilled enough unicorns with enough knowledge of the brain which could craft spells that can alter others brain chemistry and provide them with a drug or alcohol like experience.
@Icehawk
Eyup. My money is entirely on unicorn DJ's working some serious (if benign) mojo to keep the crowd's energy focused on the happy.
i lost interest in this story pretty quickly
I should have known the author of Common Sky would pump out another awesome fic eventually! The writing, of course, is top notch, and I love the plot so far--the atmosphere is as crazy as I would expect a rave-esque party to be. And I think its awesome that Dash, the pony I would expect to be having the craziest time out of the Mane Six, is the only one not completely losing herself.
I wonder what's keeping all of them so pumped? My gut tells me that Luna has something to do with this...
I REALLY like this because its eerily similar to a dream I had where I was at some pony rave and yes Vinyl was actually spinning some epic trance tracks, only thing different is that my dream had ponies glowsticking epicly which was not mentioned here. Loved the story, great writer, awesome!
I almost agree with the above. I read it all, and liked the plot points, but there was WAAAY too much plodding.
Please, go back and count how many times one pony is looking for another, it has to be around 10 times. My hand slipped and I could barely figure out what page I was on.
quality, not quantity.
Awesome! I'm awaiting the continuation!
I think this story is interesting purely because the way Pinkie and Dash are reacting to the scene as opposed to their friends.
I'm not much of a scene guy myself, and the times I've been to a party like this, I've had fun, but still felt that uncomfortable feeling that Dash has been getting. I'm glad this is not just another, "Night clubs are awesome, whoohoo!" kind of fics.
Well then...
Not much to say, other then well written and intriguing. I definitely want to know more. Will be keeping an eye out for the next chapter.
I got another fave =3
D4SHTH3R4INB0W
The suspense is killing me!! Is part 2 going to be the last???
I need MORE!!! MORE AWESOME STORY!
Is the title of this fic a Shinedown reference?
i wonder if DJ Pon-3 plays any Liquid DnB & Hardstyle
sheeeeeit i was reading the fic while listenin to Deepack vs Showtek - Rockin Steady at high volume
@Eric: I didn't know who they were until I googled it, so no! :P
Aaaagh this is so good
The suspense is killing me.
I hope part 3 comes soon enough.
Great job with this. Thanks so much.
@SyrinKitty
Awwwww, I was hoping it was. I love Shinedown. d:
Go and listen to 'Lost in the Crowd'. It's a fantastic song. :D
I commented before about how I found this interesting simply for Rainbow and Pinkie's reactions to their friends at the party.
This second chapter was definitely an improvement over the first in terms of tone and rhythm, and now I am definitely sucked into the story.
I know how Rainbow feels. I've actually been in situations where I saw friends losing their inhibitions like that.
I liked the line from Luna about how as long as no one gets hurt, it's fine, and that's usually true. Situations like these can be extremely affirming and liberating.
But I've also seen the times when people do get hurt, and I've seen it more than the times when people don't. Rainbow's apprehension really hits home for me, simply because of personal experience. I'd be concerned, too.
So, to sum up, great job and excellent perspective.
Are you drugging then!? I don't understand! MOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAR
@Anonymous: You know, I just noticed that this fic was originally posted at 4:20 PM. Jesus, thanks Seth. :|
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VyoDbX1EkPQ perfect song to play in the background.
This is perfect: http://i.imgur.com/6IKyn.png
@SyrinKitty : DANG!!! You did it again :)part 2 was awesome ^_^ even better than the first part, which i thought was impossible to out awesome. How long do we have to wait for part 3???
I haven't read the rest of the comments, so sorry if I just yammer on exactly like everyone else but let me simply say this is THE BEST read I've found on this site so far!
Your description of the Rave experience is so immersive, your characters are well portrayed, it is just plain AWESOME!
I am a raver, and I have always struggled to do these things justice in my stories, but you have just nailed it. It is beautiful, I can identify with all of the characters, and I hope you continue writing the rest of this story. Pure Awesome.
The description sounds Anti Rave. Perhaps I'll read this when I have nothing to do.
Dave why do you gotta be such a downer all the time?
I liked the outdoor scene with Pinkie and Dash a whole bunch but thought the Luna/Dash conversation was a little too much forced exposition.
I'm sad its over, but i'm glad i read it :) since chapter one this has been one of my favorite fanfictions :) it was totally great ^_^
What a tweest!
But seriously, I loved the ending
A great ending for a great story.
That is all I can say. I really liked it.
Welp, this sure put a smile on my mouth. I love the universe you've created with Common Sky and this. I kinda want to see another adventure, maybe building a bit on that ending. Confound these ponies, they drive me to ship!
Excellent story overall. With a few small changes this story would make a really good TV episode. Liked how you tied the behaviors in with their elements like that. It's refreshing to see a story bring the elements back even if in just more subtle ways like this. Not even the show mentions
anything of them after the first two episodes.
Last night a DJ saved my life~!
Singin' a-Hah,
Hah,
Hah,
Hah,
Stayin' Alive~!
Cause-a Yooooou Maaaake me Feeeel~!
That THAT's the way,
Uh-huh,
Uh-huh,
I like it~!
I'M GOIN' TO DANCE ALL NIGHT!!
Awesome story. The ending was really nice.
Loved it!
@Icehawk: The show honestly doesn't need to mention the Elements specifically outside of explicit usage of their power because the Elements are all defining elements of the ponies that represent them.
That ending was surprisingly less ehm... dramatic then I expected. Which is a good thing. I wasn't quite sure where you were going with this, but the direction you took... Yeah, I'm very glad you did.
So anyway, yeah... I'm not sure what to say. The focus of course was mainly on Rainbow and Pinkie. And you handled them both well. Pinkie's breakdown is rather obvious and in your face. Rainbow's is more subtle, and it doesn't go quite as far as Pinkie's does. But you explain both breakdowns well, as well as the actions of the others. It was also nice to see a glimpse of Luna and Twilight after Common Sky. This is a very different Luna though. Twilight must have really done a lot for her.
Overall, as much as I loved Common Sky (and still do), looking purely at the technical aspect of writing, you certainly have improved since then. Mainly with the dialogue, it is more smooth and a lot less repetitive. Not sure what else to say, other then... Hope to see more of your work ^^
...
That was, quite literally, one of the best fanfictions I've ever read. (I say it ties with only two others, which are also my favorites.) Like Baree said, the ending was quite a bit less 'dramatic' than I expected, but I really like how you ended it off.
The dialogue was superb. I mean, it wasn't absolutely perfect, but it worked extremely well, and was nice and fluid. The best part was that all the characters were... well, in character. At least, according to the parameters of the story. (Obviously they weren't exactly 'them,' but the story made that work, and you did that wonderfully.) The 'changes' to Pinkie and Rainbow were also great. Pinkie's was just like an, 'Oh no, what are you doing Pinkie?' whereas Rainbow Dash's was much less noticeable, but when you do actually notice it, it ends up being extremely powerful and relevant. You just pulled it all off so well. Even the descriptions worked out pretty well.
The absolute only thing that I saw that got on my nerves was when you had a character say, "Sigh. *insert line here.*" That happened a few times, and it was something that bothered me. I know it's not major, and in fact is a very minor technical mistake, but I thought I had best point it out anyways.
If you upload this to Fanfiction.net, I'd love to add this to my favorites. Nice job. :D
I've read the reviews. I know people have already passed judgement: "the ending was anti-climactic" "technical errors" "I didn't like how -- did this here and -- did that."
I understand good, competent criticism entirely, I do. but this spoke to me on a deep level. I am proud to say that until this point, I didn't even realize I had such a true connection with pinkie. I never realized until her life was described in detail, in this instance, that was me. Heart and soul, I felt just like that as a child. I always felt that if I didn't continue to go all out when I was with people, to be ME as much as possible, I would lose the friends I had. I always that I was a crazymothafucka like Pinkie, hell, I took the JUNG personality test 3 times and got Pinkie and Luna consecutively, and Pinkie again, only one percent of on the E both times. But this story, what Pinkie had been through, and was thinking... I understood everything she felt in that moment.
I understand everyone saying it was abti-climactic, but honestly, it wasn't supposed to JUST be another great fanfic. This was an intentionally emotional piece, and I say this deserves a 6-star tag.
I'm proud to say this is the only story that has been on ED where I broke down and cried.
Brony love to the righter,
D.Mallow
(P.S. Pinkie is now one of my top 2 favorite ponies)
@DoubleMallow P.P.S. by righter i mean he made things right within me emotionally.
Oh, those silly, silly ponies.
Why you gotta make me get all teary-eyed over you?
This was a little weird, but I loved it. Thanks. :)
@DoubleMallow: Thank you so much! I've been told I have a knack for writing emotional conflict pieces, and I'm glad you identified with the characters so well. That means I did a good job portraying them! :D (I'm an INFP myself. Go Luna!)
@Baree: Twi/Luna had been "together" about six months at that point, after being friends for the rest of the winter as well, so Luna is starting to feel better about herself. Yay! Happy Luna! And yeah, I feel like the dialogue I wrote in this was much better than Common Sky, although CS's dialogue isn't bad by any means, of course. (Did I say "Yay, Happy Luna!" yet?)
@Forderz: Fair enough. I kinda wanted to portray RD as being a little bit block-headed and oblivious and needed things explained to her, and on top of that, I was starting to push the 23K+ word mark, and wanted to end it for my own sanity as well as the viewer's without suddenly ending it with no reason. You'll notice I'm a little sparse on descriptions in the final scene with Pinkie/Fluttershy/Dash… and that's why.
@Anonymous: Thank you very much! The "Sigh. *dialogue*" thing is actually I wrote in knowingly. She's such a drama queen I could see her actually saying "Sigh" aloud, so that much was intentional. (I'm sure I did it in other places too, though.)
@Everyone else: thank you! It was a pleasure writing this.
Well, I feel dumb. When I told you to "go for it" on ponychan, I had no idea this was already posted here. So I feel like the idiot for giving you serious critique on something that was already finalized enough to be on EQD. :/ Sorry about that.
@Present Perfect: That's alright! I'm glad to have critiques and feedback at all stages of writing! I'm very new to writing fiction, so any and all feedback I get is useful to me as an aspiring "artist." (Fanfiction counts as art, right?)
It most certainly does! I, at least, use it for honing my craft, and I've found ponies to be immensely helpful in that regard. If nothing else, they keep me up at night with creativity.
Anyway, I tend to consider EQD as close as one can get to being published in the fandom, a gallery of finished, polished works. But not everyone treats the blog the same way I do, so I guess it's just me being silly. :B I do hope my critiques helped.
@SyrinKitty This is your first? wow i feel like mine was terrible now.
Honestly, when I first started this story, I actually had a little trouble seeing these ponies being the type to go to a "rave-style" party.
You know, happy, colourful ponies going to alcohol/drug-fuelled raves! It was hard to grasp at first.
But as I read the rest, seeing it became easier and easier, for some reason.
about the way most of them were acting throughout most of the story, I acctually though maybe it was somehow something in the music affecting just them in odd ways.
I liked that brief appearance by Trixie. Didn't expect her to show up!
Because of the picture being used, I sort of expected Vinyl Scratch to play more of a role in the story. But it was an awesome story nonetheless!
This may have a star 5 label, but it read like a star 6 to me. I absolutely loved it. The feel of the party was captured perfectly!
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