[Grimdark][Adventure][Sad][ROLLERCOASTER] I was saddened, terrified, and fascinated all in the same chapter. More, please! -Pre-reader #15
Author: Wanderer D
Description: Luna feels something weird when walking through Canterlot and finally, with Celestia's help, manages to discover what it is. But what does it mean?
Silent Jade (Side Story) (New Part 6!)
The Empty Room (All Links)
Additional Tags: Mystery, Family, Friendship, Learning, Hope
Fan Art
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755 comments:
MOAR!
ReplyDeleteSorry, I got to say this in spanish bronies...
ReplyDelete¡Chingooooooon! El harpa de Mime de Benetnasch Eta... que al pedo... XD KUDOS POR LA REFERENCIA, DE NUEVO. XD
Back to English.
*cough* Well, after two times Google docs crashing, and a lot of work in my job... at last I could read it and... THE END BEGINS!!! *Background music* Το τέλος αρχίζει τώρα
The introduction of Mort I saw coming (because I read Terry Prachett and the Mort Takes a Holiday fan fiction). Still came as a huge what the fuck moment for me as soon as it happened.
ReplyDeleteGreat Story.
"Solar flaring orgasms of Celestia!" This story just keeps getting better, cant wait for the next chapter XD
ReplyDeleteAt the end of the chapter I had to play:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FvAFzRPnpck&feature=related
...again. So ends a heroine's last stand. Manly tears. The music box?
Chapter 4...
ReplyDeleteIs that a .Hack reference? Awesome.
I love the story so far, and I can barely manage to pull myself away!
You know, I find it very amusing when I read ponies out there complaining that I kill EVERYPONY as a plot device.
ReplyDeleteOr to quote: "butchering the cast left-right-center." I can count how many cast members have died with one monkey hand (which I borrowed, since hoofs do not lend themselves for counting beyond one) how many "cast" ponies, including background ponies from the series, have died in this series so far and at least two of them got better. Not to mention, the ones that die have a specific purpose in doing it, or at least reasons behind choosing that in one instance.
So... am I really that vicious and uncaring and using death as a plot-mechanism? I don't think so. It's a Grimdark story, so death is likely to happen, but I don't do it arbitrarily!
Anyway! Time for replies!
[WARNING! THE TEXT FOLLOWING CONTAINS SPOILERS!]
@Pioneer1 Indeed! :) not many caught where the song came from, well done!
@Idle Drifter Thanks for welcoming me to Michigan! There's a lot to do here ^_^
Isn't the requiem Lyra played an awesome melody?
What about the music box? O_o
@Sun Ray Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it!
@Crackle Thanks! The next chapter is on the works right now.
@Cassius Anonymous Materials was very kind in lending me his character for a little bit :) But I hardly do Mort justice.
@Joel Reed Gracias, gracias :) Si habia un arpa que tenia que salir en una situacion asi seria la de Mime. Despues... me clave viendo la muerte de Shaka !_!
@Andrew McKee Yes!
@TenchiFreak5 Thank you! That is high praise you are giving there! The first FMA series has to be one of my most favorite series ever. ^_^ It's an honor having my story compared to that!
@SomeGuy Indeed the final battle is imminent, right now Lyra and Bon-Bon are swing dancing together and loving each other, as it should be.
@artrcland I... thanks?
(To be continued)
@Discord Thank you! It got a bit hectic in there, true.
ReplyDelete@TimeForSP Indeed! And I love that expression! Pure genious from Kkat.
@Varanus It was hard to write... I do like Lyra.
@Wraithwood Their reading material will pop up in conversation later. Or at least one "book".
I'm glad you liked the requiem! It's a melody I've loved for years.
@Stryke Thanks! And I do enjoy writing Nightmare Moon :) I love that mare. *looks up at moon* uh, in a completely platonic way, I assure you.
@LucasGAN Yay! That was the intention on quoting that! ^_^
@Autumn Spice That's good to hear! We're near the end now so pretty soon you'll have the whole story.
@Lazy Luna Thanks! The wait was long but I should be back in shape to write now.
@The GREAT and POWERFUL Trevor You know it ;)
@Wento Hope it provided adequate entertainment!
@killingspreedoom Always happy to update suddenly.
@jet2112112 If it makes you feel better, Spark didn't actually execute them, that was the chimera :) And yes, you can keep RPing as her. ^_^
@nifboy Thanks! I wish Seth had added colors to it, but at least it got added!
@Bladecutter The word has been used on occasion to describe the feelings of ponies reading this story.
@iastfan112 Yep, it gets a bit convoluted, but that's part of the intention... when you cannot see clearly what everypony wants, or where things are going, you are more likely to appreciate as the threads unwind.
@TimeForSP Patience is a virtue :)
@Mrgilly94 Thanks! The move went fine, although it was a hassle! Hope you enjoyed the new chapter!
Compelling story. Cannot wait for the continuation. Or perhaps conclusion?
ReplyDelete@Wanderer D
ReplyDeleteSi, la muerte del caballero dorado más poderoso de todos. ;-;)/)
@Joel Reed http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2XKBGRryVDQ
ReplyDelete@TenchiFreak5
ReplyDeleteHow funny you should mention that, because at certain points throughout, I would imagine FMA:B music playing in the background (I've never actually seen the original FMA beyond the first two episodes, and hell, I started watching Brotherhood at, like, Episode 30 or something like that, but what I've seen, I've thoroughly enjoyed). But I digress.
(NOT A REPLY ANYMORE)
I was going to comment on the "Solar-flaring orgasms of Celestia," as it kind of seemed out of place to me (it didn't take me out of the story, but it did make me stop and do a double take to see if I read it right). Then, I saw in the comments that apparently it was a reference to Fallout: Equestria, which reminds me, I still have to read that... sometime (I highly doubt my college schedule will allow that, as I'm taking Molecular Biology, Introductory Physics, and Organic Chemistry. Yeah. GOD KILL ME NOW), so I probably won't get to read it before the middle of December. Damn, I've heard such good things about it too.
Crap, I just realized I spent a lot of comment rambling on about shit unrelated to your fic! Anyways, I liked how you had links to music within Chapter 18. It adds a lot of atmosphere and flavor to story. The only other person I've ever seen do that is Pen Stroke (in both fics of his which I've read, Past Sins, and Changing Octaves [that little one-shot he wrote about Octavia a while back]). Honestly, I love it when authors do that, and really wish it was done more. Crap, I'm rambling again!
Anyways, I must admit that this Chapter was really, really good, one of my favorites, and I'm liking where this is going. How many more chapters are there gonna be (just out of curiosity)?
Finally caught up
ReplyDeleteI have to say, I never thought much about Bon-bon x Lyra, but now...
@Wanderer D I would have to berate myselffoercly if I missed that song... I have it on my iPod
You have created a very compelling story, and the only thing I can say is that I want MOAR ( but dont you dare rush)
As for any theories.... Most have already happened or have been proven wrong, except... Is Jade Twi's mom? Midnight doesn't give a description of her death, and from what I understand didn't see her die...
But that could just be wishful thinking
@Wanderer D
ReplyDeleteI don't know why but I thought of an enchanted music box that would have played Lyra's Last Melody. Let alone think out lound in the comment section. Perhaps it just popped into my head as novelty one would find in a young filly's room in Equestria magical or not. I don't if I read it in your story or someone else's.
I'm glad you're looking for things to do here in Michigan. Just got back from Elk Rapids near Traverse City. Did a lot of canoing and fishing. Even Walked the Sleeping Bears Dunes though only partially as we had limited time. I became sick from the weather shift and the exhaustive activities from the vacation. Irony I guess as it was a time to relax and instead I went full tilt. Still fun times.
Going to start with part 18, read all other 17 today. Really REALLY love it!
ReplyDelete@Six
ReplyDeleteDon't know how to edit something but still.
Edit: Just read part 18, just wished I could keep scrolling down till infinity. Made me really enjoy my day sitting sick at home.
i just read this in one sitting. The roller coaster tag is truly fitting...I'm going to lay down now.
ReplyDeleteThis has just about everything I could ever want in it. It was worth the time reading it, which was...6 HOURS? Going to sleep now, as I should have done ages ago. Not sure how I can thinking about what could happen now. This is easily the best fic I have ever read in my life! Also, This is my first EQ post.
ReplyDeleteseason 2 followed by one of the 3 top fics I been waiting for an update on! only thing that can make this all complete for BEST.DAY.EVER! would be reading chapter 14 of The Ballad of Twilight Sparkle *scrunchy faced squeel* I love Empty Room! it develops so well =3 STICK WITH IT IF YOUR NEW TO IT! it won't disappoint ^^
ReplyDeleteNow to go read this new awaited chapter! XD
Just scratched the surface of this (Chapter 3) and.......wow. Already IMPRESSED LIKE A MUHFUCKA.
ReplyDeleteThe setup alone is WEAPONS GRADE GRIMDARK.
I swear, how the fuck, HOW IN THE FUCK I ASK, can people shit on Grimdark when stuff as awesome as Fallout Equestria, Fillystata, and THIS exists...?
Holy fuck this shit gets so real.
ReplyDeleteHide ya wife, hide ya fillies cuz Evil Goatee Twilight is out chea rapin everypony.
@mycutiemarkisagun
ReplyDeleteDo you make a duty to swear like that all the time ?
It has been a while, since last update. Let's see... >[ROLLERCOASTER]... -_- very funny...
ReplyDeletePart 18 :
>“Because Lyra's a good pony... and it would make Bon-Bon very sad.
-...after a rather pointless suicide from BonBon, Lyra is gonna be killed, seriously ? That wouldn't be very interesting.
>she had established that the spells cast in the room were no older than twenty years
-How can she tell that ? She doesn't have her horn to magically analyze the spell in the room.
>“I'll make this short because I have several matters of grave importance to attend to and I will not waste my time on this!”
-Super-speed explanation of 17 parts, Go ?
>“Not now, dear.” Nightmare Moon said, patting the showmare in the head and earning a glare.
-Trixie is like an adorable pet... that can bite.
>your mother will be able to remember everything once we return her to normal.
>she’s no-doubt cast a spell to protect her from interference.
-That's quite convenient ?
...but wait ? Nightmare Moon didn't cast any memory/mind protection spell, so... is it just the 'Nightmare transformation', the ' memory/mind protection spell', or both that is preventing the memory restoration ?
> “It means that if we don't get the horn back soon...” >“I'll explode...” Twilight groaned.
-That sounds a bit ''goofy'' ?
Also... why does Twilight suddenly have the magic level of ''an alicorn twice your age'', if the cambro's role was to restore her (back to life, in this case) WITH the magic she was robbed of when she was a filly-alicorn ?
(Is it like in a Bank, where the 'cambro' enhanced Twilight's money, I mean magic over the years ? Must have a damn good rate to get DOUBLE the magic of a *young-adult alicorn*, from the magic of a *filly-alicorn*, only +-20 years later ?)
>tears welled in her eyes until they began running freely down her face. “T-this melody... how...”
-Errrr ? Magic melody of magical restoration of memories, Go ?
>she finally got a good look at the chimera.
-A chimera ? ...and she became one after some magic spell cast while she was inside some sort of circle ?
This is making me think of 'Full Metal Alchemist', for some reasons.
> The harp hit the floor, shattering into three pieces, magic flashing out.
-Well... that's an especially weak thing to pull here. Even more so as there are several things around this scene that could save Lyra, very easily, and make this better.
I'm quite disappointed there. Really.
... It was ''slightly'' better than what I remember of this story, then it returned to 'what I remembered of this story' in the end. I don't know... all I can say is that I'm disappointed by how 'this' was pulled ...
@Nova25
ReplyDelete"-...after a rather pointless suicide from BonBon, Lyra is gonna be killed, seriously ? That wouldn't be very interesting."
She lost the love of her life, and no longer values her own life as much. Not that difficult to believe.
"she had established that the spells cast in the room were no older than twenty years
-How can she tell that ? She doesn't have her horn to magically analyze the spell in the room."
HAD established. As in, past tense. Did you read the earlier chapters?
"Well... that's an especially weak thing to pull here. Even more so as there are several things around this scene that could save Lyra, very easily, and make this better.
I'm quite disappointed there. Really."
The writer controls the story. 'Better' is in the eye of the beholder. Even though I was sad that Lyra died, I felt the scene was well written. Trixie was her chance at survival, but she gave her life for others as she saw that Trixie wasn't powerful enough to save everyone. Assuming the spell she was casting would have been cancelled if she stopped playing prematurely, she probably wouldn't have had another chance if the rebel side had an additional pissed off alicorn to deal with.
@Stephen Cawking
ReplyDelete(siiiigh) Seriously... Overreacting people like you (by that I simply mean those who raise the finger and yell : '' Trolllllll !'' at the first sign) need to learn and see the difference between the REAL trolls, and someone making *comments* that (may) have negative elements, because... some things in some stories may not be 100% Pure Success in the eye of EVERYONE!
...I know, it must be a shock to learn that people can point what they liked AND what they didn't appreciated in a story ! (while remaining as polite as possible, of course).
-----
-I also explained this, quite a few times already, in several places...
(copy/paste)
As one person read a story, that person will go through various emotions (which vary in types and intensity), will receive various impressions from the story, and will think and wonder about what he/she just read... as he read the said story.
I, personally, like to think and wonder about stuff, and make theories... think about what may or may not happen, and etc...
I like to proceed by 'quotes' ( > ), for various reasons, one of them being that it give a point of reference... so other persons will know what I point when I say something about a precise thing.
(If only just a few (additional) people, after reading the comment(s) and checking the 'quoted parts', will also think and wonder (maybe about things they might have not thought about otherwise), then I suppose it's a +plus.)
...see this as ''progressive feedback'' or something like that...
-----
Someone (who was actually civilized enough to engage in a polite discussion, instead of going for the ''That guy is saying something mildly negative, duuuh, he must be a troll ! So I will say he's one, and try to dirty his reputation !'') once described it as a : « streaming thought response »
-----
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteSorry, but it's time for Trevor to speak up! While one can vouc from previous fics that Nova isn't a troll, you (Nova) need to realize that just about all of your comments both here and in other places seem to be mostly negative, and te tone of what is said is that your opinion is the only right one, and that the writer is a moron for not doing things the way you like it! If you don't like it, then write your own story! Trevor apologizes, but if you have nothing constructive to say about WHY something is bad, then that kinda is trolling. It's mostly just how you chose to word your complaints. (Not that you might not have some good points/objections. You just need to try to understand better how your words might come off as. And please: this is only an attempt to help you, not point a hoof, or mock you, or start a fight. One is just trying to help)
~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria
Yay! Enough posts for a big reply!
ReplyDelete[WARNING: SPOILERS]
@Timber Thanks! Still a couple of chapters to go!
@Jonny Manz You haven't seen the first one?! O_O You should, if you enjoyed Brotherhood! There's a complete series of events up to 3/4ths of the series where both are following the same time-line! And Hughes... T_T
Well, seems like you have a lot to do right now! Fallout: Equestria is pretty awesome, so even if you have to wait until December you shouldn't miss it! Kkat's work is really, really good.
I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter! And to answer your questions there's two more planned chapters + an Epilogue.
@Pioneer1 :) Mime's Harp (Or lyre, as it is supposed to be) has always been one of my favorite pieces of music, I had to use it!
As for your theory... I... kind of wish I had thought of that, it is actually a pretty awesome idea for many reasons, sadly she passed away :(
@Idle Drifter It makes a lot of sense, musical boxes are classic.
And yes, I haven't done much other than going to the FYI Fair and the Dally in the Alley and hang around with Speedcult and other friends. ^_^ If you're ever in the area let me know, we can catch up on stuff to do and ponies!
@Six Well, I'm sorry to hear you were sick! But glad to know that you enjoyed part of that time thanks to my story! I hope you enjoy the few remaining chapters!
@eviltomb ^_^' meep
@Tails C. Lock I'm honored that you think so highly of my fic, and that your first post was here! *flutteryay!* There are a lot of other really good stories around, so be sure to keep an eye on them! :)
@Cátsy Thanks! :) I hope you enjoyed it!
(TBC)
[Continued]
ReplyDelete@mycutiemarkisagun Here's hoping you enjoy the rest of it!
@Nova25 Ah, the long-awaited stock response is finally here! Mekran has already pointed out a couple of things, but you raise some good questions my friend, let me see if I can clear them up a bit.
>...but wait ? Nightmare Moon didn't cast any memory/mind protection spell, so... is it just the 'Nightmare transformation', the ' memory/mind protection spell', or both that is preventing the memory restoration ?
Nightmare Moon doesn't need a spell to protect her from the memories of the ĉambro... because she was not around when the spell was cast. She was not part of the group that did it, so she wouldn't have her memories affected at all.
>Also... why does Twilight suddenly have the magic level of ''an alicorn twice your age'', if the cambro's role was to restore her (back to life, in this case) WITH the magic she was robbed of when she was a filly-alicorn ?
Let me quote Chapter 17 for you: "“That should not be a problem, Princess,” Eldritch said. “In fact, if all involved give a little power to the spell, the ĉambro will use the energy as the sacrifice needed for it. When your daughter returns to normal, she'll have bit more magic than she would have otherwise, but she should be fine.”"
In other words, Twilight was already going to receive more magic from the spell itself, but when the magic went crazy more than intended was absorbed by the ĉambro.
>This is making me think of 'Full Metal Alchemist', for some reasons.
You're not the first one to say that, however similarities are completely coincidental.
>... It was ''slightly'' better than what I remember of this story, then it returned to 'what I remembered of this story' in the end. I don't know... all I can say is that I'm disappointed by how 'this' was pulled ...
Sorry to hear that, but that's the way the story goes.
@Mekran I would just say the the story guides the writer in this case ^_^
o.0.o
Also, guys, don't get into a fight over this! Everypony has the right to love or hate the story! (I'd rather you love it and draw fan-art, start a TvTropes for it, and let me know about it, but hay, we can't have everything, can we?)
Seriously though, thank you all for reading!
~WD
I wish I could give you fan art, but stick figures is about the limit of my drawing ability :(
ReplyDelete@The GREAT and POWERFUL Trevor
ReplyDelete>all of your comments both here and in other places seem to be mostly negative
-Merely a handful of them, really.
(I read about HALF the stories on this website. There almost 1200stories here, and I have only 300stories in my backlog, and I skip only a few now and then, and 'grimdark' is but a fraction of those stories, so...).
It mostly (often) depends on the content of the story, you see...
>and the tone of what is said is that your opinion is the only right one
-That's a pretty far fetched interpretation, I would say ?
Exemple:
>-...after a rather pointless suicide from BonBon, Lyra is gonna be killed, seriously ? That wouldn't be very interesting.
-What the sentence says : 'I think the suicide doesn't work well', 'I don't like the idea of killing this character', and 'Her death will not be interesting for me'.
-I do not see or can intreprete those sentences as ''orders'' or ''ultimate statements of truth''. People shouldn't try to dig too hard, when most things are simple surface words/thoughts with no ''greater meaning'' intended to them.
>and that the writer is a moron for not doing things the way you like it!
-You know... last time I checked, this : >I can say is that I'm disappointed by how 'this' was pulled
: meant that I was, as the word simply and directly tell, that I was 'disappointed by how 'this' was pulled'... 'This' being the death of Lyra.
It isn't a crime to state that you are disappointed/do not like the way a death was done ?
Also... I never tried to insult this author, neither have I *WRITTEN* insults directed to this person.
>If you don't like it, then write your own story!
-It's a weak excuse and you know it.
People have the right to like a story at, say, 60% and dislike it at 40%. (the % are only suggestive. The point is that people can like most (points/details) of a story, while 'not liking' the rest of the story, and vice-versa).
There's a step between 0% Pure Hate and 100% Blind Love, you know ?
>if you have nothing constructive to say about WHY something is bad, then that kinda is trolling.
-This is rather imprecise. Just stating what a person liked or disliked is something rather common, especially on the Internet (EX: 'Good thing you did with Nightmare Moon', or 'this scene was rather boring'), and isn't ''kinda trolling or trolling''.
>You just need to try to understand better how your words might come off as.
-This point here is one that I can agree on... but, the problem is that a lot of people have the mindset, when on the Internet, that everything other people say can potentially be some sort of attack or something like that... So, when someone write something stating that he/she disliked (to various degrees) some points of a story (that they liked), well, there are people who will be quite fast to jump on the person and interprete every word out-of-proportion, as if it was a personal attack.
It's hard to *really* say what you didn't like, and how much, without at least 1 person going all crazy about what you said... even if you were polite.
...and just to be sure, because now I MUST do it apparently : Those statement weren't written with any 'offensive' meaning directed to someone in particular... I'm just, starting to be, a bit tired, a little ...
What a fantastic story this is. Rollercoaster is right. Pop culture jokes, situational comedy, convincing romance, horror, sadness, snitching, suicide, awesome characterizations of ponies I normally don't care for (N.M, Trixie, Lyra). WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM A FANFIC? STOP HATIN! I'M TIRED OF YOU FUCKIN HATERS!
ReplyDeleteChapter 18 alone is magnificent work. Nightmare Moon's frustrated explanation speech had me dyin. Stopping the exposition cold just to air out AJ? HA! I'm always a sucker for a good Robin Hood execution scene and this is an epic one. And of course, CUTIE MARK CRUSADER EXECUTION SPECTATORS! (yay!)
2nd Greatest Grimdark fic ever?
Perhaps.
But it's a joke that this doesn't have 6 Stars. 5 stars? Pfft, that wack-ass "Magic Effect" crossover has 5 stars.
@Nova25
Fuck yeah.
I just spend the last few days reading all the chapters there are so far, and I gotta say I love this fic.
ReplyDeleteI'll eagerly be awaiting the next chapter.
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteNova25 is just giving his opinion and with the internet many visual ques we as human beings pick up in personal conversation are lost. So the tone in his critique may seem negative to the point of being over critical just take it with a grain of salt. Nova25's not trolling by a long stretch. I've been tossing around a few ideas of my own for a fanfic or two and I'd welcome Nova25's critique as it would help me develop as a writer.
@Wanderer D
Same here just drop me a line.
Is that a herpes sore on Twilight Spark's lip?
ReplyDeleteLOL.
@mycutiemarkisagun I think it might be blood in reference to the "evil vampire goth fillyfooler" line
ReplyDelete@Wanderer D
ReplyDeleteTan solo se necesitaron 3 santos dorados para acabar con Shaka... ;-;)
Un paréntesis, con el video me acordé de un comic de CSIMadmax donde aparece Rarity en la armadura de Piscis. XD
How goes the new chapter?
ReplyDeleteIm not going to lie, this is by far the most entertaining thing i have read in a very very long time.
ReplyDeleteALso i absolutely love the romance between Big Mac and Trixie.
Damn it I need more of this. I MUST KNOW THE ENDING. I MUST.
ReplyDeleteWhy do I read incomplete works. When it's bad, I think to myself oh... hah, now I don't have to read the rest of that babble. Then when it's this.... I log on every day and curse dark words to ancient powers that the author has not put out another chapter!
ReplyDeleteGreat work on ch19.
ReplyDeleteThe actions scenes are well presented, and there's a realistic amount of tragedy here laced between the high energy moments.
I liked to see how Spark offered herself up upon learning the truth, proving that she's dark, not evil, and shares Twilight's desire to protect her loved ones.
Lyra's parents are bigoted monsters and Paper Craft is far too good for them. I hope to see a glimpse of him when the dust settles, to see how he fares with Lyra's sacrifice.
So Celestia is back now? That's a relief. Can the same be said for Luna? But the Guardian has now appeared, and I hope that NMM's plan is a good one, since all the heroes seem tired and injured from the fighting, and Celestia's still down. Looking forward to seeing what the 'seasons' will bring to the table.
You know, I had never actually considered what would happen in a scenario where Gilda knew Dash was in danger and she knew she could help.
ReplyDeleteNot that I think she wouldn't help. In fact, I think the "fuck as much shit up as possible to protect Dash" scenario you painted is the most likely one; but it just wasn't anything I had thought about before. Hm.
holy celestia, i keep asking myself "okay, when is he [the author] going to wrap this up? and when will the mo-fo guardian ever come into this" and now with this epic battle scene at the end im not sure if i want things to come to a closure FINALLY or if i want another 5-6 chapters explaining the original alicorns. i would honestly feel jipped now that you introduced them if you didn't atleast give them some background, but at the same time i feel you could suffer from "waaaaaay TLDR" to any newcomes if they see 26 chapters, especially if they see the last ones are getting pretty ridiculous in length (not that thats a bad thing for TLDR readers like myself)
ReplyDeleteAnywho, i think this is better than Past Sins, and thats saying ALOT
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!! Final BATTLE!!!!!!! And... just when Jade will strike Spark down... =_=
ReplyDelete"Requiem of the North", subtle and cool. =)
P.S.- Prometo que haré más capítulos del fict. ;_;)/) Si no, Shaka se aparecerá y me atacará con el "Tesoro del cielo". ._q No pun intended...
Just finished chapter 19 and I only have two words...
ReplyDeleteIt comes.
Well actually I have more. [SPOILERS]
So the Guardian finally arrives. About bloody well time! (I kid) I actually had a sneaky suspicion that the shadow Chimera were the long lost Alicorns.
Epic fight scenes are epic. I like how you told the battle from each perspective. And it wasn't just random punching there was strategy, but the fight wasn't one sided in the heroes favour, creating dramatic tension. I liked the conflict between AJ, Rar... I mean Jade and Spark over the existence and the continuity there-of of the latter.
I love this story. It is one of the few I can still find time to read.
So with Luna and Celestia returning to normal with the Guardian's influence gone but with the rest of our heroes either injured, unconscious or dead, how will the ponies, and gryphon, stop the Guardian and the four fully powered alicorns still under his control? I guess I will just have to wait for the next chapter to find out.
ALL MY STARS, TAKE THEM!
ReplyDeleteThe Gaurdian and four corrupted Alicorns versus a motley crew of near dead, injured, unconsious, and exhausted ponies and one griffon. Ain't Life in Equestria grand? Well, that's what I would say if present on killing fields of Canterlot. Well, there's not much left to speculate now as I'm just going to let the piece fall where they may.
ReplyDeleteI can't thank you enough for making Trixie an interesting (and likeable) character.
ReplyDeleteIf it weren't for you, I would still see her as that self-centered Bitch that for SOME reason everyone loves her for.
YOU make her seem like she has a heart for others, and I THANK you very deeply for that.
Dang, that was some chapter!! I just remembered to start breathing again and I finished reading 10 minutes ago.
ReplyDeleteKeep it up!! Thanks!!!
I won't lie I savored this one for almost 3 nights before just finishing it now. Hard to fit so much pony in one day!
ReplyDeleteI'll start off by saying this has been the best 15k words I've read (ok minus the flashback filler scene with Celestia, but I read it through anyways!) and damnit I hate those story breaks that switch you from one critical scene and ges to another character POV! (I lie I LOVE that stuff keep doing it! ok I guess I did tell one lie so far but this doesn't count! does it?).
==**SPOILERS!!!**==
Paper Craft scene, boy what can I say about this scene? That whole flashback where the tale of how Lyra got her Lyre, how he secretly loved his sisters music and truly wanted her to follow her dreams where as her parents scoffed and tried so hard to stifle her love of music.
To think he was never able to tell his sister that it was him that gave her that present, that he always loved her music and how much joy it brought him. How painful it was to see her move out leaving him alone to suffer the oppressiveness of his parents without her joyous self and music around for company.
To now stare at his only gift that had brought them both such joy and the care she had given it over the years. Lying there. Broken. Broken beneath the still, lifeless, all but broken sister he only recently been reunited with only to see her in a prison cell and then hung at the gallows. All he ever loved now gone with the wind. Or so he thought, until his parents came and said those unimaginable things about their own daughter, his dear sister...
To think the poor colt was raised by such uncaring beasts had been the last his nerves could take. I think Trixie totally won bonus points there for sending his Mother flying for the ignorant and scathing remarks about Lyra. I only hope now that Paper Craft manages to finally go out and pursue what makes him happy as his sister once did so long ago when she chose to live her own life, rather then the one her parents tried to choose for her.
Man and I didn't even mention all the tearful parts in that scene with Papercraft and Lyra.
The scene with Twilight Spark and Ra-*cough*Jade and Applejack. God leave it to AJ and her honesty to conflict with what has to be done. I for one started feeling conflicted myself as this Twilight just wanted to be more assertive, less weak, to claim all she wanted but still trying to earn the things she wanted most.
In this case the fact she never forced AJ to just be her lover. The playful nights they had together, wrestling and nothing more! She could of easily finished off Jade, but let her love for her friend and, hopefully someday, lover's rescue instead. At that moment as she galloped towards AJ hurling those blades at AJ's assailant, at that moment nothing in the world mattered to her but making sure her friend was ok. All but forgetting her battle sadly with the deadly Jade...
*and suddenly BLOOD EVERYWHERE!*
AJ, figured she developed feelings for her since that day she was tied up and had that forced 'kiss' with probably more tongue and cheek then one might want to imagine. AJ took the hit, all but on the floor in a pool of her own blood. I have to say it was during this part where AJ tried getting their attention for 3, no 4 times I think? that I just laughed picturing the whole scene as she all but shot a hoof in the air in frustration and groan that the two were all but forgetting AJ's presence lol
***SPOILERIFIC***
So glad the FINAL boss has appeared, and oh noes new challengers appeared! Alicorns Nightmare Moon had destroyed... how quaint. Well looks like Nightmare Moon has soe catching up to do next chapter with her old Alicorn friends!
=====***END OF SPOILERS!!***=====
Still boggles the mind why this this story that's had so much effort and thought put into it not reach at LEAST a full 5 stars yet. Needs more front page coverage imo.
ReplyDeleteI think the pacing in the first chapter just aren't keeping people's attention long enough to give this story a fair chance. I will admit I did take almost a month to get back to it and actually FINISH the thing when I ran out of things to read at the time.
No real reason, I did remember I enjoyed what little I did read but it felt slow to me. Glad I went back and forced myself to read the whole thing before passing judgement on it, and good thing too because there are hardly many stories I can say that I truly appreciate reading, let alone look forward eagerly to new releases.
Anyways I am so happy with this newest chapter and it came out so well. I really look forward to see how the next one comes out. I so felt a FF 4 moment there at the end as the You know who summoned those 4! XD
Great job and hope to see more soonish!
666 comments already? Lawlz. Just missed it... Anyhoof, Trevor just wanted to point something out that he JUST realized! Twilight only needs her horn back! Jade doesn't HAVE to kill Spark! She would only have to get the horn! Of course, that's hoping that she survives, that is... Oh wait, then SHE wouldn't be able to magic and explode... DAMN IT! And here Trevor thought he flounder a perfectly good loophole! *pouts*
ReplyDelete~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria
@Sun Ray
ReplyDeleteIt's a POV from NNM to build up one the things that she was doing up to and after all that. That's why the words were all slanted to sort of give it that dreamlike/flashback feel from the normal style text.
Also because it's been like forever since a release and a little recapping doesn't hurt anyone once in awhile, especially with all the chaos that went on in Ch 18!
It's done a lot in other stories but you just have to put extra attention there and assume the author didn't forget 18 events lol and keep reading! ;3 thankfully it was just a recap in a NMM POV of what she was up to the whole time events were focused on the others in ch 18!
heh so don't worry Wanderer hasn't gone senile yet!
@The GREAT and POWERFUL Trevor
ReplyDeleteAhoy there Trevor! Good morning to ya. =3
Yes the severing of a Unicorns horn much like taking the horns of other animals tend to normally lead towards death :P
I expect they'll be using Spark in the coming battle nonetheless. She knows now all the secrets about herself being a clone, an Equusulus (god how do you pronounce that!) she'll probably end up dead or just giving her magic to the rel Twilight in some fusion dance! (or a really long saucy overly exaggerated exchange of tongue and cheek like some Succubus!)
Heh well I do so look forward to little Spark and her outcome. This chapter made my assumptions of her back during when she had taken AJ in. Like trying to hide her true feelings by pretending to be so tough around the mare she loved.
Poor Spark... she was an awesome twisted version of Twilight, such a fun character even if she is cold as Ice with her reasoning and the things she did to those ponies.
Ra-I mean Jade is freaking cold =( but she DID feel pity at the end there for Spark as she saw how genuine her emotions were. Least that's my view on it.
Oh and suddenly...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8vz186pjY0
I dare someone to make an Alicorn version of this with some 6 armed Gilgamesh style Snake Boss xD
SPOILER WARNING!
ReplyDelete@Nick Kay ^_^ Thank you
@TheMagister Soon!
@Nyxilis And the dark gods of the internet respond within 24 hours with a new chapter!
@Varanus I like playing with the idea of monsters and preconceptions. I'll get more into it when I get the diary for TER posted, but there is so much you can do with everypony thinking things should be a certain way and then having them turned on its head. NMM is the good gal, Loving parents are not exactly that, quiet characters show their inner strength... so much possibility!
@TenchiFreak5 ^_^ well, I'm glad I presented the idea in a credible manner!
@VooDooZecora Well, thankfully EqD doesn't really post the amount of words per chapter :) and by the time you get to Ch. 19, if you're not hooked you'll have already left ;) And thank you for saying that. Past Sins is a great story and a fan favorite so I know your words carry a lot of weight!
@Joel Reed I figured it would be an appropriate title for the melody in this instance :) Take your time writing my friend!
@SomeGuy It's always nice to read from you and the other returning readers! ^_^ Scratch that, it's awesome! The next battle promises to be a hard one! Good thing NMM has a plan, right? Right?
@HCrescent I will! Thanks!
@Idle Drifter ^_^ you make it sound like there's no hope! That reminds me, I want to link your voice-over to the chapter it was about. Would that be okay?
@Sun Ray I think Catsy got to it already, but, what happened is that all the action in chapter 19 is happening at the same time as what happened in the latter half of chapter 18, just from different perspectives.
@Jett You're welcome! Although Trixie deserves merit for going through everything she is going through!
@artrcland You have extremely strong lungs my friend! :) Glad you enjoyed it!
@Cátsy Took your time huh? Great! ^_^ Thank you for coming back and leaving a comment after all of that!
The POV are useful tools, although I've found it sometimes gets confusing ~_~ if it weren't for my editors...
The Paper Craft Scene is something I really, really, reeeeeaaaaally want immortalized into a pic. I am very happy with all of it, the imagery, the reactions, the anger, the contempt... I even got some of the editors to turn around and tell me/ask me (if) it was too much!
I had a really hard time when I told my editors "AJ has some feelings for Spark" I had a mini-s**t storm land on the doc comments for that one ^_^' hopefully its believable! I thought it was funny how the two (Jade and Spark) got into an argument about AJ's well-being while the pony in question was bleeding on the floor next to them *trying* to get their attention.
Yeah, I'm editing the first chapter with the help of my editors. I'll upload the revised version to make it flow smoother. Hopefully the fact that there are so many comments (and most of them good) still helps encourage ponies to read! ^_^ And like I said, had I had my team together when I started this would be a solid 6-star just because they're that cool.
@The GREAT and POWERFUL Trevor Well, you know I'll think of something to make whatever happens as messy as possible.
Anyway, thanks for the comments everypony!
@Wanderer D
ReplyDeleteGo right ahead with the link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7M0QcYE0zYc&feature=channel_video_title
Nothing like a few more hits to the channel.
@mycutiemarkisagun
ReplyDeleteSecond favorite Grimdark?
What's the first? :/
yay, about time for an up date I was happy to read it. something going and going and going. soon you will bring it full circle and it will be done. a story finished is a great story in my book...mmmbooks
ReplyDeleteKudos to you, author man! This is definitely a riveting tale! Though I can't help but wonder what happened to Spike. Where did he go?!? If he slept through this whole thing, we're going to have some words!
ReplyDeleteHi everypony! Big news! The Empty Room finally got a Tv Tropes page!
ReplyDeletehttp://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/FanFic/TheEmptyRoom
If you liked the story, why not contribute the the Tropes page?
There are two major rules that I have where violating them usually destroys any interest I may have in a fanfic:
ReplyDelete#1: Don't turn anypony into something they aren't portrayed in the show (such as turning Pinkie Pie into a pegasus, revealing one of the Mane 6 to be a robot, or something)
#2: Never, ever, kill any pony from the show, but especially Twilight Sparkle
This story violated both rules, and I'm still looking forward to seeing how it ends. That's how well written this is.
« Forget the times of your distress, but never forget what they taught you.
ReplyDeleteRobert C. Gallagher »
« Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
John F. Kennedy »
-----
Part 19 :
>“In the search for my first child... I got my second daughter killed.”
-Huh... Irony ? The fact that they are both the same and only pony ?
>She might not have brought her into this world, but Celestia and Twilight were as close as any family...
-The Irony-o-meter is gonna explode, me think ?
>except for the few that were rooted to the spot, whether out of curiosity or panic she couldn't know, but they were not helping either.
-Of course they aren't helping... (sigh) Never mind...
>The unicorn and earth pony guards gave her wide-eyed stares. “W-we were ordered to not interfere whatever happened!” one of them stammered.
-...all too convenient, but whatever. We already know what's going to happen, anyway...
>Fluttershy roared, her face contorted in anger. “I don’t care who ordered you to do what before! Your duty is to Equestria!”
-Well, one pony finally has the brain to act and do ''something'' 'good'...
>“You’ll need this!” the little unicorn said, using her mouth to undo the clasp on the cape.
-''It's dangerous to go alone! Take this!''
>“She's dead, and good riddance to her.”
>“She was always a failure,” his mother continued
-You know... and I'm SURE everyone will, for once, agree on that... It should have been Lyra's *parents* to be dead. Yes, it should have been.
>“And see where it landed her!” his mother spat back, having used her magic to rip the paper away from her mouth. “Hanging from the gallows after wasting her life
>You're Cinnamon's daughter, aren’t you? Just another useless dropout who went to waste their life seeking fame.”
-I'm sure it would make many -people- happy, if they would, say, accidentally slip above Canterlot's walls...
But, of course, they will live... We SOOoo need 'good characters' to die and 'bad characters' to stay alive... (sigh)
>“Legend has it that there were once more Princesses around... true, Luna and Celestia were the greatest, but there were more alicorns protecting Equestria with their power than we remember.
-This sounds familiar... I'm somewhat pretty sure that I read this in at least one other story ?
@Idle Drifter Thanks! I'll post it there in a bit.
ReplyDelete@Stoic Heh, glad you're liking it!
@Daniel Parker Thank you! You'll find out what happened to Spike soon!
@Draglord2505 It's an honor to have my story be the exception to the rules!
@Nova25 Hey! Welcome back! Let's go through the comment...
>The Irony-o-meter is gonna explode, me think ?
^_^' I might have laid the irony a bit thick... true.
>Well, one pony finally has the brain to act and do ''something'' 'good'...
She's got the 'Stare' man... she can do it!
>You know... and I'm SURE everyone will, for once, agree on that... It should have been Lyra's *parents* to be dead. Yes, it should have been.
And let them go out easy? Nope.
>I'm sure it would make many -people- happy, if they would, say, accidentally slip above Canterlot's walls...
But, of course, they will live... We SOOoo need 'good characters' to die and 'bad characters' to stay alive... (sigh)
Life ain't fair.
>This sounds familiar... I'm somewhat pretty sure that I read this in at least one other story ?
If you read those exact same words in another story, they stole them out of mine. Midnight said that exactly a few chapters back.
>And let them go out easy? Nope.
ReplyDelete-The 'Easy way' is sometimes the most satisfying way (especially when it involves Nukes)... unless there's something coming *for* them later ...?
>Life ain't fair.
-To that I will say, hmm... 'Death do not care who dies, that's the fun of it. *You* get to choose who does and who doesn't.' (Yes, I know, it sounds a bit like that one Anime.)
>If you read those exact same words in another story, they stole them out of mine.
-Well, I didn't mean the exact copy/paste of the words, but rather the idea/general concept of 'Having multiple Alicorns/Princesses, specifically for the most Vital tasks of the World'.
Been meaning to say this since the last chapter dropped, so here goes:
ReplyDeleteMan.
Are Lyra's parents just plain horrible or what?
You'd think their daughter's martyrdom WHILE SAVING THE DAMN WORLD would change their tune but nooooooo. Absolutely horrible lol. Can't think of another fanfic character I hate more.
If ANYPONY deserves to get hogtied and dropped off in a Cupcakes universe w/ "Tastes like chocolate!" scribbled on their torsos in magic marker, its *that* charming couple.
@mycutiemarkisagun
ReplyDeleteI would tend to agree to what you said... Mmh? Must be a Bisextile year, with a planetary alignment and a Full red Moon tonigh?... except for the ''story-that-shall-not-be-named'' part.
Just a very deep cliff, so they have time to fall, with sharp rocks at the bottom will do nicely, and it cost less Quantum Energy.
That thing is damn expensive.
over 7days without a post,revive the thread anyway.
ReplyDeleteHey everypony, just a quick note. It's taking a bit longer due to unexpected reasons, but work on the story is progressing. Due to the size of it it'll probably end up being two chapters instead of one as I originally intended, but please be patient, the story hasn't been dropped!
ReplyDeleteWanderer D, you're alive!
ReplyDeleteI'm only on Chapter 10, but I gotta say, coolest group of rebels EVER.
ReplyDelete@Wanderer D "Good thing NMM has a plan, right? Right?"
ReplyDeleteNot exactly filling me with tons of confidence there.
Oh ya I forgot to add something earlier. [SPOILER] I, like many people, absolutely hate Lyra's parents, and loved Paper Craft's scene. I was very surprised that witnessing their daughter's actual death (restoring their corrupted Princess in the process) would not give them a change of heart. Some ponies are just un-redeemable I guess. I also assume that having the Guardian squish them is to much to hope for.
Need more updates D:
ReplyDeleteprod prod prod :)
ReplyDeleteI implore you to update
ReplyDeleteWE ARE PLEASED TO LEARN THAT THIS STORY IS STILL IN PRODUCTION!
ReplyDeletejust finished chapter 14, FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
ReplyDeleteSuch a good story.
ReplyDeleteI just wish it were continued. I hate cliffhangers. :(
So, when are we getting the next chapter? I wanna see how this ends!
ReplyDeletePlease please please please PUHLEASE finish this story. I absolutely love it! It's one of my favourite fan-fics! (I've read a lot of fanfics). I can't wait for Chapter 20! PUHLEASE finish the story.
ReplyDeleteI sit here alone.
ReplyDeleteI am waiting for pony.
I must wait longer.
Empty Room, long time no see, well since it was THAT long time i must re-read ALL the chapters!
ReplyDeleteAll right chapter 20!
ReplyDeleteThis is the story that got me into all this fanfiction, I was worried it went on Hiatus there for a while.
Fantiastic chapter, nice to know you're not pulling your punches emotionally, and that the pace is being kept up as well during these tense scenes :D
WHY MUST MY LITTLE PONY FANFICTION BE SO DAMN GOOD
ReplyDeleteTHE EMPTY FUCKING ROOM!!!! HELL YES!!!
ReplyDeletecuz i can and i realy love wanderer D :)
alsos: 700+
At last the update, and things are getting quite heated. Eagerly await the next chapter. So much revealed this time around, and yet more to go I bet~
ReplyDeleteSWEET JUMPING JUNEBUGS WITH A SIDE OF HAY FRIES, ONION RINGS, AND A BBQ DAISYBURGER WITH DANDELEONS, CHEESE, LETTUCE, TOMATOES, PICKELS, AND A FRIED EGG ALL SERVED ON A SEASEME SEED BUN!
ReplyDeleteYOU'RE ALIVE!
YAY another reason not to get any sleep tonight!
ReplyDeleteoh god, that scene about Trixie's little sister made me more sad than My Little Dashie and all the other Sadfics i've read combined
ReplyDeleteSo glad this updated. Made my new year brighter.
ReplyDelete*SPOILER*
Author is good at throwing me for a loop. Jade's true identity was awesome. Then again she is my favorite pony so maybe I'm biased. Feel like I should have seen it coming since she hadn't been mentioned yet, but still suprised me.
Now to start the agonizing process of waiting for the next one.
the second you said blue eyes, I knew who the assassin was
ReplyDeleteHeh... I jotted down pointers as I read the entire story right from start to end. Looking at what I’ve written now... I think it’s gonna be a chapter in itself. So I’ll just bring out the main ones.
ReplyDeleteWell, when I saw the title and read the synopsis, I was seriously not expecting the story to be on such a large scale level— I don’t just mean the size of the situation but also how many characters you’ve dragged into the plot. The starting was rather slow, and it was mainly the humour that kept me reading on. But after that things were really building up, and the story has completely sucked me in by a few chapters. As the story began to develop, it was like... cliffhangers galore. I did find it a little confusing at times, especially when there’s more than four different scenes running simultaneously. But I then that sort of evens out in later chapters.
Then you killed Twilight. I was like... “NOOOOOO!! HOW COULD YOU?!” Eh, but that actually deepened the story by a lot, look at all the emotion pouring out once that happened! So uh... good work, I guess. :(
The characterization wasn’t as spectacular as the plot. Only Trixie seems to be done well (this was a point meant for the beginning few chapters)
The plot is brilliant. Simply brilliant. There was so much suspense. By chapter 7 you’ve dug it so deep that it’s gonna pop out at the other side of the Earth! Damn that fight scene between Luna and Celestia in this chapter is spectacular. All those thoughts running through Luna were nicely done. I knew the story wasn’t gonna end anytime soon you got the two alicorn powerhouses over to the dark side.
Evil Twilight’s character is good. Being playfully evil, she reminds me a bit of Discord, frankly. I really liked that twist in the ‘experiment’ she performed on Applejack. I believed Twilight was back, then I thought it was rather strange that she simply returned to normal and I was gonna label it as a plot hole. But then that twist at the end...
One thing stood out in the later chapters above everything else... plot twists. My god... the twists in the story are god damn LEGENDARY. If there was only one thing I could bring up, it would absolutely have to be plot twists. Not only are they major twists, meaning that the ENTIRE trajectory of the plot is changed, they are also very, very well-placed, fitting in nicely and somehow not disrupting the flow of the story. In other words, they don’t make the reader go “What the buck” and label them as a gaping plot hole. Now, it’s very rare that you can get such a good twist in a story. But you, oh nonono, you didn’t just put in ONE, but instead a whole tonne of them! Beautiful!
ReplyDeleteThe sad scenes were... sad. Really, heart wrenchingly, sad. In the later chapters, the comedy dies out and the story begins to take a rather sombre tone. Now, if someone jumped into this thinking that it’s mainly comedy, he’s gonna be royally screwed.
Battle scenes were epic. Though I did not quite catch that exploding apple thing in the latest fight scene. What was that all about? I didn’t get that one.
As a final suggestion: Change the synopsis and the title if you can. When I look at it, I expect a small scale type of story with a shallow plot, not some epic tale affecting all of Equestria. It is not drawing in the readership that this story deserves.
You know, I had originally assumed Rarity was Jade , however, I changed my mind when she was found on the moon with the others. So, how was Jade able to be in the castle when Rarity was on the moon?
ReplyDeleteThis is one of the best stories I have ever read. This is up there with Fallout Equestria and Past sins for me. It kind of feels like a mix of the two.
ReplyDeleteI really got nothing negative to say about this story. Sure there are a few things that maybe could have been done better, but it does nothing to subtract from the story as a whole. The story got a great flow, and the stuff that could have been way to cliché and ruined the story were pulled of expertly. Twilight's resurrection felt natural, and it didn't feel obvious that it was going to happen.
@Frisby I think there was originally a real Jade, the one who prayed to the moon and all, and Rarity only took her identity when she was released. If Jade were Rarity all along, doesn't that mean she really is an assassin who kills ponies? IDK, that's just how I like to think about it.
ReplyDeleteBy Alessa Gillespie... NEW CHAPTER... very gory... but AWESOME!!!
ReplyDelete[SPOILERS]
Ok... I thought Rarity as an Assassin was kinda crazy... o_o At first I thought Jade was an aunt or the mother of Rarity and Sweetie. ._q But the damn gems... freaking awesome moves. XD
The Apple.... very clever. XD
And Spark... still alive. ._. Rarity, Y U NOT KILL HER? (╯ಠ益ಠ)╯
[/SPOILERS]
*A siren goes on and off many times.*
Time to go, but man, awesome job as always. Esperemos más referencias de Saint Seiya. XD
@Frisby Threw me for a loop, but upon a reread Rarity is the one who wakes them up on the moon. So I assume NM woke her first to wake the others and stay in disguise.
ReplyDeleteThe plural of hoof is hooves, not 'hoofs'.
ReplyDelete@Gondooo http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/hoof
ReplyDelete@Holic That's right! And I am glad you enjoyed Jade's reveal ^_^
@Joel Reed No se is habra mas SS pero... XD Spaaaark!
@Honkan Thanks! XD It's a good thing to read after hearing some negatives in other areas hehe
@Frisby Moon woke her first, then later on had her pretend she had been asleep too.
@cheezesauce Wow, thank you for your kind words! I'm glad you liked the plot twists! ^_^
@Jacen Caedus XD That obvious?
@munky433 Then I did my job! XD
@mcpaterson Sleep is overrated!
@Xaos And hungry!
@Nyxilis More is coming indeed!
@anzul Heh, thanks!
@TheDoctor We should ask all the good authors! XD
@Kraden Glad to still have you on board! XD And yes, I won't pull the punches when the scene needs it!
@killingspreedoom I hope its an enjoyable second read!
@Lesolan, @Tits McGee, @Warwolf, @BlackBlood15532, @slowlearner, @FenrirXFenris, @Stoic, @Otherunicorn, @FictionFan Wait no more! XD Thank you for your patience!
@Jacen Caedus Hope you enjoyed the rest!
@SomeGuy Well, NMM had to wing it at some point! Planning ahead only works if you really know the field of play! >.<
@Gryffinz ^_^ I don't think they did too bad in the later chapters either.
@Gozer the Equestrian I am!
CH.20 :
ReplyDelete>I'm so sorry, the whole thing was unnecessary but... I didn't know back then that we could bring down the assassin's guild...”
-Yeeeah... about that guild ? If it was previously said, then I forgot, but... why in the world did the Assassins’ Guild (considering ‘what’ such a guild ‘’is’’, in reality) felt the necessity to kill the newborn-Alicorn of their Princess ? Were they (already?) under the influence/control of that Demon/Entity thing ?
>“The Guardian! Nightmare Moon explained it to me... he's the one responsible for turning alicorns into Nightmares!
-And suddenly, the whole assistance became silent... one person in the far background could be heard screaming : WHAAAAT !? ...then silence returned once more to The Room.
>her eyes widened. “Oh... oh no- Twilight... I... Lyra!”
-...Bonbon -_- ...Guard #something... a few Wonderbolts... and several tens, if not hundreds other nameless ponies, I think.
>“Silence!” the black alicorn barked, drawing a disbelieving stare from Celestia. “I'll tear you to pieces!”
-Avatar/Minor Deity + Allies VS Titan + Quad-(undead? spirit?)Alicorns...
Time for a touch of ‘gods of war’ : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gIN5kWOubWo
>“I can transform small objects with my magic, but after a while they will become what they were originally.
-I could say something like ‘’that not how magic work in 99% of the games/books/series/etc I have ever played/seen/read’’, but...
Transformation magic can be temporary OR permanent (not just the first)... it depends on how you do it (whatever spell, ingredients, amount of magic or surrounding material, etc).
More complex transformation/alteration of matter will, of course, require more focus and whatever other things would be required from the rules of the universe concerned.
>The unicorn chuckled. “The Great and Powerful Trixie you once knew would have never done this.
-Since she died, and came back to life... she’s technically, really, a whole new pony. Insert a *Phoenix* metaphor.
>He never rushed and...” Trixie coughed, “he's pretty nice to look at.”
-The best moment to do side-quests, or start/talk about romance-stuff... in *ALL* RPGs ? When the world is in imminent danger, of course. ;)
>how much I had missed because I by being an obnoxious brat.
-Pretty sure there’s an error/missing word in the middle here ?
>The Guardian ah can deal with. It's just a Big Nasty, but we've taken down nasties before.
-Clearly, AJ doesn’t realise the importance and the ‘titanic weight/threat’ that something like a ‘’Titan’’ represent... probably because it’s the first appearance of one, in over 2000 years, I suppose.
>I know that Twilight must be hurting horribly from her parents' death.
-Parent *s* ? I know the father died (controlled, etc...), but when the mother died ? I don’t recall reading that before ? Off-screen death #999th ?
>“Dash, when we those shadow monsters
-Small error/missing word there.
>“I was deep in slumber inside an infinite void where there was no heat, no sound or light... it was bliss.”
-Well, this Winter ‘demonified-alicorn’ has quite the interesting way to talk. (suddenly, I’m thinking of GladOS ?)
>“How?? Winter blinked
-Forgot the closing “ thing after >“How??
-----
@Nova25
ReplyDelete-----
Fall Alicorn’s part : (If only I could forget that part...)
>“Fantastic! You two are my bitches now!”
>“Well, no matter! You're my bitches now
>“And whatcha gonna do about it... bitch?”
-... -_- ... *whisper* I ‘’THINK’’ the author REALLY wanted to put that word in his story... whatever of good taste or not ?
>“That's right!” the griffon smirked. “And you owe me your ass.”
> Applejack blinked. “No, I don't. He only works at the farm on Tuesdays, and I don't really own him...”
-...you know, I’m not sure to fully understand, but in any case, I don’t think it was supposed to be ‘’funny’’ ? (should relax just A TINY BIT on the ‘cheap jokes’... humour level is dropping fast)
>“Bring it on, bitch!” >“But she ain't a-”
-This is getting a tad annoying now... and, it’s TOTALLY destroying the atmosphere of that moment, and whatever tension that would be interesting to have there...
I mean, too much tension is bad, but weak/cheap-jokes-galore is just as toxic when too much is used (especially bad ones(‘’jokes’’)).
>The alicorn struggled to get it out. What?! An apple... what the fuh- >She exploded.
-I want to stop reading now... what the heck happened to the story ?!? Was this part written by another author ? Please, tell me yes !
...I don’t know what I ‘want’ to think now.
-----
>“Shields are designed to stop many things, but there is a trick around them
>hundreds of gems seemed to levitate out of the store
-The specific crystalline structure inside (pure) gems allow for the refraction/diffraction of the (magical) energies used to maintain the (old spell version) protective shield ?
...Interesting idea, I must say. (I’m still trying to get back in the mood, since... errrg... Fall’s part)
>“Sis...” Sweetie whispered.
-...I had really hoped, really, REALLY hoped the ‘blue eye’ thing wasn’t for ‘’that’’. Really. (sigh)
Rarity, member master assassin of guild of...... whatever.
(If I was to be more dramatic, I would almost say that Fall was like the Iceberg for the Titanic, and now the story is sinking slowly...)
... At least, Winter’s defeat was somewhat decent... if we forget a bit that Rarity is apparently a Super-master Top Secret Assassin since virtually-forever, that can kill Alicorn for breakfast, or Dinner. Yeah... that’s soooo Rarity ...
>teeth clenched as her hooves held Gilda’s body against her
-So... Gilda died ? ...meh. Oh, I would have liked, if she had survived at the end, but... I mostly lost interest back at Fall’s part, and completely upon Rarity’s revelation. -_-
-----
This part started ‘ok’, continued on a relatively ‘ok’/satisfying note... then around the 2/3 mark, a HUMONGOUS tacky Iceberg with clown-shoes and a monocle appeared out of nowhere, and painfully scratched the story, and then salt was put into the wound...
@Stephen Cawking
ReplyDeleteTell me... how should I interpret your sentence...
Also, Wanderer D is the author in case you forgot, you're *an* editor.
The author has no problem with me, as far as I know, I have no problem with him. If YOU have something against me, keep it for yourself and don't penalize the WHOLE Internet just because you 'feel' like it ? (politely said, once more)
Whelp, I read all 20 chapters in 2 days. I'm going to try and leave this comment relatively short since I'm sure I'd just be repeating what others are saying after 700+ comments.
ReplyDeleteFirstly, AWESOME story. Big ups to Wanderer D and the editors. I was a bit hesitant in starting this story considering how long it is, but after blasting through "It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door." I realized these epic length stories are definitely worth reading, and boy am I glad I read this. I was hooked from the very first chapter.
I've been slowly working on an Adventure/Grimdark story of my own, and I can only hope it'll be a fraction as intense, enthralling and wonderful as this.
I'll be waiting with bated breath for the next installment!
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteκρατοσ, θυμος, το σκοτώσω ολος
Θανατοσ!!! θανατοσ!!! Θανατοσ!!! (°Δ°)/)
Sorry, I like too much God Of War. XD
@Wanderer D
¡¿Spark?! ¿Dónde?, ¡Yo mismo la mataré y haré costillas de Spark a la BBQ!
D8< *Reed put the Pyramid Helmet on his head and draws a spear from nowhere.*
Ok, time to rest... see you later guys.
@Joel Reed
ReplyDelete...Huh ? ...what ?
I'm only able to decrypt half of it ? ;)
I'm certainly late to the party. Missed when this updated. I don't really know what to say, but keep up the great work.
ReplyDeleteI read this and Solar Flare, and I can't stop thinking of alicorns as planeswalkers and MTG crossovers. Weird.
ReplyDeleteSoooooooooo.... I just read twenty chapters in the past eight hours....
ReplyDeleteAnd I can't help but wonder where the next chapter is. My childish sense of entitlement as a reader demands answers. Also more pretty words to fill my head with a sense of wonder and joy as I read about ponies battling nefarious forces as what I originally thought would be a "Cheap twists/turns" kind of fic warped into a really well done bit of drama/action that I read for eight hours straight instead of playing video games. And when you can pull my lazy ass away from vidjamagames, you're doing something right.
tl;dr. Good Fic. Worth getting past the first couple chapters because the payoff so far has been quite excellent.
Gilda Nooooooooo!
ReplyDeleteI don't know why I haven't commented months ago when I started reading this, but here goes.
ReplyDeleteThis is one of my favourite fanfictions, though it wasn't always. I had to force myself to read the first chapters. Perhaps because I was exhausted and wasn't in the mood for reading, but that's beside the point. After about chapter 5, the story (for me) started to pick up and get interesting. After chapter 7 I was hooked. I couldn't and still can't get enough of this story. WD has done an excellent job on this, and so has the editors. I can't wait for the story to continue. But on that same note, I have to ask - Is the story dead? The last comment from WD and SC was almost two months ago.
Hopefully you guys will put in a writing spurt and actually finish it soon. The early updates were so close together, and the later updates are getting slower and slower.
ReplyDeleteI've read 20 chapters so far, but there's something nagging at me. I think it's because the good guys never seem to be catching a break? Or maybe it's because death is a little too prevalent? I'm trying to offer some constructive criticism here, not sure if I'm doing a good job at it. Anyways, thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteBest update in the history of the fandom.
ReplyDeleteOh god this update. Laughing so hard.
ReplyDeleteAn April's Foals Miracle... and yes, April's Foals. XD
ReplyDeleteSuddenly I want to Role Play using pony characters. 8P
This was a hilarious update xD
ReplyDeleteIt wasn't until i was 8 paragraphs past when Goldstein started talking that I understood it... Glooooorious.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHeh. I'll admit, I figured out it was an April Fool's joke chapter, but damn, it was still funny.
ReplyDeleteSuddenly have the urge to go and master an epic round of...somethin...couldn't figure what they are actually playing, seems to be a mix of D&D and CoC :3
ReplyDeleteOkay, this joke update makes taking so long between updates completely okay. This was one of the funniest damn things I've ever read.
ReplyDeleteWhen you finish this fanfic off, if that ever happens, you should start a series of the characters role-playing popular fanfics as D&D games, lol. I can just imagine Rainbow Dash constantly trying to make the NPC Nyx cry while RPing in Past Sins, just to be a dick, or Celestia getting really flirty in Eternity, making Twilight decidedly uncomfortable. Or allowing Gilda to be the DM for a campaign, and her doing Fallout: Equestria because it's gritty and awesome and full of fighting, making everyone create new characters instead of playing their usuals, and just putting whoever's playing Littlepip through hell because she hates the player.
I'm thinking about this too hard, I should go read something else.
That last new part, the April fool one ; it might just be a joke, but... I can't help but have some of my hope raised a bit.
ReplyDeleteD&d, resurrection spells with costly amount of diamond required (but still entirely possible), if I recall correctly...
Utopic hopes, maybe, but still..?
@Cedric Bale
How could you imagine RD to be like that ? I mean, seriously ?
As long as foals don't go writting gossips about her, she's perfectly fine with the little ones... And, even then, she's just grumpy for a while.
People sometimes, I swear...
Even though it has been a troll update, I love the whole characters playing RPG thing-y too much to be mad. Fun stuff!
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to real chapter.
Can we please have an update that isn't some shit for April Asshole's Day?
ReplyDeletePRE-READER FIRST! XD IT'S UP! ENJOY!
ReplyDeletePRE-READER FIRST! XD IT'S UP! ENJOY!
ReplyDeleteOoooh, old post update with old comments. :D
ReplyDeleteOld comments. Yay.
ReplyDeleteThis story, is awesome.
ReplyDeletecom-WHAT!?! last CHAPTER!? man and here it felt a good 1 or 2 more to go xD omfg I can't wait to sink my fangs into this one!
ReplyDeleteI really am disappointed with this fic. From all the hype I thought it would be this great, well written fic. Instead it was a painful try at the author attempting to set up a story while being 'Random'. If the author had cut the Trixie and Spike segments, and cut the lampshading on self-inserts and things like that, this could be a good fic. Instead, it just feels, as a friend said, distracted.
ReplyDelete@magic-showman You clearly did not pay attention.
ReplyDeleteThis was a good read. I read a lot of fan fics (more than a healthy amount) and this one kept me on interested the whole time. So I thank you for giving me something that I thoroughly enjoyed. I look forward to seeing what your next project may be.
ReplyDeleteWow... it is finished. Only a month and a half and it would last a year.
ReplyDeleteA very good ending to this fict, really. And it gave me more will to keep my comic. 8)
Espero leer otra historia tuya igual de interesante. Y si involucra a los caballeros dorados siendo ponyficados, cuenta conmigo. XD
La verdad es que si fué un largo trayecto, y he de admitir que el fict me inspiró en hacer SP: Requiem. 8D
Well, see you soon, and take care amigo. 8D
I really enjoyed this story, thank you!
ReplyDelete(sigh) ...I remember when it was first posted on EqD.
Congratulations on completing it... always seems to be the hardest part!
Keep up the good work... I am loving 'The Sweetie Chronicles' so far.
Good job. That was entertaining and emotional and it worked well. Shame the [Comedy] was replaced with [Sad]. Although I do see why (things became far more serious towards the end), I'd never have given this a look with the current tagging.
ReplyDelete@magic-showman
ReplyDeleteCut the Trixie segments? You mean the most entertaining Trixie fanfic segments I've ever read? kthnxnolol
Damn. I've got too many long fics stored on my phone that I have to read, and I'm working on my own as I type.
ReplyDeleteI still haven't read The Sweetie Chronicles, either.
@Sun Ray Cop out? In what way? As far as I am concerned I ended it exactly as I had planned.
ReplyDeleteMan, that really came out great. I loved the Summer vs Spring, it had a hint of paybacks. Like Summer was fully aware of herself like NMM, and the thoughts of how Spring probably got done in by her darker half... I could only imagine that Summer had once done that same sacrifice near the end to stop that Dark Void by distracting her while the elements were used against them, Piccolo beams through Goku to get Raditz level sacrifice xD well that's my theory/interpretation.
ReplyDeleteThe Sparks scene, once you hear them not being able to hear each other due to being too close, it just raised that "The time for Sparks to die has cometh!" like she's going to get crushed by something. Then a wall flies out and all you can say is "oh please don't kill Spark, please don't kill Spark..." AJ in danger (Eeyup, Sparks gonna die) >'A magical barrier raises to stop the wall' > barrier breaks, forms new barrier, but breaks...
Now... this was a delicate moment... how to handle Sparks death? How many people are going to give a buck about Sparks? A LOT (I sure did!) and manly tears flowed like rivers when she whispers "I-I don't wanna die..." to AJ.... cried because those are the hopeful last words she'd say before being comforted before her passing that I'd imagined she'd go out saying.... I still couldn't stop from shedding tears at Sparks would be death scene. That whole scene was magic. I'm glad you added more to what would of been a pretty cliche death scene.
It wasn't till she was still alive when they flew off with the elements that I gained hope she'd survive. Only complaint I have is the cheesy death of "The Elements shook some crates loose and crushed the parents" that was a let down. Good that they're gone, but I would of had them crushed awhile ago with the 'missed' piece of a buildings wall crashing back into where Paper Craft was once hiding, only to look back and see that the place he found his parents turned to stone was now destroyed. My only real complaint with the story honestly :P
Bonus points for dropping Sparks new would be name jokingly in response to Twilight's OCD of figuring out what to call her early on in chapter 21
P.S. I love Nightmare Moon's farewell. By far the best redemption sad farewell of something she'd never had gotten in the canon show. Good to see her given justice in this epic fic. It was a long journey. Now let's hope Ballad of Twilight Sparkle gets some time to be written with some tlc, I can't believe TER finished before that one. Man how time flies
Awesome story, but so very sad. :|
ReplyDeleteOh, and it seems Twilight's double is a bit more cynical and agressive than she is.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing it needs now, is a post-epilogue epilogue.
ReplyDeleteWANDERER! why the freaking flying FACK you havent post this on DA!
ReplyDeletecelestia and twilght`s part in epulogue make me dry ;_;
that final batle was freaking awrsome,
and dat balance, totaly freaking unexpected!
and the diarys thing, i realy enjoyed reading that, you better have one for your other fics.
Well... it has been quite a while since I saw this story ?
ReplyDeleteIf I remember correctly, lots of ‘’people’’ were dieing/becoming ghosts/suiciding for little to no good reason, and there was that one ‘’horrifying’’ ‘Internet troll/rapping/something-still-not-sure-?’ evil Alicorn (Fall?)... and, there’s an evil-but-‘’good’’ magic-twin sister/clone, right ?
(later) Heh, searched for something that would look like how I’m seeing the ‘Behemoth Guardian Demon’ (second one look a bit more ‘’refined’’, I think) :
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_eZbU-lJfaSk/SWdb1N1vi0I/AAAAAAAABpI/V4o1hVJg9kM/s1600/Beacon-Behemoth.jpg
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_eZbU-lJfaSk/SWdbUGsONsI/AAAAAAAABpA/tkeNIqL84Io/s1600/malfegor.jpg
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CH.21 :
>“Princess Celestia told me never to use that spell unless my life depended on it! We should only use battle-magic as a last resort!”
>“Well, just what type of situation do you think you’re in, Twilight?” Spark snarled, smacking the back of Twilight’s head with her hoof
-*roll my eyes* ... *Read the next line, and totally agree with Spark*
>Celestia gritted her teeth. “And you are too eager to fight!”
-...you are fighting a destroyer of WORLDS (so to speak) ! Quit talking, and just throw more *Meteor!* in his face.
>as the sky was pierced by a white column of light coming straight from the heavens.
-Is that the *Holy* spell ! :D
Just cast *Flare* or *Meteor* and we will have all of the greatest spell in RPGs. ;)
>Paper Craft said softly, walking up to the stone effigies of his mother and father.
-‘THAT’ is what justice(punishment) they receive ?! I’m disappointed.
*flash from the past !*
>>You know... and I'm SURE everyone will, for once, agree on that... It should have been Lyra's *parents* to be dead. Yes, it should have been.
(author)>And let them go out easy? Nope.
*flash from the past !*
Yeeeeeeah... Somehow, I’m having a Mass Effect 3/Bioware flashback... how odd ? -_-
>“Well, a fashion designer last time I checked...”
-And a super-elite-ninja master, and a destroyer of Alicorns for breakfast, and...
>I was waiting for the opportune moment!” Pinkie Pie smiled.
-The strange and partially-un/predictable Quantum Pinky Pie ! ;)
>Tendrils of magic flared from the horn and the Element of Magic. They encompassed Twilight, who started floating and glowing.
-«Download restarted» «80% Alicorn completed»
>A swirl of rainbow energy suddenly whirled around the tornado the Ponyville pegasi had created, changing it completely into chromatic energy.
-Heh, the best I could find... There’s apparently, for real, a town called ‘Friendship’ in Wisconsin(US) ? (and ‘Appleton’ too. Funny stuff)
A tornado in Friendship : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qiNTlWZX7Iw
>“That is not Discord,” she continued. “His name was Balance.”
>“I couldn’t recognize him... he had mutated so much.”
-Huhhh... The super-evil demonic thingy was ‘’someone’’ named ‘’Balance’’, which at some point in a very distant past became absolutely crazy-corrupted, for yet to be explained reasons, and then corrupted (or something) almost every other Alicorns, and... something... I don’t know ? Epilogue ?
-----
Well... this has been a far more interesting chapter that I was honestly ‘’expecting’’ it to be...
The idea of having Summer going after Spring was a bit surprising, but good... Having one of them not simply being ‘’just evil’’, but rather... can’t find the word... Independent of will ? Mercenary ? Darn it...
Epilogue :
ReplyDelete>Pinkie Pie brought nearly the whole of Ponyville with them. I don’t think we could have been able to make so much progress in a week without their help.
-I hope Ponyville will get a nice tax-cut, in appreciation for such a service.
>I’ve been contacted by a couple of your friends... a DJ and a cellist...
-Yay, Vinyl Scratch and Octavia.
... Is Spike back to normal ? Where is he ? No one even mentioned him, yet. Seriously, Spike in this story is like Luna in the series ...
>Nightmare Moon closed her eyes and let the sun warm her coat before she looked up at the sky. “It’s a beautiful day, Celestia.”
-This seems somewhat familiar, like it’s a scene from a movie, but I don’t exactly remember which one...
>“Mom... dad,” she whispered, her body beginning to tremble.
-Wait... I don’t recall her ever dieing... or becoming a ghost ?
-I remember her dad being corrupted/controlled, but her mom too ?
>the draconequus and alicorns were little more than forces of nature.
>We were not sentient as we are today
>I was the energy, magical and mystical that tied the sun to our world and moved it.”
-Mmh... relatively interesting concept for them.
>“Balance, for all his virtues, always wanted control. That’s why he had us all tie our magic to him so long ago.
-That’s pretty much what I was thinking... To have perfect order, you must be able to direct and control everything. I guess ‘he’ wanted order too much, just like Discord wanted chaos too much.
>Her eyes searched for each piece of Balance, and each individual rock was collected by her magic and disintegrated.
-Heh... Most heroes in games and movies always seem to (conveniently) forget/leave behind the defeated bad guy, or things belonging to him and stuff... that’s why the evil boss always come back, in a way or another, later (next game/movie). ;)
>“It wasn’t...” Spitfire shook her head.
-Oh hey ! Spitfire ! :D ...have you seen Spike around ? I’m also searching for a pony named ‘Waldo’ ? They are both quite elusive, right now. -_-
>“I’m ready!” Daisy Sprout announced, walking up to them with a bundle hanging from a stick.
>“I read about it in a book!” Daisy smiled.
-It’s somewhat cute/funny. ;)
>“Hey, Spark, why are you comin’ to the farm again?
>Dawn rolled her eyes. “It’s Dawn now, missy, and nah.
-Heh, still alive. That’s good. Is her horn still broken or did it ‘’regenerated’’ ?
>you really loved this one story, ‘It’s Not a Cold Dark Place’...
-Is this a real storybook ? Because, someone made a story also named like that, pretty recently : http://www.equestriadaily.com/2012/04/story-its-not-cold-dark-place.html
>Celestia smiled slightly at her daughter and nodded mutely.
-...suddenly, I’m thinking : Who was Twilight real-father, since all the other Alicorns were female (I think) ? *deep silence* Humm...? A nice and friendly mortal pony ?
>“I was lucky the Elements chose to heal me into an earth pony rather than turn me into dust.
-Ah, I see..? Well, this answers that, I suppose.
> For a moment, Sweetie didn’t reply as she traded glances with Rarity, who arched an eyebrow. >“Um, training...?”
-Well... seems like the ‘’weird little kid’’ is gonna be a ninja master now ? : http://www.youtube.com/watch?list=PLA55A08ACE858F288&feature=player_detailpage&v=cv-2gSlEG34#t=108s
But, wasn’t those assassin/ninja ponies part of, or related to the evil Guardian ? Why do they have to still remain in activity then ? And... is Sweetie Belle being forced to become one (what if she doesn’t want to) ?
>Don’t worry, Pinkie, before you know it, you’ll have librarian and dragon back in Ponyville.
-*GAAAAASP !* A somewhat mention-like yet indirect way to say that Spike is still part of this Dimension and amongst the livings ! ...Maybe ? -_-
Really... is this a running gag now ? The author REEEEALLY didn’t want Spike in his story ?
-----
@Nova25
ReplyDelete-----
Comments on ‘last part/chapter’ are always harder, especially for long stories. Well, with what I can recall from older chapter, overall, this was a good story (though, there was 1-2 odd deaths, and I still say that ‘’suicide’’ is far from a good thing to use in a story, especially since this one could have been prevented in EASILY 20 ways or so...).
CH.21 is the best *that I still remember (well)* chapter, and the Epilogue did pretty much what epilogues are supposed to do.
Diary :
ReplyDelete>I had lost all inclination to write about Summer and Spring by the time I needed to.
>If/when I do a rewrite, I’m definitely removing them or changing their roles completely.
-Dear gods, no ! 0_o
I found Summer, and the decision to have her go after Spring... a HUNDRED time more interesting than the 'Internet-like Alicorn' Fall.
@Nova25 Hey Nova! ^_^ Thanks for making it 'till the end.
ReplyDeleteDropping the alicorns is still in the air, so to speak; my main problem with them was that I didn't 'create' them correctly. I had a very general idea of their personalities and such. When I re-write the story, I'll make sure to sit down and develop them correctly before I make my final decision.
As for 'It's Not a Cold, Dark Place' I'm referencing that fic ^_^ It's awesome!
@Sun Ray you might have accidentally subscribed to it. Scroll down to the very bottom of the comments to where you can post a new one, right under it there should be an 'unsubscribe' link
ReplyDelete@Wanderer D
ReplyDeleteI thought it wasn't possible, since a while, to ''subscribe'' (to the 'feed', RSS thingy ?) the 'pages' on Bloggers ?
Now, only possible through that new ''Intense Debate'' system ?
Well, finally got the time to get it done. I wanna say that the final chapter seemed a little rushed perhaps, but seeing as the Epilogue cleaned up most of the things I was curious about I guess I can't fault it any.
ReplyDeleteOverall, I really enjoyed this story. It was a well-written, intense and enjoyable one; and I really felt the care you said you put into it in crafting it. And while I'm afraid I couldn't invest the amount of time that I could into things like HoG and TNTNE to catch all the little hints and setups, I will say that you took us along for a hell of a ride regardless. Thanks a lot.
Also I though the little author's journal was a really fun read, and an interesting look into the story and some of the concepts. Especially the bits that made Dawn tick.
this is now my favorite fanfic. period
ReplyDeleteFinished the whole thing a few weeks ago, just thought I'd leave my final thoughts now that I have time.
ReplyDeleteThe fic as a whole was a good read, but not "great". It certainly was epic, with great heroes and villains, and the action was intense! But it was a bit too much of an emotional roller-coaster with big reveals and drama scenes that seemingly come out of nowhere. I can't quite put my finger on it, it lacked...set up?
I'm sorry I can't be more specific in my criticism. Still, I read it through to the end, and I have you to thank for an entertaining read.
Keep it up!
Well.........Someones a TwilightJack/AppleSparkle fan.....
ReplyDelete