Author: no space
Description: Berry Punch is a pony with many demons trying to be a good mother, and Colgate just wants to help.Bottled Up: Bite of Lime
Bottled Up: Night of Stories
Additional Tags: Relationships, Alcoholism, Parenthood, Recovery, Acceptance
38 comments:
brushie brushie brushie
Colgate has been shipped several times on this website... though usually under the name "Romana."
This might as well be tagged "Clopfic", with the way the opening scene is written >_<
There are a couple Romana x OPPP fics so...
It seems like the narrative structure falls apart in the first one in the bar night after her trip to Colgate's house :<
The opening is definitely dangerously close to clopfic territory. One might go so far as to say "in".
1st one: Narrative structure falls apart, more like a clop-fic than a story.
2nd one: COMPLETE TURN-AROUND. A nice parable for alcoholism in a very sweet story. I actually look forward to more, just please don't go all "Cloppy" in the next one, at least not too much...
Really short, and the first chapter when she returns to the bar confused the hell out of me.
is okay.
Z'omg. The cute ending to part 2 makes up for the cloppy beginnings of part 1... *d'aw face*
Ok, wow, the second chapter is much better than the first :)
The evil wizard Patronius. Yup sounds accurate.
I liked it. Although I have to say that the idea of an alcoholic being picked up in a bar and ending up in a stable relationship seems somewhat far-fetched.
But then maybe it's just the bars I frequent, which are often not conducive to social interaction.
DAMMIT! I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF WRITING MY COLGATE SHIP FIC :|
Not first....
I'll read this when I have time.
I didn't think it was THAT cloppy... it was only a little lick. Thanks for the feedback, everyone. It is nice to know what everyone's thinking. No one else who read this before I uploaded here mentioned trouble with the transitions. Of course, that was before I moved the three parts of "Bite of Lime" into one document. The fact that they were completely separated before might have had something to do with that, I don't know.
There are more planned, which will explore the characters' relationships and backgrounds, delve more into Berry's addictions, and possibly the earlier beginnings of Berry and Colgate's relationship, but nothing else cloppy, really. I wanted to write another "romantic evening" piece, but it will be much cleaner than the first.
A question about Colgate: at first, I thought she had been named Colgate because she had a toothbrush cutie mark or something. However, that is, obviously, not actually the case. So where did the name come from? Her color scheme?
The name Colgate comes from her colors and the shape of her tail. It looks like a glob of toothpaste.
This is a really nice story. The end of the first chapter made me want to read more.
One of the best!
I still prefer Aquafresh as her name.
First part was a little disjointed, cloppy, and wierd.
Second part was adorable and quite well written. (On a unrelated note, I feel weird saying adorable as a 20 year of guy. Confound these ponies...)
If I had to give rankings to the two separate parts, 3/5 for the first one, 5/5 for the second one. Hopefully the rest is more like the second one.
@Vopogon
I had a Colgate shipping fic too...
First, I was like "DAMN! Brushie brushie brushing on the edge of clopfic!" Then I was like "...damn. That was a rather well-written and endearing story, which I now feel a little guilty about lusting over."
So, y'know, another Thursday afternoon.
guys... guys, why can't I stop crying?
>Someone finally shipped Colgate!
she has been shipped with OPPP
WAAAAAAAAAAAAY before
there's even two Romana x OPPP fics here on EqD
Anypony looking through the comments to see if its worth it: the first chapter is..... pretty cloppy, but push through and it's worth it.
If you think that's cloppy, you've never read a ButterscotchSundae story
Uh... you're doing it wrong.
It's salt, then tequila, THEN lime.
Also, bawwwww!
You can do a Tequila shot either way, and I liked it this way better for the story.
Also, thanks! I'm glad that even some people who apparently think the first part goes a little too far into clopfic territory (which I still don't understand) are still reading it to completion.
@no space
Bah, it's the Internet, if THIS amount of ''slightly suggestive content'' is enough to drive them off, well... They don't navigate much, not that it means anything.
Also...
Colgate is Berry's knight :) ...like people say : Awwwww, cute Ruby. ;)
I liked berry for some reason . . . i dont know if its all of the goofy pics or what, she is flawed but her hearts in the right place . . . I really liked this, it started nice and sensual . . . bah to the neigh-sayers . . it was not cloppy at all . . . i dont consider that even close to to being "clopfic" material. If yall cant differentiate a sensual moment from a sexual one . . . ya'll got some issues, im a 26 yr old male fer cellies sake. I mean c'mon bronies, enjoy the story for what it is, a tale of a families beginning. So what, there was some licking and biting . . . i saw nothing perverted there at all. No way even close to clopfic. *Hrmph*
I think its perfectly fine for shipping, really i have come across much much worse than this. Its sad ponies here cant understand and enjoy . . . wow how do i say this without sounding wierd . . . . the passion portrayed. *nods* yeah that will do. They are characters from a kids show, granted . . . but this show has grown to be anything but just that. I think No Space did a great job with this story.
I would leave this in my public folder . . . there is far worse on the damn tv.
ANYWHO . . . This pony really enjoyed this story as much as memories in a bottle . . . . I loved the ending, made me teary eyed for sure. It was just that simple little line from ruby, "Colgate? Are you my mommy's Knight?" When i read that i choked . . . It was a wonderful surprise for sure. I do hope there is more to this in the future. Berry, Colgate and Ruby are my favorite pony family.
Aww, this one is cute! Especially the ending oh PT2 (No spoliers)
Ch. 1 - Huh, pretty well written.
Ch. 2 - D'AAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
The first part is very well-written and shows a deep, sad conflict. It's nowhere near "clopfic" material; even though it's a bit risque, it's quite tame compared to some other "not specific enough to be a clopfic, but metaphors abound for these two pages as the act of sex is being described" stories that are on here.
The second part is cute, and I like how it addresses a new problem to avoid the "happily ever after" trope that is, quite frankly, bullshit. My main problem, though, is there isn't really a lot of description of either pony's inner thoughts, compared to the first one.
After reading the comments I'm not sure what this place wants of the story...... it's a good story, a good read and pretty much safe for anyone to read. (If you can't explain to your children what is happening there in a healthy and educational manner then I suggest you turn over your parent license).
Why is everybody complaining about a story based on a clop pic coming across as clopfiction?
This has to be said about the second chapter. There's no avoiding it.
D'AAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
There appears to be a third chapter linked to in the first one called Fifth of Memories
Link:https://docs.google.com/document/d/16kq-ZTcm8zs5DfHlKEduAC8dToQjOTKfEe0PETYzcVw/edit?hl=en_US&pli=1
I was very surprised by this. The initial cloppishness nearly turned me off (at least I know where it came from). The very minimal nature of the writing left a lot to the imagination. And yet there was just enough there, just the right amount to make everything work. This one got better as it went, and the second part was excellent, delving into both characters and coming up with something memorable. I'd love to see their life together continue.
...Wait, I just got my wish? Hooray! I am incredibly bemused by the idea of ponies eating flowers, I don't know why. This is a fantastic addition to the story, you're really working Berry's backstory marvellously. I think I'll turn that fifth star on up there. Still wanna see more.
Post a Comment