Author: Truthseeker
Description: An injured stranger comes to Ponyville. He carries with him the darkest of secrets. He is condemned to a fate worse than death, but is there yet hope of salvation, before the end? Only the Elements of Harmony can decide.
All Chapters After the Break!
The Vagabond Part 1
The Vagabond Part 2
The Vagabond Part 3
The Vagabond Part 4
The Vagabond Part 5
The Vagabond Part 6
The Vagabond Part 7
The Vagabond Part 8
The Vagabond Part 9
Additional Tags: needed
[Normal][Shipping][Sad]
Author: Truthseeker
Description: Continuing tale of Valiant, the former Vagabond, as he and Dr. Mend discover something that will change both of their lives forever.Trials of the Elements
Trials of the Elements Part 2
Trials of the Elements Part 3
Trials of the Elements Part 4
Trials of the Elements Interlude
Trials of the Elements Part 5
Trials of the Elements Part 6
Trials of the Elements Part 7
Trials of the Elements Part 8
Trials of the Elements Part 9
Trials of the Elements Part 10
Trials of the Elements Part 11
Additional Tags: Luna, Celestia, Applejack, Twilight, Big Macintosh, Emotional, Stirring, Inspiring, Relationship-Oriented, Healing, (Author wants everyone to know that the shipping will happen later, with mares, not between the two main characters.)
[Adventure][Normal] Story 3
Author: Truthseeker
Description: Valiant has gone off on his own. An ancient evil has awakened on the far side of Equestria, nearby Valiant's destination, and threatens to devour him: body, mind, and soul. Can the combined might of the Elements of Equestria get to him in time, or will he succomb to the bitter darkness which never had a chance to heal.The Elements of Equestria Part 1
The Elements of Equestria Part 2
The Elements of Equestria Part 3
The Elements of Equestria Part 4
The Elements of Equestria Part 5
The Elements of Equestria Part 6
The Elements of Equestria Part 7
The Elements of Equestria Part 8
The Elements of Equestria Part 9
The Elements of Equestria Part 10
The Elements of Equestria Part 11
The Elements of Equestria Part 12
The Elements of Equestria Part 13
The Elements of Equestria Part 14
The Elements of Equestria Part 15
The Elements of Equestria Part 16
The Elements of Equestria Part 17
The Elements of Equestria Part 18
The Elements of Equestria Part 19
The Elements of Equestria Part 20 (New!)
Additional Tags: Action, Adventure, Misunderstandings, Old Friends, Teamwork, Love (but which kind), Some humor. Everypony, Valiant, Mend, Lemon Lime/(Live Wire), Sea Blue, Big Macintosh, Trooper
Characters
530 comments:
"I have read the first chapter of _VAGABOND_, and i must say it has captured my attention. Curious as i am i wounder what this story leads to. I will press on the story and get back with my next critic on chapter 2"
ReplyDelete-FoxMane
"I have read and finished Chapter2. i was astounded by how a single pony could be tied down by a wrathful spirit. I am curious to what this "VAGABOND" did to deserve such a fate to lose what is his and force to bare a burden that would cause him such pain. I read on to chapter three and will continue with my next critic.
ReplyDelete-FoxMane
"Author's Note: there will be no romantic involvement between Applejack and Big Mac"
ReplyDeleteWow, really? Well that's a relief! I was really worried you were about to include a scene involving incest! (Can you hear the mocking sarcasm in my voice?)
A good chapter, but not much happened other than Big Mac getting laughed out of a tent and Sea Blue expounding on his theories.
Personally I think it was rather obvious what Valiant was looking for. I certainly don't have a PhD in psychology, but the search for love is a universal concept that's pretty easy to recognize in anyone. Why Sea Blue had to explain it to everpony is beyond me.
Also, please don't use the morning wood joke ever again. Please. I facehoofed so hard it left a red mark.
Thank you for your comment FlintLock. The 'morning joke' is in questionable taste I suppose. If it is offensive to enough people who post, I have no issue with removing it.
ReplyDeleteThe 'mocking sarcasm' comment wasn't necessary, and I feel I should be insulted by the tone.
I was responding to readers who had concerns.
I consider all concerns valid.
If any of my readers take the time to ask me something, it would be the very height of rudeness for me not to try to answer them. (nova25 notwithstanding, because nova doesn't 'ask questions' so much as provide an opinion)
@Truthseeker
ReplyDeleteYeah, I felt some of FlintLock's comments were a little douchy. Although I could already tell Valiant's motive to return to Haysburg was a desire to find romantic love, I liked how you went into more detail and have the group think on how they could reach to him through the presence of an actual family member. I like your stories very much, and find it a highlight in my day whenever a new chapter is updated. Although I think I know which characters are going to have romantic relationships, that doesn't mean I won't enjoy it when the sparks fly. I just hope you don't make them too mushy. Example, I can see Rainbow Dash and Trooper hooking up, but I hope you keep Dash in character when they change their tone with each other. You just take your time man, and remember your fans support you.
P.S. Just a couple of questions: How many more chapters and original character do you have in mind? No pressure, just curious. And second, can you imagine the Elements of Peace in Nightmare Night costumes? I can imagine some, like Sea Blue dressing up as Sherlock Holmes, or Trooper dressed as a knight, but if you can, I'd like to hear your opinion. Anyway, keep up the good work. And on a side note, congrats on your marriage, May your years be full of happiness.
@Truthseeker
ReplyDelete>(nova25 notwithstanding, because nova doesn't 'ask questions' so much as provide an opinion)
-I... Just to be sure, please, tell me how I should interpret this ? (No, seriously... I had a few bad encounters recently, and I feel a tiny-bit 'paranoid', so to speak.)
...just to add a thing : They aren't -only- ''opinions''. Sometimes there's also a few facts, interesting informations, and 1or2 questions.
Just need to look calmly and carefully.
Also, if *sometimes* I MAY ''sound'' a bit harsh on *some(which means not ALL)* points... it's usually because I have high expectations when I appreciate a story (or the general idea).
To Nova25:
ReplyDeleteYou should interpret my statement to mean that I find you to be a very opinionated individual. It is NOT an insult.
I'm somewhat disappointed here. I see the comment you left about 'how I should interpret this' but no critique on the new chapter :(
I would have thought you had something to say about it.
I started reading the entire series four days ago, and I've forgotten to eat two days in a row. Now I have a horrible headache, and I've read up to the most recent chapter. FOOD TIME. *Has A Feast*
ReplyDeleteI love the story so far, but I didn't like the way Twilight insulted Live Wire (but who would like that anyway?). It's just that I can't imagine her saying something so rude unless it was presented in a story such as this.
Other than that, the only complaint I have is that the characters in the pictures presented seem rather... scrawny. My god! Sea Blue has a huge head. I'd like to see them redone with more detail to body size and muscle tone, but I'm not forcing you. It just bugs me a little.
By the way, I'm glad to see you update this regularly. It seems this third story will have a lot more chapters than the other two, so good luck to writing this amazing story, and congratulations on your marriage. I wish you two well.
Wow. Fast update since my last comment. Unlike my last comment, I do have a serious problem with chapter 10 of The Elements of Equestria. I think Molasses seems very cute, but why in the name of everything that is right would you make the old mare call him a "fat retard" even if it had the word "sweet" behind it? That's just mean.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, it was a very nice chapter (besides that one bit of course) and I like Tinker's character very much. Hopefully she returns later in the story.
"I read chapter four of _VAGABOND_ and was interested on BIG MACINTOSH'S dialog in the script of the story. I have always known BIG MAC to be a pony of few words, yet I let it go as i remembered _APPLEBUCKING_ from a previous "MY LITTLE PONY EPISODE. I was also interested on the slight curve of pages 2 and 3 of chapter 4; it caught my attention as "Vagabond" began loosing himself in shear pain and self loathing for his past sins. However what shall i find when "Rainbow Dash" admits her secret encounter with "VAGABONDS" so called dead "friend" or "lover" only time will tell as I read chapter 5 in the morning. I expect TRUTHSEEKER to not fail my expectations as I read on this adventure of one pony's journey to self salvation"
ReplyDelete-FoxMane
@Truthseeker
ReplyDeleteI think there's a VERY... odd... problem here, with bloggers I mean.
I posted a 2part comment on Story 3 - CH.9... RIGHT! after I wrote the post asking about your own comment.
And, it was here, I saw the comment on the page.
...This is VERY strange, indeed.
It's the first time I ever see one of my large comments simply... ''disappear'' like that ?
As anyone requested Setisto to remove my comment ?
I have the *.doc I used to pre-write it... with the date AND hour, as proof.
http://nova225.deviantart.com/art/Proof-of-posting-temp-268564261
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteStory 3 - part 9 :
>"My goodness darling! You should have been named Huge Macintosh! I never knew you cared so much!"
-*roll my eyes* Yeah... Not sure this work well.
>Rarity looked like she had French kissed a light socket.
-Is that a real expression somewhere ?
>"Good morning everypony. I've got oatmeal here.
-''Your lack of 'Oatmeal ?! Are you crazy !' troubles me greatly'' - Darth Pinky Pie.
>"Lemon Lime." Twilight addressed softly
-No ''repeat a name 3 times, then YELL it'' ? ...HUZZA ! :D
>"Thath's tho cool!" Twist said entering the class room.
-Yay, Twist. :) ...we so rarely see her in stories, sadly.
>Does anypony have a small ball, about the same size as an eye?"
>she removed a baseball.
-Huh... Mmh... Well, by ''MLP:FiM'' standards for ponies' eyes, I suppose they are quite bigger than the ''normal'' eyes size (especially during 'puppy eyes' mode).
>Spike was startled awake by the loudest, most terrified, blood-curdling scream he had ever heard.
-Heh. Yay for light humour from children's jokes.
>almost like there's this weirdo bubble above your head that displays your inner monologue. It's just something I do.
-Next thing we learn is that he's a distant relative of Pinky Pie... something like an uncle, or the brother of a cousin to the 3rd degree, maybe ?
That would be interesting.
>Like this one thing I invented, a leg-powered gyrocopter, dude as far as I know, only one pony ever bought one.
-I actually found that one very interesting.
>try their luck with some buffalo.
>wanted to see if they had any neat or unique musical instruments or anything.
-Maybe, but one thing is sure... They have no taste in music and musicals in that far region.
>I am being about as useful as a cancer at the moment!"
-Well ? He sure likes to be melodramatic ? ...wait, they have cancers in MLP:FiM ?
>"Everything captures my interest. Which only adds to the problem.
-Give him a Swiss Knife, they too are multi-purposes. He might get his cutie mark.
>"Could he be trying to find a marefriend?" Dash offered. >"Possible, I suppose." Sea Blue said.
>"Love?" Fluttershy ventured. >"You nailed it
-Not sure... but, why did he discarded ''searching for a marefriend'', while accepting ''love'' ?
They are virtually the same thing, really. The latter is simply a more 'condensed' meaning of the first... and less limited(more open) I suppose.
>what are the chances of two ponies having such similar appearances as Trooper and Valiant do, if they are not related?"
-A tricky, and yet funny question to ask... Considering what we see in the series, I would say, about 66-75%.
>if I remember correctly, even while injured you stood to protect
-Seems a bit vague to use... I mean, most guards or military personnel in Equestria would do that, normally. Doesn't seem like a very useful/big piece of the ''puzzle'', is what I'm saying.
>"It's almost identical! They both did something to save others.
-Again, it seems like they are jumping to conclusion at bit fast/easily, using simple generic information that could be valid to a lot of ponies ?
At best, they could be used to point at a slight unusual coincidence.
>both despite being in terrible pain; and I think they both declined being named a hero for it."
-Guard, military people (well, usually), fireponies, rescuers, etc... Still points toward a rather large field of possibilities.
All this would be a little bit more credible, IF at least some of them would, say, hesitate slightly more and/or point toward a possible 'coincidence'... before, I guess, agreeing that it's their best lead they have or something.
On story 3 chapter 10: Despite your trepidation about the pacing of the New Yoke sequences, it was about as spot on as you can get. I never felt that you sacrificed much of anything relevant in the way of detail. Tinker is a great character; very believable and a lot of fun to read. I would have liked to see some armor action during the night club fight but that's just my inner drama-monger talking, and your relevation technique worked better.
ReplyDeleteThe introduction to Molasses came out of nowhere and I felt a bit confused for a while, but the sequence with the will was not only a really interesting and unique story element, but turned your lack of explanation about Molasses from confusing storytelling into a sobering perspective piece. As a result I felt really close to that part of the story.
Molasses is a really amazing character and no matter how deep into his story you choose to go, I'm definitely excited for it. Autism, right? Either way, he really broke down my walls. You wrote him really well.
One thing I've noticed about your writing style is that sometimtes it seems like you don't put enough time into very important turning points, revelations, ect. They are written well enough and don't leave anything important out, but it feels like maybe you could add even more detail, and perhaps explore them more from different perspectives. Know what I mean? Like, huge drama comes and goes really quickly. I noticed it when Mend revealed his mental instabilities and medication, and I saw a glimmer of it when Valiant told Surf about his past and his former title. As such, I hope you spend some more time solidifying the understanding between Valiant and Surf on this topic. If I was Surf, I'd have a lot of questions.
Also, Valiant talking about his relationships with the Elements and the effect it had on Surf was definitely cool to read about. I can't waint until Surf finds out he's chilling with a demigod of sorts.
Taking into consideration the pacing, the new characters, and just the general plot, this is definitely one of your strongest chapters.
Also I never got around to saying that I really dig the fact that you went as far as to provide renderings of your OC ponies. Imagery is the hardest part of reading about OC's and you went above and beyond to solve it.
ReplyDeleteUm i noticed while reading that there are a lot of places were you have very long paragraphs. Especially when live wire is talking. I am not sure if you do this or not but you could use commas instead of periods in the chat to make it read faster. I know it would create a run on sentence but it is a story not a essay.
ReplyDelete@Truthseeker To start off with, i absolutely love your stories and characters. With permision, i would like to draw your mane characters if you don't already have somebody working on that. Also i would like to ask what Lemon Lime's cutie mark is. I seached the stories 3 times but found nothing.
ReplyDelete@jyght
ReplyDeleteIt's a wheelchair. I'm not sure which chapter it was though.
Wow. Even though I don't care for Serf or Tinker (I can't relate to them in any way; not your fault), Molasses is so sweet and innocent, it almost had me to tears. I really seemed to be able to connect with him. That kind of deep emotional roller coaster is what really got me hooked on this series all the way back when You were halfway through the first story. Also, I'm very happy that Patch isn't shy about her physical appearance; Pranking Silver Spoon just made it better. You really characterized the CMC (and just kids in general) very well. The only thing that bugs me is that Valiant never thought of saving Maple with the Valiant-Mend potion. I'm guessing he didn't have it, or the available resources, or she was just too old.
ReplyDelete@jyght
ReplyDeleteI will never turn down an offer of artistic talent. NEVER
I am a terrible artist.
Lemon Lime's cutie-mark is of a wheelchair. Trials of the Elements Part 6, Big Macintosh thinks it while in Live Wire's 'wall of frames' room.
I would be incredibly honored and humbled to accept such a generous offer.
p.s. my arting sucks!
In retrospect, the sarcasm was unnecessary and rude. You have my sincere apologies. I really have enjoyed the series.
ReplyDeleteThe morning wood joke was funny, I'm not saying you should take it out, but it's a one-shot thing. Any further references would just be tacky.
Anywho, reading part 10 now.
Whoowee! Wow, if part 9 was boring, you more than made up for it with part 10. That's quite a lot crammed into one chapter.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure if there was a point to making Tinker so "divinely beautiful" or if you did it just for kicks, but it came off a little overdone to me. She REALLY laid the flirting on thick there. An interesting character to say the least, and I hope such a strong personality has a bigger part than her little cameo.
Mable Maple was highly amusing, I would have loved to see more of that. Oh well. As for Molasses, you've handled him pretty well I think, but the recitations run a little long. I started glazing over the second one.(Pun unintended.)
Well, you've got a pretty big cast at this point. Which ones will play a role in events to come and which will fade to the background? Or perhaps they all have a role to play? You've got me hooked. Keep it up.
http://jyght.tumblr.com/post/12812368083/valiant There
ReplyDeleteStory 3 - part 10 :
ReplyDelete>“Alright dude, this is the place. My friend Tinker is the owner.
>the prettiest unicorn mares
-Wouldn't it be funny, if she happened to be 'purple' ? ;) (Purple Tinker, reference)
>Tinker was smoking a cigar.
-...yeeeeeah, way to destroy (if not literally nuke) the ''try'' to make her look charming here... seriously...
I get the whole 'cute and charming' mechano-look, really... I saw it used, and well done (Gadget Hackwrench comes to mind), in quite a few series and stories, but that extra ''...err, cigar-thing'' just makes it look bad.
Without it, you can be -definitely- sure this character would have produced a much more positive first-impression.
>she levitated the smoldering cigar out of her mouth and blew out a cloud of smoke
-...hopefully, this character will only be seen once, and never more after that. Way to kill interest in a character in less than 10min flat.
>“What’s not to like dude? I like to look at beauty in all its forms.
>No two are alike, and all have their own kind of beauty. Each one is precious and unique and deserves to be cared for like the works of art they are.
-This pony has an interesting point of view, I say. Rarity(the word, not the unicorn) makes things so much more special...
>“Earth ponies are strong. That’s why we didn’t use our magic on you. Two unicorns against one Earth pony is a fair fight as long as no magic is involved.”
>We’ll pick on an equal, but even we have standards.
-Jerks/Brutes wanting an honorable and fair fight, in a Bar ? ...it's the world upside-down.
>Valiant couldn’t help but to think of another mare, one that was particularly dear to his heart.
>far away in the Everfree Forest where she and her friends had stopped to sleep for the night.
-Wait, who ? No, really... Who ? The only pony he showed interest, as far as I remember, since Story 1 was Evening Star/Luna, in Story 2 (and we all know how well this turned out...).
I don't recall any specific mention(s) of something remotely looking like a 'crush' on one of the Main 6 ? (Errrrr ? IF it's Fluttershy, because she took care of him in Story 1... this would make this QUITE the obscure reference, especially since it was barely mentioned in Story1, and not-at-all in Story2, and 3 until now.)
^----*This is kinda a QUESTION, 'hint-hint'*
>The colt’s face was thick and flabby, with a soft layer of marshmallow padding every inch, partially obscuring his features.
-Huh ? ''soft layer of marshmallow padding every inch, partially obscuring his features''... Weird ?
I'm slightly confused right now, but I'm not sure why.
>but jst couldn’t remember
-''just'' (small error)
>The colt strode past the two friends and picked up the mare’s body >and started off, deeper into the forest.
-Me Tarzan-pony, you Jane-pony ? ...No ?
>You’ll be stealing from a wrinkly old mare and a sweet, fat retard, what’s wrong with you!
-She actually wrote that in her Last Wills ? ...and called her only (adopted)son a ''fat retard'' ?
This is... moderately awkward ? I mean, I suppose the goal here is to look ''funny'', but... well, ''fat retard'' really doesn't strike me as sounding ''funny'', let's just say.
>“He’s the good Valiant, not the bad Valiant, sir.”
-I really want to say something here, but I REALLY can't think of anything for some reasons...
Slow-thinking pony is a clever-thinking pony ? This sentence is the 'equivalent of a morale' of Story 3 ?
... 6 Main(series) ponies + 6 Main(story) ponies + X (2 so far) secondary ponies, this makes for a LOT of ponies : Ha ha ha : http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=TJxKvwMIVtA#t=4s (The Count, reference)...
WELL, I'm here. I made it.
ReplyDeleteI think this took me like what... a week? >.<
Anyways, cheers to you Truthseeker for drawing me into a story that I clicked on for fun.
But really. Well done, I enjoyed every chapter and the world you've created, especially your first story (my favourite one).
You're a very passionate author, and the fact that you value every comment is bonus points for you in my book.
Anyways, I couldn't help but notice you said that you sat in the google doc's chat thingy for live feedback (that was a long time ago, still hope you do). If so, I hope to chat with you when your latest chapter is finished!
@khang
ReplyDeleteI also find that Story 1 was the best one... Story 2 was great, until the end... and Story 3 seems 'different' than the previous 2.
And yes, he does ''value every comment''... well... 'almost' every comments.
@Nova25
ReplyDeletePleasure to meet the "opinionated" Nova25 =P
I'm still enjoying the series, maybe because I've grown attached to the characters.
Anyways, I have a feeling Story 3 will be a long one. Truth's 10 chapters in, but it feels like it's only begun. Let's see what happens ^^
Thank you jyght for the fan art. I would love to have it posted here on E.Q.D., but is there any way you might be able to make it a little less blurry? It's beautifully done, don't get me wrong, but it's kind of hard to see all the detail you obviously put into Valiant's cutie mark.
ReplyDeleteNova25, thank you for pointing out the spelling error. Grr, I hate it when I do that. There seems to be some amount of confusion regarding exactly which of the 'mane 6' Valiant has dear to his heart. It could be any single one of them, if you think about it. Maybe it's meant to be a playful mystery for now. It's quite possible to become infatuated (or sometimes more) with a person even if you are not there with them. ;)
FlintLock, apology readily accepted. I figured you weren't actually trying to be rude or anything, it just felt that way. No harm done. (besides I'm a little sensitive anyway)
To khang:
*creepy coice* Welcome to the herd . . . buahahahahahahahahahaha! Just kidding, heh, anyway, I'm glad you are enjoying the ride and just think it's still not finished yet *cues dramatic suspenseful musical notes*. There are plenty more surprises to come. Thank you for your comment. Feel free, if you should feel so inclined, to shell out a critique on every chapter like Nova25 has. I find them amusing and very often helpful in keeping with what my readers like and don't like. For example: Nova25 has made it clear that he doesn't particularly like the fact that Tinker smokes cigars. *makes mental note to playfully pester Nova25 about it later :)*
Thank you to all my readers and please keep the comments coming so I can provide you with a better story (Part 11 is almost done) ;)
Oh im sorry. I still only have valiant done because i've been really busy with homework but imgoing to get working right now oneverypony and im going to redraw valiant.
ReplyDelete@Truthseeker
ReplyDeleteI'm not one to make notes while reading, but it's an entirely different story when I know the person is actually there.
I feel like I'm watching a movie with a friend, making witty remarks and comments as we go along.
If you're on the google docs chat when I read your next chapter, I'd be overjoyed.
Anyways, a small bit of feedback:
To be honest, I don't have many negatives to point out. Your writing has really matured as I read through your story. Your style is a funny mix between formal and casual (Later on, you begin to loosen up like you're telling a story rather than narrating one. If that makes any sense)
The biggest gripe I with plotline is that there are instances where to tend to give all the information at once. For example, when Sea Blue was theorizing Valiant's decision to leave. I feel like that chunk of information could have been gleaned a little more throughout the story rather than all at once.
I'm glad that this is still a work in progress and I get to speak with the one writing it. It's very exciting =P (I mean it!)
@khang
ReplyDelete>Pleasure to meet the "opinionated" Nova25
-Please... don't go that way.
The words I say are AS MUCH opinions/facts/thoughts/questions AS anyone else... to the different that -I- actually write them AND post them... while, of course, trying to remain as polite as possible.
(There's also the difference that some people, not necessarily only here on this website but also elsewhere, apparently like to take what I say and overly-exaggerate it or see stuff I didn't say/write or make 'mountains out of molehills'.
It's kinda tiring when people are constantly trying to find double-meanings to everything I say, or trying to make me sound as if I was 'The Big Bad Wolf' or something, because of the way I comment.)
(sigh) But here isn't the place to discuss that... I wish I didn't have to do it in the first place, all the time.
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteAck, It would appear that we have a misunderstanding on our hands. If you took that in a negative way, that's my fault for not being clear enough >.<
While scrolling through the hundreds of comments below this story, yours are some of the few I take the time to read through completely.
Don't take it the wrong way and keep up the good feedback-ing.
Again, my bad for pulling a vague joke >.<
@khang
ReplyDeleteI didn't take it 'badly'... well, I don't think I did at least ?
It's just that, in the past I heard various and similar stuff left and right, not just on this website, and... I don't know.
Let's just say that I have heard my share of cleverly(or not so much) hidden/made insults... enough to make me wonder when I 'think' I'm seeing a pattern (choice of words, smileys, etc).
Heh... I guess you could put that on some sort of 'mild/cautious paranoia' or something. (That, and Internet translators and dictionaries don't always provide 'satisfying' results, when using them... mostly just for words I'm not sure of the *full* meaning. Like for ''opinionated''.)
Time for a double whammy! I'm bringing so much drama, it will make a soap-opera green with envy.
ReplyDeleteTo Khang:
I believe you've read by now that I work an nights and that I have unlimited long distance and text-messages, plus I've posted my phone number probably 4 or 5 times now. *clears throat* hint hint (as much as I would love to jump on-line every time my story updates, I'm sleeping most of the time. Call or text me on Friday evening around 10:00 p.m. I would love to talk to you, just ask any of the eight other readers who have been willing to take me up on my offer.)
To both Nova25 and Khamg:
I'm proud of you two. The willingness and open-mindedness to overcome differences and misunderstandings using calm words is a rare thing to see these days.
'At nights' *grumble grumble*
ReplyDeleteThere we go, just fixed up my display name XD
ReplyDeleteMy name's Khang Le, but overtime people have fused it into a one-word nickname.
I'd be delighted to call, but being the Canadian I am (yes, Canada), I'm not sure how much I'm getting charged >.<
As soon as I find your number again I'll shoot you a text. Keep up the good work!
This has to be one of, if not the hardest, things I've ever written: teaching Fluttershy how to fight.
ReplyDeleteDear Celestia, what have I done? . . . :) LOL
Hey Khang Le, if you're still on line, meet me in pert 10 of The Elements of Equestria. I'll be under Reighniz.
ReplyDeleteLiked these new chapters, warming up more to molasses
ReplyDelete:'( I'm sorry I keep redrawing the characters because they totally suck wen I draw them. I only have one that I think is even worthy of finishing. It's a little joke where dr mend is cross-eyed (pinkie pie crazyish) and lemon lime is in the background holding up a full un-opened bottle of pills and he looks concerned. I'm colorin it but not as much to where it has a glare when I take a picture so the edges will be clearer.
ReplyDeleteOh and another thing. I'm pretty sure my grammar spelling and sentences make writers really annoyed so sorry but I've never been one to type cuz I'm only 12 oh and btw I think there should be shipping between valiant and surf. I just think that would be so interesting
ReplyDeleteYou're 12 and drawing pics like that?
ReplyDeleteBetter than me already >.<
Aw thx but I'm no professional and I have to keep redrawing until I have it perfect
ReplyDelete"Chapter 5 of _VAGABOND_ was interesting, I shall say that. Its depth of memory and chilling detail of VAGABOND'S past was as the cold touch of death to my spine. Its seeped well into my mind as if I peered into it myself. It looked vivid and clear to me. Although I ask myself where will this mask ZECORA acquired long ago really serve purpose in this matter of communicating with the long dead. I shall give further word on my next critic after Chapter 6 of VAGABOND."
ReplyDelete-FoxMane
Ehhh, I stopped about two thirds in in the first story.
ReplyDeleteThe plot's terribly predictable, not that that's a terrible thing, but it shouldn't be so overly cheesed out that I can tell what's going to happen from chapter 2. There are a rather stale lack of subplots (I haven't noticed many besides the budding romance between Fluttershy and Big Mcintosh) that usually characterizes and flesh out the tone of your story. Instead, the plot literally revolves around your main protagonist, yet there doesn't seem to be a particularly grave amount of effort placed into emphasizing exactly what likes, dislikes, or general persona your protagonist is beyond "redemption"; which makes me feel as if I'm staring at a huge portrait with many, many half-colored in trees.
The depiction of the main character and his blatant obsession over redemption overshadows any other possible trait that he might have believably had. And not only does the over-focused lens of your story affect your main character, but also the other characters. Namely the fact that they literally do nothing but serve as a backdrop to the development of Vagabond. As far as I could tell, literally the existence of everypony aside from Vagabond walks into the scene to emphasize his selflessness and worth (and lack of sense worth), then walks back out.
3/5 from me. It might have gotten better later in the story, but I lost my interest fairly early on and I just couldn't carry on. :/
It's interesting in just how many ways this fan base has inspired me. Since joining the community, I've finally taken the time to pursue two of my dreams - sketching and composing music. Reading your work has reminded me of another thing that I have always wanted to do: write and publish a book. I found myself in tears at the end of Vagabond. I never knew that such a simple thing could have such a profound effect on me. So I decided yesterday to resume work on a novel that I had drafted two years ago. At this point I don't really care if my story actually turns out to be any good; I'm just having a great time writing it. As I do so, it's as if I can pour myself, my feelings and my emotions into it and it feels wonderful. It's hard to describe, but I imagine you've experienced similar things too. Anyways, thanks for inspiring me with such a beautiful tale.
ReplyDeleteStory 3 - part 11 :
ReplyDelete>Twilight figured she and the rest of the group were only three days away from the edge of the Everfree Forest.
-Something I thought a while back... Valliant has, like, 2 weeks of advance on them, because of the zip-lining-thingies.
How are they gonna catch up with him ? Are they gonna reunite with him only when Valliant will have done his things, and be like a ‘End Story Happy Reunion’ (this one would cause quite a few sections to become pointless) ?
>We all just say ‘it’s Pinkie’ and move on. You’ll go crazy trying to figure it out.”
-Or, one may find how to time-travel or alter the structure of Reality itself. ;)
>I bought it from this stallion named Buck Nohorse . . . “
-I’m still saying that his name is inspired from : Chuck Norris... which he probably is.
>No offense Fluttershy but you’re probably the least combative pony here.
-She’s has a ‘Highly Specialized Class’... Low speed and strength, but she has the deadly ‘STARE!’ technique, which paralyzes OR mind control enemies for a short-to-mild amount of time.
>“You said he looks just like you; right Storm Bolt? You two are identical.”
-Not brothers, but cousins it would seem ? Bah... Personally, I never believed they would be related for real.
I guess, if you really want them to be ‘related, being ‘’cousins’’ is ‘ok’... less cliché than the ‘they are brothers separated at birth’ thing.
>“I think he’s got your jaws Sugar.” Storm said causing his wife to blush.
>It was only one time and it was an accident. I was caught up in the moment.”
-The author appears to love making lots of insinuations like that, doesn’t he ? At least this one is more subtle than the previous ones ; a good thing with that ‘kind’ of ‘’jokes’’.
>I’m the luckiest stallion alive
>“I couldn’t leave my two most valuable gems
-Jinx + gems ... I say : Death of the father, by dragon, in the forest. Not this time Colonel Mustard ! You and your damn chandelier in the library.
>The spell is called ‘Solar Flare’.
>It was invented by Princess Celestia in case she had to ever defend herself. It’s designed to blind your opponent
-...I’m quite sure they should rename that spell, for the common ponies’ usage at least. Considering that it’s called ’Solar FLARE’, and was created by Celestia, I’m quite sure its first goal wasn’t to just ‘’blind’’ the enemy, let’s just say.
>“I modified it.” Twilight yelled >I’ll call it the ‘Flash Bang’. It’s supposed to both blind and deafen.”
-Heh, kinda funny.
>Keep an eye out for small muscle movements that might indicate a precursor to an attack, it is called ‘broadcasting’.”
-Broadcasting ? Is it really the ‘real’ term for ‘trying to predict the actions and movements of you opponent’ ?
>‘Not bad Fluttershy. We’ll make a fighter out of you yet.’ she thought.
-She more of a Healer, or maybe a Summoner (especially with her powerful and specialized ‘Stare!’).
>The braggadocios pegasus
-Ok now... the author is just intentionally trying to use the strangest and most unknown or less used words in the dictionary for show ?
Not that I don’t appreciate searching for (new) words that I don’t hear often, but there are limits.
>“You will never know how hard I can hit, Rainbow Dash. Taunt me all you wish
>I will protect you till my dying breath, but I shall NEVER hurt you.” he whispered.
-You know... Trooper is annoying now. This is sad, indeed.
I liked him MUUUUUUCH better in Story 2, when he acting like a distinguished and relatively enthusiast pony... and not a ‘’pretentious/ass (and at times, paranoiac) white knight’’, so to speak.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete@Nova25
ReplyDeleteAfter getting to know a little bit about Truth, I'm happy letting the topics of military/combat prowess fall into his area of expertise.
Right now, I'm not sure where the story is going. It's still developing, but it's already matched story 2's length, while still not having a visible end in sight.
Don't get me wrong though. Rushing a story is the worst thing you can do. I enjoy reading the story as it goes along so it's not a really big thing to me (maybe to others it is).
I was more interested in Valiant/Surf's side of the story this time. The pace really picked up on their part.
Something I've noticed throughout all the stories is that Valiant seems all too happy, or is confronted with many opportunities where he spills his entire Vagabond story to anyone who asks. I'm not much of a writer, but it's just an observation I've made.
Hope to hear from you both again!
Story 3 - part 12 :
ReplyDelete>Valiant thought, ‘Poor guy. Being around him makes me grateful that I’m not handicapped.’
-Odd... to that I had the reflex to think : Huh ? You are missing your wings Dude ?
>“Please tell me this isn’t the start of another Gryphon War.” he panted.
-That would be suspiciously convenient... And, I would be guessing that this ‘war (or possibility of)’ is in fact the central point/reason for Story 3’s events (Valliant going back to his town, all 11 others following him to that town, combat training ‘’just in case’’, etc...).
>The truth of the situation hit Valiant like a ray of light, ‘She’s an Earth pony. She’s too heavy for it to fly correctly!’
-Huhhh... Mythical creature, Half LION and Half EAGLE... Me think an adult Gryphon wouldn’t have much trouble lifting a foal, or even a young-adult pony.
Earth ponies may be a bit heavier than pegasi and unicorns, but they don’t weight 50pounds per 1pound of a Pegasus/unicorn, you know ? (nor do they generate a stronger magnetic attraction than others. Just saying)
... Suddenly I’m think of a ‘Tower Defense’ game. Is it gonna become a ‘Defend the town/last 2weeks until the reinforcements (11 ponies with super-artefacts-of-doom) arrive’ ? ...
>“Trauma, get over here! Bring your sister, Triage!
-Wait, huh ? Let me guess... Their mother gave birth, while waiting in the hospital’s waiting room (after a ‘’car’’ accident ?) ? Because, those aren’t quite ‘pony names’... well, not the kind we would see in the series, I would say.
> “Your safe now.” turning back to Triage, Mill Treader asked, “How is he? Is he going to survive?”
>With the Vagabond’s potion, he should pull through.”
-...I will put the fact that they instantly don’t recognize the only Vagabond in the last century(if I remember correctly), a pony of THEIR own village, because of the chaos of combat, the dust on him, and the missing wings.
That, or the oh-so-horribly common ‘red fish memory’ disease, so common in many stories and movies... and RPG games.
Also... How do they have of his miraculous healing potion ? Valliant created it much after ‘’leaving’’ the village... and I don’t really believe that all clinics and hospital in Equestria already have doses of it, from when he decided to share the formula (or at least, we weren’t explicitly told so, yet) ?
... Forgetting a few ‘details’, those are 2 ‘ok’ new chapters ...
'Ehhh, I stopped about two thirds in in the first story.
ReplyDeleteThe plot's terribly predictable, not that that's a terrible thing, but it shouldn't be so overly cheesed out that I can tell what's going to happen from chapter 2. There are a rather stale lack of subplots (I haven't noticed many besides the budding romance between Fluttershy and Big Mcintosh) that usually characterizes and flesh out the tone of your story. Instead, the plot literally revolves around your main protagonist, yet there doesn't seem to be a particularly grave amount of effort placed into emphasizing exactly what likes, dislikes, or general persona your protagonist is beyond "redemption"; which makes me feel as if I'm staring at a huge portrait with many, many half-colored in trees.
The depiction of the main character and his blatant obsession over redemption overshadows any other possible trait that he might have believably had. And not only does the over-focused lens of your story affect your main character, but also the other characters. Namely the fact that they literally do nothing but serve as a backdrop to the development of Vagabond. As far as I could tell, literally the existence of everypony aside from Vagabond walks into the scene to emphasize his selflessness and worth (and lack of sense worth), then walks back out.
3/5 from me. It might have gotten better later in the story, but I lost my interest fairly early on and I just couldn't carry on. :/ '
WOW what a critique!
Well, first things first.
Thank you for taking the time to post a comment about my work. I sincerely appreciate it and will do my level best to address your concerns and points to the best of my ability.
As for the predictability:
Meh, I can't say a whole lot about that except that you might have been pleasantly surprised by the ending, or perhaps you would have seen it coming. I did my best with that and I can't in good conscious apologize for it. I am sorry it wasn't to your liking, but it's not for everybody.
As for the lack of subplots:
I can argue that particular point in reference to several of the characters growing as individuals through the course of the story. I will admit that they were well hidden and for that I apologize. Of note, there is absolutely no romantic interest between Big Macintosh and Fluttershy. The plot is supposed to revolve around the main character, but I do indeed go into much greater detail about him later on, you just need to keep reading to see that. I again apologize for not being able to keep your interest. I'll take full responsibility for that one.
Wouldn't you be obsessed with redemption? This one I do have to argue with. The state of being a Vagabond is a state of continuously seeking redemption. It's the whole point!
The other characters do tend to come-and-go a lot but that's because they can't simply put their lives aside and completely focus on Vagabond. They have their own lives and must continue to go about them. (the setting aside comes much much later and it's for a good reason) Hehehehe.
Thank you for your thoughts. I would like to ask you to read through to the end of 'The Vagabond' before you judge the story in its entirety, but it is, of course, your decision and I would be an assuming ass if I thought I could try to make you.
Thank you once more.
Sincerely
Truthseeker
@Troy~Cow_Is_DeaD
ReplyDeleteStory 1 is the best of the 3 stories, so far, to my *~~opinion~~*... and probably will always be.
Do not confuse 'Simplicity' over 'Predictability'.
Sometimes, simple is better... having a 'convoluted ''mess'' of plot points' isn't for all stories.
Some concerns about Story Three:
ReplyDeleteFrankly, you have more OCs packed into this story than most stories that are completely OC. Just in the last two chapters you've introduced no less than FIVE new characters, and there were four more in the chapters before that.
Normally, I wouldn't really have a problem with that, but you're going against the grain here. In most stories, whether published works or fanfics, the pattern has always been that you introduce your characters early, and then spend a few chapters letting the audience get to know them before introducing anything else entirely new. There is a reason for that: to allow the reader to fully immerse into a sort of relationship with the characters.
The real problem here, then, is that you're intoducing too many characters, too fast. Think of the little monologue that Trauma went through, describing her own bluntness. If you weren't trying to introduce a half dozen other new OCs at the same time, you wouldn't have to resort to such monologues. The characters' actions would speak for themselves; And in Trauma's case, I think they already were. Really, the self-description was hardly necessary and rather detracting to the flow of the story.
Don't be afraid to slow the pace a little - only a little - in order to give your characters more depth.
My other concern is that the other Elements are clearly being left far, far behind. They're still only halfway to New Yoke when Valiant has been in Haysburg for days. It's beginning to become two rather detached plotlines in one story, with one moving very slowly and accomplishing almost nothing while the other is shooting ahead at full speed. You've made half of your story agonizingly slow while the other half is moving just a little too fast.
Time to bring it back together, my friend. Your loyal readers are beginning to become disinterested.
All that being said, the characters themselves are all rather interesting in their own rights, though frankly that very fact seems to be giving my ADD a hell of a lot of trouble trying to keep up with them all.
Looking forward to how you string it all up.
Sincerely,
Flint Lock.
One of the best fics I've read yet! Can't wait for more chapters. Keep up the good work mate.
ReplyDelete"It was intriguing watching the cinematic visuals of the story run through my brain from the events inside the very meat of chapter 6 of _VAGABOND_. The sorrows of SCOOTALOO watching one of her own kind writhe in self pity and being wraith-ed by his past. I agree with the words of APPLEJACK'S morals, It is true to "live and learn" then to "embrace your inner hell. I give kudos to TRUTHSEEKER for including some of if not highly "needed to be taught" life lessons. Not since _PAST SINS_ have I read such morals. I am impressed with TRHUTHSEEKER and I award chapter six a 5.63% star. I shall give further word of my next critic after i have read chapter seven of _VAGABOND_"
ReplyDelete-FoxMane
The new characters aren't confusing at all. They're a lot of fun, actually. The Haysburg progressions are intriguing.
ReplyDeleteAlso, you should contact your artist friend and see about some more renderings of the original characters. I'd like to see Colossus and Birdie most of all.
Story 3 - part 13 :
ReplyDelete>“He’s a killer, Triage. I know he saved a filly, but he killed another. The town deserves to know.
-Yes, the town deserves to know... in the middle of a ‘’warzone’’, with all the stress and tension, and other bad stuff currently happening... even though ‘Valliant’ isn’t going anywhere soon and saved a filly.
What could go wrong ? (What a ‘’genius’’ this Trauma is...)
>“It’s not our place to decide these things, the same way we didn’t decide what his punishment was for killing Arabesque.”
-Isn’t she contradicting herself there ? Trauma says ‘’not our place to judge’’ and ‘’like we didn’t judge him before’’... but then, she essentially WANTS to ‘‘go there, tell everypony, and judge him’’, all that while Valliant is incapacitated and cannot defend himself.
Trauma is a ‘bad’ (or dumb, either way) pony.
>“You’ll have to forgive my sister. She’s very pragmatic.
-...I wouldn’t have said ‘pragmatic’.
>Trauma narrowed her eyes, turned, and began walking away, calling over her shoulder, >“We shall see, Surf & Turf, we shall see.”
-Who bet she’s gonna cause troubles by acting stupidly, in a near future ? I do.
>He says he’s trying to take the anger out of our lives, to ‘show us the light’.
>I’ve taken the time to listen to him and it’s changed my life.
-Oh ho... What’s that RPG senses ? Are you tingling ?
...usually those ‘kinds’ of guy end up being the bad guy. That, or they get killed pretty fast, after trying to hug one monster too many.
>“Pinkie you don’t have any pockets.” Lemon Lime said sourly.
-Pocket ’dimensions’, most surely. She has Quantum Powers, after all.
>I can’t give away all my secrets now can I? I use the elements of surprise.”
-*Insert ‘Spanish Inquisition’ joke here*
>“So what’s for breakfast today?” Dr. Mend asked
>“Oatmeal, are you crazy?” Pinkie asked
-I knew this joke was gonna come up sooner or later. :)
>“I might be able to,” Dash said, “I can make some small ones. What’s your point?”
>“Maybe,” She finally said, “But only if I was well away from the center of the vortex.
-Small note : She’s also able to make (and survive) a large ‘tornado’, with the help of a group of pegasi (from WWU).
>If the ponies of Haysburg found Valiant, how did he get his name if his mother was already dead?
-...what ? Seriously ? Maybe it’s the phrasing that makes her sound a bit dumb, but... How about : THEY named HIM ?
It’s usually what happens when you find an unknown and lost foal/baby (or anything) with no name, in the middle of nowhere.
>“Thank the light, no.
-Ok, 3rd time’s the charm... What’s up with that ‘’light’’ thing ? No ‘by the Princess(es)’, ‘by Celestia’, or even ‘by Luna’ ?
This smells awfully like indoctrination, and possibly brainwashing...
>not a single soul would be able to recognize him.
-Yet, the only 3-4 ponies that got their eyes on him, so far, recognized him... Yeeeah, not a single soul ?
-----
That ‘’preacher’’ smells fishy... and I don’t quite know about his 2 henchmen(ponies) ? Huge and strong pony and traumatized-ninja pony following a ‘preacher’ ; It’s suspicious, to say the least.
@Nova25
ReplyDelete>Surf recognized red clay colored Earth pony
-‘’the red clay’’, no ?
>“Miller, you’re blowing this all out of proportion. Searcher doesn’t want to send word because he thinks we can handle this ourselves . . . “
-She’s stupid or what ? No, really. They are on the verge of causing a full-on War with another country, after something that was most probably a massive diplomatic blunder (I’m eyeing the ‘preacher pony’) !
They are in DIRE need of a VERY competent diplomat (and a few soldiers to ‘’add some weight’’ in the negociation). Hugging the monster while being blindfolded isn’t gonna work well... at all.
>“Poor Miller.” she said, “He’s convinced that Searcher is some kind of monster.”
-And every pony in that village has mashed-potato for brain, apparently ? That, or ‘preacher pony’ has some hidden psychic powers.
>Princess Celestia has dealt with the gryphons for far longer than any of us have been alive. Notifying her should have been your first priority.
-That, and... because she your PRINCESS ! I mean, seriously, not even the mayor ? It’s not a minor conflict with a handful of renegade/bandit gryphins. It’s something heavy that should be reported to the higher authority ? (especially after losing FOALS !).
Mind control or mass-brainwashing, only explanation believable at this point.
-----
Not bad 2 new Parts... ‘Preacher pony’ is EXTREMELY preachy (and suspicious... between other things), but I suppose it is by design ? And, the villagers simply MUST be under some kind of mind-control or brainwashing or spell (or anything not ‘normal’), because they and the mayor are acting unbelievably dumb with this whole affair ?
Whoo. What. A. READ. I read all three stories and FINNALY caught up with the story. It took me a month or two to read and catch up, but it was worth it. Here are some of my thoughts on all the stories:
ReplyDeleteStory one was intriguing, to say the least, it kept me kind of interested and was a pretty good read
Story two was also kind of interesting. Some chapters were a little lengthy and i'll admit, i got a little bored in the middle of it, but i kept reading and it wasn't too bad.
Story three started out okay, and gradually got more interesting through out the story. I just finished reading chapter 14 and i gotta say, i'm really looking forward to seeing what's going to happen next.
Overall, i dislike the cursing and incorporating some "adult themes", but it seems like you're toning it down now, and i like it to be that way. What i did like is the idea of other elements and the use of new characters and character building. I have to say, this story gave me some interesting ideas and i'm looking forward to seeing some shocking surprises, the suspense is awesome.
Well, that's it for now I suppose, keep up the good work!
before I read all three stories of this series, whenever i saw it updated, i was like: meh...
ReplyDeletenow that i caught up and read all three stories, when i was it update i was like: OMG YEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!
GONNA BE A GOOD NIGHT!!!
Truthseeker, I would like to applaud you on the story so far. This is by far THE best fanfiction I've ever read, and I immediately stop doing what I'm doing when I notice this story updates.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing I'm wondering about is that in Story 3 there's supposedly this big evil, yet it's been 15 chapters and I've yet to see much of a reference to it. Not that that's a bad thing (It isn't, at all!), it just makes me wonder if you have a lot more planned for the story, or if it's going to end soon. You don't see many fanfics reach 15+ chapters for a single story, so I'm sure you can see me being a bit critical there.
Not an issue, I took no offense. Your concern is valid. Don't worry sir, everything will be explained in time. I hope i don't disappoint anyone with what the 'Mysterious Evil' turns out to be.
ReplyDelete@TheSharp0ne
ReplyDeleteWeeeell... maybe no ''direct'' reference, but...
Since that 'Preacher' has been introduced, you can almost physically SEE the 'fishy' smell emanating from him.
Yeah, it took quite a few chapters before we got the 'beginning' of the bad guy's tail, but... *shrug* Better now than never ?
All I know is that, personally, I would be disappointed, if that ''preacher pony'' doesn't turn to be the bad guy OR related to the bad guy/bad event(s).
Just finished the first two stories (thanks for updating and making me find this RIGHT BEFORE AN EXAM :P:P:P:P:P)
ReplyDeleteI found the first story incredibly moving and very well played. I loved it when epicFluttershy whacked Dr. Mend and reamed him a new one. I could literally see her shaking from rage in my minds eye.
I liked Vagabond's self loathing. The emotional stone-ness, his determination for penance and to suffer and self mutilate himself in order to achieve that penance developed the character quite well without being over-the-top pityparty-ish. You really get a sense of his total and absolute anguish.
I take issue, though, with how that seemed to get lost in the second story though. All of a sudden he has become a perfect model of "The world is a good place! Hey, Mend, did you hear? The world is a beautiful place! What's that? You don't think so? Embrace the happiness!! There you go! Yay! Mend is happy too now!" I understand he was redeemed and that comes with it a new perspective, but I would have liked to have seen him learn/develop/grow a bit more before reaching this stage.
I did like how he's all bitter and feeling betrayed and hurt and alone after Luna revealed herself. He strikes me as someone who feels deeply and so is hurt much worse than you average person (pony) when he feels betrayed (yes, it was a betrayal, Luna lied to them). I was also happy to see that his "journey" hadn't ended and that he was returning to his home town.
I like your depiction of Luna. I'm glad you didn't make her perfect. She really is being quite an arrogant jerk about Valiant being angry at her. She may be right about what she did but her lack of caring about Valiant and how he feels about the situation undermines everything else she says (what's all this nonesense about being friends if she isn't willing to act like one?). I hope to see some development between those two, and I pray it's not just Valiant accepting what Luna did was ok or some crap like that. You don't have to take that from her Valiant, princess or not.
Anyway, haven't read the new one. I don't think I will until it's complete. It bugs me way too much when I start stories I can't finish, especially a good one.
p.s. - Night Security? I applaud your research and grasp of things medical and psychological. As a med student planning on specializing is Psychiatry, I found those passages VERY enjoyable and accurate to read. *applauds*
Something very... very... VERY! strange is going on here ?
ReplyDeleteFor the second time on this website, both times here, on this page's story...
One of my comment appears to have simply... 'vanished', completely, without leaving a trace ?
First 'vanished' comment had been Ch.9, but I luckily had a copy of it : @Nova25
Second... CH.14's comment, which I sadly doesn't have a copy...
I might have to message Sethisto to ask him, if he knows what to problem is... only happens 'Here', for some weird reason ?
@Dave
ReplyDeleteThank you sir for your comment :) . I'm surprised that what I wrote about in regard to psychiatry was accurate, but I'm glad it works. Yes I'm Night Security, it's dull, but I have time to think about what to write. I look forward to hearing from you once again, when Story 3 is complete.
To the readers who spoke with my wife the other night while reading: thank you. You guys left a wonderful impression on her. From what I heard there was little to no tension and you guys didn't make her feel awkward at all. :)
Story 3 - part 14 : ...'vanished'
ReplyDelete...From what I remember saying : *They should focus their training on the 'strengths’ on the ponies, rather than to try to make everypony ‘averagely’ good in everything, like for Fluttershy.* and *’’Preacher pony’’ is very suspicious and almost certainly the ‘Bad Guy’, or related to ‘Him’ or the ‘Bad Events’.*
Story 3 - part 15 :
>I’m surprised Searcher could make one of these so quickly. He said he put several protective enchantments on it
-Somehow, I don’t think they are all ‘’protective’’ enchantments.
>you have the ‘will’ to protect your village, we can offer the ‘way’.
-Isn’t the expression using ‘’means’’, instead of ‘’way’’ ?
>‘What hypocrites.’ he thought, ‘You cheer now, but what happens when somepony makes a big enough mistake? You throw them out, disown them, and cut out their identity.’
-I also said something like that, in the ‘Lost Ch.14 comment’.
>No. He could never understand what I’ve been through, nopony could.’
-Is it worst than ‘’accidently killing your friend/love, becoming a Vagabond, losing your cutie mark, being exiled, having your wings eaten, and navigating through the country randomly for many years with nightmares almost every nights’’ ?
>What if he’s just like the gryphons and only wants to use me?’
-... -_- ...If there’s rape, I throw *Boot to the Head*.
>‘NO! Don’t touch me! Leave me alone! Stop it! You’re hurting me! Why are you hurting me! All I wanted was someplace to sleep!’
-...the boot ? With spikes or extra Onions ? Oh, and it was with a ‘minor’ too ? Wow... you really picked THE subject, haven’t you ?
>The diamond marriage-pendent
-‘pendant’ (small error)
>Just remember not to eat the yellow snow unless it comes in a paper cone, otherwise it tastes funny.”
-... 0_o Yellow snow, huh ?...
>The big thing is that you get a good look at the foal your aunt and uncle are carrying. If he looks like Valiant, we can be fairly certain it’s him.
-Huh... unless they have a photo of Valliant when a foal, I don’t think seeing his ‘baby face’(literally) is gonna tell him, if it’s ‘adult face’ Valliant.
>“Well duh, we’re all animated.” Pinkie Pie said cheerfully.
-Heh, this is a good one.
>“What?” Twilight yelled back, ‘What’s with this wind?’ she wondered.
-Strong winds in a ‘’Tornado region’’, hmmm, what could it be ?
>“Applejack!” she yelled, hoping her friend could hear her over the roar of the wind, “Use your Element! Make a safe bubble
-Wait what ? Since when can AJ ‘’make’’ magical protective bubbles ?
>Twilight saw Pinkie and Rarity glowing as they created small pockets of safe space for them and their guardians.
-Oh, woah, what ? I’m *very* confused right now ?
Unless I have a HUGE hole in my memory and forgot that HUGE detail (after a few hundreds stories read, I’m serious, this isn’t impossible),... since when, by the 9 hells, can any of the Elements of Harmony make ‘’magic bubbles of protection’’ (because of their Elements) ?
I don’t recall ANY previous mention of that whatsoever... pretty sure I would remember.
@Nova25
ReplyDelete>Anypony who wants to stay with Molasses and meet Natival, go with him.”
-Oh ho. Well, it’s easy to know what’s gonna happen... probably.
>(bad joke, I know),
-Why is it there ?
>To Nova25, I know you don’t like Tinker, but she’s integral to the story.
What ? Since when ?
>Please don’t take her reintroduction as an insult to you.
-The heck (surprise-politely said) ? Where does ‘that’ come from, honestly ?
...I ‘think’ I recall not really appreciating the *Big Fat Cigar* part, but never said anything against the character itself ? Without that ‘thing’, she would be absolutely perfect, I remember saying.
Also... why putting that as a ‘’special mention’’ directly in the Google Doc ?
>It’s a Dangerous Business Going Out Your Door,
-A good story, yes, except a ‘’small’’ detail at the end... And just because : *Spoiler* At the end, there’s a ‘’snake’’ the size of the Island of Guam. Yeah. I call it, ‘The Guam Snake’.
-----
Good Part, but I really wonder about the strange ‘’bubble thing’’ that apparently suddenly ‘popped’ in this Part ?
I'd been wondering whether you would attempt that with Birdie, though I never thought you would have it start so young.
ReplyDeleteI hope you know what you're doing. This is has permanently changed the tone of the story, and regardless of how you handle it, it's going follow you as an author basically forever. You should make sure you do your homework on the subject, and think carefully when writing about it. I sincerely hope you get this right.
Good luck.
How come Traisl of the Elements got a shipping tag, when the Elements of Equestria dosen't o.O
ReplyDeleteIt clearly got the most shipping
@Egerod
ReplyDeleteMaybe because in Story 2 it was intended, and literally a plot point, when in Story 3 it's more of a side thing (maybe even just an after-thought) ?
I don't really know, other than this supposition.
"I was intrigued by the set up of chapter seven of _VAGABOND_, with Dr.MEND and VAGABOND letting bygones and TWILIGHTS new spell, I wonder what is in-store for the next chapter. the first two pages pulled me in and stuck me to each word. I did not find much error in this chapter, if not at least one, yet above all it was yet another interesting chapter by TRUTHSEEKER. I await the next time i read chapter eight to find out VAGABOND'S fate as well as the ELEMENTS OF HARMONY. I shall give further word on my next critic of _VAGABOND_ after chapter eight."
ReplyDelete-FoxMane
Very nice. A bit rough in places, and certainly with a share of formatting errors and places where your spell check used the wrong word, but overall a good story that definitely kept my attention though the last two days as I caught up. It helps that I'm a sucker for redemption stories, as well, I suppose.
ReplyDeleteI am sometimes taken out of it though by the sheer vitriol the characters have about death and killing. It feels very... out of place when you live in a land where giant monsters can come and eat you at any time. Humans lived with that for millennia and developed our "annihilate everything threatening" stance because of it, so it seems odd to me that many of your characters have an almost pathological aversion to even the simpler concept of lethal self-defense. Though if you're trying to remain truer to the source material I can certainly understand it, and certainly self-defense in any case should always be non-lethal if possible. Just sometimes it feels like I'm being lectured at and it takes me right out of my suspension of disbelief.
I do hope you write more, though. A good story can keep a reader's attention even if he or she disagrees with some parts, and this is definitely a good story, with endearing characters and an engaging plot. And don't let that one guy bug ya, I find the cigar bit amusing as a quirk on an otherwise feminine character.
I know there was Christmas, New Year and all that stuf, but ya know Truthseeker... You can't keep fans waiting forever D: Any info on new chapters?
ReplyDeleteevery time I see a story update, and I don't see this, I has a sad Q_Q.
ReplyDeleteTruthseeker, I have to say, at the end of the 8th part of the Vagabound, you nearly caused me to shed a tear in sympathy for Valient. The stories to come are sure to be amazing.
ReplyDeleteI just want to say
ReplyDeleteYay!!! New chapter!!!
Thank you very much.
UPDATE ALREADY ITS BEEN 3 MONTHS BETWEEN CHAPTERS!
ReplyDeleteI would really, Really, REALLY enjoy it if you updated soon please 8D
ReplyDeletePlease update this soon, and put it on FanFiction/FimFiction.net too, if you don't mind, that is :)
ReplyDeleteSo...Update? Please?
ReplyDeleteChapter 16 incoming!
ReplyDeleteEnjoy guys!
30+ pages of pony!
It has been so long since I read the last chapter, that I only remeber what I disliked about the story. (That healing potion being the foremost. Why would you ever introduce such an anti suspense device?)
ReplyDeleteBut now that I have read the first pages of the new chapter, I remember again what I liked about this. It is well written and has a wagonload of lovable characters.
Time to read the rest. :D
will we have to wait another few months for the next update?
ReplyDeletehey its me chris, i was thinking that even thou he left his friends shouldn't he at least think of them at all. he doesnt seem to think of his freinds of his element who he is spose to be protecting. Im fine with all the new characters but could we have surf and turf show some character despoilment. he been in for a good 5 i think chapters(i think, they blend together)and no development to what ive seen. and if you need a beather episode can you write what patch and the CMC are doing, or mabye zecora and branburn that should be very interesting i hear
ReplyDeletebut talking like zecroa i am i fear
srry for the bad joke over all very good story with awesome characters (would it be to much to ask for a Derpy shout out)
Well, it has been a really LONG time that I saw this story ? I think I remember most big details. I wonder how it is going...
ReplyDeleteAlso... I would like to ‘kindly ask’ if the author could ‘’potentially’’ remove that mention of me, at the end of CH.15. I just don’t see the reason for it to stay there (or even be there in the first place).
-----
CH.16 :
>The last thing I remember is the scary tornado and Twilight encasing us in a bubble.
-Yeeeah... I remember that weird thing. Even though *Twilight* can create some ‘’normal reality sphere’’ (since the Discord episode), those ‘improbable bubble bouncy spheres of more-or-less protection’ are still ‘’out-of-nowhere’’-like.
>unnaturalyellow
-Missing space.
>The poor mare couldn’t find her voice, she had never seen such a vile being.
-Random ‘shadow beast’ ? Part of the creepy-preachy pony plot, maybe ? The ‘’real’’ villain that is acting behind the curtain ? All of the above ?
>She instantly wrapped her wings around her body as far as they would go and shuddered, fluffing her feathers.
-All shall be FLUFFY (and cute) ! :D : http://twentypercentcooler.net/data/c8/ed/c8ed145636e334942e9a131a8dbef276.png?1328287443
>verydistant
-Missing space.
>“I’m not a bully!” she protested, “I’m just confident, opinionated, and playful.
-Almost looks like she’s reading a script ?
>You are not going to hurt yourself anymore while I have any say in the matter!” Trooper struggle against the athletic mare.
-I remember him from Story 2... and I remember how he was back in the good ‘ol days... Before he became a paranoid pony with a mix of ‘’thinking he knows better than you’’ + ‘’pompous white-knight’’.
>Dash, on the other hoof, was slightly impressed that Trooper had been able to pin her.
-Yeah... RD is fine to have been ‘’submitted’’ by force by him, while he was being a ‘’jerk’’ and cheaply pinning her by pressing on the joints of her wounded wing(s). What an achievement...
>What he didn’t see was the fact that he was not the only one blushing.
-Wait... no.
Also, it’s too soon... It will take way more than just a cutie mark for him to restore his image, and stop appearing like a ‘’jerk’’-of-all-trade.
>Anunhappy
-There appear to be quite a few ‘missing spaces’ around words and (end of sentence)dots ?
>dream from the previous night, one that involved a certain yellow pegasus mare in her cottage.
-Wait... so, the very vague mention of ‘romance’ 1-2 CH. before (if I recall correctly), was about those 2 ?
...well, *shrug* I guess it’s ok ?
>We see the descending darkness that enshrouds your home
>this Searcher, but we now believe he is the carrier. He is the pawn and master at the same time.
-Well, it seems that the answer was indeed : ‘All of them’.
>After I adopted Patch though, all my attention was focused on her. I had a responsibility to raise her the right way
-A good and perfectly fine family pony.
---
>I’m sorry, darling, but there’s something I feel needs to be addressed. Patch obviously has a wonderful, caring father, but every foal needs two parents.
>but every foal needs two parents.
-.....................sorry, but.... Bullcrap. I will say -nothing- more on this matter, except that I’m very disappointed.
---
>We can both mature a bit more and maybe I’ll be a teensy bit less hyper by then.
-More mature, yes, less ‘’hyper’’... why ? Pinky Pie will always be a fast and energetic mare. It’s her trademark, what makes her charm.
>I mean I’m only sixteen. I’m only just barely an adult.
-Stating a fixed number, bad idea.
>a body sans a head.
-...?
-----
...I will -only- say this : It takes only 1 ‘faux-pas’ to spoil the enjoyment for something.
This is an amazing story you're weaving. I'll admit I just discovered FiM fiction, but what you're doing here is Quality. You obviously proofread, as you have no punctuation errors and very few misspellings. Your original characters are well-thought out and well-rounded. I read the whole tale in 24 hours, and I can't wait to see where you take it next.
ReplyDeleteTake care of yourself, and get well soon!
This is truly a marvelous effort in storytelling, tears have been shed, smiles have been.. smiled, and other emotions happened too I'm sure, (I'm just a big sop so the tears are what I remember). Anyway, certainly one of the best reads I've had in a long time; I do hope you keep it coming!
ReplyDeletestill waiting for a update...please come back and finish this awesome story
ReplyDeleteIt's been a couple of months since I've been on EQD and this is in my top 3 favorite stories on here. I expected the next story to be at least halfway done. Imagine my disappointment when I see there hasn't been a single update since September :( Truthseeker, I would be greatly saddened if you gave up on this story, but I'm even more saddened to see such a great story come to an unexpected halt, with no signs of what happened to you or this story. Please let your fans know what's going on. We would all greatly appreciate it.
ReplyDeleteTo Nova25,
ReplyDeleteI removed the reference to you in chapter 15. I did some editing on chapter 16. Just to ensure there are no misunderstandings:
I work at Maryview Medical Center, I am not a patient there. It has been a very difficult transition. My new responsibilities now include escorting patients to the Behavoral Ward, Checking in at Every Nurses Station, walking the entirety of the hospital every 2 hours, checking bodies into and out of the Morgue (call me the bead-body man). Effectively, I have no free time at work which is where I used to write. Worry not, Chapter 17 in in the works.
@Truthseeker
ReplyDeletegood to know that you're not dead, I'd given up hope that this story would ever update
@Truthseeker
ReplyDeleteI 'must' thank you for the thing about Ch.15, but about CH.16... and here, believe me, I do NOT want to disrespect you...
>I feel needs to be addressed. Patch obviously has a wonderful, caring father, but every foal needs two parents.
-This... nonsense, is still there ?
This is insulting.
It ISN'T mandatory for someone, anyone, to have 2 parents... nor is an *absolute* requirement to be considered normal, to have a proper ''development''. >:(
Single moms, and single fathers are *PERFECTLY* able to insure a proper ''growth'' for their child(ren), without a wife/husband.
There is *nothing* wrong with growing up having just 1 mother or 1 father... and the implication, here, that it is a *MUST* to have 2 parents is hardly excusable.
Politely said, but with most concern :
-Nova25.
Well I saw the wedding episode . . . CRAP.
ReplyDelete1. The 'Changlings' are identical to the 'Shadow Creature' in Fluttershy's dream.
2. The episode has the mane 6 already knowing how to fight, apparently very well, so the whole 'training with the stallions' thing just goes right out the window.
So, to you, the reader, I pose this question:
Should the story continue?
Your responses will determine the outcome, and yes the next chapter is in the works.
@Truthseeker
ReplyDeleteso your story has some discontinuity from the canon, no big deal, or you can say it happened before the wedding, and the reason the mane6 have the fighting skills in the royal wedding was because they learned from the stallions, or they could just be 'brushing up' which would could be funny if the mane6 kicked the flanks of the stallions during 'training' and the only reason they went along with it was to humor the guys
yes don't stop writing this story, it's still one of the best fan-fics
Yes, I'd love to see this story finished even though it's a little off-canon, which is perfectly fine if you ask me. And the long followers of you know you had this long in the works before the newest episode.
ReplyDeleteSide thought: Haven't enjoyed a fanfic this much since fallout equestria.
Yes, keep it going even you have pretend the Changelings don't exist.
ReplyDeleteYou're too far into this story to quit now, I love this little universe you created here, and the story shouldn't end just because something became canon that conflicts with it.
ReplyDeletePlease continue. This is my favorite fanfiction and it would be a crime for it to remain incomplete. Just keep truckin'
ReplyDeleteWhy does my computer say that all of the comments are from like September 2011. this worries me, is he still writing them or did he stop a year ago?
ReplyDeleteWhy do all the comments say they are from like 2011. Is he still writing them or did he stop a year ago or is my computer just having mental problems?
ReplyDelete@aidanw
ReplyDeleteyou do know there's a next page of comments button titled 'newer' at the bottom and top
yeah sorry im used to the youtube comments where the newest are on the left not the right I freaked out and thought he died when he got transferred to the new hospital or something. my bad. thanks though stringtheory.
ReplyDeletePlease don't stop writing the story. We've spent to much time getting to know and care about these characters to leave it unresolved.
ReplyDeleteChapter 17 is on FanFiction.Net
ReplyDeleteI'm so excited to see an update to this story! I think I'll skip going to bed at a reasonable hour and read this instead.
ReplyDeleteShit, It's been so long since the last update, I've forgotten everything
ReplyDelete« I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it.
ReplyDelete-Edith Sitwell »
Apparently, the *crap* in CH.16, about children ABSOLUTELY needing 2 parents to be well, is still there... glad to see the author believing in such detestable belief, and forcing them on the readers in his story... There is no excuse.
-----
Forgot quite a few details about the '3rd series', but I sadly didn't forget most of what I deeply wish I had forgotten...
Hopefully, the end is near.
CH.17 :
>He had gone into the ruins alone and had come back out with that strange inverted, heart-shaped locket he now always wore.
-Amulet in an ancient ruin ? Totally cursed, that's pretty much a given thing.
>'This space within the dirt is sacred. Enter not lest you be consumed by' I can't understand this last part.
>This is incredible, but how do I get this open?
-Well, ‘Preacher pony’ has been rather reckless (if not stupid) there.
Something that would say ''don't go there, you will ---'', even if I can't read the last word, I doubt I would be tempted to go further... at least, not without 'additional protection(s)'.
>The depiction had it standing erect and upright, with long dexterous-looking paws
>Its upright posture looked natural, as if this creature always went about on two legs.
>Its legs and torso were covered with what looked like either a strange covering, 'Clothes
-...Suddenly ... ... ...HUMAN ! Out of nowhere, ''because'' ! (Really ? -_- )
>"Tornado!" the call went up from one of the older ponies.
>All heads turned in one unified direction as their eyes met the raging cyclone.
>It crossed the entire field in a matter of seconds
-A ''hurricane'' managed to sneak up on them ? Did that hurricane had 100points in 'Sneak' or something ?
>With the addition of these new ponies, my champions will rival even those of the Goddess.
-Basicly, Evil-Unknown-Entity wants to make his own set of 'Bad/Evil Elements/Champions', but better, in order to beat the other ''12'' already existing Elements ?
...I remember once thinking that, at this rate, the Elements would come by the dozen. I never knew I would be somewhat right. -_-
-----
*THIS* chapter was somewhat good/'ok'. Anything is an improvement over CH.16.
That is all.
well nova not to call you out or anything but if you had EVER seen the original MLP you would remember the fact that Sarah a HUMAN girl in the PONY world also wore a HEART SHAPED AMULET that when taken by the bad guy became an INVERTED BLACK HEART AMULET. I personally applaude truthseeker for remembering a fact from so long ago, and managing to incorporate it into this story. so yes A HUMAN OUT OF NOWHERE!!!!
ReplyDelete@foxynaia
ReplyDeleteWhatever the lore behind this 'amulet'(that's not my point), the introduction of such reference (literally incorporating the 'humans' in the story, past or still alive) is still 'a bit' odd and 'out of nowhere' considering not a single reference to their existence on this world(in this dimension) had previously been made so far...
'That' was the point I was making, by the 'surprise' behind this sudden addition in the story's universe.
Not much else, really.
@nova25
ReplyDeleteHence the reason it was found in the RUINS of a LONG LOST civilization. and this in a FIMfiction for a reason. Truthseeker can do anything with his story.
@foxynaia
ReplyDeleteYeah... keep hammering your point, while not really paying attention to the point I was making. -_-
>Truthseeker can do anything with his story.
-What does this have to do with anything, related to the previous ''discussed'' point ? Throwing that randomly here doesn't serve any purpose in the discussion, if just to try to ''scare'' potential arguments... -_-
This story is so great!
ReplyDeleteplease don't stop writing truthseeker. Your fanfic is awesome and if you stop the story then i wont have anything to do at 2:30 on a school night.
ReplyDeleteWhat this guy said^
ReplyDeleteThis story is the reason I check EQD 7 times a day.
Is this story still alive? I haven't heard anything from it in around 4 months.
ReplyDeleteI was just wondering the same thing
ReplyDeleteChapter 18 pending.
ReplyDeleteChapter 18 pending.
ReplyDeleteLife's been interesting. I've had to stand in with a Medical Examiner while she examined a jumper from a bridge who missed the water and hit concrete. We also had a newborn baby stuffed into a trash bag and tossed onto the rear sidewalk of Maryview Hospital. Channel 3 News came out and did a special on it. I was working when it happened.
ReplyDeleteBut I'm making excuses for taking so long. I'm not making any promises this time around because I probably won't keep them, so I will update as I can.
Here is the link for the News Channel 3 report:
ReplyDeletehttp://wtkr.com/2012/12/04/only-on-3-man-talks-about-bloody-newborn-baby-abandoned-in-bag-at-local-hospital/
It hath returned. Great to see it back. AS for what you've been doing since the last update.... damn.
ReplyDelete@Truthseeker
ReplyDeleteWhat are the chances that I can convince you to post your stories to Fimfiction.net? I use a kindle to read all my fanfiction and Fimfiction.net very conveniently has a button that allows me to download an entire story as an .txt or .epub file for easy uploading to the kindle. So I only read stories that are uploaded on Fimfiction or at least have a .txt download handy somewhere since googledocs or fanfiction do not provide this convenience at all.
@Truthseeker
ReplyDeleteWell that was quick. Thank you/your friend for uploading to fimfiction in such a timely manner.
@SGrahambo Where's the fimfiction link? I don't see it.
ReplyDelete@goes ding when there's stuff Found it here http://www.fimfiction.net/user/trooper7051
ReplyDelete« Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you. Love me and I may be forced to love you.
ReplyDelete-William Arthur Ward »
« He that cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which he must pass himself; for every man has need to be forgiven.
-Thomas Fuller »
« In this bright future you can't forget your past.
-Bob Marley »
-----
Story 3_CH.18 :
>You said that a young pony needs a parental figure of both genders to(...) >Applejack and Big Macintosh both grew up with only Granny Smith as a parental figure and they turned out just fine." Rarity said with just the slightest hint of smugness in her voice.
>>Rarity said with just the slightest hint of smugness in her voice.
>>>Rarity said
-For one, I do not know how I should react... or wish or want to... as I am so weary of all this. But... But, I suppose I must have at least the decency to acknowledge the gesture here, whatever it was done because of me or because of an angry space butterfly.
For 2 : It was Rarity who made the horrible claim, in CH.16, not any other pony. So, here, she seems rather hypocritical, no ? It should be the father(Sea Blue, was it?) that says those lines to correct her, no ?
>"You seem very nonplused even admitting you were wrong." she ventured.
-Again, error on the pony. Originally, it was Rarity who said those ''things'', not Sea Blue.
...unless it was changed, after all those months. I had almost forgotten the existence of this story, before last month.
>Only a really ancient source of power, like a sentient enchantment
-After AIs(Artificial Intelligence), now MIs(Magical Intelligence) ?
>"Sure," Lemon Lime replied, "Wait, I thought you were a druid, Fluttershy."
-When did this become an RPG(or any adventure games or systems using stuff like that) ?
... Twilight talks *A LOT!*, but at least she does say a few interesting things, here and there ...
>do you happen to know any spells to help a Pegasus move through fog? I'm not strong enough to even put my hoof into it."
-Huh ? A pegasus' innate ability to lay on AND go through clouds is more of a (passive/active) ''Will'' (magic)thing, rather than ''strength'', really ? Seems more probable like that, in the series, at least ?
>Twilight lowered her head and began focusing her magic, 'Alright which Nouns and Verbs? First
the Nouns.
-You know... at one point, JUST casting the spell or saying she does it is more interesting than 5+ lines of ''pseudo-magic-talk''... -_-
Too much ends up being like not enough, as one might say.
>"Hey! I can speak for myself you know!" Dash yelled.
-She's right. Don't be so ''macho'' (or whatever the proper word for 'a guy diminishing (intentionally or not) the importance of a girl'). Trooper really has a problem with that... -_-
>AUTHOR’S NOTE:
>there is absolutely nothing constructive about the quoted above comment and the statement is not appreciated at all.
-And doing the petty thing by copy/pasting a comment out of context, and indirectly directing every readers against the maker of the statement... is also really not appreciated.
It not even like you EVER acknowledged the 'severe issue' this was related to, before now, have you ? Huh !
And now, what do you do ? You finally throw a quick correction in THIS chapter, and then proceed to throw some kind of revenge-whatever-thing at the very end, IN the story/document where it has no place to be.
Way to solve an issue, and then throw the wolves at someone.
-----
Stuff happened. And then, just as a white flag was being raised... ''poop'' was thrown.
Ah NOVA25, back again. O.K. I'll admit that the Author's Note was childish.
ReplyDeleteHOWEVER,
The dispariging remark about hoping the story would be over soon was hurtful and I feel was likewise childish. Do remember sir, YOU were the one who started the dispute and wouldn't bother to just let it go.
Let's recap here:
#1. You claim that I copied and pasted a quote of you 'out of context' how was it out of context? Your statement was simple, severe, and hurtful. Now, I remember that English is not your first language. That being said it is entirely possible that what you meant to say is vastly different from the way it was received. If that is the case then you have my apology (and I'm not being snide or sarcastic).
#2. I never meant to indirectly direct any of the other readers against you. If that is what occured then tell anyone who is harassing you that I said to STOP. I meant the Author's Note to express that I was hurt by your statement.
#3. You say that I never acknowledged the 'severe issue' that this whole dissagreement was related to. That I did not, because it is my story and I was happy with it the way it was. You were the one who decided to pursue the issue and make self-righteous comments about what I wrote. I will admit that the series itself did prove me wrong and I'll admit that. I also admit that you had and still have a good and valid point by your statement.
#4. In your last post you said ,'just as a white flag was being raised... "poop" was thrown.' Where did you EVER make any motions or say ANYTHING about raising the proverbial 'white flag'? If I missed it then I apologize, but I've reviewed your comments just now and I don't see anything that even remotely resembles a 'white flag'. Furthermore, like Trooper said 'It was never about winning' I merely wanted respect for my oppinion even if it was misinformed. It's alright to agree to disagree, so long as a modicume of respect is shown on the parts of both partys.
In closing,
NOVA25 I apologize for making it seem like I was out to get you. I will take down the Author's Note as soon as I can. I would ask however that you try to present your arguments in a more neutral light and try not to seem like you are not verbally attacking someone yourself, just because you disagree with them. Also, you may want to try to be a little more . . . polite is the wrong word. Perhaps sensitive would be a better choice. I always have and always will value your critiques and corrections (I did indeed make an oops on who said what in the last chapter, thanks for pointing that out by the way) provided they take on a form that is constructive and not simply belittling someone else for thinking differently or not using the right word.
I truly hope that we can come to some sort of closure on this topic and I SINCERELY hope that there are no hard feelings. By the way why don't you E-mail me? I appreciate a good debate any time and besides the more points of view I have, the more ideas I can come up with.
The ball is in your court partner and I hope we can be friends.
Final note: the term you were looking for is not, 'throw the wolves at someone,' it is 'throw them (the person) to the wolves'. I'm sure that a lot of terms and so forth are lost in any translation.
@Truthseeker
ReplyDelete>Do remember sir, YOU were the one who started the dispute and wouldn't bother to just let it go.
-You would be good to also remember that you never lifted a finger to deal (or even JUST initiate discussion!) with the issue before now, too.
>#1. You claim that I copied and pasted a quote of you 'out of context' how was it out of context?
-This page, here, has context... previous, easily referenceable, things... while the ''body'' of the story where you had copy/pasted the (partial) comment, didn't.
>it is entirely possible that what you meant to say is vastly different from the way it was received.
-It might be possible that... even though I can pretend that my understanding of the English language is 'somewhat good', even with the help of online translators... my choice of words weren't ''optimal'' to express myself.
But, the essential of the idea(s), and the 'sentiment(s)' behind them were still there.
Now, you have or will have to understand things from my perspective, for a moment, about this particular issue...
-Imagine if, only hypothetically, you had made 'Sea Blue' say : ''A child/foal, to grow up well mentality(ect..), can't have 2 parents of the same sex.''
I'm sure you can easily see how this 'hypothetical sentence' would have raise a great(er) amount of 'unease', disgust, and possibly outrage from many people...
Even though the ''direction'' is different, the 'scope'/magnitude of it is relatively similar to the one 'Sea Blue' had actually said... hence the initial reaction.
But, bare in mind that 'written words', especially on an anonymous and static/impersonal thing like the Internet, can't always properly express ''things'' with the right (or intended) amount of ''force'' or subtlety desired...
>#2. I never meant to indirectly direct any of the other readers against you.
-What little optimism I have left about the world (and people) in general hopes and wants this to be true. Really.
Don't fear though, only 2-3 idiotic-common trolls... I have seen much worst.
>#4. In your last post you said ,'just as a white flag was being raised... "poop" was thrown.' Where did you EVER make any motions or say ANYTHING about raising the proverbial 'white flag'?
-It's mostly in the making of the last story's comment itself, really.
This story not being updated for several months + Me almost forgetting its existence, and thus most things ''attached'' to it + A ''minor'' depression somewhere around August 2012, making me not care about a lot of things + Me not having read any story on EQ.Daily since about a month prior to this one = Pretty much equalled me only wanting to give this a last chance, before maybe digging a farewell grave and leaving it dead for me... then I read the section at the beginning of this last Chapter about the ''correction'', felt a vague sentiment of being 'tired yet ''content''(for a lack of a better word) that the issue could finally rest-in-peace', then only wanted to finish reading the Chapter and post something 'neutral' about the whole thing (and possibly run in another direction)... then I saw the last page, and you know the rest.
>The ball is in your court partner and I hope we can be friends.
-Forgive and Forget. But, I mostly want to forget, right now... as I'm tired of many things. So tired in general. But it not like I can really do anything about that last part.
I can only wait and observe, see where things are going and hope for some things or other.
Sigh. Seems like I'm rambling now.
So, I will leave you, and other anonymous people, to think about what you want and/or what you might see in what I said.
You're not rambling NOVA. I can understand being 'tired' all the time. I, myself am diagnosed Manic Depressive and I can't afford any medication for it. It sucks. As for the rest of what you said, as normal, you make a good point and a valid argument.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you, let's just forget about it.
Can I still count on you for your pointed observations and spelling corrections when I miss something?
Any progress on the next chapter? Is there an estimated time period for when it will be released?
ReplyDelete