Author: Truthseeker
Description: An injured stranger comes to Ponyville. He carries with him the darkest of secrets. He is condemned to a fate worse than death, but is there yet hope of salvation, before the end? Only the Elements of Harmony can decide.
All Chapters After the Break!
The Vagabond Part 1
The Vagabond Part 2
The Vagabond Part 3
The Vagabond Part 4
The Vagabond Part 5
The Vagabond Part 6
The Vagabond Part 7
The Vagabond Part 8
The Vagabond Part 9
Additional Tags: needed
[Normal][Shipping][Sad]
Author: Truthseeker
Description: Continuing tale of Valiant, the former Vagabond, as he and Dr. Mend discover something that will change both of their lives forever.Trials of the Elements
Trials of the Elements Part 2
Trials of the Elements Part 3
Trials of the Elements Part 4
Trials of the Elements Interlude
Trials of the Elements Part 5
Trials of the Elements Part 6
Trials of the Elements Part 7
Trials of the Elements Part 8
Trials of the Elements Part 9
Trials of the Elements Part 10
Trials of the Elements Part 11
Additional Tags: Luna, Celestia, Applejack, Twilight, Big Macintosh, Emotional, Stirring, Inspiring, Relationship-Oriented, Healing, (Author wants everyone to know that the shipping will happen later, with mares, not between the two main characters.)
[Adventure][Normal] Story 3
Author: Truthseeker
Description: Valiant has gone off on his own. An ancient evil has awakened on the far side of Equestria, nearby Valiant's destination, and threatens to devour him: body, mind, and soul. Can the combined might of the Elements of Equestria get to him in time, or will he succomb to the bitter darkness which never had a chance to heal.The Elements of Equestria Part 1
The Elements of Equestria Part 2
The Elements of Equestria Part 3
The Elements of Equestria Part 4
The Elements of Equestria Part 5
The Elements of Equestria Part 6
The Elements of Equestria Part 7
The Elements of Equestria Part 8
The Elements of Equestria Part 9
The Elements of Equestria Part 10
The Elements of Equestria Part 11
The Elements of Equestria Part 12
The Elements of Equestria Part 13
The Elements of Equestria Part 14
The Elements of Equestria Part 15
The Elements of Equestria Part 16
The Elements of Equestria Part 17
The Elements of Equestria Part 18
The Elements of Equestria Part 19
The Elements of Equestria Part 20 (New!)
Additional Tags: Action, Adventure, Misunderstandings, Old Friends, Teamwork, Love (but which kind), Some humor. Everypony, Valiant, Mend, Lemon Lime/(Live Wire), Sea Blue, Big Macintosh, Trooper
Characters
530 comments:
The scene in the bar with Big Macintosh and Live Wire is from ReBoot...me get cookie?
ReplyDeleteI'll work on it tonight.
ReplyDelete:}
The Devil is always in the details Truthseeker. Better critics have explained atmosphere and character flawes so I'm not going going to go into detail. I will say I really enjoy the story and the characters are fun, interesting, and fleshing out nicely.
ReplyDeleteTank is going to need a little more back story and fleshed out as a character.
Trooper with his assumptions is pretty damn funny along with his feeling of vunerability.
As for the Elements of Peace I already had an idea who will be included in the line up though who will be what element is has me guessing on a few. Except for Big Mac of course, his patience is already canon from the show.
Keep up the good work!
@Bunny 34
ReplyDeleteElements ====> Ponies
Perseverance > Valiant
Patience ====> Big Mac
Forgiveness => Dr. Mend
Discernment => Trooper
Acceptence ==> Sea Blue
Hope ========> Live Wire aka Lemon Lime
@Idle Drifter
ReplyDeleteWell, you have one of the correct. Nice try.
Again thanks to every person who felt enough about the story to post something (even if it is only to tell me to 'suck a butt'). :)
@Truthseeker
ReplyDeleteWell I can't win them all.
wow having your daughter taken from you would suck
ReplyDeleteTrials 7 : (Wow ! A WHOLE lot of stuff to say here.)
ReplyDelete>“I can't believe nopony's ever heard of them! I mean a whole other set of Elements?
-Honestly, I'm in the same situation here, since they were introduced ?
>While the Elements of Harmony were 'offensive'
-Not sure why, but reading that line, I'm thinking : ''You're all gonna be friends, or we're gonna hoof(punch) your face!'' ...and now, suddenly, Fluttershy's reaction at the Gala makes so much more sense ?
>I suppose that makes sense actually. It takes a stallion and a mare to make a family, right?”
-Mmmmmmhh meeehhh... ok ok, that does make sense actually, kinda, yeah.
(Also... I share Big Mac's point of view here. It's all about definitions and perspectives.)
>Besides, if Ah was the Element of Acceptance, Ah wouldn't be arguin' with you about it now would Ah?”
-Uugh... You don't NEED to tell 100% of the truth, 7/week, 365.25 days/year, to be the Element of Honesty(<-exemple).
A few persons and authors have already come with a detailed and well thought explanation behind that, and I don't quite have the time to search in the 300-400+ stories for it.
Let's just say that there's a difference between being an Honest-Loyal-etc person/pony, and being 'blindly' Honest-Loyal-etc (to a point where it would become potentially dengerous, and would nullify the ''good'' part of it).
>Yet again, we see the reference to a family unit.
-Personally, I thought of the well known 'Mage-Knight' duo. One stand and protect, and kick the front row of enemies, while the other is behind and casting huge fireballs that will blow the rest of the enemies.
>“Right, on to the next part.
-Wooooow, Wall of Text ! ...1 compact block taking the whole screen... Me think, it needs a separation somewhere ?
>As the bearer of each Element gains more memories that coincide with their Element, the Element becomes more powerful and the bearer more able to wield it.
-Ooohh... So 'THAT' is why Pinky Pie can use Quantum Reality-Altering Powers ;)
Mmmhh... I also see some 'Fast-Regen' in there too (It explains : Twilight VS Mr.Anvil ;) )...
>the 'Rainbow of Light' The 'Rainbow of Light'
-Missing a ''dot'' between the 2, I believe.
-And, you know... this ''dot'' could be the ideal place to break the 'Wall of Text', since the rest is about the 'Rainbows Of X'.
>she turned her attention back to the book,
-Oh gods ! Wow, what a huge 'Wall of Text' this one is. It's a real BIG one, bigger than the other. And half of it is almost a direct copy/paste of the other one...
Must take a picture, or else the other fishermen are never gonna believe me ! ;)
>it should be noted that the power of a single Element of Harmony could easily overpower the combined might of the Elements of Peace.”
-Huuuhhhhh... Too much... So I will just say that I firmly disagree about this ridicule *Ratio*.
>“If Valiant is the bearer of an Element, which one do you think he is?”
-Well, he kinda refused to lay down and die, and stood up even if greatly injuried, and refused to let Granny down... So, my guess is : Perseverance
>“I've only seen suicidal ponies do something like that. Self-mutilation is not alright, and it is most definitely a big deal.”
-Wooooah there ! Breath by your nose for a second.
He just 'bit' himself, like a finger (but his hoof, since he doesn't have fingers), not tried to SEVER his member ! This part is taken WAY out of proportion for what's needed, really. ''intense'' or not.
>'Here lies Trooper, best known for his impression of a pancake.'
-Well, that would certainly be one unique epitaph ;)
(I don't quite remember the last part or story that made me wonder so many interesting thoughts ?)
ReplyDelete-----
>“I was helping a bear whose back legs were trapped >the bear made a meal out of my wings.”
-I can just picture how Trooper must be seeing the scene ;) : *Om nom nom* ''Will you stop that ? I'm trying to help you !'' *Om nom nom* ''Sigh...'' *Om nom nom*
>But the question is: how do we get her to ingest it?
-Just have a vial of the stuff on you, and yell ''Oh noes ! My precious and priceless healing(or strength, magic, etc..) potion ! Do not take/drink it !''... I bet it's gonna work.
>“Cantankerous.” The two stallions said in unison.
-He will be the Red/Mauve Shirt of the group, I suppose ?
>“Not her! NO CELESTIA, LUNA NO! Not her!”
-Celestia a while before : ''We will do nothing. You can deal with it.''
Right now : ...well, thank you a 1000 times Princess ?
... Strangely enough, I don't have much to say about Sea blue ? ...
... So, Trooper ? New character... an odd personality mix of ''well mannered aristocrate'' and ''put a hoof in his mouth every 2minutes''. He's interesting, I guess ...
he is acting exactly like mend.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteWho's like Mend ? Trooper or Sea Blue ?
In any case, there's NO character in this story sharing the same attitude of Mend.
Dude! i love this story! You are a fantastic writer! i've lost count how many times I got teary eyed while reading these 2 stories. Lauren Faust should hire you for the writing team. BRAVO!
ReplyDeleteOh for the love of all that is holy, PLEASE WRITE MORE! TO leave off reading at such a saddening cliffhanger! For Celestias sake WRITE!!!!
ReplyDeleteRead part 1-9 over a span of 2 weeks. Absolutely loved it. :3
ReplyDeleteSea Blue=Anti Batman
ReplyDelete>“I was helping a bear whose back legs were trapped >the bear made a meal out of my wings.”
ReplyDelete-I can just picture how Trooper must be seeing the scene ;) : *Om nom nom* ''Will you stop that ? I'm trying to help you !'' *Om nom nom* ''Sigh...'' *Om nom nom*
...That is one of the funniest things I have ever heard! I tip my nonexistent hat to you for making me laugh.
Onward! or forward at least...
Chapter 8 is in the queue. It's round about 30 pages long, but I managed to avoid the 'wall of text'. Chapter 9 will be much shorter but I'm almost done with that one too. I hope to send that one in by Tuesday morning.
As always I appreciate EVERY comment weather I like it or not, the fact remains that someone out there took the time out of their life to say something to me. I realize that time is precious and you only have a certain amount of it in your life, so my gratitude stems from the . . . 'sacrifice' if you will.
Love you guys and I hope I don't disappoint too many with this chapter (although I can see some hearts breaking because of it).
Whoa, wait. Twilight as a sixteen year old? That doesn't make sense at all, she couldn't be any younger then 19 at the lowest.
ReplyDelete@Truthseeker
ReplyDeleteHeya! Thanks for responding to my comment; I'll be reading the next section of your story in a bit, just popping by to explain the phrase "borne out" from point number 4 - it means confirmed. :) Yeah, I have no idea why I decided to use it; I probably felt it conveyed more of a sense of the confirmation being in progress or something. Anyways, thanks again!
With all this great potential for some HETEROSEXUAL shipping, you're telling us that the shipping is going to be with mares? Wow. You are such a f*cking sellout. Why won't one of you goddamn fanfic writers support traditional, boy-meets-girl relationships?
ReplyDeleteThank you for the comment but I'm afraid you're mistaken. The shipping IS heterosexual. I apologize if I made that confusing.
ReplyDeleteFrankly, I don't understand where RainbowDat got the idea it wasn't. I don't think your writing was confusing, I think RainbowDat was just confused. :)
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts exactly.
About your author's note at the end of chapter 8. What sort of intimate scene are you talking about?
ReplyDeleteThis fic is insanely well written, love it!
ReplyDeleteCarry on author.
How much more specific can I get here? A scene where two characters are engaged in an intimate, romantic, physical encounter (like a wedding night or some such) I have not yet decided if I will: that is up to my readers.
ReplyDeleteDo I want an intimate scene?
ReplyDeleteYes, yes I do.
@Truthseeker
ReplyDeleteI sure wouldn't mind.
As long as it's something tasteful, and not just like: "'Person1' X's 'Person2' with his/her Y Z"
@Truthseeker
ReplyDeleteMy favourite fic on EQD, terrific writing Truthseeker!
As for an intimate scene, sure I don't see why not, just know what your getting in to I suppose, and like Bunny34 said, keep it tasteful.
Hmm the question about an intimate scene has me curious. Don't know if I'd like it or not till I read it so it's up to you as long as it adds to the story while retaining its greatness.
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to the next chapter!
Moar, please.
ReplyDeleteI would surely love that more... intimate -as you say- part, as long as it is not TOO cloppy.
ReplyDeleteintimate scene please! sounds awesome! Also, kkat was able to post an intimate scene in her fallout: equestria (somepony else wrote it but she includes it on her FOE page, and its google docs)How would I go about getting this scene? my email is [email protected]
ReplyDeleteby the way, this story is so awesome and very well written... when will the next installment be out?
Intimate scene?
ReplyDeleteYes please. My opinion reflects Thornbough.
The author should really learn the difference between "compliment" and "complement".
ReplyDeleteBut besides that, it's pretty bloody awesome.
[Spoiler Alert]
ReplyDeleteIf I was in Vagabond's position I would be real happy too if I woke up to see Pinkie Pie's overjoyed face after spending 3 months in a coma.
Dr Mend's mentality when it comes to his rabid obsession for getting good grades, was scarily very similar to my real life experience in high school. I hadn't done well in the elementary level, at least according to my parents opinion I was going to end up in life's ditch.
So I wound up in four years of making the same obsessive mistake as he did, and wound up realizing at the end it wasn't worth giving up your social life.
This story is excellent stuff because its based on real people's problems. And scary at the same time.
Also yes for intimate scene, but preferably after most of the major problems had been solved, especially with the rogue unicorn.
ReplyDeleteThis has to be my favorite MLP fanfic ever!I have so much I feel I should say about it, but I'll leave the critique to Nova25 :). As for the intimate scene, as long as it's tasteful, go for it. My email is [email protected], as you mentioned it only being available via email.
ReplyDeleteThank you everybody for your comments so far. Ten people have expressed an interest, that's not even halfway there, so keep em coming if you want the intimate scene.
ReplyDeleteFor those who have expressed concern about the scene, here are some things to expect:
Intimacy (as opposed to wild monkey-sex)
Tenderness
Love
Nervousness
Caring
Soothing Whispers
Gentleness
O.K.?
O.K.
I HATE any love-scene that revolves around mindless, emotionless, just-for-the-Hell-of-it sex. The scene will be explicit (I have never shied away from the gritty, visceral, or realistic) and it will be as close to life-like as I can make it. (that is both the romanticized and not-so-romanticized details) Just to clarify.
Clopfic side-fics ahoy! Fallout: Equestria's got one, why not this? And by the original author, no less.
ReplyDeleteReally, I can't see this being any racier than a text version of one of the love scenes in Mass Effect.
If that's the case then I'll toss my lot in with the "interested" crowd.
Start tossing words like 'turgid' or 'spastic' around though and I'm done.
Also, with a new dimension like this to the fic, the term "pseudo-member" takes on... unfortunate new meaning.
@Truthseeker
ReplyDeleteSure, why the hell not. Here's my "Yay!" vote.
Trials 8 :
ReplyDelete>The unicorn would speak softly then suddenly explode for no apparent reason.
-Mmh, it does make for a rather interesting ''unstable'' state of mind.
>He only vomited yellow foam.
-A rather...hmm... graphic line, isn't it ?
Necessary ? I would say no, especially with the line just before and right after it.
>“Ah just don't see it. Besides Ah'm nothin' special. Ifn Ah was the bearer of Acceptance, Ah wouldn't be arguin' about it.”
-You know what... I already said what I had to say about this line (which is apparently a copy/paste), in Part 7.
And... this line still is a tad annoying to hear, mostly because it's a perfect exemple of 'bad logic'.
>“Hmm, that is a good point.” Valiant had to admit.
-No. It is not. At all, really. Seriously...
>wouldn't be willing to unthinkingly believe
-...I'm rather good in English I would say, but I still have to pause for a minute to correctly get what this 'part' meant... And even then, I'm not entirely sure to fully get this sentence ?
Also : Unthinkingly ? ...basicly the same meaning as ''mindlessly'', right ?
>Your disadvantages out-weigh your advantages.” Evening star noted.
-Mega-Regenerative potions IS a big plus... and he doesn't HAVE to have them ALL on him. He can give a few to each...
Just a more passive-position, that's all.
>“I don't know if she can help, but I'll ask Arabesque what she can do
-I'm a bit surprised that nopony is ''surprised'' more than that... I mean, is ponies contacting ghosts/dead ponies a normal occurance ?
And also... well, I don't recall ALL of them knowing about Arabesque ? (pretty sure Evening Star wasn't told by him, at least... not sure for Lyme Wire.)
Unless this was done off-panel, of course...
>I could call in a few favors
-Didn't he live in a town somewhere on the other side of Everfree Forest for the major part of his life, before becoming a Vagabond for several years ? How can he have ''favors'', from ponies in Canterlot ?
>It would probably be easier than trying to get her to swallow anything.
-My suggestion of a sedative 'muffin' is still there. ;)
>“No, she's a bit too young. She's what, sixteen?”
-As stated by Lauren Faust, they are all adults. Young adults, yes, but still ADULTS.
>“I can find her . . . lost foal spell.” Sea Blue grunted.
-Like a 'locator' spell, right ? ''Lost foal'' spell sounds a bit too specific, but he's barely half-councious, so...
>warehouses out f brown stone
-out of
>Obviously, stopping a single individual is nothing worthy of a cutie-mark
-Well, this pony is a High-priority threat for Canterlot (which Princess Celestia doesn't care to even simply warn the guards to be more ''attentive''.)... That should count for a big ''something''.
>He blew out the foul stench silently and angled it toward the rogue unicorn.
-He ''tactically'' *burped* in her direction ? Well, that's an odd strategy... and it worked apparently.
>would anyone be interested if I put an intimate scene
-Well, ok, but it would have been nice to know, first, who would be involved since nopony in the group have any love-interest right now (thanks to Evening Star's HYPER-cliche answer : (basicly) ''It's not you, it's me.'')
I say yes to the intimate scene, though I agree with Nova, no idea who would have any love interest at this point.
ReplyDelete@Nova25
ReplyDelete*wake up*
*roll out of bed*
*turn monitor on*
*see new comments*
-_- . . . *read comment* . . . o_o . . . O_O . . .
"Adults?"
*Go and reads Lauren Faust's various pages, finds it*
" . . . shit . . . "
"O.k. it looks like I'm going to have to go back and erase when Dr. Mend got pissed and said Pinkie Pie was too young to date, I have to erase the part where Valiant tells Live Wire that Twilight was too young for him to have a romantic interest in, and I have to erase the part in the last chapter where Valiant estimates Twilight's age. Ter-fucking-riffic! I'm sorry guys. I hadn't noticed that before." *hangs head on shame*
O.K. onwards:
1. Evening Star and Live Wire know about Arabesque. Evening Star knows it all, Live Wire just knows about her, not all the details about how she died.
2. It was Evening Star who said she could call in the favors. Valiant doesn't have squat to call in.
3. Princess Celestia DOES care, she cares a great deal. You will learn more as the chapters progress.
As always Nova25, I greatly appreciate your comments and thank you so much for pointing out the spelling error to me (as well as my fuck-up on the ages of the main cast).
ToTE part 9!
ReplyDeleteToTE part 10!
ToTE part 11-end!!!!
@Truthseeker
ReplyDelete>I have to erase the part where Valiant tells Live Wire that Twilight was too young for him to have a romantic interest in
-Well, maybe she's too young *for his taste*.
We could suppose that some ponies, like humans, prefer older females or something like that ?
>where Valiant estimates Twilight's age.
-Well, if it's an ''estimate'' that he's ''estimating''... maybe place the focus on ''she looks young'' or something like that ?
Minor details, really.
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteAlmost forgot :
Mend is like 30years old, and ''looking'' like he's 50... so I guess Pinky Pie must be basicly like a toddler at his eyes (in term of her age relative to his) ?
Moar
ReplyDeleteMOAR, GODDAMNIT
ReplyDelete@Jacopo
ReplyDeleteAgreed! The wait between chapters always kills me.
Not sure if it's too late or not, but here's my "Yay" vote for the intimate scene.
ReplyDeleteThis story is gold. It's always a blast when a new part gets released.
ReplyDeleteI envy you, Truthseeker, I envy you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is for me not to just skip school to read the new chapter? Confound you education!
ReplyDeletePart 9 - beautiful. That's all I got to say about that.
ReplyDeleteBig Mac = Acceptance
Valiant = Forgiveness
I really couldn't even venture a guess as to the others, but these two I'm absolutely sure of.
Oh, wait, I just thought of a couple good guesses!
ReplyDeleteTrooper = Perseverence
Live Wire = Discernment
Trooper's name just popped out at me when I thought of perseverance. ( i.e., he's such a trooper...)
Oh, and I hate to hog the comment screen, but I feel the need to apologize for the hate I put on you earlier regarding shipping. My mistake.
ReplyDeleteFOR THE LOVE OF GOD TRUTHSEEKER, WRITE FASTER.
ReplyDeleteI am completely in love with this series. It was the first fanfic I read after I joined the herd so it's a little special to me. But even sans that bias, I haven't been able to find a fic that's as universally complete, jovially written, and properly paced as this. I'm fucking AMPED to read about the Elements of Peace, dude.
That was an amazing writen story. I was curiously reading it all in one sitting. You really got talent. And I can only say, that was amazing, once again. It's a masterpiece.
ReplyDeleteB.T.W. If you ever see anyone in the little chat bar on the right when you're reading. Look and see if Reighniz is there. If that is one of the names, it's me watching and wanting to get some real-time feedback.
ReplyDelete*Hint* I'm on there now. I generally watch around 3:00 p.m. to 5:00 p.m. E.S.T.
ReplyDeleteYay, intimate scene~
ReplyDeleteGo explicit if you really want to, but personally I'd prefer if you didn't. We're here for the quality of the story, not to read about the naughty details of pony sex. If I wanted that I'd be reading a clopfic, and I despise clopfic.
@Truthseeker
ReplyDeleteNice pace of character development for Dr. Mend. Though in the back of my head I'm still thinking of how the crew is going to handle The Rogue without half of Canterlot being leveled. The characters seem very calm about the time frame they have to rescue Patch while stopping the Rogue.
Finally, my face is once again stuck in happy mode.
ReplyDeleteNow that everything is out in the open as it were, Development of all the characters was brilliant and the way your brought them all out was well written. A few spelling mistakes but nothing that distracts too much.
What a tweest! For real, didn't see that coming... In fact, I think it might just be an inconsistency unless you play the "it's magic" card. Will have to research this! ... Tomorrow. Saw a few grammatical errors, and I think the chapter's pacing was awkward (really fast, really slow repeat, but that's just me). However, I was wondering when they'd get to this point. Now, what shennanigins will they engage in next... Be funny if they went to Ponyville and started showing off, just for ONE of the EoH to come in and drop the humility train on em. Not that they would do that, they aren't all Prince Bluebloods/TGPT. Off topic, going to bed.
ReplyDeleteI was NOT...Expecting that ending.
ReplyDeleteMakes me wonder why she gored Sea, though.
And why she kidnapped Patch.
And why she...did everything, actually.
Any-who, nice chapter. I'm awaiting the next one for an explanation of these things.
I really liked the chapter until the last scene.
ReplyDeleteThere I hoped for something like "healed by the power of the Elements", seeing the bit with regeneration. Then... the twist.
I probably have never been so disappointed with any fan fiction I read yet. I really wanted to see Evening Star, a pony with her own personality, with Valiant as a pair, especially when he kissed her. I found that twist majorly off-putting and will most likely feel bitter for the rest of the story unless it's resolved in a way I won't expect.
Other than that though, it's a fantastic story that kept me glued to the screen reading, and I'm still waiting to see how it will end.
This chapter was quite intense, i enjoyed it immensely, though the ending... it was quite random. I fail to see the point of it being there, because it didn't explain anything to me, nor did it give any hints. To me it just seems like: "well, hadn't had that deity storyline worked out, let's just have some unexpected Luna at the end". Also, some ever-annoying typos, and common mistakes (weather =/= whether). Aside from these, it was a lovely read, really vivid, greatly detailed on the fight (though you might have went overkill on describing the transformations, it really broke the pacing), and a great conclusion on their shenanigans. I'll eagerly await the sequel, to see what did you want with Luna at the end. And of course, because your writings are of high quality.
ReplyDelete@Thornbough
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts exactly, with the exception that I had the, somewhat dreaded, idea of Evening Star being Luna since when Big Mac met Celest in the library.
I liked the idea of Evening Star being a separate entity, which would lack 'awesome power', and be a regular, albeit useful, pegasus.
even though some of you didn't like the ending it is no reason to hate the story. that some of you didn't pick up that evening star was luna when she first showed up is a suprise to me. i think the author might be able to give us a better chapter next time.
ReplyDeleteand to Select Few...
ReplyDeleteit wasn't evening star that did those. it was the rogue.
@foxynaia
ReplyDeleteI'm assuming that you haven't read the comments on the newest chapter properly.
1 person out of the 6 that posted before you stated that he was disappointed, with how Evening Star turned out to be Luna and not a separate entity, and he states he wants more, and 2, myself included, stated that the ending felt out of place.
STOP generalizing, NONE of the comments about the new chapter said ANYTHING about hating the story.
That you also had idea that Evening Star was Luna is fine, good that you're also attentionate enough to notice the hints that are not openly stated are applaudable.
just don't expect everypony to notice them, unless they interpret everything in the story, they're subtle for a reason.
I must admit, the ending feels out of place. Mind you, it could be wrapped up nicely in the next chapter. Be careful about it though.
ReplyDeleteWhile it could be a fantastic, stunning conclusion to an epic tale tying up any loose ends in a neat little bow, it could just as easily fail horribly. A train wreck to end what has been an epic fanfic. Please be careful :)
Incredible chapter. I did not expect that ending, and I can't wait to see where it leads. Keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteDat battle
ReplyDeletewhen I read the awakening of the elements of peace, I went STRAIGHT to this youtube link here
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vhKpSuUlAdU
I can't help but feel that it just fits with the latest chapter here; also, props for the evening star being princess luna
HELL YEAH!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI am a little disappointed I only got two of the Elements right, though. I thought I was more perceptive than that.
Great job on the surprise ending, I don't think anypony was expecting that!
*reads above comments*
ReplyDeleteOkay, so I guess some of us DID see that coming. Total shock to me, though.
To my fellow readers: This is part of an ongoing story. If the ending to this chapter didn't make sense to you, that's because it wasn't supposed to make sense yet, it's a cliffhanger tidbit intended to entice you to read the NEXT chapter. All will be explained in time. Just be patient.
Once this arc ends are we going to see Valiant end up returning to his home town?
ReplyDeleteDat tweest cliffhanger!
ReplyDeleteI only had 3 of them elements correct though :(
I can kinda say I did suspect Luna was either the rogue or Evening Star or atleast watching/testing them to bring out their elements so now my head is swarming with what you may be going to do with this now.
I needs my next pony fix man!
Trials 9:
ReplyDelete>A wise pony once told me that life is meant to be savored and enjoyed, not rushed and remembered.
-I agree with the first 3 points... the 4th is, why? Why would you NOT want to remember your life OR be remembered ?
Unless you ''meant'' something else (in which case it's not currently clear), it's a bit of nonsense ?
>“Nope. He wakes up on his own. I think he has an internal alarm-clock or something.
-It comes from a rhythm you get from working regularly on a farm. ;)
>being the best a medicine.
-at
>Dr. Mend tore into his book with reckless abandon, finding himself drawn to the main character.
-A story in a story... I'm sure someone will make an 'Inception' joke. ;)
>“Did you tell your boss you wouldn't be in today?”
>“Shoot! No, I didn't. I completely forgot!”
-Huh ? Considering Mend's character, shouldn't it had been the first thing he would have normally do ?
I know he supposed to be *progressively* changing to be less of a workaholic, but it still seems odd.
... Mend's scene, where he suddenly 'ask' for a date with his now ex-Boss, mare-that-he-barely-just-started-thinking-about-the-day-before, and her accepting in a matter of seconds... Well, it ''ok'', but it also seems QUITE 'fast', no ? ...
>the world's biggest grim plastered all over his normally dour face.
-You meant ''grin'', right ?
>“Oh yes, I'm fine. I quit my job.”
>Big Mac's jaw hit the table
-Exactly.
>but I realized . . . recently
-VERY recently, yeah... which make the whole quit-job-dating-mare thing looks even more ''too fast'', I have to say.
I mean, the thing, which should be a BIG step for Mend, happens in less than 8 lines ?
>Do you know anypony who has experience with love?
>“I can only think of one. Sea Blue has a daughter, he's sure to know more than I do,
-Huhhhhh... Did Mend just forgot that his daughter, Patch, just VERY recently got ponynapped by a psychotic unicorn ?
I'm QUITE sure he must have other things on his mind, right now...
On a related subject... Why is everypony all casual, while Patch is still with the crazy-magic Unicorn ? Just asking.
>I'll meet you in Sea Blue's room at seven
-Wait ? Are they REALLY going to his room in the HOSPITAL, to discuss of love-affairs ?
To me, it feels like logic just got drunk or something ?
... At least, the moment with Mend's grandparents was right :) ...
Oh man, that chapter ending was both deligthful and unexpected, just as I like them. The only thing that I would change to the whole chapter would be the terribly, awfully, over-dramaticly long exposure of everone's armor. It does not makes sense, it stops the plot and it is really boring. It would be perfect to translate into a comic or animation, but reading how little milimiter of the armor apears on every single one of the character is simply boring. Anyway, this work was amazing, regardless of any details, and it is obviously worth all the time you spent on it. I literally red the whole thing in a matter of minutes, completely fascinated by the story developing in front of my eyes; I felt every hit the characters received, I got excited with every action and got mind-blowned several times. Please do provide some closure, or a proper promise of continuation, because the stories of Valiant are just so huge and important for me and for so many others right now that we simply need it to go on, or have the epic ending it deserves. Thank you once again.
ReplyDelete@Jim Faindel
ReplyDeleteThe ''transformation'' sequence is, I believe, called a 'Cinematic break' ; where time and outside actions are... unofficially... suspended, for the duration of the 'Cinematic'...
Trials 10 :
ReplyDelete>Sea Blue's mind automatically began picking out details about Mend
-Sherluck Hooves -mode Activate ! :D
>I'm going to ask you a series of questions
-What... is you name ? What... is your favorite color ? What... is the capital of Zanzibare ? (suddenly, many references popping in my mind)
>'First things first. I need a spell to cut off a unicorn from her magic
-Mmmhh... An anti-magic field (even if localized) would be a magic of a very high level... I mean, Twilight Sparkle's level of magic...
I'm curious of how they will manage, and how 'believable' the solution will be.
>It's pretty easy but the limits are on a one-to-one basis regarding sheer magical strength.
-Whatever the game, book or etc, anti-magic 'anything' is never ''easy'' magic... But, meh...
At least the ''theory'' behind that 'miraculous/easy' spell seems interesting... A bit like a balance, with magic instead of weights. Or, water and oil, the one with the less magic floating on top.
>She just used the same design and added the socks.
-Socks ? I see ;).
... Everypony is (suddenly) physically in good health and they have everything they needed, without much if any troubles... Seems a bit too ''perfect'', but I guess it's ok ...
>He sent a silent prayer to the two Princesses for good fortunes and a speedy resolution.
-I still have a hard time believing that the Royal guards or even just the normal guards haven't attempted ANY action whatsoever... at least, from the 'little to nothing' that we may have heard from their side...
>“Aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaoooooooooo!”
-Huhhhh ?? Ok ? 'Aieou' at you too ?
>the left one like a goat, the right one like a great cat, and one like a snake.
-Some kind of Chimera ? : http://ayaneya.web.fc2.com/Artworks/GalleryImages/Original/ChimeraWeb.jpg
>but his steel shoes might help.
-Unless the mention of it seems to have been forgotten... since, they are ALL still in the black costume with rubber shoes, no ?
They all run and never really stopped to take their rubber shoes off... Big Mac left them in the previous wall or something ?
... wait a second ? Why can't Trooper silently (from high in the sky) go around the beast, go down a distance behind it, and then go for the Mad-Unicorn ? The others are keeping the Chimera occupied anyway ...
>“Big Mac, keep that thing away from the shop while I get him out!”
-Me think he's more in security IN the shop, right now.
>'If Ah am one of the Elements of Peace, Ah need it. >Ah accept the responsibility and the gift, if it's there for me to have.'
-Soooo... He's the Element of Acceptance or ? I guess we can deduce it, but for the others it's clearly said/labeled.
(For a moment I thought that 'Peace' was AN Element, his Element... I was quite confused, until I checked a comment listing the 6 Elements.)
... Live Wire's Element (Patience) kinda makes sense (Also, if he's super-quick ow... why doesn't he go headbutt the Mad-Unicorn ?) ...
>Big Macintosh focused his mind on Sea Blue next
-Cinematic time, the Boss enters Pause-mode, while the Heroes 'transform'.
... I would tend to agree that maybe a bit 'too much' time is used on focusing to describe every single little details of every single armors ...
... Also, I just thought about 'Cantankerous'. Wasn't he supposed to be part of the plan ? Didn't hear about him neither in Trials 9 and 10 so far... Forgotten ? ...
>The other stallions were too far away to get to him.
-Huhhhh... isn't Live Wire that just got some super-speed ? (>Lemon Lime broke into a run, zigzagging in front of the great beast in a flurry of motion.)
-----
first half
@Nova25
ReplyDeletesecond half
-----
>In the other half a second, she was engulfed by the flames.
-The honest truth, my reaction upon reading the line, word for word : -The.. fuck !??
>he realized he was crying only because he left wet spots on the still smoking body
-Ahhh... so that's where the 200CC of unnecessary drama went ?
>His heart didn't break. >It shattered into dust.
-So much for hope, heh ?
>“There's a friend waiting for you Evening Star. Go to her. Go and rest.” he whispered.
-Take a running distance and... *Boot to the Head* Here it GOOOoooes !
...my eyebrows are lowered so MUCH right now, that the front of the head is slightly hurting. Just saying...
... that ending is going downward preeeetty fast ...
>“Valiant! You never gave up hope! You had hope that Dr. Mend would see what was right when you gave him the recipe for the potion!
-On a side note... Why isn't he giving one of those freaking potions to the '3rd degree burned mare' ? (She was burned, not VAPORIZED, last time I read...).
>You had hope, even after you were burnt and bleeding, that you could rescue Granny Smith!
-Yet he's not even TRYING with Evening Star. Of course. Where else could we get our drama, if not from a death ? It's not like less-lethal stuff can't be as ''dramatic'', of course not.
... you know... I just can't get interested in the battle anymore. That pointless, unnecessary death 'out of nowhere', completely broke the dynamic that was going on. Seriously ...
-----
>“She's alive!” he yelled, “Not only that, her pulse is strong . . . really strong.”
>“She's breathing just fine!”
>She just seems like she's sleeping.”
>“Her mane and tail are starting to grow back!”
>There, on the ground, lay Princess Luna.
-........(Sigh)........I'm not gonna edit what I already wrote... I'm just gonna read a couple of OTHER stories and come back another day. Maybe.
Alright! The Electricity here in Virginia is back on! I'll start reading yall's comments and get right with you.
ReplyDelete. . . well, ask and you shall receive, I guess.
ReplyDeleteDamn.
'I probably have never been so disappointed with any fan fiction I read yet.'
'I fail to see the point of it being there, because it didn't explain anything to me, nor did it give any hints. To me it just seems like: "well, hadn't had that deity storyline worked out, let's just have some unexpected Luna at the end.'
'My thoughts exactly, with the exception that I had the, somewhat dreaded, idea of Evening Star being Luna since when Big Mac met Celest in the library.'
wow, 'dreaded' damn.
well shit.
I don't know what everyone else's problem is, I liked it.
ReplyDeleteI think it should've been someone other than Big Mac doing the "you are x element" speech. Loud noises just don't feel...him. Maybe Live Wire? He's got the brain boost and is the counterpart to Twilight, and she did the speech for the Harmony elements.
The whole evening star death thing was, dude c'mon it actually said she *melted* a bit there. So no surprise that Valiant wouldn't take thirty seconds out of an active battlefield to do detailed pulse checks, etc. that he might not even have training for. (Dammit, Kirk, I'm an alchemist, not a doctor!)
The Luna thing was a nice twist. I didn't notice it the first time, but going back there are indeed hints since the first time she showed up. I agree that Evening could've been interesting as her own pony, but Luna deserves love too.
@banjo2E
ReplyDeletePersonally... I would say that it may well be due, at least partially, by what I will resume here :
*snap fingers*
Star is here.
*snap fingers*
Star dies.
*snap fingers*
Oh now she's alive.
*snap fingers*
Now she's Luna.
The way Star was placed suddenly here, and simply *snap fingers, she ''dies''*, just totally cut the flow(or whatever term you want) of the battle (even if some may say that the armor-transformation sequence is a ''little'' too described, but it's not THAT bad).
@Truthseeker
ReplyDelete>'I probably have never been so disappointed with any fan fiction I read yet.'
-Don't know who wrote that, but it's a little strong, and rather imprecise.
I would say that it's the last 1/4(around the Big Battle, maybe more near the end) of Trials 10 that... it's only a suggestion... may need a quick look, maybe ?
The only problem I had was the calling of the Elements. That's not your fault, really, I had a problem with it when Twilight did it in the actual show. Every time something like that happens, I just get flashbacks to Zordon explaining why the Power Rangers embody their specific Zords.
ReplyDeleteThat said, I love this story, have since I picked it up, and can't wait for the rest. I don't see why people are up in arms about it (other than @nova25, who made his points quite clearly.) The Elements part may warrant a look, but it didn't hurt the story for me. Keep on, sir.
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteThe comment was mine, and, although I probably worded it too strongly, I stand by it. I'm not a big fan of Luna, or maybe how she is revealed in that scene. On the other hand, I'm a huge fan of OC characters.
Holy crap, Truthseeker. You just create deeper stories than any fic writer I've ever seen. I tend to read a new chapter and then read some old ones just to see where all the intertwining vines of the vagabond universe connect through time and space. Dude, I worship this series, and what's more, I could not be more excited about the ending to part 10. The one question is, How are you going to top that chapter? And better yet, how in equestria are you going to finish this story? I think I'll just sit here and press f5 repeatedly until the new chapter appears.
ReplyDeleteTrials of the Elements Part 11 has been sent off to Seth. Also the new story should be up before too long as well. Enjoy.
ReplyDeleteTo all the readers who I have disappointed, well sorry. *shrug* Everything is the way it has to be right now, so I won't apologize for that. I truly hope everyone enjoys these new chapters.
>The Great and Powerful Trixie
ReplyDeleteI literally felt something push me back in my chair when I read that.
Anyways, looking forward to story three. I wanna see how Harmony and Peace uniting plays out.
I haven't been disappointed yet. Don't stop the awesomeness.
No... Dammit... No... This story needs another update! It must keep going right now!
ReplyDeleteTruthseeker you have pieced together a great story with very plausible happenings in the MLP universe and forgive me for saying this but...
Get on your computer RIGHT NOW and write chapter one for story 3... Please?
I should have known it was the Great and Powerful Trixie that was rampaging.I also love GaPT punishment as well. I cannot wait for the third story now.
ReplyDeleteI was about to ragequit when I saw this was completed. You have no idea how mad I was that this amazing story was finished already...
ReplyDeleteBut then I read that ending, and that there was a story 3 and all was right in the world. Fuck yes.
hmm... anyone notice the reffernce to wicca in story 2 ch. 11?
ReplyDeleteThis is without doubt one of my favourite stories of this fandom. Good work, and I cannot wait for the next one!
ReplyDeleteInteresting. I'll be looking forward to the sequel story to this. I do love the original characters developed in this fic, though Luna's actions sometimes threw me for a loop- and I can't help but feel that the unstable mare's (won't spoil the identity) punishment was way too light. For nearly killing other ponies? Just a year? She deserved a much harsher blow than that.
ReplyDeleteTruthseeker, I have never been disappointed in your work. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteAnd FYI...If this fic were ever to die I would find you and squeezer the creative juice out of you...Can't wait for story 3!
I was very upset to see "Story Complete" but luckily it seems like there's still more story to tell. Can't wait for Story 3! This is one of my favorite fics.
ReplyDeleteStory 3? *Twilight jumps* yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesye-
ReplyDeleteAhem. Anyway, you wrapped things up quite nicely with this, but I feel like the sentence fluency is a bit off in a few places, so a reread and a general check for that is really all Part 11 seems to need (upon first read) besides a sequel :)
does this mean a Story 3?????
ReplyDeleteSo when will the first part of story 3 be released? Can you give an estimate? Thanks.
ReplyDeleteI thought this was very good and I love this story, but it does NOT justify a shipping tag. If the tag wasn't there I'd be able to have enjoyed it more.
ReplyDeleteBOOK 3: THE PERILS IN PONYVILLE.
ReplyDeleteAlso, you mentioned you are a Security guard. Do you get a gun?
Wha... huh?
ReplyDeleteWait, where was the shipping? Did I miss it?
@FreemanPontifex
ReplyDeleteNo, I own my own. Several actually but only one for my work. It's a Smith & Wesson Model 19 .357 Magnum revolver with blued steel and a six inch barrel.
I have no idea where the first part of story 3 is. I sent if off to Sethisto at the same time I sent in part 11 of Trials of the Elements, in the very same e-mail, in point of fact. I guess it just has to go through the pre-readers first. Well, I'm about to send him part 2 of the third story right now so keep an eye out.
ReplyDeleteI'm always down for more of this! It was what got me into MLP fanfiction, and Valiant remains probably the best-written OC I've come across.
ReplyDeleteDo I sense a story three coming? please.
ReplyDelete@Truthseeker
ReplyDeleteIgnoring the fact that I read the comments way to rarely to respond in time.
Yes, I actually dreaded that Evening Star would be Luna, because you had a perfect character, that without being overly powerful (like the elements of peace, who were meant to be so) was a character I had high hopes for, because she was nothing 'special' so to speak.
Also I don't really like the way you 'killed her off', but to each his own right?
On the other hoof, I liked how you wrapped the story up and can't wait to read story 3.
Keep up the good work.
I love this story! Easily one of my favorites and can't wait for Story 3!!
ReplyDelete*Re-read the end of Trials 10, in order to remember things before reading Trials 11*
ReplyDelete>“There's a friend waiting for you Evening Star. Go to her. Go and rest.” he whispered.
-Yep... the end of Trials 10 is still quite horrible(as in 'not quite good')... *Boot to the Head*
-----
Trials 11 :
>'Who does he think he is?'
>'I'll have to be careful with him.
>He had NO RIGHT to try to silence me
>he does deserve answers.'
-Luna's inner monologue is kinda weird there...
>In his mind, Evening Star was dead.
-Yeah... after popping out of damn nowhere...
>She had insinuated it and let me draw my own conclusions. I should have seen it!'
-Absolutely not. You can't go and gently and silently sneeze ONCE, hidden in a dark corner, and expect the extinction of dinosaurs to happen after accidently snapping your fingers !
It doesn't work that way, especially with no proper build up.
>Celestia had Twilight's entire lifetime to mold her mind and set her in the proper direction to discover the Elements of Harmony. I had a couple of days."
-Huh... Alicorn Goddess-Princess of super-power ++, remember ? Couldn't she have, you know, stopped the 'bad Unicorn' herself, or with a group of trained ponies(unicorns), then worked on a 'slightly more long-term' plan for Her Elements ?
>The perfect balance, one to compliment the other.
-I must have a small laugh there, really...
The author must have forgotten that he said that ONE(1) SINGLE of the Elements of Harmony could ''CRUSH'' EVERY SINGLE Elements of Peace, in a previous chapter ...?
It could hardly be farther from the ''perfect balance'' than that.
From the past, quote from CH.7 :
>it should be noted that the power of a single Element of Harmony could easily overpower the combined might of the Elements of Peace.”
-----
>How else could I have manipulated events to this end?" she asked.
-Is it a rhetorical question ? Because I can totally think of a few, right now ?
>Celestia and I ruled for centuries before you were born.
-So ? It absolutely doesn't mean that they are perfect and can't make errors ?
>I can assure you it is never done in malice.
-*Remembers the Nightmare moon event* Hum, you were saying ?
>Merry meet, merry part, and merry meet again."
-...heeeeeeh what ? The heck is that suppose to mean ?
>I'm surprised the fight two weeks ago wasn't talked about in Equestria Daily.
-The heck ? What's the idea to go around and jump 2 weeks, just like that ? What, 2 days wasn't enough to ''think'' ?
Also... Big Mac stayed in Canterlot for 2 whole weeks ?
>Her coat was light blue, her eyes were purple, and her mane and tail were such a light shade of blue as to almost look white.
-Oooooooohh... noooo... you... DIDN'T !
>"The Great and Powerful Trixie demands to know what she is doing here."
-*Adds SHARP-METAL-SPIKES to BOOT TO THE HEAD* !
... The story... it just went into flames. BIG FLAMES! ...
... (sigh) Just whatever... it's IMPPOSIBLE to add any more horrible-bad twist now, impossible ...
-----
-----
ReplyDelete>What the hell is wrong with you! What were you thinking?
-...*roll my eyes* Wasn't it previously stated that a unicorn suffering from Stage 3 had essentially no direct/conscious control over his/her own action anymore ?
>"Are you crazy or just stupid!
>we risked our lives to help a halfwit, idiotic, self-absorbed, egomaniac!"
>"DON'T!" he snarled
>I can't stay in the same room with this pathetic excuse for a unicorn anymore.
-And now Valiant's character is going a tad too far... stupid-angry or not.
Plus, he's going all ''whining'' right after... What are you 'doing' to this character ??
>Said Guards were not happy to find out they had been left out of the loop but refrained from treating the stallions poorly.
-Why would the Guards even do that ? The '6 Stallions' essentially just freaking saved the city !
>I just need some time to think. I won't say where I'm going and please don't come looking for me.
-Valliant is doing some more ''whining'' and quitting... perfect... we SO needed that, for his character.
*roll my eyes... one falls on the ground* This 'Part' is making my eyes roll way too much...
>Sea Blue's eyebrows furrowed together in thought
>Sea Blue paused and turned to the rest of the stallions,
>Sea Blue looked up quickly,
>Sea Blue nodded and continued
>Sea Blue shook his head,
-Sea Blue says : ''speak like you're not really 'speaking', but directly reading the script''.
(ok now, at the fifth, I laugh a little because it's getting ridiculous. Not the 'fun' kind.)
>I've never treated you differently nor have asked for you to treat me differently.
-Problem there. Way earlier, she literally went all ''haughty, I'm important. I'm the Princess, speak to me like one '' on Vaillant JUST because he DARED to raise a hoof, because he didn't want to speak to her (like he may have done with anypony)... and this right after they found she had *lied* and wasn't who she had pretended to be.
So, 1) She has a poor memory, or 2) She's being manipulative or something like that.
>I don't want any of you to treat me any differently then when you knew me by another name.
-Ok... Both #1 and #2 it is.
>"Neither Celestia or I are immortal,
-Someone ! Give me a BOOT !
>we share the same needs as regular ponies: air, food, water, sunlight, and a place to live.
-Oh F?"&@... Know you definition ! : http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/immortal . Being IMMORTAL doesn't mean that you can't eat or go poop (though it may be optional) ! It also means that you will live as long as ETERNITY, unless a force at least equally as powerful as you, ends you.
>Dear Twilight Sparkle
-...fitting end for this 11th part...
-----
... Luna really seems to have not been well handled in this story. Really not ...
... I'm sorry, but... to me, this story ended at the 3/4 mark of CH.10. Compared to the first 9 Parts of Trials, Part 11 is a catastrophe. Really sorry ...
... The first series of stories was relatively fascinating. The second series had good stuff, but died at the end of Trials 10, and Part 11 didn't help at all, on the contrary. I don't know what you will do in the future, but, bah I just don't know anymore... I will try to forget 10 and 11, and ONLY remember the rest ...
Yay! About time! I was kind of hoping for a ship tag. Story 2 did not feel very shipy. None the less I have been exited to read this since the last update. To GoogleDocs!
ReplyDeleteStory 3 already! :) This and the interview with Jayson Thiessen made my day.
ReplyDeleteHehe, it looks like everybody is not getting along with their partners. I can't wait for more interactions between these character. Good job Truthseeker, I cannot wait for more
When I saw story 3 i wont lie, some tears rolled down my face IM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW *man tears*
ReplyDeleteYay, more!
ReplyDeleteSo far my only complaint, in all of it, is near the end of the second story, the elements of peace seem to be treading very heavily into Gary Stu territory, at least to me.
Still, keep up the good work!
I agree with Nova about parts 10 and 11 so far - they overall seem pretty rushed in comparison to the rest of the story, which is downright awesome. I'd feel a lot better about it if 10 and 11 got revised for consistency with Luna and such - but story 3 seems to be a lot better so far. Excited for part 3!
ReplyDeleteYaaaay! Another sequel! This is bloody awesome :D
ReplyDelete@Anonymous I know. I can't read this on my tablet which is really annoying.
ReplyDeleteWhat's that ? A third story... mmmh... after Story2:CH.10-11, I'm not sure, but I do remember ALL the other chapters, and the previous story... So, I will give it a good look.
ReplyDeleteAlso, OCD.
-----
Story 3 - part1:
>or will he succomb to the bitter darkness which never had a chance to heal.
-Huh, do you mean the love thing with Arabesque, and then Luna/Evening Star ? Well, related to Arabesque, as far as it went… it was healed… It just ''reopened'' because of Luna heavy lack of tact.
>The boutique, the farm, and the Library here, should be enough room
-A HUGE barn cannot hold 6 ponies ?
>a bright pink pony's head with a frizzy mane poked out from underneath the canopy of the cart Big Macintosh was pulling
-Canopy ? Of which, or rather what forest ? Around Ponyville there's only 2 forest areas: Everfree Forest and Whitetail Wood... there's no forest in Canterlot's direction ?
>Normally I only throw a party for one pony
-Wait what ? You SURELY phrased that wrong ? Pinky Pie throws parties ALL THE TIME for many, many ponies. Don't confuse the 'Welcome New Pony to Ponyville'' Party made for Twilight, in Ep.1, as the ''normal/usual/standard'' thing... It's just ONE of the many kinds of parties she organizes.
>"Wait, if she is the Element of Laughter then that means you are her . . . "
-What ? That means they are related, right ? ...ok, he's not one of the 2 sisters of Pinky Pie (obviously), so... He will be, like, the son of the brother/sister of one of Pinky Pie's parents ? Well, I suppose a 'direct' connection to the family was only possible with AJ and Big Mac.
>"A capital notion! However I must consult my compatriots.
-Quick question : Does he have a monocle and a top hat ? ;)
>The twelve ponies and one baby dragon gathered on the floor of the Library.
-They can fit 13 'people' in the Library 1st floor, but not 6 ponies in a HUGE barn ?
>Mark one point for Pinkie Pie. She was defending Rainbow Dash and that threat, while playful, was still pretty obvious
-Me think it was a simple joke ? ...you're going on this like with Pinky Pie and Gilda, aren't you ?
>Pleased to meet you Sea Blue.” she said extending her hoof.
>"I'm Sea Blue and this is my daughter Patch." he said shaking Twilight's hoof.
-How did she knew his name even before he said it ? I think you inverted the order of those 2 sentences... (His name isn't ''said'' to her, before that point, I checked)
>Patch just waved at the gathered mares happily, >"Hi!"
-The 'awwww' moment. :)
>Her name was Trixie.
-Still a *Boot to the Head*... anyway...
>"There's only five of you." Fluttershy said quietly, "Valiant's the other one isn't he?"
-Last part, wouldn't it more proper to say ''the last one'' instead of ''the other one''... since, well, they are 5, he's #6, thus he's the last one to complete the group ?
>My number is ---------------
-By the eldritch gods ?!? Are you crazy ? NEVER post your telephone number, that's BASIC internet security !
This is truly an EPIC!
ReplyDelete>'Is he back already?'
ReplyDelete-''Already'' ? ...If I'm counting right, it took like a week before things started happening in Story 2 + 2 weeks while they wait for whatever reason + 1 week at the end, after which Celestia gave judgement over... ''Trixie''... So, Big Mac left the farm for around 3 to 4 weeks in total.
Anyway, it's probably just a reaction of surprise of some sort (I suppose).
>The Elements of Harmony are the more powerful of the pair
-Yes, ''more powerful'', not '1 Harmony can beat 6 Peace' with the hooves attached behind their back... Just saying.
>made the Elements of Equestria because the alicorns were incapable of harming any living thing
-Huhhhh ? I don't see any special reason that would prevent them of doing so, especially since they are on the physical plane. (I read quite a few fascinating things in various good books and D&d-like stuff, about the various restrictions that can be applied to the different realms and stuff.).
Anyway, I prefer to think that the reason must have been related to one of scale and range... Like, a solar flare is good for cleaning/restarting a world, but not to precisely remove things, hence the need for a powerful, yet more accurately manageable power (The Elements).
My opinion/theory ;).
>"I guess I should have learned that when I tried to analyze Pinkie Pie's 'Pinkie Sense'.
-Just wait a few decades, for the first Quantum Theories to appear... It will help ;)
>He seems like a prankster like Pinkie Pie or Rainbow Dash.
-Wait ? Sea Blue ? Honestly, the last thing I may have thought about him would have been ''like Pinky Pie'' or ''a prankster'' ? To me, Sea Blue is more ''fun'' in a ''caring-parent'' sort of way.
Live Wire may fit this description more, with his energy/hyperactive-like state he's almost all the time (because of the brain-thingy he has).
>"Thank you for our new house. Are you like the Princess for Ponyville?"
-Somehow, this sound quite nice and a bit funny, coming from this 'little filly'. :)
>'She's so self-absorbed! That was too easy!
-HE just gave HER a compliment... what did he expected ? ''You say I'm beautiful and look younger than I really am ? I'm offended !''... See ?
For a psychologist, he seems to have odd contradictory reactions to what he does or says.
>How in the world can SHE of all ponies be the Element of Generosity?
-Huh... what in the world does 'loving to take care of your look' or 'fashion' or 'following a regime' (or similar things) have anything to do with ''Generosity'' ?
>What she needs is a good sound spanking and one heaping portion of humility!”
-Again with that ''humility'' thingy ? Seems like the Elements of peace need more ''patience'' (or a better sense of observation)...
Isn't ''Patience'' one of the Elements of Peace ? Oh the irony.
... Not bad, so far, though some of the Elements of Peace are acting a bit curiously ? ...
^------@Nova25 : Story 3 - part2
ReplyDeleteJust so you know, I wasn't kidding about contacting me. I've had two from Pennsylvania, three from California, one from Texas, and one from Georgia call me. Two of the three from California who called me, I tried to call back but I couldn't reach the number, sorry guys.
ReplyDeleteNova25, I was also hoping to speak to you, if you think you're capable of having a conversation without going all 'rage-face' on me. I honestly would like to speak with you, but if you don't feel comfortable with it, I totally understand. (still love you guys).
Should be updating very soon. Thanks to everybody for their patience.
sooo is story 2 over or what?
ReplyDeleteUh, yes. Yes it is.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous.what happened to story 3?this is sooo not rainbow dash.FUCK OFF!(can't pull my eyes off the story)
ReplyDeleteHahahaha, now I really cannot wait to see how Trooper and RD will make up
ReplyDeleteMOAR! MOAR! MOAR! MOAR! MOAR!
ReplyDeleteI can tell Trooper's gonna be attacked by some sort of monster/freak weather pattern already. Rd'll save him, he tells her his cutie mark story, and they make up, just like Sea Blue and Rarity did.
ReplyDeleteBut just because I know it's going to happen doesn't mean I won't enjoy it. Keep up the good work :P
@someone I think she is trying to get him away from the everfree forest, but he sees it as her bullying him because of what happened in the previous chapter.
ReplyDeleteThis is really a good series
ReplyDeleteAn excellent read so far. I understand how your writing schedule is, so I will emulate the Element of Patience and attempt to wait.
ReplyDeletePS: I saw your cell info in one of the chapters, and may send you a txt sometime. Always glad to say hi to other Bronys.
PPS: This took half an hour to type. I'm on an Android, and their latest system update, while sleek and sexy, leaves much to be desired in the typing field.
@Truthseeker
ReplyDelete>if you think you're capable of having a conversation without going all 'rage-face' on me.
-''if you think you're capable'', ''of having a conversation'' , ''without going all 'rage-face'''...
I will not say that I'm not slightly offended by how 'this' sounds (or how it was worded), but... Honestly, why saying this ?
...*raise an eyebrow* anyway ?...
Even though I'm relatively good in English, I quite lack the pratice when it come to speak to OTHERS in English...
Reading text aloud, fine, finding the right thing to say real-time to someone, I think it would be a bit awkward.
>due south, through the Everfree Forrest.
ReplyDelete-Forest (small error)
>a stomach ache due to a new recipe that involved potatoes and persimmons in a pie
-Why would Pinky Pie have a stomachache because of this mix ? Potatoes are relatively neutral with anything, and persimmons are fruits(even if not ripe, it only has a ''chalky'' or bitter taste) ? : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Persimmon
> Do you have any idea how many wonderful, delicious, spectacular things you can make from just rice?!
-RICE !?! :D *cough*... huh, I mean :
*equip monocle*
'Oh, what a delightful news this is. Rice is indeed a MOST excellent food. By Joves ! I do must know a minimum of 20 different recipes for this miraculous grain.'
*unequip monocle*
(Yes, I do LOVE rice... does it show ? ;) )
>That's why I was so super-duper, ultrarifickly excited that day!
-Well, that could explain her extra Pinkyness, during that part of the episode. :) ... ... ...RICE!
>Big Mac's pupils dilated as his older friend mentioned the zebra
-Hmm, Zecora and farming... Well, she IS quite talented with plants, and she is quite smart and wise. It does seem like a good choice.
>Lemon Lime felt as out of place as a pork chop at a kosher wedding.
-I guess this works, but... it's still an odd choice for an analogy.
(Also... why is an Equestrian pony talking about ''meat'', and about something involving the Jewish religion ? And, I mean the (use of the) 2 separate things, not the meaning of the expression, which I already know.)
>The proprietor, assumingly Buck No-horse
-Could it be a reference to 'Chuck Norris' ?
> "I might be interested. Tell me more." Lemon Lime said smiling
-Well, if he learn some martial arts, he could be the second pony of their team to actually know how to effectively fight (Big Mac being the first one).
>We're home.' his smile faded for a moment, 'I misjudged you Rarity. I misjudged you badly.'
-Indeed he had. One shouldn't ever judge another based only on a first impression... they are often misleading.
>he never thought he would ever say to any pony, much less a mare, "FUCK OFF!"
-Riiiiiight... like, you WIN so much by having him being all ''I would never say this'', then making him say it, even if it's basicly very unnecessary in the first place...
Also, this character is really just being too much aggressive-paranoiac for no real good reason. What's up with that ? Is this really necessary for his personality ?
I can't help but wonder.
>Trooper thought furiously, 'I. Will. Not. Be. A. Victim.'
>You want to be enemies Rainbow Dash? Fine! Your wish is granted!
>I will have my cloud house out where you shall never find it. I never give up! You will not stop me!'
-This is getting silly now... and not the good kind.
This character has (severe) issues, and, to say the least, it's not making him very likable at all.
... It was a good part, well, except for 1 strange reference and 1 character being half-crazy-unnecessarily-paranoid ...
@Nova25
ReplyDelete... again, forgot to indicate which part it was ...
Story 3 - part3: -------^
Is it just me, or does Twi seem really ooc in that last chapter?
ReplyDelete@Spell Nexus a little but under the circumstances i would think she would act like that remember she worships celestia and she must feel being a element was a special gift given to her but then out of no where she learns the princess have another set of elements this was not a super special gift bestowed apon here and here super close friends
ReplyDeletehappy honeymoon truthseeker
ReplyDeleteCan you make some reference drawings of Valiant for me? I know his coat is blue but I always end of thinking he has a brown coat. D:
ReplyDelete@MooImACow
ReplyDeleteSame thing here. ''Blue'' doesn't seem to be very ''Vaillant'', when I think about him. Somewhere around 'brown' might have fitted better to him, I think.
>How is such a dissenting and rude pony possibly one of the Elements of Harmony?
ReplyDelete-(sigh)... Again with the 'Elements of Peace' saying again and again how much the 'Elements of harmony' are ''asses'', while so far it's (half) THEM that are acting like ''asses'' (some more, some paranoid much... etc)...
>The two groups were having no small amount of difficulty integrating.
-'SMALL' amount ?
Every times the Bearers of Harmony breath, half of those of Peace go ''crazy for coco-puff'' ? 1 of them, to a 'relatively disturbing' level...
>"Excuse me for interrupting you Dr. Mend, but we need more than vague notes and theories to go on. We need facts . . .”
-Says the mare who was CONVINCED of the existence of Nightmare Moon based on an 1000 years old legend/prophecy inside an almost equally old book. She ended up being right, but still... It's a bit odd from Twilight.
>"Princess Celestia told Twilight and me to stay here to learn about friendship. We'd need her permission before we went anywhere.
-She gave permission to Twilight to LIVE in Ponyville, WHILE continuing study on Friendship... not to be trapped for life there.
Also, Twilight is the Princess' student... not servant. Sure, it's more polite to tell your teacher that you're gonna leave for vacation for a month, or the like, but she isn't forced to do so because of a rule or law.
>He had survived an encounter with a bear and survived,
-Huh... repetition ? (survived)
>on the ground was a disturbingly lifelike statue.
-Petrified, by cockatrice, Diamond Dog ?
Also, I suppose he never saw a Diamond Dog before ?
>Am entire garden of statues, all toppled and hideous.
-Huh... an entire family of cockatrices ?
>"I plan for the worst and hope for the best, that way, every surprise is a pleasant one.
-You too ?
Personally, I call this being an 'Optimistic Realist'... the problem is that it also makes 'bad surprises' more unpleasant.
>"It’s true, no system is flawless, but my ratio of correct vs. incorrect is very sound.
-On an unrelated note, his % of 'Correct' took a drop recently...
@Nova25
ReplyDelete>"The truth is, I feel cheated. We're the Elements of Harmony. We are supposed to be the ones who protect Equestria, the only ones, not one half of a group. I feel like I've been insulted. I feel, I don't know, useless I guess."
-I agree with others saying that, politely said, Twilight isn't ''intelligent'' or acting quite normally in this part.
''I feel cheated'' : ?... She and the other 5 are still who they are, and still did what they did. It's not like anything they have done with the Elements, which was using them for a whooping 3min, before Celestia took them back, was invalidated or diminished in importance.
''We are supposed to be the ones who protect Equestria, the only ones'' : The most (pardon the word) ''stupid'' part of her sentence.
Where is it written that THOSE 6 must be the ONLY force of 'good and positive' on the ENTIRE planet ? One with a brain would tend to be grateful that extra people/ponies are working to make the country, and the world, a safer place to live in.
Also, last time I checked, TWILIGHT was the one liking and asking for help from others AND promoting it... like during the 'Applebuck season' episode with AJ, or in 'Winter Wrap Up', or during 'Swarm of the century'...
''not one half of a group'' : Harmony is ONE group... Peace is ANOTHER group... Both independent, but more powerful together (from what we learned so far, at least).
Both Harmony and Peace existed separately and accomplished a great deed, while the other wasn't there. Twilight should remember all the great things she and the others did, both with the when having the Elements (Nightmare Moon) and without them (ALL the rest of the season 1).
''I feel like I've been insulted.'' : Because she discovered that other artifacts of great power exist in the Universe ? A bit ridiculous, honestly.
''I feel, I don't know, useless I guess.'' : Why ?! Did she suddenly lost the ability to use magic ? She can't lift an Ursa Minor while simultaneously performing several complex tasks anymore ? Is she not the embodiment of MAGIC anymore ? Did she forgot everything she ever learned and all those Friendship Reports she wrote ?
Twilight is having quite an odd irrational reaction.
>The Elements of Peace keep the Elements of Harmony safe while we build up our power.
-And what about the Element of Peace ? Don't they also get more powerful too eventually ?
... The longer it goes, the less I'm sure about this 3rd Story. The idea is there, it seems good, but I'm really not convinced by how the Elements of Peace are played and handled... the balance between the 2 sets of Elements seems, well, unbalanced from what we are told in the story. There's surely more to say, but that will be all for now ...
Nova, this is no insult to you personally, but stop over-analyzing the story. You cant take small sentences out of the whole and expect to have a good feeling for the story. If you actually want to enjoy the damn thing ripping it apart piece by piece certainly isnt doing it for you.
ReplyDelete@Avi
ReplyDeleteHuh...? You do know how, or rather what a 'comment' is, no ?
Well, here this is what some people apparently call a 'streaming thoughts' comment... (I'm not the one that came with the name, personally I say 'progressive thought' comment, or something like that)
Here, it's done using 'quotes' from the actual story, in order to give a 'relatively precise' location for where or what to check in the story, relative to what I say about the 'quoted part' .
(I have a more complete explanation that I could copy/paste, if you want... It's apparently a thing I need to do more and more, these days ?)
AAAAH! It's Steven Curtis Chapman! A wise pony once said (and I quote): "SO AWESOME!"
ReplyDeleteThis trilogy is absolutely amazing. This is the best fic I've read so far. (And I've read a lot)
ReplyDeleteMy Favourite Fic! Great development,I've enjoyed all the parts of it so far, and can't wait for more interactions between the Elements of Peace and Mane 6, especially an explanation from Dash's part as to the last confrontation with Trooper.
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to read more of it!
And of course, even though it's been over a week since the new archive went up, the story still doesn't have a listed 5-star rating.
ReplyDeleteI must admit, I was slightly disappointed with this latest chapter. Twilight seems really quite bitchy, and overly-critical. RD seems even more ignorant than in the show, and above all it was really, really short.
ReplyDeleteAlso, there was some strange paragraphing going on. Not quite sure what was happening there
I've loved this fic for ages (with the possible exception of the end of story two, it seemed a bit rushed) but I really don't know about this last addition. It didn't move the story forwards at all. We heard nothing from Valiant. Rarity and Sea Blue did nothing, neither did AJ or Big Mac, and for all we know Pinkie and Mend might as well have dropped off the face of Equestria. As I said before, Twilight's acting really strangely. I could sorta understand her feelings before (slight resentment at the idea of being replaced/usurped), but now she's downright unpleasant. Here's hoping these things get sorted out
ReplyDeleteSomething isn't right about this latest addition. The characterization is really different from before, and it seems unfinished. I was beginning to wonder if this was really written by Truthseeker, and if it was, did he really mean to send it in....
ReplyDeleteThe only problem I have with this story is that the chapters are too damn short. This latest one (October 4) I finished in about six minutes. I should have needed at least fifteen.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry these problems will be remedied shortly. Sorry, I was on my Honeymoon and I had a couple of friends send in the chapters. I rushed them, yes, and I apologize, this is my fault not theirs. I'll work on it tonight.
ReplyDeleteSorry to all my faithful and loyal fans!!!!
Truthseeker.
Story 3 - part5:
ReplyDelete>he wanted (..LARGE SPACE..) help?
>I forgot to mention (..LARGE SPACE..) he'd made it
-It seems there's a couple of strange space between parts of sentences, at some... at a LOT of... it's ALL over the places ?
>He's wimpy and he's short. How's he supposed to 'protect me'
-What the heck is that ? Twilight Sparkle, of ALLLLL ponies, is judging a being based on its physical appearance ? A book by its cover (hint-hint, remembers anything) ?
Also, let's just say that except for AJ (STR+Endurance) and RD (+Speed)... none of the Elements of Harmony are ''physically'' strong in any way... which means NOTHING when you can literally use powerful magic, paralyze creatures with a doom-gaze, use impressive illusions or break reality with Quantum-like powers...
For the stallions, well, they can literally ''Go, Go Power Rangers!'' and get a big buff and armor, or did Twilight forgot that part ?
>but he's really annoying and he never shuts up. He talks so much I can hardly hear myself think. Honestly, I can't stand him.
-TWILIGHT... SPARKLE ! ...For what pony those lines were written again ?
Also, for Pete's sake... she's friend with PINKY PIE. If she can be friend with Pinky Pie (which I like) and her boundless energy and randomness, how can a pony who talks SOMETIMES a lot could be a problem ?
>He's supposed to be the Element of Patience but I sure don't see it. He's probably the most
impatient pony I've ever met."
-I ''might'' be missing a thing here, but... How ''talking a lot'' is suppose to equal ''impatient'' ?
>'Starting right now, no more rambling.
-''Starting right now, let's destroy the personality of this character''... one of those that I liked in Story 2... yeah, good idea. No, not really...
-----
>Trooper's mind was likewise working, 'Yes, Rainbow Dash, I know I am a freak. Yes, Rainbow Dash, I know you are there. You can stop sneaking looks at me.
>I have just as much right to be here as you do, thank you very much, and I will not be intimidated by your body language, so you can just stop it.'
-A blackboard... RUSTY nails on an old blackboard... (siiigh)
... To say that before, in Story 2, he was essentially the 'good aristocrat' pony of the group, and now... Now, it's slightly painful to see his character becoming ''whatever he's becoming'' ...
>Great,' she thought sarcastically, 'Just what I need. Some short, wimpy, chatterbox staring at me
>Who knows what he's been doing at night while I'm asleep.
-... Good gracious ? What have you done to your story ?! (or to Twilight for what it matters)
>'It's not like with Zecora where looks don't matter. It's not that at all,' she was trying
to convince herself
-I have no words...
>'It's just that he's so annoying. It's like he's socially deprived or something.'
-It's Twilight speaking, right ? ...right ?
Who are you and what did you do with the real Twilight ?
-----
@Truthseeker
ReplyDeleteTake as much time as you need. We have no right to intrude upon your time off. I am sure we will all be happy when it comes out, regardless of how long it takes.
@Nova25
ReplyDelete-----
>Patch responded by stuffing her left forehoof into the socket and rubbing it around
-Into the ...? Huh... I'm not a doctor, but me think that a fist... or a hoof... is too big to fit there ? It's not like she put her hoof in her mouth, which would be more possible (some people can do it) than this.
>Patch's eye lit up, "You don't have your cutie-mark either?"
-The Part ends like that ? Well, that's a little odd ?
-----
... This new part was, hmmm, I honestly don't know what to say. Story 3 seems to be having some -very- strange 'problems' that the First and most of the Second story didn't have ? 2 or 3 characters are actually slowly ''morphing'' into quite less likable version of themselves (namely, Twilight and Trooper... Sea Blue got better, and he actually was humble enough to recognize that he had *severly* misjudged Rarity, though it doesn't change the fact that his initial reaction was strange and somewhat disproportionate). Twilight is also quite oddly behaving ...
AGAIN! READ MY PREVIOUS COMMENT!!!!!!!!!! FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!!!! GOOD GOD ON A BREAD-STICK, I CAN ONLY DO SO MUCH IN HALF AN HOUR!!!!!!! GIVE ME TIME TO FIX SHIT!!!!!
ReplyDelete@Nova25
ReplyDeleteI don't think Patch putting her hoof in her eye socket would be a problem, considering how big the eyes are in show. Not very realistic, but, you know... talking marshmallow ponies.
Poor Live Wire. I hope he and Twilight get along better soon.
Wow. Twilight is being a jerk to live wire. He's weak and scrawny? LOOK AT YOURSELF, YOUR THE GROUP EGGHEAD!
ReplyDelete@Truthseeker
ReplyDeleteAre you talking to... me ?
You do remember me, right ?
Reading, writting comment, minor editing, posting... THEN refreshing the page ?
See, the thing is that BEFORE I refreshed the page, 'Spell Nexus' was the LAST comment, not yours.
Relax a bit, will you ? Politely said.
No need for Capital-letters+!!! kind of post.
Truthseeker!Take your time with the fic and calm down! Rushing is an author's worst enemy if he/she feels the need to satisfy the masses instead of dishing out a really good story. Do your best not to rush, the story is suffering because of it. Take your time and look at your idea(the fan fiction) as a whole, and then go into the details.
ReplyDeleteBreak down how the story ends and since you are far along with it, remember how it began. That way the content in between won't suffer. Also to keep in character, do a little more research and watch the MLP episodes again to get the "feel" of the main characters once more.
Once again dude. Don't Rush! No matter how badly all your fans are bugging you to get a new chapter out. Screw them, dish out the most bad ass story telling in all of fandom! This new chapter was a bit a disappointingly short in comparison to the other chapters, but I know you're working on it and I'm not trying to stress you out about it, because it seems you are from the comments I've read.'
Take your time.
Remember, patience is key to good storytelling.
Keep on trucking!
Your friend and Fan,
MattRC
The first paragraph of this chapter has an odd recap-feel to it without being recap, and that kinda felt like you tried to get it all over with without writing it out.
ReplyDeleteTake your time, man. I'm always happy so see a story update, but I don't mind waiting until you got time to flesh it all out, either.
Yeah, as the above poster have said, please dont feel rushed. This story has alot of potential and a good writed, and you can take your as much time as you want. We would all rather have a slow flow of great works than rushed jobs. Good luck and may the evil nemesis of writers block fall before you!
ReplyDeleteI really like the new chapter. Pinkie+coffee=hilarious. I just want to know...Are you going to go back and fix the previous chapter?
ReplyDeletePinkie Pie + Coffee= The end of time and space
ReplyDeletePinkie Pie + Coffee?
ReplyDeleteOh god we're all doomed. That'd be like attaching a rocket pack to Rainbow Dash.
This is a great improvement over the last chapter and definitely is putting it on track back to the previous chapters win-ness
ReplyDeleteAh, this latest chapter feels much better. As many have said, Pinkie/coffee is a quite a potent mix. Nice to see Twi's not so much of a bitch this time round. Also, Mends house kinda fit what I'd expect from someone like him.
ReplyDeleteAll in all, back on track and looking good again
Small note : Setisto still hasn't removed the 'NEW' right next to Trials of the Elements Part 11 (It has been more than 2+ weeks now).
ReplyDelete-----
Story 3 - part 6 :
... Patch is really a likable character ...
>looking carefully for any sign of fertilization. She had made that mistake once and only once, she had cried for over a week afterward.
-Owww... Kinda feel bad for her too. Poor Fluttershy.
>The Cakes paid well for the hen-fruit
-The hen... fruit ?
...is it like 'farmer-talk' for 'eggs', that I never heard before ?
>May Celestia curse the fool who sold Pinkie Pie an espresso machine.
-I blame the Mythbusters !
Today, on Mythbuster : Pinky Pie and Coffee : http://theartrix.deviantart.com/art/Today-on-Mythbusters-ponies-200939257
(Yes, I remembered that picture from 7months ago... I remember odd stuff like that.)
>I wonder if Live Wire is making breakfast yet?
-Live Wire is the 'Cook' of the group, I suppose ?
>Said she knew a Zebra family once a long time ago. Said they was some o' the nicest folks a pony could meet
-Ah, I see... Countering in advance the 'old people are often (a bit) racist' card, just in case ?
>The sight of a thin trail of smoke emanating from the chimney of the Library
-Huh... the Library doesn't have *any* chimney in the series, you know ?
>In the brighter light he could make out even more details. Every follicle of fur was clearly identifiable, the detail was positively mind-boggling.
-I will suppose that he never saw/heard about/or read about cockatrices in his entire life...
>revealing a badly worn, but thickly rimmed, small porcelain bowl.
>the archaic language, 'To punish and enslave.'
>To punish and enslave, the strong will rule the weak.
-It's the soup bowl of Sauron or something ? (THE) Medusa, maybe ?
>A second statue had an inscription etched into the side of its shield. The words were in Ancient Equestrian, 'For the glory of the Diamond Dog Empire.'
-Why do I have this feeling making me think (of the fate) of the Dwarves from ''The Moria'' (LotR) ?
>These cruel beings are forever encased in stone as a reminder to all
>may they never know their final rest.'
-This seems very familiar, but I can't put my finger on it... What's the reference ?
>He was on the move again in less than an hour.
-Huh... Well, the thin bits of History are 'ok-interesting', but that's *all* that will happen there, really ?
It's 'ok', but it seemed to be building up for something bigger than that.
Also, I suppose the 'stone turning' power(idea) comes from 'the Princesses trapping Discord in stone' thing ?
>nopony had seen Pinkie Pie all morning.
-She's trying to find out, if she can circle the planet in less than 80minutes. :)
>LONG AUTHOR'S NOTE:
-My question : Are the 2 previous parts gonna be... *cough* slightly edited or ..left as they are.. ?
Simple question that anyone could ask. No one JUMP, no sudden movement. I have decaf and chamomile for anyone asking, just in case.
-----
It was an interesting part. It was a relatively good part. It was... well, a part (better than the last one, for sure).
Congratulations for wedding and etc...
@Anonymousfavurite quotes;"Fluttershy, darling! You gave a dead body on your sofa!"
ReplyDelete""You're huge.""Eeyup, and you're injured" XD I smile everytime I remember those quotes
I think this is my favorite fanfic so far.
ReplyDeleteWhile it's not perfect, the plotline is probably the most interesting to me and it's characters are very well fleshed-out.
I could try pointing out flaws in the writing style, but I'm no critic so I would just end up sounding like Rainbow Dash with a "20% Cooler" comment.
I honestly don't see why you are making Twilight judgmental. I noticed you are taking your reasoning from the first episode, but you need to look at your own stories canon. I don't see any instance in Vagabond where Twilight acts like that, and she had more reason to then than she does now. She even actively works to help Valiant before she even knows about him or about forgiven vagabonds. Judgmental Twilight just makes it hard for me to enjoy it as much. I will still read it, and I do like the premise and the characters, but I just don't think Twilight is in character.
ReplyDeleteNice work on the new chapter.
ReplyDeleteI hope that twilight get's used to the other ponies soon, it would suck if all the drama from this new book was from the ponies hating each other.
But all in all, really good work.
OOC Twilight makes me sad. Even with the pilot as reference, she was never that flat out mean about anypony.
ReplyDeleteThe rest of the story seems to be chugging along just fine. Seems like the tension between RD and Trooper is abated for the time being.
spoiler
ReplyDeletei love the whole anti social twilight thing and how she cant adjust to change
@DrahcirAloer
ReplyDeleteI must REALLY agree on this.
I couldn't find the proper words for the problem with Twilight's ''personality/way to think'' in the third story...
This seems like a relatively accurate description of the problem.
@rockerman100
ReplyDeleteThe thing is that, well... She CAN adapt to change !
We have seen it plenty of times in the series... and even if some occasion were harder than others, she always managed to adapt after a relatively short amount of time.
Completely anti-social Twilight and/or Severely judgmental Twilight AREN'T believable way to accurately to depict her (in any enjoyable way, anyway).
So. Sea Blue... the Element of Discernement... having a house on Baker Street... I guess you considered calling him Sherlock Hooves, didn't you ?
ReplyDelete=)
@Truthseeker
ReplyDeleteFirst, congratulations on your wedding.
Second, don't let anypony's cries of "O.O.C!" get you down. Seriously, just ignore the idiots and move on. I love this series, I love the latest chapter, and I can't wait to read more. You're doing great, don't stop now.
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteYou're being an ass. The characterization may not be exactly the way you want it, but it's perfectly believable. Just shut up and enjoy the ride or GTFO. Either way, you need to get the hell off Truthseeker's back.
Hate to interupt the verbal sparring, but could I get some comments about the pics of: (in order of appearance)
ReplyDelete1. Sea Blue
2. Trooper
3. Valiant
4. Lemon Lime (Live Wire)
5. (Dr.) Mend
I believe I already specified that I'm a horrible artist so I just used the pony creator program. (I did not have anything to do with the development of said 'pony creator' program, nor do I own any rights to it in any way shape or form, but I am thankful someone did it :)
@FlintLock
ReplyDeleteWhat's people's problem now ?
Am I forcing people ? Am I insulting people ? Am I threating, attacking, jumping on other people out of nowhere ?
No, no, and no.
Am I reading a story ? Am I looking at the story and thinking about what compose the story ? Am I making a(some) simple comment(s) about the story, step by step as I'm reading, in order to provide infos on what thoughts and feeling transpire as the reading goes ?
Yes, yes, and yes... ''comments''... Magic!
I would also tend, politely, to advise you to remain calm and polite too.
Now, if you excuse me, I'm gonna read and think about what I'm reading.
Because that's what people do.
(sigh)
@Truthseeker
ReplyDeleteSure, why not!
1.Color is exactly the way I pictured it, but the eyes are creeping me out. I'm not sure why but they do.
2.His expression seems a little cocky, but that's probably just my opinion. I like the black hooves thing, but I just can't see it with Trooper or Valiant for that matter; it just always reminds me of a big, muscular pony like Big Macintosh.
3.Same idea as Trooper. I like the expression!
4.Almost exactly the way I imagined Live Wire!
5.Not much of a fan of the hair. To long for my taste. I know he's supposed to be black, but I never imagined THAT black. I always that Dr.Mend was more of a really dark grey or an off black.
Yay for opinion!
« Affliction is the wholesome soil of virtue, where patience, honor, sweet humility, and calm fortitude, take root and strongly flourish.
ReplyDeleteDavid Mallet »
« Entertaining these opinions of the course to be pursued, I beg of gentlemen to look at the question, as I have done, in a calm review of facts and of principles.
Caleb Cushing »
-----
Story 3 - part 7 :
>after heavily dosing Pinkie Pie with a strong sedative and muscle relaxant
-Oh, right, the espresso from the previous Part. It was a fun thing. (Almost surprised that she couldn't literally vibrate through walls like 'The Flash' :) )
>Everypony carried a single canteen and some snacks, which Lemon Lime insisted be made up of only nuts and dried fruit.
-I like survivalist ''camping''... did one once (and a few semi-survivalist trips, much less 'extreme' than the first), a long time ago.
... Twilight was very Twilight, with her going all 'WWU' and the 'triplicate instructions' she made for Spike ...
>Valiant felt sick, 'I did this!' his mind screamed, 'This isn't right, this isn't natural! Ponies aren't meant to kill!'
-Not within normal parameters, yes... against a dieing, rabid creature that desire to eat or kill you, well... Any sane sentient being will try to save itself first, normally. It also kinda counts as an act of mercy in this *specific* case.
>'Dear Luna! It's a Lupus! How do you defeat a celestial creature?'
-Celestial creatures are susceptible to diseases like 'rabid' ?
Mmh, well I personally would say that their 'celestial' state must make them immune to most common diseases, and at least somewhat resistant to the more severe sort, depending on the Celestial of course (Ursas must be much resistant, than Lupus)... but 'rabid' is a rather powerful disease, so maybe it's possible for a Lupus to get it.
... Valliant's fight was interesting ...
>'I killed it.' he thought, tears streaming down his face, 'What have I done?'
-Rabid, dangerous to more than 1 pony because of its disease, want to kill you and others ('rabid' state), mercy, and etc... Hopefully he will consider those important details.
>I also left him some money; do you think ten-thousand bits will be enough?
-I know he's a Therapist, but still... where did he get THAT kind of money ? Is he secretly rich, but doesn't tell because he doesn't want it to influence other ponies ? (Maybe he was very lucky at Las Haygas ? ;) )
... The ''3 times naming X'' ? Wasn't it used 1 or even twice (more?) already before ? I even think it was also with Live Wire ...
>"That's a title, Spike. I've never called Applejack 'A.J.' have I?"
-Can a someone in the assistance confirm that ? I'm curious.
>"Well yeah, but he's got that mental condition. Actually he kind of reminds me of Pinkie Pie, besides he's a great cook. >Is it because he's got a crush on you?" Spike asked.
-Spike makes good points there.
>"Even if he does have a crush on me, I don't like him like that.
-Doesn't excuse the over-exaggerated hostility toward him, mmh ?
>"When am I supposed to have time for some brain-damaged, vertically challenged, underweight, love sick stallion whose only redeeming quality is that he can cook!"
-Over-exaggerated hostility ? Did I say 'over-exaggerated hostility' ? I think I did say ' over-exaggerated hostility' before.
Also : *Boot to the Head*.
>Spike turned a confused eye to Twilight
>Twilight. Are you feeling alright?
-I'm asking myself that question, since... what ? 2, 3 parts now ?
@Nova25
ReplyDelete>"He doesn't seem to be a total idiot, but I wouldn't call him brilliant either.
-Huh ? Didn't Lemon graduated from ''University'', like, super-early because of his intelligence and great capacity for learning/doing stuff quickly ? Most people/ponies would call them 'geniuses'.
>I can't think of anypony who needs physical therapy. He seems, I don't know, superfluous
-Is she kidding or something ? Just Ponyville alone must be a real treasure for ANY health-related jobs, with the rate of accidents and stuff happening... and we aren't even counting on the ponies from Canterlot and surrounding towns that will be visiting him.
>You don't always adjust to change very well, Twilight.
-Right now is a rather 'extreme' case of that... Not like her ''common'' mild-difficulty at adapting to fast changing situation, which come to think of it isn't really a 'fast changing' situation in this case ?
>So what do I do? I don't want to seem like I have P.M.S. all the time."
>it just means Prickly Mare Syndrome.
-Oh, Ha, Ha, very funny... well, maybe a little bit.
... Spike is the voice of reason in all those scenes. Good little dragon, here's a Diamond ...
>"I've got plenty of napalm and c-4. Good to go." the counselor said smiling.
-Huh... this mention means that they have those things in their world... Honestly, this raise more questions than a simple 'fan' or a 'DJ station' ?
Even more so considering the whole ''pacifist ponies since 1000 Years or something'' thing...
… Just saying. Episode 3 isn't much a justification or proof of much stuff, except that Twilight really stress when she's late(''tardy'') for work-related stuff and that she really wants to please her mentor Celestia. It doesn't mean that Twilight would go and call ponies names and brain-damaged repetitively and things like that. That's all ...
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Increase in quality, and more attention to right details but not too much, which is good. Twilight realizing that she went totally ''over-the-top'' (so to speak), to put it mildly, with the 3 new ponies (mostly with Lime) is also a good thing.
Also : http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/judgmental
2: characterized by a tendency to judge harshly
Calm and politeness, always, as much as possible.
@Nova25, I feel that Valiant would have an issue with killing, even justified and merciful killing, due to his former vagabond status. He probably draws to many connections between the wolf and what he did for logical thought like that to win over. Plus he went to the school to learn more about healing and killing something is probably not what he was aiming for. These are just theories tho
ReplyDelete@Avi
ReplyDeleteMmh, yeah, I guess I would tend to agree over this.
I had mostly considered the situation on a 'general' (average person/pony who came to term with their 'problem') point of view... but it seems that Vaillant isn't as much 'cured from his past traumatic experience' as we were led to believe in the 2 previous stories.
"I'm not brain-damaged." he choked out, blinking back a forming mist from his eyes.
ReplyDeleteThis hit me so hard. I love what you're doing with this arc, and I commend you for pacing it so well even though the cast is so big.
Your usual superior quality, with delightfully shippy undertones! I'm willing to admit, I scrolled through the last page or so quickly, looking to see if the sleeping arrangements were put into practice in this chapter, but of COURSE they weren't, you clever carrot-on-the-end-of-a-stick author you.
ReplyDeleteHey. Your story is really well written, and I love these OC ponies. I got one question (hope) though. Are you going to write another story which takes place after The Elements of Equestria?
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing such a masterpiece. Brohoof
Hey your number isnt working, and im reading your stories now
ReplyDeleteMy apologies, Nova. In retrospect my last comment was rather ill-considered. You have been pretty gracious in your criticisms, and you had a valid concern there. I have a bad habit of commenting impulsively.
ReplyDeleteAnywho, great job on the new chapter, Truthseeker. I really love how the character arcs are turning out. Oh, and congrats on the new wife, I know it's a bit late, but I wish you all sorts of happiness together.
@FoxMane my number works just fine, but I turn off my phone while I'm asleep {which is between 6:00 a.m. and 4:00 p.m. E.S.T.} Leave me a text or something and I'll get back to you. You're that awesome brony who I met last night in person right? The one who did the kickin' Nightmare Moon pumpkin?
ReplyDeleteApproval has been given by me on this chapter
ReplyDeleteStory 3 - part 8 : (hopefully, there will be less disturbing-hostility from Twilight)
ReplyDelete>Caramel was not overly fond of milking cows. Doing so with his mouth, being the only option
-With his ''mouth'', huh ? ...the semi-malleable hooves of pony(ies) ought to do a better or similar job, one would think.
...Zecora doesn't seem to rhyme much, at least at the beginning, or maybe it's very subtle...
>He had the needle like hairs sticking out of nearly every inch of his body save for his eyes and mouth, everything else was punctured.
>The hair was about an inch inside Trooper's skin.
-Several tens (if not hundreds) ''hair'', each one a whole inch deep in the skin... I'm no doctor, but shouldn't this, at this point with the number and depth they are in, attack his nervous system ?
I mean, seriously... it's not like 10-20 bee stings or porcupines quills... it's SEVERAL tens(at least) at an inch deep in the skin.
So, unless Equestrian ponies have an unusually thick skin, this should theorically do big damages.
...About 3 pages (and 4H in-story) of them removing ''hair/barbs'' from 1 party member... At this rate, they aren't gonna survive long enough to reach the next level...
>"I'm not sure anypony could do what you're talking about, Lemon Lime . . . " Twilight
-I call nonsense here... Twilight herself levitated a WHOLE Ursa Minor on a rather long distance; And, even though in her case it was more about 'raw magical strength', there's no significant reason that another pony couldn't have, say, a large 'magical endurance'.
>"You can't just end a conversation whenever you feel like it!" Twilight yelled.
-...? Huh, yes, people can do that (though, to be correct, one usually must give a polite yet brief excuse, before going away).
>Twilight blinked several times, then spoke calmly, from her heart, "Well then, I'm sorry. I apologize for saying all those things.
-Now that this is done, as Rarity once said : Let's never talk of this ever again.
>Pulling the hairs out of Trooper's hooves was nearly impossible compared to tossing the spider.
-Once more it comes to the balance between different strengths, like : Raw VS Refined, Potential VS Experience, Strength VS Endurance, and etc...
That's why successful teams always have a good number of members, with different focuses and sets of skills.
>'I suppose it could be considered an act of mercy.
-Sounds familiar... Damn you Quantum Causality (reference) !
@Nova25
ReplyDelete>and much to his surprise, the distance was not three-hundred paces, but a mere two-hundred and thirty-three instead.
-...''much surprise'' ? Just for fun I did the maths and... it's barely 100m of difference. (1000paces=1mile=1609meters).
That's not a lot for a 'surprised' expression ?
Also, something I just thought... Why are you using an 'Ancient Rome' unit ? From what we see, ponies are, at the very least, in the 'Renaissance Era' (up to modern time, in some fields)...
>He swung, flipping from branch to branch, lowering himself slowly and finally landed on the ground in a proud pose.
-Spider-pony, Spider-pony, Does whatever a Spider-pony does (reference).
>I was totally hoping you were a hot filly or something. I so miss all the pretty girls at the beach.
-Red alert ! Red alert ! Stranger-danger ! RUN ! (...a bit funny, in a way)
>Trooper suddenly yelled, "Look out for the spider!"
>The gathered ponies all burst into fits of laughter
-Oh haha, he's having a nightmare due to the painful and possibly traumatic experience he just had, how funny is that...
Well... From that point of view, it IS 'kinda' funny, I suppose ?
>What if he gets that morning thing that stallions get in the morning?"
-My... how thoughtful of you to add that ''necessary'' detail here...
>'Do not ever sleep in another's bed, it is an insult to them unless they are dead.'
-Haha, huh what ? ''an insult to them unless they are dead'' ?
...Is this a real thing somewhere ? (What about undeads ? Are they in a gray-zone ?)
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It seems to be going better now... back on good 'rails' for now, it looks like. Hopefully, this will last.