Description: What does it mean to live for a billion years?
Meh. Obviously still in first-draft stage. Numerous mistakes ranging from lack of capitalization, incorrect tenses, improper punctuation and poor exposition. Also needs a shot of adrenaline due to its slow pacing.
blech, i honestly couldn't read past the first few paragraphs... the pacing is wierd, the explanation is horrid... and honestly, it just doesn't click... i'm sorry if i am a bit harsh, but this story is pretty dissapointing
Needs an editor. Seriously. Interesting concept nonetheless.
Ok, looks like i've got my work cut out for me. Thanks for the constructive criticism. I'ts my first time writing something like this, but that's no reason for it to be bad. I just wish I had more free time to improve it.
"Wait, don't leave! Um... it gets better after the second chapter! Yeah, that'll work.(insert forever alone face)
Anypony see the front pic to this post and think of the poem "the lion and the unicorn"? I know the original poem was referencing the English crown, but this pic would make a neat "religions fighting for supremacy" connotation.
As a matter of fact, I was planning something like that.
Needs a little editing but interesting premise! I'll keep my eye out for the next one, can't wait!
Ok, I've refined the first chapter and it's now decent. only a matter of time before the rating goes up, and now I can work on the second chapter! yay
i got to "graviton manipulator" and went , well fuck that. i wasnt really ready for the sudden jump from my little ponies to complex quantum theoretics. it dosent fit together for me. sorry. i'm sure many people will find this interesting but, they can use magic. physics? fuck that, ima use mah magic. deal with it.
Three things to say to that:1:Yeah, it looks a bit sudden, but that's what I was going for: it raises a lot of questions, some of which will be answered later. deal with it.2: I'm not going to go too far into the physics stuff.3:"Any technology sufficiently advanced is indistinguishable from magic" - I was going to incorporate that concept further along.
Gosh. This post still exists... Thanks for putting up with me, Sethisto! Anyways there haven't been any updates in months here, but be assured, I have a good excuse; and once I've publishsed that excuse some time late in the summer, I can get right back to finishing this. - Mike
@AnonymousMid spring of 2012, apparently...0_0...AP classes were worth it!
Ok, I CANNOT be the first one to come here expecting a Venom/Carnage Pony crossover.
@DJSwenzo444lol, probably not; good point. Sorry; it's not quite that though. I planned to have a frame-tale format like The Arabian Nights/1001 Nights, but with poni.It's been tough to tie all the morals and stories together into a central theme though.