Description: Pinkie Pie receives a mysterious note regarding a meeting at Froggy-Bottom Bog, but who sent it? And what could they possibly want?
Well that was... random...
The ending was kinda... poor.Endings, they make or kill a story.
That is definitely shipping, no normal about it.
Oh holy crap, you posted my fic. I feel... strangely honoured. Anonymous, I wasn't sure whether or not I should call it shipping, what with it being contained within like 2 paragraphs. And give me some criticism, I need to improve.
Aww... I have to agree with Nova, that ending kinda ruined it...The way the story was going, I thought it was going to be Big Mac! The set-up for him was so great too...
@Anonymous Well, I didn't want to give anything away until the reveal, so I tried to make it seem like it could be anypony. If you thought it was Big Mac, then I think I did my job quite well in that regard!
I personally enjoyed this one. There were a few typos here and there that completely reversed the meaning of the sentence. It could use another go over with an editor. Also, the ending was... interesting. The reveal and Pinkie Pie being 100% oblivious was awesome, but the second "meet me at the bog" note at the end wasn't necessary. The fic would end better if you just cut it out and ended on the "punchline" of the tale. Score: 4 stars
I'm completely anal about writing, so take this how you will.I wasn't able to get too far into the story before I had to stop. The writing was too expanded. Unnecessary words assaulted my eyes and ruined what I'm sure would have been and otherwise great story. As an example, in the story you have this line, "Bursting into the treehouse unannounced and unexpected".Why do you need both the words? Why not one or the other? Once again, I'm completely anal about these things, but I feel like if you're going to put your work out there, you should remove the unnecessary bits.
Replying to two different Anons. This may confuse me a bit. So "Anon that enjoyed it", I'm glad to hear that you liked it, but as for the typos that change the meanings of sentences, I'm afraid I don't follow.As for "Anal about writing Anon", I used the two words because I figured a bit of alliteration's good. Turns out I was wrong about it. Is it just a few instance that bothered you, or did I go a little overboard?
Anal about writing Anon here:Alliteration is alright, although it's also annoying. You must abscind an abundance of alliteration; after all, additional words can advert attention from the story.It's okay if you don't put in extra words for the purpose of alliteration, though. It also helps if the alliteration itself has a purpose.
@Anonymous I see what you did there. I'll bear this in mind, thanks.
AKA Anon who liked it. I can't find them now, since I haven't read it again in detail, there was a couple of times where you used a word's antonym instead of the word. Like, as a hypothetical example, you used something like "haven't" instead of "have."
The ending kinda suggests Pinkie is, uh... stupid.
It's a good thing this is Equestria......because if somebody got this letter in real life, they'd meet this: http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_OYUMoUrrdBE/R9gwievIs7I/AAAAAAAADNE/sI0UWcQrRcQ/s400/www.jpg
GODDAMNIT PINKIE WHY ARE YOU SO WILFULLY DENSE SOMETIMES >.<