Description: A mysterious pony skulks in the shadows of Ponyville, but it only takes the help of Twilight Sparkle and her faithful friends to bring this visitor's troubled past to light.
I found it a bit difficult to follow, not in the sense that it was confusing but more like it just didn't flow all that well. The dialog was a little stiff and the characters didn't feel all that real. I would think Trixie would be a bit more embarrassed after having to swallow her pride and admit she's not as "great and powerful" as she claimed. I think the story could benefit from a bit more detail. It'll help things seem more natural.
It could use a little more conflict and some kind of plot twist, things happened somewhat too smoothly. While I was reading it, I was all the time expecting for it to end with "and then Trixie woke up".
A bit MORE detail? I actually found it hard to get through all the flowery detail and adjective blockade. The characterization was off a tad, considering I had trouble reading the dialogue in the character's voices.
I loved the detail and the characterization was overall good. I agree that some parts didn't tend to flow well, but overall I quite liked this. As for the flow part, that's something that will just get better with practice. I can see lots more stories coming from you that are even better than this. Although I already told you all this yesterday, I believe :3
@Myke GreywolfYeah, I thought something similiar. It was all to optimistic to be real. When reading it I prepared myself for some kind of unexpected or bad ending.Also I would have preferred, that Trixie would not give up so easily and rather trying to run away, after she has been caught.
Hmmph. That's not Trixie. Whoever that is, that's not Trixie. Trixie's character did a complete 180 in this story.