Description: Twilight reads a book in an stormy day when suddenly somepony knocked on her door.
"it was __an__ rainy day"oh boy here we go
@AnonymousI saw that too on my initial skim, I don't think English is his first language, but that sure is blaring being the very first line of the story ;p
I'd like to preface this comment by saying I enjoyed the story, but for the wrong reasons.The dialogue was reminescent of a cross between Tommy Wiseau and the good 'ol "John Freeman" Half-Life Fanfics you can find on Youtube.The rest of the writing is infinitely funnier when you think of it as a weird german porno instead of a FiM story.Two stars. One for making me laugh, and one for effort.
needs some grammar nazi help
Frankly, it... well, it is basically out of character as it could manage to be. I mean, Silver Spoon is, by her own name's definition, a little spoiled princess. Her own name means "Has not worked a single day in her life", for Celestia's sake! Reimagining her as a live-in for Diamond Tiara, well... not to mention that both she and Tiara are both little fillies, just out of foalhood, so even if she were a permanent guest at her friend's home, a "being tossed out" would only result in Tiara's parents telling her to get Spoon back "Or, Luna help me, I'll tan your hide so bad that your backside will resemble Big MacIntosh's!"
I feel the need to apologize for the bad Silverspoon RPer who inspired the OOC Silverspoon... the OOC Diamond Tiara... pretty much the whole pile. Twilight answering the door? That is clearly Spike's job. Not to mention the annoying younger sibling. I just feel a massive need to find the inspiration for this, and strangle... just a bit.
Not good. Not good at all, I'm afraid.
”Twilight! I made you omelets! I hope you liek it.”Aaand I'm done. There is no possible justification for ever using 'liek' in any work of fiction, ever. That's before we even get to how it would be more in character for Silver Spoon to think that food was something created by servants using their lower class poverty magic. -"Also, why are all the lines of dialog put into lists with apostrophes? I've seen it a few times and it's been bothering me."
@Anonymous> -"Also, why are all the lines of dialog put into lists with apostrophes? I've seen it a few times and it's been bothering me." In some countries (such as mine), that is standard formatting for dialogue in novels.
that was nice :) now I want to read a pony OddParents fic with pinkie as cosmo and twilight as wanda :D
as the person this was wrote for, i liked it, a lot. the purpose wasn't to win a nobel prize in literature, it was to make me happy, and it did.i think your all jealous people don't write stories about you :)
> "out of fucking nowhere..."*stopped reading there*
lol, it's always a bit funny to read English partially conformed to the syntax of another language. Not a deal-breaker, but always a bit amusing.What is a deal-breaker is how out of character people seem to be. And why would Pinkie Pie have a pool? She doesn't even have a house, lol! She lives in an upstairs apartment at Sugercube Corner. In her group of friends, she's like the aimless 20-something who works at the comic shop.I also take it contractions aren't a common lesson for those who learn English at school in European countries where English isn't the primary language, because I've noted a distinct lack of them in several fanfics. It's not a major complaint, but use of contractions in certain instances give dialogue a much more natural feel; and the characters certainly use them in the actual show.
Not a bad story I enjoy reading it 2/5
i still feel some people don't like it cause it has silver spoonim pretty sure if it had applebloom/derpy/scootaloo it woul be 11/5 STORY OF THE YEAR ALL YEARS
It's like Borat wrote about ponies
She lives upstairs in Sugarcube corner, therefore no house and I doubt she'd have a pool.
@AnonymousOh yes, lets argue! Thats why we have comments, to argue about FANFICTION grow the hay up
Meh, I've read worse. Out of character, yes, but it had a nice ending, but it came out of nowhere. Just a little constructive criticism, make sure the story builds up to the ending, don't just drop it on the end and hope it fits. They were almost fighting before leaving for the pool, so the ending didn't fit. Otherwise, not a bad attempt at redeeming a character that doesn't get much face time.Frankly, all the mean comments are out of character for what bronies should be. Love and Tolerate, everypony!
"out of fucking nowhere" << this made me lol