Description: A story about friendship, magic, and doing what's best.
Long fic is LOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNGG
I counted over 50 pages....
Shouldn't anything involving ponies that love meatloaf and exchanges of gunfire be classified as random?
dude....this is so long....can we split this into chapters or something?
The ending was...a tearjerker...yeah...
This is the "War and Peace" of My Little Pony fanfic....did I just say that?
I am going to take a nap.Then, I am going to read this.Then, I am going to critique the ever-living fuck out of it.and then.AND THEN.I will scream.
I still don't like the ending. I'm reminded of the end of His Dark Materials, where the angels were adamant that the main characters could not have a happy ending, despite no good reason why they couldn't be allowed to.
While I was pretty hesitant to read this because of the length... I'm really glad I chose to read it. The story was well-crafted and the pacing was well-done, and the only real issues I had were a couple grammar and formatting errors here and there. All the ponies were kept in-character and overall it was wonderfully written. If anypony's daunted by the sheer length of the fic, my advice is to weather through it and get to the end, because it's totally a fic worth reading.
Was not even remotely satisfied with the ending. Sorry, but I gotta give this fic a big thumbs down for them just... accepting it. It... it's not... that's just wrong, not even fighting it. I just prefer characters who fight fate than just go along with it. Sorry.
Oh freaking ! Damn dagnabbit dagnabbit damn it dagit nagit nabit dagit !He had to do it... Really ?Oh Hi God, we must all die because your are God ? Oh ok, let's die, because you are God. OF COURSE ! WHY NOT !Not even a decent last stand... They just accept death. Inconcevable. No one should go down without a fight. Never.Bitter pony is damnnnn Bitter...Good writting... I wish I had stopped reading BEFORE Canterlot's part... damnit...
I don't really like the ending...Other than that I liked it,though I'm not a fan of guns being used in pony stories.
@Darkhawk1I agree with you Darkhawk... more than anything, right now.It's like... Oh, there's some Gods-What ?-You want to blow the world ?-Ok, since you are Gods and all, that your right.... WhaaAAAaaat ?Ok, no world blown, but the Princesses and Main Cast wiped out in nothing more than a sneeze ! Seriously ?Make an ''Alternative Ending'' or something !
Wow... I never thought a pony story could be this depressing.=(
that was an ending?
Needs and Alternate ending. I am willing to write if if nobody else is.
God damnit.I'm going to begin by saying that I hate Grimdark. I hate sad. I don't like reading fanfics and then being depressed afterwards. I'm one of those weird shipping guys, forever and ever.The thing that pisses me off is that this was -good-. Not even good. It was great. Well written from beginning to end. Everyone stayed in character, and retained the bits that make them interesting (Even though Rarity and Pinkie had all the depth of a shallow puddle).The 'Four Horsemen' angle was slightly-less-than-confusing, but still passable. It all seemed to flow.My one problem is that the last line made me rage. Hard.Other than that...fuckin' A, man. Good job. If there's a fanfic hall of fame, I this should be in it.5/5. and I don't say that often.
First half was awesome, second half and ending felt rushed.3 Stars
@DaffodilSo... you are ok with an Ending where ALL die, because ''Gods'' as the sole, pathetic excuse ?For Pete's sake... I agree fully that the REST of the story is great, well made, whatever... But the Ending... The ending that the ENTIRE story was building to is : Just Because we are Gods.Without a defense, an argument, regrets. Not even a weak fight to preserve their OWN LIFE, to defense the values for which they stands for.Just -> Gods -> you Die -> why? -> we don't like mortal having things -> oh ok. now we are dead.I specify, I talk about the ENDING only. You are ok, with such an ending ?
Man, what a downer ending. I really, really can't see them just taking it lying down like that. I finished the story feeling really unsatisfied.Which totally sucks, because the rest of the fic was awesome.
@nova_25That can be taken one of two ways. I'll answer both.-Am I okay with the ending, in the sense that all of the characters die without putting up a fight.No. No I'm not. It made me feel sad on the inside. I would have loved for everything to turn out alright and AJ to be back with her friends, etc etc.-Am I okay with the ending as a resolution to the overarching conflict?Absolutely. For a sad ending, it was done very well. I understood why they had to die, and I understood why they didn't fight.I'm not the author. It's not my story. If that's the way he wanted to end his story, by all means. I'm judging it based on the quality of the writing. In my eyes, any story that invokes emotion and leaves you thinking about it is a success.tl;dr:Ponies die = Sad daffodilWell written story = Happy DaffodilDaffodil separates reality from fantasy and acknowledges that the author did a good job by making me feel sad./endrant
Hrm. I got a few complaints about the who "And they accept their fate" angle at the end of my own story as well. I think it's a matter of personalities and the nature of the conflict there. If the nature and reason is understood (which was well done with the role Twilight played in the end 1/3) then I can understand simply accepting it. More, it seemed the ponies NOTICED it too late to truly fight it honestly (When lost loved ones start showing up, it's too late IMHO).All that said, it was a very well written story. I'm surprised at how many feel it was too long, and actually felt it could have been fleshed out a little more in places. But it kept it's rythm and was nicely paced, and in the end made me baww. Very well done.
@DaffodilYou didn't exactly read what I wanted to say...This was a huge story, great and well built, until the moment they reach the Castle of Canterlot.Inside. We see 4 'ponies'. Those 4 say, at some point, and I quote: «“If we hadn’t acted then you would have used the elements.” said Conquest. “It simply could be allowed.»The excuse that SHOULD justify everything.Because they are ''Gods'', they all died. Silently, weak, simply faded to nothingness, by the power of the Gods...This is the lazyess and weakess excuse of all.For Pete's sake, again... They used the Elements before... and if they are really ''so-called Gods''. Why are they almost literally spitting at the face of their creation.-If they are really SO POWERFUL that they can take the ENTIRE main cast with their Elements AND the 2 Princesses, why not simply extract the Elements (plus a hundred of other alternatives, that don't involve massive extermination, for no good reasons...).-For ''Gods'' they sure take the spiteful path quite easily, without even attemting an alternative. Intelligent Gods we have there, no...-They could have also, oh i don't know, placed the 6 Ponies at different places, alive but isolated to prevent them of using the elements, THEY CREATED, together.I could pass ALL days point fails in the logic of those ''Gods'', who aren't much brillant it seems. That or they like killing their creations, without a second thought, such is the priviledge of Gods, right ? ...Not !Sad or not, it doesn't matter. This story is like a massive Royal Castle built on supports made of salt.I have nothing against the REST of the story, I must state again, but the ending came out badly, too easy, saying that they can because... Gods ! ...that's no Magic.
I really enjoyed the story. Personally, I thought the ending was fine. They really couldn't fight it after it already happened. Plus, they all got to be with their loved ones of old.
@AnonymousPoor Pinkie Pie lost a little sister...
I can see this being one of those love it or hate it type endings. That being said, a lot more /could/ be done with the "fighting fate" side of things. But because of the length I'm compelled to think the author ran out of steam towards the end and decided to wrap it up. Does this automatically mean it's a bad ending? Not exactly, the only person who is truly allowed to pass judgment on if an ending is satisfying enough is the author himself.A lot of effort seemed to be put in this fic, so I'm inclined to believe the author put his heart into writing it. And he was mostly successful too -- he introduced a conflict and resolved it. Applejack is distrusted by everypony and has to redeem herself, which she does. To me, the whole "gods" thing was the means to that end, and once Applejack regains everypony's trust, the conflict's been resolved.You can take it apart as much as you want and evaluate it the same way you'd evaluate a legitimate novel if you want to. Sure, there are plotholes for why the Gods can't just extract the elements, but this is also a universe where multicolored ponies can talk. I believe it's good to criticize the ending, as criticism are what help writers grow, but for what it is, it doesn't deserve a poor rating just because the ending seemed sloppy to some ponies.In the end, I don't think this was a story about defying fate at all, it was a story about trusting friends. So for what the author set out to accomplish, he accomplished it well.tl;dr It good story imo
...I'm not going to rate this. No rating can convey how I feel.Wonderfully written, but the ending was just "INFO DUMP INFO DUMP By the way you have to die kthnx"I want to give it a 5 for the writing, and a 2 for the ending. It was just so...rushed.So I'm just not rating it.
@AnonymousI agree with you, really.Great story, almost.The Ending would could ONLY gain be remade... less Gods-Win-All-Just-Because and more... I don't know, how about some explanation why they kill the holder of the elements of HARMONY and the princesses... other than ''we are powerful. You can't have powerful thing. ok, thanks.''
halfway through and im loving it, but by looking at the comments i get the sense that reading too much more will ruin the whole thing.
@AnonymousYou have until they enter Canterlot Castle... after that it crash into Gods-Win-All quite quickly.
@nova_25It's kind of obnoxious to comment on the same story multiple times, repeating what you didn't like about it.We get it. You didn't like the ending. Can you go away now and let others read it?
So... now that nature is back in it's natural course, ponies are free to return to their natural carnivorous streak?
im anon @ 5:30 pmThe ending was not to my liking but i do understand why they didnt fight it and accepted fate. Not sure why the gods just killed them all but the writing was beautiful and outweighs the bad ending so i say four star.
Great story, well told and structured. I feel bad for anyone who didn't read because it was more than a few pages long. The ending did seem a bit rushed, but then again -- who is to say that isn't just the way things are? A grand sweeping epic can still end with shocking suddenness. Critically, there were a few spelling and grammar errors to correct in the file (it happens) and give the end another read to ensure it comes across clearly -- it was the only part I had to stop and go back to read twice to ensure I understood what happened. All in all, good job! Many stars are given.
I want to give this five stars, but the frequent spelling and grammar mistakes force my hand to the four star button.
I have a question about the ending.No, not the whole 'Lol gods say it's time to die' angle, I think that's been pretty well covered.What I want to know is this:Meatloaf. Meat. Loaf. As in, a loaf of meat.Big Mac's going home...to eat meatloaf.What (Who?) is IN this meatloaf, and should we be worried that it's 'Big Mac's favorite?'
Easily one of the best stories here. While I do have some niggling complaints about various small spelling errors I understand that no one is infallible and in comparison to other stories and taking the length into consideration the mistakes are far from earth-shattering. The main gripe with people seems to be the ending, although I thought it was, for the most part, skillfully handled given the circumstances. Perhaps a character like Dash should have been a bit more obstinante about being, well, dead, but otherwise it was fine and it made for a very good downer ending. Stephan King would be proud.
Okay, I need an alternate ending ASAP. Great story, incredible even... but dat ending.
Well, that story SURE WAS ABOUT MEATLOAF!Downer endings aren't automatically bad. The story was building up to a twist ending, and it did not disappoint. The very gradual climax and resolution were a nice change from the usual.
@AnonymousAye, but downer endings aren't automatically good, either.My problem with the ending is how contrived it is. Basically, 4 ponies show up and say that the main cast must die. 4 gods that have never been mentioned before, at all. Despite the long windedness, they never actually explain why. Sure, they spew stuff about the Elements of Harmony, but they never say what happens if the mane cast were to live. The mane cast responds to this with "okay lol" and proceeds to die. No inquiring about why exactly they must die. No one wonders if the gods could just remove the spirit of the elements from them. No one asks what the Princesses' betrayal was, nor what will happen if the elements stay around. Not one of them finds it odd. They all just sit there and take it.Nothing is ever explained. Everyone dies for reasons unknown to us. Killed by characters who we didn't know existed for 75% of the story. Characters who pulled a contrived reason for it out of their ass.It was a twist ending, yes. But that doesn't make it good. And after the amazing buildup, it saddens me to see it with such a horrid ending.
I can live with sad endings, bit that made no sense whatsoever. The entire story, AJ refuses to go quietly into the night, but then decides to just accept THAT?! I just think it could have been resolved better.
A good story in itself. I may disagree with the idea of the ending, but it's still good nonetheless.Do the impossible, fight the power. Even if the gods try to stop you, you show them that you are more powerful.
I think this needs a [sad] tag.
Oh PLEASE add a Sad tag to this. I hate sad stories and I wasn't expecting one...
And suddenly.. the gods were like "yous dead, lol"
@MournbladeFive bucks says you're a Gurren Lagann fan.Heh, I totally agree, but I think the point has been stated and restated that some people don't like the whole "Lay down and die," ending, and wished they had at bare minimum gone out fighting. However, this has been restated so many times that really, it's getting a little old. Not just you, I said it too, as have a few others.Also, aren't all ponies in Equestria vegans? I mean, aside from Pinkie Pie, who we all know is a flesh eating cannibal.Note to self- suggest that as a story idea.
Hi there everyone. I'm the author of this story, and I've got to say that I'm really surprised that so many people think so much of my story. Even the people that don't like it still have strong opinions, and that means a lot to me. Let me try to answer some of the points you've been making.1. I apologize SO MUCH for this being sad. It was not intentional, but the further I got the more the story unfolded that way. In the end I just couldn't fight it any more.2. Speaking of not fighting in the end. I actually agree with you. That ending was kind of crappy. It may interest you to know that I wrote this whole thing in one sitting. It took me 13 hours, and by then I was just draining whatever came out of my head onto the keyboard. This is how it went down in my mind at the time, so that how I wrote it.3. Some lore facts that may clear up some confusion: A. The four ponies aren't gods, just guardians. It's their job to protect Equestria. It's possible for them to die, and they have their own messed up social lives, but they aren't all powerful. Just...really powerful. B. The reason they needed to kill the holders of the elements is because they had lost control of the elements when the main ponies got a hold of them. This means that a group of inexperienced ponies who could be easily swayed by others had the same type of power they had. The guardians couldn't watch them all the time, and if left to their own devices then they could cause cataclysmic events that the guardians couldn't stop. They plan was to kill them in order to protect Equestria in the long run.3. Concerning a rewrite of the end. I'm perfectly willing to do so if you ponies want me to, but I can't guarantee that it will make you happy. I can see several other ways of this turning out, some happy and some sad, but in order to do that then I'll have to try to make it fit with everything I've already written up to a certain point (and I REALLY don't want to rewrite the whole thing), so it's up to you. Give me you opinions on it and I'll see what I can do. I want to make this story as fulfilling as I can for you guys.4.Meatloaf. Big Mac eating meatloaf. That was something I had not even considered in my pseudo-delirious state. It is kind of creepy. seeing as how it's the title, changing it now wouldn't make any sense, but I suppose I could if you wanted. Maybe turn it into biscuits and gravy. I don't know. More input from you guys! How can I fix this?I guess that's all. Sorry for the long comment, but if you read the story you probably know by now that I'm a long winded writer. thanks again guys for both loving, hating, and having other feelings for my story. I'm wanting to become a professional writer someday, so hearing that my story has an impact is the greatest comment you can give me.P.S. Sorry for spelling and grammar. I am not a clever pony.
This was a ... frustrating read. I can appreciate some good grimdark every now and then, and I see what the author was trying to do. Some parts were excellent, like the whole relationship between Applejack and her brother, and Rainbow Dash's reaction to her return.But. There were all these constant niggling little flaws: spelling mistakes, stiff bits of writing and so on that kept me from being engrossed with the story. And that didn't help any when the ending came up; I feel that we needed a bigger sense of urgency to accept how it went down.All in all, I can't say I liked this, precisely, but I do appreciate the attempt.
Does the meat loaf contain the dead ponies?
So does that mean the princesses and mane cast are all Jesuses? And meatloaf is eaten instead of communion wafer?
Man, I dunno. I liked this better when it was the 300 word fic 'cause--to be completely honest--I thought it was supposed to be a comedy given how absurd and random the setting was (AJ and Big M having a shoot-out) not to mention we're thrown right into it with no prior explanation making it seem like there wasn't SUPPOSED to be any explanation. Like, you know how in the Boondocks Riley and Huey have that random shootout with semiauto pellet guns, or in FLCL there's that episode where it's a huge fucking gunfight for no reason? That's how I envisioned it and I think it would have been great that way.Ah, well, I guess what I think about that doesn't really matter as it's your prerogative how you decide plot, but it's still something I figured I'd mention. I'll read the rest of it sometime and comment on that I suppose.
This was something that was really hard to understand. When you started off, we're pulled into a gunfight between applejack and big mac. I had no idea what was going on. You added an awful lot of details that didn't make sense to be. Just what was applejack being called a traitor for? You spoke about a war which we had no idea what was it was about. You started talk about some sort of plan against Celestia but we didn't exactly understand what it was or why. When it moved onto Canterlot, then, I was totally lost. Suddenly Celestia was good? The pony of the Apocalypse murdered the princesses? Why did the elements have to go? You said it had to do something with the balance of nature.Then suddenly before I knew it. They were dead. I was totally lost and just nothing made sense. Not even when I read it a second time.Though I admit that there was good to this story too. Everything was really well done and they all stayed in character. It felt good when I was reading the relationship between big mac and applejack. And that part with rainbow dash was just really cute and well done. The ending killed me. Imagining applejack as a ghost talking to big mac one last time before she went away. That touched my heart. The epilogue was really great. That was a really cute and lovely part.Basically what I'm trying to say to you guys is that, This is a really good story, just don't pay too much attention to the details.
Hello everyone! I’m Chickenvortex, and I wrote Meatloaf. It is awesome to see that my story has given so many people opinions. I really appreciate all the input I’ve been given by your comments, and after reading them I thought I would try to answer some of your questions and concerns.1.First of all I’M A MONSTER, and am very sorry that this ended up as sad as it did. I actually hadn’t intended to do that at all. In the beginning my goal was for it to be kind of funny, but as the story unfolded it seemed to take a serious turn. In the end I gave up and let it do what it wanted.2.Also while we’re on the subject of giving up , it seems a lot of you were a bit disappointed with the ending. I couldn’t agree with you more. It may interest you to know that I wrote this whole thing in one 13 hour sitting. Near the end there I was running out of steam, and was pretty much just pouring whatever was in my head into my computer. That was how the scene played out in my mind, so that’s how I wrote it. Even though it wasn’t what I would have ideally wanted, I still kind of like it.3.Next are just a few bits of lore that might help to explain things a little:A.Fun fact number one. The guardians aren’t gods. They’re just powerful ancient ponies with the responsibility of protecting Equestria from danger. They had other threats to take care of, so they left their children and the elements to handle things while they were gone.B.Fun fact number two. When Applejack and the rest of the gang became the holders of the elements of harmony, the guardians completely lost control over them. This meant that six normal ponies who could easily be swayed by others opinions had at their disposal the same amount of power as the guardians, and therefore had the potential to cause untold amounts of destruction if they wanted to. Since the guardians didn’t have the power to take the elements back, or spend all their time watching over the ponies to make sure they did the right thing, they needed to make sure in the long run that the elements could never be misused, ergo, removing them from the equation.4.On the matter of rewriting the ending. I’m willing to do it. Just let me know, but I can’t guarantee that a new ending will make it any better. There are several other ways I could imagine things going (both happy and sad), but I’m not sure that they’re really BETTER endings. I’m not against someone else writing the ending that THEY want if they feel so inclined.5.Lastly meatloaf. The fact that Big Mac eats meatloaf was completely overlooked in my pseudo-delirious state. It would make much more sense if it were biscuits and gravy or something, but seeing as how it’s the title of the story and the name it’s under on Equestria daily, I’m not sure if I can effectively change it now without causing confusion. My bad.So that’s what I have to say on the subject. I’m still interested to hear your opinions on the story in the future, so keep leaving comments! The greatest compliment you can give me is to show interest in my work. I really appreciate it. CV, out.P.S. Sorry for spelling and grammar mistakes. I am not a clever pony.
I also find it funny that a popular way to describe it is, "That was a very good story. I hate it."
Chicken Vortex is a gentleman and a scholar. Thank you for providing us with this epic saga.
Also I apologize for the double posts. Apparently the spam filter is trying to make me look like a noob. Don't believe it. It's just jealous because I have a soul and it doesn't.
Furthermore I find it upsetting that in episode 21 they point out that ponies are strictly vegetarian. Why glaring flaw? Why must you be so absolutely blinding!
Hey everyone! It finally got to me and I changed the ending of the story. I also made a few other noticeable changes, such as the title and the last line of the epilogue, for obvious reasons if you've read the story. Anyway I hope you like the new version!
@Chicken Vortexloved the new endingnuf said
@Anonymouse who posted at 5:08 PM on April firstGlad to hear it :)
I know this is coming way too late, and I could probably reach you easier by posting this somewhere else, but Daffodil, that is the nicest thing anyone has ever said about my writing. I tried REALLY hard to make it a good story, but I wasn't sure I could do it. To hear that you thought so highly of it even though it was based in some of your least favorite categories makes me feel like I have a chance at being a writer. I actually come back here and read your comment over when I'm feeling down about writing sometimes, and it always makes me feel a little better.Thank you, and good luck to you.
So yeah, I read this champion in 1 hour 50 minutes, then I had class.Fantastic story, of all the fics I have read, this is the most well made, most powerful, and probably the longest.
Hey Everyone! I finally decided to split this mother into chapters. I also did some other stuff, but don't you worry yourself about that. Hope you enjoy.Also Swordfish. It's always Swordfish.
I love this story. The whiners complaining about the length are just that: Whiners.
Yeah not a fan of the ending. Screw fate, destiny and the those four hoped up ghoulies. There is ALWAYS door number three even if ya hafta break down the bloody wall. Other then that, good work.
Why does everyone hate fate so much?
Becausing giving into fate is for Greek Tragic Heroes and wimps. No fate but what we make.
I love this story. I read it in one go, I couldn't put it down. I'm still convinced, that you're one of the best brony authors around. Can't wait to see something new from you!
Defy your fate with a grin on your face and carve your own destiny in the heavens above space!That's what Kamina would've said, if he were still alive!!!
Bump. Hahaha, no I'm kidding.
I honestly thought this would be a comedy when I first started it; it seems kind of non-sequitur in the beginning, to the point that I found it funny. In a way, that's an excellent strategy for creating the greatest contrast and emotional effect in the climax; to make such a splash with a character like Applejack is commendable on an artistic level. I'm nonetheless miffed by a feeling of unfulfilled closure; I can't help but think that a deficiency in unity between the first few chapters and the last caused the fanfic as a whole to miss "the big picture."