• Story: A Lovely Light (Updated Part 3!)

    [NORMAL] Some non-shipping everypony stuff.  It's been a while!

    Author: Scribus Caballus
    Description: Twilight Sparkle is missing and all the other ponies believe she has been kidnapped.  They set out on a quest to find her and realize how the nerdy little unicorn just happens to be the glue that holds their group together.
    A Lovely Light
    A Lovely Light Part 2
    A Lovely Light Part 3 (New!)

    19 comments:

    1. I read it and liked it.
      Perhaps spend more time on describing the scene for the reader. It would also serve as a great way to make the travel feel longer and avoid the last parts seem like an ongoing conversation.

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    2. Hey!

      I remember you, you came to /b/ just yesterday looking for a plot, and look at this!

      I see you really ran with the idea that other guy gave you, and it reads great!
      I like the way it seems so much like a real episode, I really think it's a great idea, and you brought it around well, too.

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    3. @Anonymous

      Wait....

      HOLY MOTHER OF.....

      I lol'd...

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    4. I like how understated you make Applejack's strength. Yeesh, kicked a bolder in half.

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    5. @Anonymous
      Ugh, yes... Such a frequent issue! Thank you for reminding me; I (obviously) forget that I do this. lol

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    6. I like this story so far! There is certainly a good amount of suspense in there

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    7. Nice so far, could perhaps use some fleshing out in the descriptions. Dialogue feels reasonably like the characters. Only real grievance I have is perhaps related to Google Docs: the text is presented across the entire screen and so gets a little tiring to read. Am still looking forward to the next part!

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    8. Part two's up, tomorrow should bring part three.
      https://docs.google.com/document/d/1qKffYOkck2CpVp24a8xq5QaJVQGr7eevSs57b3oAlYs/edit?hl=en#

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    9. Please Blodbrony - do us a favor and use this http://h-5.abload.de/img/forestumd1.png
      instead of your version.

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    10. @Scribus Caballus

      Has it really been that long since I said, "Tomorrow?" How embarrassing... Well, here's part three:
      https://docs.google.com/document/d/1qskbz1BVMTWaBVX1sP7kqdOkKgGWTPpcF57Iz6Mb1mE/edit?hl=en#

      At long last.

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    11. A nice end to a very nice story. My only real complaint is that the reunion seemed a bit anticlimactic, especially since you didn't even show the reactions of Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy.

      Still, not bad.

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    12. The ending was very abrupt and anti climactic.
      The characters were all writen well. I enjoyed it up until the very end.

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    13. @Brian

      I was kind of worried that if I stuck around to bring them back in, it would start to drag. :p Oh, well. Live & learn.

      Thanks, everyone, for the input. I will keep it in mind in the future.

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    14. Is it REALLY supposed to be the end ?

      Frankly, it's cut short and not just by a bit... Especially with all the other characters missing somewhere lost in the mountains.

      ...and really, it would have been so damn better if they had all been there for the sun-thingy...

      Also, wasn't the GOAL of the story to show how hard it was for the group to be a group, when Twilight isn't there ? We don't really get the impression of that and it doesn't get solved at the End...

      So, The End ? ...must be a trick, because it really has to have a final part.

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    15. Great story and then it just...... ends. Seems so rushed. Consider a re-write if you get more time.

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    16. The ending seems a little abrupt. But I suppose it's the journey that matters most, not the destination. I give it a 7/10. Worth the read.

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