Author: Scribus Caballus
Description: Twilight Sparkle is missing and all the other ponies believe she has been kidnapped. They set out on a quest to find her and realize how the nerdy little unicorn just happens to be the glue that holds their group together.A Lovely Light
A Lovely Light Part 2
A Lovely Light Part 3 (New!)
19 comments:
I read it and liked it.
Perhaps spend more time on describing the scene for the reader. It would also serve as a great way to make the travel feel longer and avoid the last parts seem like an ongoing conversation.
Hey!
I remember you, you came to /b/ just yesterday looking for a plot, and look at this!
I see you really ran with the idea that other guy gave you, and it reads great!
I like the way it seems so much like a real episode, I really think it's a great idea, and you brought it around well, too.
Hahaha.
Haha.
Glue.
@Anonymous
Wait....
HOLY MOTHER OF.....
I lol'd...
I like how understated you make Applejack's strength. Yeesh, kicked a bolder in half.
I'm liking this...
@Anonymous
Ugh, yes... Such a frequent issue! Thank you for reminding me; I (obviously) forget that I do this. lol
I like this story so far! There is certainly a good amount of suspense in there
Nice so far, could perhaps use some fleshing out in the descriptions. Dialogue feels reasonably like the characters. Only real grievance I have is perhaps related to Google Docs: the text is presented across the entire screen and so gets a little tiring to read. Am still looking forward to the next part!
Part two's up, tomorrow should bring part three.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1qKffYOkck2CpVp24a8xq5QaJVQGr7eevSs57b3oAlYs/edit?hl=en#
Please Blodbrony - do us a favor and use this http://h-5.abload.de/img/forestumd1.png
instead of your version.
I meant Blogbrony.
@Scribus Caballus
Has it really been that long since I said, "Tomorrow?" How embarrassing... Well, here's part three:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1qskbz1BVMTWaBVX1sP7kqdOkKgGWTPpcF57Iz6Mb1mE/edit?hl=en#
At long last.
A nice end to a very nice story. My only real complaint is that the reunion seemed a bit anticlimactic, especially since you didn't even show the reactions of Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy.
Still, not bad.
The ending was very abrupt and anti climactic.
The characters were all writen well. I enjoyed it up until the very end.
@Brian
I was kind of worried that if I stuck around to bring them back in, it would start to drag. :p Oh, well. Live & learn.
Thanks, everyone, for the input. I will keep it in mind in the future.
Is it REALLY supposed to be the end ?
Frankly, it's cut short and not just by a bit... Especially with all the other characters missing somewhere lost in the mountains.
...and really, it would have been so damn better if they had all been there for the sun-thingy...
Also, wasn't the GOAL of the story to show how hard it was for the group to be a group, when Twilight isn't there ? We don't really get the impression of that and it doesn't get solved at the End...
So, The End ? ...must be a trick, because it really has to have a final part.
Great story and then it just...... ends. Seems so rushed. Consider a re-write if you get more time.
The ending seems a little abrupt. But I suppose it's the journey that matters most, not the destination. I give it a 7/10. Worth the read.
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