Description: Twilight decides to examine some of the plants in Everfree forest after the poison joke incident and finds a flower she has never seen before.The Expedition to Everfree Forest
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Story: The Expedition to Everfree Forest
15 comments:
How about a grimdark warning next time? Holy shit.
@Anonymous
It is labeled grimdark
Why do you don't use a transparent/white version of this pic?
I know the forest is dangerous, spike, but think of all the good that might come from my expidition." twilight said with confidence in her eyes.
Capitalization AND spelling errors? Why was this even allowed onto this website?
No.
I don't even like Grimdark in the first place, but this was so shabbily put together.
Just no.
@Taco Wiz
Sorry about the errors. I was going to fix them last night, but it was very late and I was too tired.
Most of them are fixed now, but tell me if you find anymore.
Oh. ..Sorry. I didn't know the writers of these things browsed Equestria Daily.
Forgot to point out this is my first pony fanfic I've ever written (so excited).
Also its ok taco wiz. Im glad you pointed out the errors, or I wouldn't have remembered to fix them.
@Taco Wiz
I don't have time to read all of them!
It was nice
I love grimdark, and I have to say that this story is just no good. Poorly written, poorly characterized... just altogether poor.
Just a suggestion (browsing through comments here), but if we criticize the work, perhaps we could make it constructive criticism?
Even if the work is bad, I know I'd be incredibly disheartened where I in this writer's shoes, receiving negative comments without direction for my first attempt.
Though, I do have to wonder why the brony went grimdark for their first fic. . .
>>>>WARNING: VERY GRIMDARK!
TYTYTYTYTYTYTYTY
I'm not much of a fan of this story, not because it's grimdark, but there were a few bits and pieces that irked me. A few spelling mistakes (the biggest one that stuck out for me was "Evrrfree Forest") and about two trip-ups of the actions were talking about ("...as the confidently trotter her way into the forest" when I think you meant "...as she confidently trotted her way into the forest." and another instance when you referred to Spike as a girl) are some easy mistakes that every beginner would make, but the biggest error was something crucial with fan-fiction: characterization, most notably the lack of Zecora's rhyming. I would've given you points for effort if you tried and it didn't quite work out, but rereading her part and...
I know those things sound nit-picky, but other people have noticed these errors, as well. It was a good first try on your end, and I hope you learn from these criticisms so you can be a better writer. Though I must ask: What made you decide to write grimdark for your first FiM fan-fiction?
Felt incredibly rushed. It was like, you kwnew how your storry is supose to end, but didn't quite knew how to get there, nor had you patience.
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